Chapter 3
His lips were soft, but firm beneath hers as he took the lead, guiding her through territory she'd never been to. The hand on her neck slipped up into her hair, fisting in the thick blonde tresses, as the hand at her waist slipped up beneath the hem of her t-shirt, tracing her surgery scar. She wondered how he knew exactly where it was and then the thought flew from her head because his tongue was flicking out to trace the seam of her lips.
She moaned a little as she opened her mouth, inviting him in, and his grip tightened as he growled in response. The first sweep of his tongue against hers made her shudder and she clutched his shoulders, trying not to collapse in his arms.
Payson had been kissed by Nicky, and she had been kissed by Max, but neither compared to the way Sasha was kissing her; he was possessing her. Her head was swimming with desire, for what she wasn't quite sure, all she knew was that she never wanted him to stop.
Sasha did stop though. Gradually he slowed his kisses, pulling back until they were really just soft brushes of his lips against hers. They were both breathing heavy, Payson felt like she'd just run a marathon, and Sasha pressed his forehead against hers.
For a few minutes they were silent, just trying to catch their breath. Slowly the world came back to her and she gasped, wrenching herself away from Sasha and pressing her hand over her mouth to keep from screaming. She shook her head, praying she hadn't just done what she thought she had, praying it was a dream.
"I…that shouldn't…"
"Payson," Sasha said carefully, reaching his arms out to her. She shook her head again and backed away until she felt her shoulders connect lightly with the wall.
"I'm sorry!" Payson cried. Sasha approached her slowly, like he would a wounded animal.
"Payson, you have nothing to be sorry for," Sasha promised. When he was within arm's reach Payson launched herself at him, grabbing him by the shoulders.
"You can't leave again!" Sasha's hands were at her waist again, though his grasp was so different than it had been just a moment ago. This time he was anchoring her, trying to keep her from completely breaking down, trying to make her focus.
"Payson!" He said harshly, his tone demanding she calm down. She stilled immediately. "You have nothing to be sorry for. And I am not leaving again."
Her shoulders sagged and they both relaxed, though neither released their hold on the other.
"I'm still sorry. I shouldn't have done that," Payson whispered, looking at the floor. Sasha pulled her into a hug, pressing a kiss to her hair.
"It's been an emotional couple of days, love, I'm surprised we lasted this long," Sasha said with a laugh. Payson pulled back enough to look up at him. He read the question in her eyes and answered without prompting. "In a perfect world, our circumstances would be different."
Payson didn't have to ask for clarification, she knew exactly what he meant. He meant that in a perfect world they wouldn't be coach and athlete, or there wouldn't be such an age gap; in a perfect world there would be nothing keeping them apart. She reached up, stroking her thumb over his cheek, and shook her head.
"No," she said, smiling sadly. "If even one part of our circumstances were different, we might not have ever met."
Sasha smiled, and leaned in to kiss her again.
#
"This can't last, can it?" Payson asked, stroking the back of Sasha's hand as they lounged together on his couch. Her back was pressed to his chest, their legs twisted together and his arms around her. She leaned her head back against his shoulder and sighed.
They'd been sitting together for an hour in near silence, just drawing strength and comfort from skin to skin contact.
Sasha shook his head.
"No, it can't."
"Then why did you let me kiss you?" Payson asked without even a hint of retribution in her voice. Whatever the reason, she was glad to have had those moments. Sasha tightened his hold on her, pressing a lingering kiss to the top of her head.
"Because we both needed it," he whispered. She toyed with his fingers some more, chewing on her bottom lip.
"I don't…I don't know if I can go back," she muttered. Sasha sighed, his breath rustling her hair.
"Go back to what?"
"To the way it was before, with us. This…Sasha this feels so right." Payson shifted so that she was facing him, kneeling between his knees and grabbing him by the shoulders. "Doesn't it?"
Sasha reached out and brushed a stray piece of hair away from her face before trailing his fingers down her jaw line. She shivered under his touch.
"It does," he agreed. "And it still will in a year."
"But how am I supposed to pretend this never happened?" Payson asked, almost begging him to tell her how to handle it. Sasha sighed, frowning slightly.
"We're going to focus on your gymnastics," he said firmly. "We have a job to do, Payson, and that is to make sure you're wearing as much gold as possible at the end of the Games. There isn't going to be time for anything else."
Payson snorted. The solution couldn't possibly be that simple, could it? Just focus on her gymnastics and everything else would fall away? Sure, that was how she'd operated in the past, but there was so much at stake now, so much going on she wasn't sure she'd ever be able to put it all out of her head.
"Do you trust me, Payson?" Sasha asked.
"Of course I do." Sasha took her face in his hands, forcing her to meet his gaze.
"Then trust me when I say that we can do this," he promised. She nodded. Payson did trust Sasha, she trusted him with her life, and if he thought they could make it a year then she did too.
"We're in this together," she said. He nodded, and pulled her in for one last kiss.
"Together."
#
Lauren was no longer waiting on the stoop when Payson finally got home, but Kaylie was. As soon as she saw the tiny National Champ, still looking a little thinner than was healthy, Payson slowed to a brisk walk. Wariness filled her; what could Kaylie possibly want but to try talking her into forgiving Lauren? Payson had no doubt that Lauren had called Kaylie and begged for her help, and now there she was.
"Where have you been?" Kaylie demanded as soon as Payson hit the end of her driveway. Payson raised an eyebrow at her.
"Running," Payson said simply. Kaylie looked her up and down, a dubious frown marring her pretty face.
"I've been waiting for an hour and when I got here Lauren said you'd been gone almost twenty minutes. You don't look like you've been running all that time," Kaylie said. Payson rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.
"What do you want, Kaylie?" she asked. She flinched at how harsh her voice sounded, she hadn't meant it that way. Kaylie paused and took a deep breath, lifting up onto the balls of her feet and then lower herself again. Payson could tell she was preparing herself for battle; it was the same routine she went through before every competition.
"I want to talk about what happened," Kaylie finally said. Payson nodded slowly.
"You mean how Lauren stole a video, edited it, and sent it to Ellen Beals knowing that it would ruin Sasha's career and could have ruined mine?" Payson asked. She wasn't going to dance around what Lauren had done just because it made Kaylie uncomfortable. Kaylie shifted on her feet, grimacing.
"Yeah, that. Listen, I talked to her…"
"If you're here to tell me to forgive her, I don't want to hear it. What she did…"
"It was unforgivable, I know," Kaylie said quickly, holding up her hands in surrender. "I'm not here to ask you to forgive her. I'm just…look I've heard her side of the story, I know why she did it, and obviously I understand where you're coming from."
"So what are you trying to say, Kaylie?" Payson asked, trying to move her along. The temperature was dropping quickly and she could feel the chill seeping into her bones.
"I'm trying to say that I'm not choosing sides. I'm…Switzerland, okay? I'm still going to be Lauren's friend and I'm still going to be your friend and I'm not going to listen to you two bitch at The Rock every day," Kaylie said.
"Well I won't be Lauren's friend. I'll train with her in as much peace as there can ever be with her around, but I'm not her friend and I'm not speaking to her if I don't have to," Payson said simply. Kaylie huffed and shook her head.
"So you're going to make me choose anyway?" Kaylie asked. Payson recoiled.
"What? No, I'm not making you choose Kaylie, I'm just saying that I won't be speaking to Lauren if I don't have to."
"So I can hang out with you or I can hang out with her but not both?" Kaylie snapped. "That's making me choose Payson. I can't believe you'd be that selfish! You know we're supposed to be a team, we're supposed to be there for each other."
Payson threw her hands into the air, shaking her head. "The way Lauren's been there for me? You know what, I'm not going to make you choose, I'll choose for you. Go hang out with Lauren, Kaylie, and stay out of my way."
"What?" Kaylie shrieked.
"You two infect the gym with your drama, and I don't need it."
"So you're just going to blow us off, just like that?" Kaylie asked.
Payson had nothing else to say, didn't know what would change the situation, so she just shook her head and went inside. Kaylie called after her, begged her to give Lauren a chance, but Payson had given Lauren a million chances, they all had, and she kept stabbing them in the back. Payson didn't need that, didn't want that in her life and if it meant cutting Kaylie loose too then so be it.
The wall around her emotions started to crack; she could feel her throat constrict the way it always did right before she cried, she could feel the emptiness in her stomach that came with the loss of her friends. Payson bit her lip hard, trying to shock herself away from the sadness.
She went straight for her room, shutting the door behind her and curling up on her bed. She reached for her phone and scrolled through the contacts until she found the one she wanted, the one she hadn't used in quite a while now.
"Hey Em, its Payson. I just wanted to check in, see how you are," Payson said after the voicemail picked up, a cheery message that all four of them had recorded. Tears pricked her eyes and she tried to blink them away. "I found something out today; it was Lauren who sent the video of me and Sasha to Beals. I should've guessed, huh?"
Payson's voice broke as tears started to slip down her cheeks. Emily had not always been her favorite person; they had very different ideas about hard work and sacrifice, but Payson missed her. They had faced their fears together, and that had bonded them in a way nothing else could.
"I hope you're doing okay in Vegas, and I miss you. Bye."
#
For the second day in a row, Payson was dreading the Rock. She dreaded seeing Sasha and having to pretend that the night before hadn't happened and she dreaded having to work with Lauren and Kaylie. There wasn't a single thing she was looking forward to, not even working on her routines.
"Hey Keeler." Payson jumped at the sound of Austin's voice. "You just gonna stand out here all day?"
Payson looked back to the two signs hanging outside; hers and Austin's. For years she had dreamed of seeing a sign with her name on it above the glass double doors but now it seemed so hollow.
"I was thinking about it," she grumbled. Austin laughed, slinging an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a hug.
"Why the long face?" He asked. Payson looked up at him, at the boy who'd become something like a brother to her, and debated what to tell him. She didn't want to force him to choose too, especially because she knew what his choice would be; he was Kaylie's boyfriend, his allegiances were decided.
"No reason," she said. She tried to force a smile, but Austin shook his head and pulled her away from the door.
"Liar," he said gently. Payson bit her lip; she could at least tell him about Lauren, right? Lauren wasn't his girlfriend, and the stuff between him and Kaylie could work itself out. It wasn't Payson's job to shield them from relationship drama.
"I'm…fighting with Lauren," she admitted. Austin frowned.
"Fighting? About what?" Payson pulled away, shaking his arm from her shoulders, and leaned against the wall. The rough cement scraped against her shoulders, snagged the nylon of her leo. Austin stared at her, waiting.
"Lauren sent that tape to Ellen Beals, the one…"
"Of you and Sasha," Austin growled. "I should have known."
"I guess we all should have," Payson muttered. Austin punched the wall lightly, though Payson could see the effort it was taking him to hold back.
"Why hasn't Sasha kicked her out yet?" Austin snapped. Payson shook her head.
"Because he's not going to. He's her coach, he has to look past it," Payson said. The words sounded hollow, even to her. She understood why Sasha made the choice to keep Lauren at the Rock, she understood his reasoning for pulling back, attempting to be impartial, but that didn't mean she would have made the same choice. She didn't really understand how it was going to work, how he was going to be able to stand coaching Lauren after what she'd done.
"I don't think anyone would blame him for it," Austin said.
"I know, but…" Payson stopped herself. She was about to reveal information that she shouldn't know, insights into Sasha's mindset that she shouldn't have. "I don't know."
"Does Kaylie know?" Austin asked. Payson chewed on her bottom lip as she nodded. "And?"
"She's going to stay out of it. She said she's Switzerland." Payson said. Maybe it wasn't her job to shield them from relationship drama, but it also wasn't her job to start it. Kaylie had tried to stay neutral, Payson had forced her hand.
"Kaylie is incapable of being Switzerland," Austin scoffed. Payson giggled.
"Are you two done out here, or am I to wait all day for my gymnasts?" Sasha asked, appearing at the doors. Payson jumped a little, looking at the ground to avoid his gaze.
"Sorry Sasha," she muttered. She slipped past him and into the gym, Austin following closely behind.
#
"Payson, I want you on floor," Sasha said as he followed Payson and Austin into the gym. As soon as the words were out of his mouth he wished he could take them back; maybe they wouldn't have been taken the wrong way by an impartial observer, but to him they sounded…dirty.
"Yes Sasha," Payson said obediently. She took off jogging towards the center of the floor, waiting for him.
"Do you have any idea how she's doing?" Austin asked. Sasha glanced over at him, his brow furrowed.
"She told you?" Sasha asked. He saw a tiny smile tug at the corners of Austin's mouth.
"I made her. But she's acting like everything's fine." Sasha shook his head, wondering how much it would be appropriate to tell Austin.
"She's struggling." He didn't wait for Austin to respond, moving across the gym towards Payson instead.
She stood in the center of the floor, staring into space, unfocused. He could see the pain behind her eyes and wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of the day holding her, promising her that everything would be okay.
But that wasn't what she needed. She needed to focus on her gymnastics, to get comfortable in the gym again. She needed to work.
"I've been thinking about some changes to your floor routine," Sasha said as he approached her. Payson turned towards him, her eyes sparkling.
"Yeah?" She asked.
"Yes. I think your strength is back and I'd like to start incorporating some more power elements in your routines," Sasha said. Payson nodded eagerly.
"Great."
"We're going to break it down step by step. What do you think about a round off one and a half, round off back handspring into a two and a half twisting layout for your first tumbling pass?" Payson sputtered, her eyes going wide.
"Are you serious?" Payson asked, laughing. Sasha couldn't help but smile with her.
"That pass alone is a…" Payson trailed off as she did the mental calculations. "One point four!"
Sasha's smile widened when he saw how happy the idea made her. She took a few running steps forward, ready to throw herself into Sasha's arms, but pulled up short at the last second, doubt and confusion flashing through her eyes.
"Um, yeah, that would be great." She turned on her heel and made her way to the opposite end of the mat. Sasha reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, hoping to stave off the headache that was lurking behind his eyes.
Sasha Belov had never professed to be a great man; in his past he'd been a pompous arse who drank too much alcohol, slept with too many women, and still managed to win gold. In his present, he still had a penchant for alcohol, and one young woman in particular. He had always hoped, however, that he had grown into a good man.
This situation with Payson proved to him that he had not. He was meant to be her coach, to guide her on her path to the Olympics. Instead he was distracting her, dragging her down into something she shouldn't have to deal with. If he had been stronger, if he were a better man, he would have been able to turn her away.
"Sasha," Payson snapped. He shook his head clear and looked to her. "Were you even watching?"
"Uh, yes. Run it again." Payson huffed and moved back to the other side of the mat. This time, Sasha did watch her; her body flew through the air, twisting and tumbling with all the power and grace of a jungle cat. She was radiant.
It would be so much easier to wait for her if he didn't have to see her every day, touch her, spend so much time in close quarters with her. If he could wallow away the days at his cabin in Cambria, everything would be so much easier. But Payson needed him, and he would be a worse man if he left her in her time of need.
Payson landed mere feet in front of him, her arms raised high in salute. She looked so very tense. Swallowing roughly, knowing he couldn't punish Payson for his own self-loathing, he stepped forward and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. He felt her tense beneath his touch before her entire body relaxed, her muscles now supple and pliant beneath his grasp.
Her eyes fluttered closed and she swayed into his touch as his hand drifted up to cup her neck.
"Payson," he said. "You need to relax."
"I…I don't know how to," she admitted, her eyes opening to meet his. Sasha sighed, tightening his hold on her just a bit and then dropping his hand. He was walking a fine line.
"Come on, let's go talk in the office," Sasha offered. Kim was sitting at her desk, bent over the endless paperwork they always seemed to have. Sasha saw Payson recoil when she spotted her mother, but he pressed the palm of his hand into the small of her back, urging her forward.
"It's okay," he whispered. "Kim, could you give us a minute?"
Kim looked up, startled, and then nodded and gathered a stack of papers.
"Of course. You okay, honey?" She asked. Payson nodded.
"Yeah, it's not a big deal," Payson said, unconvincingly. Kim pressed a kiss to her temple as she walked by.
"Okay then," Kim said, slipping out. Sasha closed the door behind her as Payson took over her mother's seat.
"How am I supposed to act?" Payson blurted. Sasha laughed softly at the complete absurdity of their situation and leaned against the desk.
"Nothing needs to change between us in the gym, Payson," Sasha said. It wouldn't be easy, but he and Payson both had enough self control to not cross the boundaries during training. At least he hoped they did.
"But what if people figure it out?" Payson asked. Sasha sighed.
"Figure out what? That we're close? They already know that," Sasha reminded her. In fact, there were still whispers around the gym about whether or not he and Payson were too close.
"What if they figure out something's changed," Payson stressed. Sasha knelt before her so that they were eye level and laid his hands over hers.
"Nothing's changed; Payson we've both felt this way for a while now. The only difference is that we both know it. We don't have to distance ourselves from each other Payson, I just can't go kissing you any time I want," he teased, hoping to draw a smile from her. It worked.
"Good. I don't think I could stand it if I lost you too," she said. He noticed tears welling in her eyes as she gave a tiny sniff. She pressed her lips together tightly, the way she always did when she was trying not to cry.
"Too? Who else have you lost, Payson?" He asked. Obviously she had lost Lauren, but he knew that she would understand his question.
"Kaylie. She and Lauren have been best friends since tumble tots. If they can get over the whole situation with Carter…Kaylie would never choose me," Payson said.
Sasha sighed, the wheels turning in his mind. Payson needed an ally, someone who wasn't him; she needed another gymnast who would have her back when things between her and Lauren or Kaylie became too tense. Something Kim had said the other day flashed through his memory.
"Your mum said you and Kelly Parker got on well during your sponsorship tour," Sasha commented. The two girls were both represented by MJ's company and they had gone on tour together after Worlds. Sasha had expected it to end in disaster, but Kim had said that the two girls had grown fond of each other, if not close.
"Yeah, she's not as bad as we all thought she was. But she's in Denver," Payson said, frowning. Sasha smiled, standing up and reaching for the phone.
"What if she was here?"
A/N: There you have Chapter 3! I promise a new chapter of WYHWT soon, but that probably means early next week as I have a big paper due Monday.
As always a BIG thank you to alysunsparkle, BlueSkyHigh, Perko, SunStar123, Moongirl, AngelWings8, Ida-cullen, Cassie, poppetrussell, Kissin Concern, LauraW89, and Barrel of Monkeys for your reviews! You guys are seriously awesome!
Be sure to let me know what you thought of the chapter!