Chapter 7: Excuse Me, Do I Know You?

Riley

I read this story once about a girl who lost her memory. There was nothing significant that caused it, she just woke up one day and couldn't remember who she was anymore. The people in her life were strangers. She had no memories, nothing that would help trigger the slightest idea of who they were. She was completely alone. There was a part of me that used to envy her. I couldn't really give you a reason why I did, but I used to be jealous of this girl. I used to romanticize the idea of having a fresh start. Of erasing who you were and anyone you used to know, and getting a re-do. But the older I got, the sadder that sounded. I didn't want to forget who I was or the people I had grown to know. I didn't want to start over. But I didn't want to go all the way back to who I used to be either. Now I had no choice. I had to choose between forgetting that Lucas Friar even existed or simply going back to my life without him. They were one in the same really. And I didn't want either of them.

I walked home that night hurt and confused. Nothing made sense. I thought that Lucas and I were finally on common ground. I thought that we were friends. And I know that sounded very "2nd-grade" of me, but if you would have known him, been a part of the whirlwind that was the "Great Almighty Mr. Perfect," you would have felt the same way if he took even two seconds to talk to you.

"Hey, honey," my father called to me from the kitchen as I walked through the front door. "You're home early. No newspaper today?"

I had skipped out on newspaper that afternoon after I left the alley where I found Lucas. I didn't want to have to explain to Maya what had happened and that he probably wasn't going to do her interview now.

"It got cancelled," I lied. "I'm just going to go to bed. I'm pretty tired."

My father looked up from cutting vegetables for dinner that night, and gave me a concerned look.

"Riley, is something wrong?"

"No, dad. I just had a long day. I'd like to be alone if that's alright," I muttered, not looking him in the eye. I wasn't in the mood for one of his famous lessons about finding the best in the worst situations or whatever he liked to teach his middle school students. I just didn't want to hear it tonight.

"Okay, Riley. That's fine. Just remember that I'm here if-"

"Yeah, dad I got it. Good night," I called back to him as I raced up to my room.

I threw my backpack on the floor and flopped face first onto my bed. I knew that this was probably pretty dramatic of me. I mean, yes, Lucas and I were friends, but it's not like we were soulmates or anything. I could live without Lucas Friar in my life. But the thing was that I didn't want to have to live without him. And I thought he had felt the same way…

"Riley?" A small voice called from outside my bedroom door. My little brother Auggie poked his head into my room, cautious, yet nosy enough to try his luck at coming into my room.

"Go away Auggie," I muttered into my pillows.

"I've got macaroni and cheese," Auggie teased, catching my interest. I flipped over onto my back to see Auggie holding a bowl out with one hand.

"You got ketchup?"

Auggie kicked open the door with his foot and he emerged in full view. He had the bowl of mac and cheese in one hand and and a bottle of ketchup in the other. The boy new my weakness, I'll give him that.

"Come here," I instructed him. I sat up and made room for him on my bed. He handed me the bowl and I squirted the ketchup all over the macaroni.

"That really is disgusting," Auggie informed me, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

"It's delicious. Want a bite?" I shoved the bowl towards him, but he backed away, sticking out his tongue.

"Gross!"

"Suit yourself," I laughed.

We sat in silence for a few moments as I ate my food. I knew August Matthews, and I knew he was curious as to why I skipped out on dinner. It was only a matter of time before-

"Riley, why are you sad?" Auggie inquired, his brows furrowed and his eyes curious.

"I'm not sad. I'm just… I'm really tired," I tried to convince him. I stared deeply into my bowl of mac and cheese, avoiding his gaze.

"I don't believe you," he asserted.

I smiled to myself and shook my head. I couldn't fool my little brother.

"You're pretty smart Auggie," I praised him.

"Tell me something I don't know." I shoved him lightly in the arm and he giggled. "Is it about a boy?"

"What? No…" I stuttered, squirming uncomfortably.

"So, it is a boy," he cooed, raising his eyebrows and wiggling them up and down playfully.

"No! I mean… Not really. I mean, it technically is about a boy, but it's not what you think." I sighed. I needed to tell someone what was happening. It might as well be my 9-year-old brother. "It's this guy I'm tutoring. I was finally making progress with him. He was doing well in his classes. He was starting to open up to me. And then…"

"And then… What?" he pressed. He was sitting on his knees and leaning forward like I was telling him the most interesting story he had ever heard.

"He just… He doesn't want me to tutor him anymore. And I don't know what I did to make him want that… I just. I'm just confused," I sputtered out quickly.

"Sounds like you care about him," he concluded, sounding very sure of himself.

"I care about everyone I tutor. I want them to do well," I reminded him.

"No, you wouldn't be like this if you didn't care about him. And in more than just wanting him to do well in a class. You like him," he assured me.

"Well, yeah I do like him. We're friends," I muttered, still avoiding his gaze.

"Sure. Just friends. Whatever you say, Riley."

I rolled my eyes and nudged him playfully.

"How old are you again?" I teased him.

"Old enough to know that you're a terrible liar," Auggie told me as he grabbed my empty bowl and hopped off the bed. "I'm also old enough to know that if you really do care about him in whatever way you claim to care about him, then he's worth fighting for. So don't take no for an answer. Find out why he doesn't want you to tutor him anymore and then change his mind."

I knew that Auggie was right. Lucas Friar was worth it. He was worth fighting for in whatever way I could fight for him. But I also knew that I didn't know where to begin when it came to figuring out why he was pushing him away. I didn't like the world he lived in. His girlfriend, his teammates, lacrosse. I didn't want to get involved somewhere I wasn't welcome.

"Thanks, Auggie."

"That's what I'm here for. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to talk Mommy out of killing Daddy for that thing he said about her casserole." With that, he walked out of the room and I was left alone to think - not think - about Lucas Friar.

–

The next few days passed by in a blur. At school, I avoided looking over at Lucas' locker in between classes. I refused to watch the way he leaned against his locker. I refused to stare at the way he ran his hand through his hair. I simply went to class, then newspaper, then straight home. I had forgotten (almost) about Lucas Friar and went back to the life I had before I knew him. Needless to say, I was completely miserable.

"Riley?"

Farkle, Maya, and I were sitting at our usual table in the cafeteria at lunch a few days later. Farkle catapulted a few green beans at my head with his spoon to catch my attention, and I snapped out of my trance.

"What?" I muttered, looking at both of their annoyed expressions. "Sorry you guys. My mind has just been somewhere else lately."

"Ya think? Farkle and I carried on an entire conversation about global warming and our deep concern for the polar bears and you were in an entirely different universe," Maya explained, picking up one of her french fries and popping it into her mouth.

"Well, I'm sorry to have missed that conversation," I said sarcastically. Maya picked up another fry and threw it in my direction, but it landed on the floor behind me. "You guys really need to stop throwing food at me!"

"Or what? Food fight?" Farkle joked, raising his eyebrows.

"You know, food fights look so simple in movies, but they're probably not so easy to start in real life. Like not every kid would join in all gung-ho to get cafeteria spaghetti slathered over their designer leggings," Maya pointed out.

Lucas entered the cafeteria just then. I didn't mean to look up. I tried to pretend like he didn't exist, but my eyes were drawn in his direction. Merritt had her arm linked with his and she was laughing about something one of her minions -friends - was saying. As usual, Lucas was in the center of it all. It was so cliche. The scene with the popular kids entering the cafeteria and the rest of us "peasants" scrambling to get out of their way so that we could watch them in all of their glory. I hated that this is how it was in our high school, yet here we were. But something was different today. Lucas was different. Just like I had looked to be a million miles away just a moment ago with my friends, he looked to be in a universe even farther than the one I had been in.

"So really, it's safe to say that… Seriously, Riley?" Farkle looked up at me staring at Lucas and Merritt, and rolled his eyes.

"Guys, I really am sorry." I rested my head in my hand and sighed in defeat. I didn't want to care. I hated that I cared.

"Riley, just talk to him. Ask him to explain why he doesn't want you to tutor him anymore. He owes you an explanation at the very least. He also owes me an interview, but we'll save that issue for another day," Maya suggested.

"Maya, he made it pretty clear. We're just too different. He needs to focus on doing his thing and I need t focus on doing mine. If he doesn't want my help anymore, then so be it," I picked up my tray and headed over to throw my trash away. I made it a point to navigate my way to the trashcans at the opposite end of the cafeteria, farthest away from Lucas and friends. Of course, as fate would have it, I didn't make it that far before my clumsiness got the better of me. Before I knew what was happening, my foot got tangled with the end of one of the lunch tables and I lurched forward. My tray went flying in the air and landed right in front of Lucas Friar and Merritt Haynes.

So much for staying out of his way.

Avoiding the looks and the sly jabs at my inability to walk, I started picking up my trash and tried to suppress my embarrassment that was creeping up in red spots all over my cheeks. I hadn't been on the ground two seconds before Lucas Friar, golden halo in all, swooped in to help me.

"Are you okay?" Lucas whispered, handing me an apple that had rolled in front of his girlfriend's $200 ballet flats.

"I'm fine. Just clumsy," I muttered, taking the apple and standing up as quickly as possible.

"Riley-"

"Lucas, go back to your girlfriend. Your life. That's what you wanted right?"

"Riley, don't do that. I'm just doing what's best," Lucas tried to convince me.

"Best for whom? Best for you? So you don't have to deal with the girl who trips and drops her tray in the cafeteria, who doesn't-"

"Riley! Enough, okay!" Lucas took me by the arm and led me out of the cafeteria.

"Lucas, let go!"

"Sorry," Lucas dropped my arm and took a deep breath. "Look, the person you've gotten to know these past few months… I wasn't always him. I was a pretty bad guy before…"

"Before? Before what?" I pressed, trying my best to look like I didn't care.

"Before I met you. And now his mistakes are coming back to haunt me and I don't want you to have to bear the consequences for what he did a long time ago. Not when you don't have to." He sounded genuine enough, but I was still confused and weary of believing anything he said at the moment.

"What kind of mistakes?"

"That's not important right now. I just… My life is so complicated. My parents are this close to ripping each others throats out over their divorce, my brother is a traitor, my girlfriend is… not who I thought she was, and I can't stand any of my friends. The point is that… I need you. I need you in my life to balance out all of the crappy stuff that has been going on. And I know I treated you like dirt, and I'm so so sorry, but you have to know I did it for you. To keep you out of all this... drama. So if you could just consider tutoring me again," Lucas proposed, stepping closer to me.

"How can I be sure that I can trust you?" I snapped.

"Just... Trust that you really know who I am. Because I assure you, Riley, that you do. This might sound crazy, but I think that you know me better than anyone else in my life right now. Please, just give me another chance," he pleaded, reaching out to touch my arm.

I weighed my options. I could say no. My life would be a lot less complicated, I would live a life unnoticed. Things would be the way they used to be. Or I could say yes and let Lucas Friar's messy, complicated world mesh with mine. And then nothing would be the same again.

"The thing is that… No one can know," Lucas added.

"So, what. I'd be some big secret?"

"It's not like that," Lucas sighed. "I just don't want you to suffer for what I've done. And I know how cryptic that sounds, but just trust me. Please."

I looked into his eyes and saw how honest he was being. He really did care about me. And I was probably crazy for falling for it, but…

"Fine, I'll tutor you. But that's it. We're not friends. Or anything resembling friends. I'll help you pass English and then we can forget that the other exists, okay?" I stepped backwards, and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

"No, it's not okay. But I'll take it. For now," Lucas gave me a sad smile before he turned to walk back into the cafeteria.

I knew that I was going to regret this. I knew that he was going to eventually hurt me, somehow, some way, but I couldn't help it. I felt drawn to him in a way that I couldn't explain. And I had to risk the possibility of getting hurt to find out once and for all what I felt for Lucas Friar and maybe even test my own strength in the process.