There was no moon that night, and Glinda didn't bother lighting the lamp between her and Elphaba's bed.
When she was younger, she used to be terrified of the dark. If someone wasn't in the room with her, she had to have a lamp on. The curtains on her window always remained open to let the silvery light from the moon and stars in. Deep down, she knew there was nothing to be afraid of, but the feeling of being alone, the sound of her movements in the stillness, the weight of a shadowy empty room enveloping her…it would paralyze the young blonde.
She had outgrown the fear years ago, but that night it came back in full force. She sat on Elphaba's bed, curled up against the wall, staring blindly across the room. The darkness pressed in on her, engulfing her lungs and turning her bones to lead. She could feel her pulse in her throat. The sound of her shallow breath echoed throughout the room, somehow making the silence deeper. She knew she should get up and turn on a light, grab a book, do something other than just sit here and drown in her terror, but she couldn't get her limbs to work. It was just as well. If she moved, she would disturb the darkness.
At the moment, nothing seemed worse.
The day had crawled by, agonizingly slow, but the night came all too fast. Shiz was quiet, the rumors finally slowing down as everyone found out about Dillamond's death. But despite the stillness that had settled across campus as the sun fell, Glinda's room was charged. She felt wrong, as if her heart had been moved just slightly to the left—not far enough to say what was off, but enough to be clearly out of place.
Nothing felt right, nothing made sense, and she found her thoughts starting to scatter, pulling apart into panicked little fragments. As she struggled to take in air, only one thing was certain: she couldn't survive another night alone.
Eventually her body ached and her eyes itched enough to get her to move. She didn't go far, just shifted on Elphaba's bed until she was curled up on the drab sheets and hugging the green girl's pillow to her chest. It smelled like her, and Glinda wasn't sure if she was relieved or tormented by the familiar scent. She clung to the dark fabric, buried her face in it, and bit back a whimper. Where are you? she thought desperately. Where are you?
Her head was throbbing. Her eyes were dull, heavy, all but unmoving. Her back was sore. Her arms seemed permanently locked around her knees. Her skin stung from the fine sheet of sweat and dew that had covered her in the last twenty-four hours.
She wasn't asleep, but she wasn't awake, either. Her mind had shut down, acting only to keep her heart and lungs working. If anyone had seen her, they probably would have thought she was dead. If she couldn't feel her own silent, shallow breaths, she would have thought the same. Her stupor ended only when she realized she couldn't see.
Finally, finally, night had fallen enough for her to sneak back to campus.
It was a while after the realization before she moved. She leaned forward until she was on her hands and knees, then slowly, painfully, climbed to her feet. She pulled her cloak tighter around herself, concealing as much green skin as possible, and began creeping through the shadows.
After being curled up in a tight ball for so long, her entire body screamed in protest at the movement. She did her best to stretch out as she walked, focusing on the tension in her muscles, the way her joints cracked and popped. As her body woke up, so did her mind, and the thoughts she had been repressing all day came swirling to the surface. She tried to push them away, but a few broke through: the looming alleyways of Shiz's darker neighborhoods, the burn of her lungs as her eyes darted around, looking for cover, the shifting of dirt beneath her boots as she hit the forest floor, branches clawing at her face, tangling in her braid. The single thought of running, keep running.
She had finally collapsed against the trunk of one of the larger trees that made up the woods outside town, but she couldn't—no, she wouldn't—sleep. Not out in the open like this. Not after everything that had just happened.
All day she had spent curled up on the ground, listening, waiting for Morrible to find her and finish the job. Maybe it would be quick, painless—one minute she'd be there and the next she'd be an empty, bleeding corpse on the ground. Or maybe the headmistress would draw it out, approaching her slowly, drilling her for information before finally delivering merciful death.
Elphaba shook her head, dismissing the thoughts before they could take hold and destroy whatever control she had left. She was still alive, and she was almost back to the school. If Morrible had looked for her, she didn't find her. And that was all she needed for now.
Her boots scraped softly against the brick road. She concentrated on each footstep, matching her breathing with her pace. Soon, to her immense relief, she was facing the stone walls of the campus. Just over the top, she could make out the roof of Crage Hall.
Green fingers ran up the wall, finding a hold in various cracks and crevices. The stone was cold. She focused on that, instead of how dark Dr. Dillamond's eyes were when he told her to run. Her knee scraped against the rock as she hoisted herself up and over the top. She focused on that, not the glint of a knife she had barely seen.
She landed with a gentle thud on the other side and made her way to the dorm. She was back where she belonged, at Shiz.
Where Morrible is.
Elphaba grit her teeth, pushing the thoughts away. She could hold it together. She could keep it in, at least until she was back in the safety of her room, back with Glinda.
Thinking of her roommate helped. The blonde would certainly be asleep by now. The image of Glinda nestled peacefully beneath overly pink blankets calmed her down.
It would be okay. She would be okay.
She pulled out her key as she reached the room. The action seemed absurdly normal, given everything she had experienced in the last day. As quietly as she could, she unlocked the door and slipped inside.
The first thing she noticed was that it was impossibly dark. The second thing was that Glinda's bed was empty. The third was that her bed was not.
"…Elphie?" Glinda's voice was soft, almost disbelieving. In the moment it took for Elphaba to meet her roommate's eyes, time seemed to freeze.
Then it exploded.
The blonde launched herself off of Elphaba's bed and landed in her arms. The green girl barely had time to react as she stumbled back against the door. Before she could say anything, Glinda grabbed her face and pulled it close, pressing their lips together.
Elphaba forgot how to breathe.
Glinda pulled away after a couple seconds. She thought, ridiculously, that Elphaba looked adorable while dazed and confused. Then her hands moved down to clutch Elphaba's shoulders, her fingers digging into green skin.
"Where in Oz were you?" she demanded. "Dammit Elphaba, you said you'd be back this morning, not in the middle of the night!"
The blonde's swearing brought Elphaba back to reality. She brought her hands up to grab her roommate's. "Glinda, hush. You'll wake the whole floor."
"I don't care!" she shouted, shaking Elphaba's hands off and shoving her harder against the door. "Where have you been?! Everyone's been talking, and, and, and when we heard about Dillamond, I thought—you hadn't come back and I-I-I thought—"
Just like that, everything Elphaba had been pushing away came back, flooding through her until it was all too much. She sucked in a breath and fell to her knees in front of the blonde, wrapping her arms around herself.
Glinda was with her instant, following her down and pulling her close. Her anger—if it could be called that; she was never actually mad—vanished as she cradled the green girl. "It's okay, Elphie," she murmured, rubbing soothing circles across her back. "You're home. I'm right here. You're safe now."
Elphaba didn't trust herself to speak. She bit hard on her lip and buried her face in Glinda's neck, stifling any sound that would escape, and focused with all her might on night crying in front of her roommate. Glinda just held her as she trembled and coughed, choking on her suppressed sobs. Every once in a while she brought her arm up to wipe away her own tears, and always she kept whispering, I'm here, I've got you, you're safe now, you're home.
Home. Eventually Elphaba quieted enough for Glinda to pull back. She pushed the raven hair back from Elphaba's eyes and let her fingers linger. The green girl shivered.
"Oh, Elphie, you're freezing." Glinda took Elphaba's hands and pulled her to her feet, then held her arms out and inspected her. "Are you hurt? Are you bleeding anywhere? Are you burnt? Oz, you're still trembling. Let me…"
The green girl stayed silent as Glinda sat her down on her own bed and gently pulled off her cloak and boots. "Do you want to change? Here, let me grab you a night gown."
Elphaba took the gown and dressed clumsily as Glinda darted to the bathroom, reappearing seconds later with a jar of oil. She set Elphaba back down on the bed and crawled behind her. The green girl was clearly exhausted—she hadn't slept in two days—but tension still rolled off her. Glinda opened the oil and warmed it between her hands before slowly rubbing it into Elphie's back and shoulders. Her fingers moved tenderly across the smooth green skin, soothing her with every touch. Eventually Elphaba slumped against her, and Glinda moved her hands up to comb through her hair. She rubbed little circles into her neck and scratched gently at her scalp. An occasional sniff or whimper would escape the green girl, but Glinda would just press a light kiss to her shoulder or cheek and keep working.
It was still dark, but she was no longer alone. And at the moment, she wouldn't let herself be afraid. She focused on Elphaba, wanting nothing more than to make the horrors she had seen disappear for a little while.
When the green girl was practically asleep on her shoulder, Glinda shifted and lowered them both down to the bed. She pulled the blanket up around them and snuggled in close to Elphie so that their feet tangled together and their noses were almost touching. She reached down and held Elphaba's hand. It was so simple, so familiar, and the green girl let out a soft sigh.
Her eyes wandered Elphaba's face. When she thought she was asleep, she brought her free hand up to cup an emerald cheek. Elphaba's eyes fluttered open and met hers. She didn't speak—her face didn't move at all—but her eyes reached out for the blonde, screaming all the words she would never bring herself to say.
Glinda's fingers twitched against her skin, and she leaned in until she could feel Elphaba's breath on her lips. If it had been daytime, one of them might have questioned it, but tonight there wasn't a trace of light in the room.
It was soft and sweet and pure, despite everything leading up to it. Elphaba's eyes were closed when Glinda pressed one last kiss to her lips and pulled back. Her thumb reached up and brushed the single tear at the corner of Elphaba's eye before it could fall.
"Sleep now, Elphie," she breathed. "You're home."
Elphaba's arm wrapped around her waist and pulled her closer. Glinda let her eyes fall shut.
We both are.