Chapter 6: All These Things That I've Done

Lucas

It's a weird concept. Observing your life from the outside looking in, instead of being right in the center of it. After school that same day I stood outside of our high school, watching a few of the lacrosse players and Merritt's friends acting like they didn't have a care in the world. Jason and some other guys were pointing and whistling at a few cheerleaders walking by. Merritt and Savannah, her best friend, were fixing each other's makeup and squealing about some celebrity they had been obsessed with for the past few weeks. This is what I was a part of everyday. Was this how the rest of the school saw me? Was this how I wanted to be remembered?

I took a deep breath and started waking towards them. The sun was bright that day, so I went to raise my hand over my eyes to block it from my view. However, as I went to do this, a large figure moved in front of me, making my hand gesture obsolete.

"Friar."

Jensen Haynes, Merritt's older, much larger brother, was standing in front of me looking like he was ready to kill.

"Jensen… What's up dude?" I addressed him, making my voice sound as friendly as I possibly could. Jensen was the lacrosse team captain at Dalton Academy, the prep school for upper-east side brats who got kicked out of their public school for setting off the fire alarm or bringing alcohol to prom. He's had it out for me ever since I started dating his sister 2 years ago, but once we became rival team captains you would have thought that we were at war every time we spoke to each other.

"You ready for us to dominate you tomorrow night?" Jensen taunted, folding his arms in front of his chest and smirking.

"Dominate? Really? Are we in a 90′s coming-of-age sports film now?" I joked. Jensen wasn't amused. He stepped forward and two of his hulk-like friends stepped up behind him.

"Oh wow, you brought back-up. Look, guys, I don't want any trouble," I tried to convince them.

"See, that's the thing Friar. You've already caused trouble. For my sister," Jensen explained through gritted teeth.

Merritt had this habit of telling her brother things about our relationship that he didn't necessarily need to know. If he only knew the secret life she had been living these past few months.

"I'm sorry… What?" I asked, dumfounded. "I caused trouble for her?"

Jensen and his two goons stepped closer to me, closing any space their was between us and completely blocking the sun from my view. They grabbed me by the shoulders and guided me towards the courtyard, where there were much fewer people.

"Merritt's been saying you've been getting close to this tutor of yours. I don't know her name and I don't care. She means nothing to me and she should sure as hell mean nothing to you. Not while you're dating my sister. You got it?" he asserted, poking me hard in the chest.

"Jensen, Riley and I are just friends. She's a really good tutor and she listens to me when-"

"That's not her job. To listen to you. That's your girlfriend's job. My sister. So I want you to tell her that you have to find a new tutor. That she's not working out anymore. I don't care how you do it, just do it," he demanded.

"What? No, she's really helping me and-"

"Then I will make your life a living hell. My dad is really close with Principal Knight and you know how powerful he is. They play golf together every Sunday. Remember that little incident with the bus and the alcohol last year? Let's just say I can bring that back up and tell them what really happened," Jensen threatened. His eyes were blazing and I swear I could see his pulse throbbing in his forehead.

"We had a deal," I reminded him. I was getting angry. I could feel it rising up, threatening to make it's way to the surface. Stay calm, Lucas.

"Yeah, well, the deal just changed. You get a new tutor or I tell the principal and the entire school that their Golden Boy isn't so golden after all," he promised.

I hated that he had this over me. If everyone knew the truth, it would change my life, but maybe it would change it for the better. I hadn't known Riley all that long, but I knew that she was worth fighting for. I knew that I couldn't lose her because some tough lacrosse player had dirt on me from my past that didn't even matter to me anymore. I had changed. And it had been because of Riley Matthews.

"Fine, tell everyone. I don't really care. I'm not hurting Riley like that," I snapped, my voice steady and sure of itself.

"Let me rephrase. You are going to break things off with your tutor, whatever that may be. Or I'm going to beat that Golden Boy face of yours until you can't tell your nose from your left ear." Jensen was right in my face. The way he said it was almost comical, but I could tell by his facial expression that he was serious.

"Go ahead."

Jensen clenched his fist and leaned in so close to my ear that I could feel his hot, angry breath on my skin. He took a breath and whispered so that only I could hear him.

"Listen to me and listen close. I can make sure this Riley girl never has any sort of academic career worth having around here. That means college, any sort of special high-achieving genius program she might want to get into, she won't get in. My dad is that powerful. I don't care how smart she is. She won't get in anywhere. So you better be damn sure you're willing to jeopardize all of that for her just because you've had a few conversations about dead poets or because you liked the way her hair smelled last Wednesday."

That's when I broke. I could handle him threatening me. I could handle him doing whatever he planned to do to me. But I couldn't handle him threatening my friends. Especially Riley. I grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him into the brick wall. I got one punch in before Jensen's goons grabbed me. The whole scene was a series of limbs flying in every direction. Goon #1′s leg connecting with my stomach. Goon #2′s fists meeting my jaw. My hands reaching up to push them away.

"Well, well, what do we have here? To Kill a Mockingbird. Looks boring…" Jensen muttered as he flipped through the book he pulled from my backpack. "Oh there's a note! How interesting." As he began reading, I closed my eyes. I hadn't known that there was a note.

'Dear Lucas,

I know you didn't want me to know what your favorite book was, but I think I figured it out. You need to work on your literary poker face. I could see your eyes light up when I told you that this was the first book we would be reading together. It was the look of someone about to read their favorite book. I know that look well. I want you to have my copy. My dad's English teacher from high school gave it to him a long time ago. Take good care of it. I know you will. We always take care of the things that mean the most to us.

See you soon,

Riley'

Jensen shut the book and turned to look me in the eye.

"See, we can't have this kind of thing Lucas. This is wrong. This is cheating. This needs to be stopped," Jensen warned. He grabbed a page and ripped it out before I could do anything to stop him.

"No!" I yelled, but it was too late. He kept ripping the pages one by one.

"To the dumpster, boys! Where this piece of trash belongs," Jensen directed them. Goon #1 and Goon #2 picked me up and shuffled over to the dumpster. I could have screamed. I'm sure someone would have heard me. It's actually surprising that no one had heard the commotion of someone getting beat to a pulp. But no one came. I guess that it was better that no one stopped them. Otherwise, it would have just been so much worse later.

"Lucas Friar. I hope this little chat of ours has resonated with you and you'll do the right thing for all involved. Now. Good luck tomorrow night. You're gonna need it. Especially with that black eye of yours. Oh wait." Jensen didn't waste another second. He slammed his fist into my face and my head jerked backwards. I winced in pain, but tried hard to show him that I was unfazed. In one clumsy motion the goons tossed me into the dumpster and I fell backwards into various items from today's lunch and a few cardboard boxes.

"I swear to God Jensen, if you do anything to her," I warned, stumbling over my words to finish that sentence.

"And I won't have to… If you do what I asked you to. See you on the field." With that, Jensen Haynes and his two lacrosse goons turned to walk through the alley and disappeared around the corner.

I finally let myself feel all the pain as I settled into the trash surrounding me. My head was throbbing and my stomach felt like an elephant was crushing my ribs and every single bone in my body. Part of me felt like I deserved this. Everything I've done in the past was coming back to haunt me. But I knew that I had to do the right thing now. I had to protect Riley in whatever way I could. Jensen and I had known each other for a long time. I knew that he wouldn't stop at convincing his dad to prevent her from getting into a good college. Or from getting accepted into that writing program she was so excited about. I knew he could do a lot worse. And there was no way I was going to let that happen because of me.

–

I tried to get up several times. I told myself to suck it up and just work through the pain, but I had no energy. One of the goons had shut the lid before they left, so I was sitting in darkness. I didn't know how long it had been. Five minutes? Five hours? I knew I had to get up eventually, but it seemed too impossible to do right now. I thought that I heard footsteps, but it was possible that it was some rat making it's way through the back alley. Another minute passed and the noise got even louder. Before I knew what was happening, the lid was being lifted up and light was pouring in, making me squint. I shouldn't have been surprised. If anyone could have found me, it would have been her, but I still let myself be shocked at the sight of Riley Matthews opening the lid of the dumpster.

"Oh my God," she muttered, backing away in shock.

"Now, come on I don't look that bad do I?" I tried to lighten the mood.

"Lucas, what happened to you?"

"See, it' a funny story really. I was walking to meet you in the library when I got distracted by this squirrel and just ran right into that streetlamp over there and-"

"Lucas!" I could see how worried she was. I must have looked as bad as I felt.

"It's nothing Riley. Just help me out of here would you?" I reached my hand up and she grabbed it, trying her best to help me out of the dumpster. It took some effort on both of our parts, but we managed to pull me up enough so that I could climb out. I wiped as much of the dirt and food off as I could, but it was pretty pointless. I was filthy.

"Lucas, tell me what happened," she insisted, her brows furrowed and her eyes concerned.

"I… It doesn't matter okay? This shouldn't even be your problem. You're just my tutor. This isn't in your job description."

I could see in her eyes that I had hurt her. It killed me to do it, but I knew that until I got this whole thing sorted with Merritt and her brother, that this is what I had to do. I had created this whole mess by not telling Merritt that I knew about her and my brother. By doing what I did last year and letting Jensen take the blame. This was my fault and now I had to deal with it. Alone.

"I'm just your tutor? If that's what you think, then I don't know you at all," Riley snapped. We were standing in front of the dumpster, and she was trying to move closer to me, but I backed away.

"Yeah, well maybe you don't. Maybe it's best if we just… Go back to who we've always been. I'll find another tutor and you go back to tutoring kids who really need it." I couldn't look her in the eye. I couldn't make myself look at the way I was hurting her.

"You don't mean that. I know you don't."

"I do mean it. It was a mistake to think we could be friends. We're too different. I'm the team captain of the lacrosse team and you're…"

"I'm what? The loser newspaper editor? The quiet girl who reads too much and never goes to parties? The lame tutor who tries to teach jocks to like reading even though they treat her like she doesn't matter?" she finished for me, tears welling up in her eyes.

God, this was killing me.

"It doesn't matter. Just go back to your life and I'll go back to mine okay?" I turned to walk away, but stopped as she took a deep breath to say something else.

"What about the book?" she began, her voice low and sad. "Was I right? This was your favorite wasn't it?"

I closed my eyes, but didn't turn to look at her.

"I don't have a favorite book. I'm just a dumb jock who hates reading remember?" I lied. "Goodbye, Riley."

With that, I turned to walk out of the alley and back to my life as lacrosse team captain, my life as Merritt Haynes' boyfriend, my life without books, and my life without Riley Matthews.