Chapter 9: It'll Be Okay, Eventually

Riley

I haven't had much experience with hospitals. My grandpa broke his wrist cleaning the rain gutters last summer, but by the time my father had gathered us all into the car and drove all night to get to the emergency room in Philadelphia, he had been released and we just sat in the lobby eating stale Cheetos as we watched my grandma try to convince him to let the nurse take him to the car in a wheelchair. That, and my week-long Grey's Anatomy binge watch last Christmas was the extent to my knowledge of how hospitals operated. Needless to say, this did not prepare me for what I would see in the trauma center of New York's finest hospital as Lucas Friar's brother was rolled into the hospital on a stretcher.

Movement - Frantic bodies rushing from one end of the room to the next. Sounds - Beeps, gasps, murmurs, unidentifiable if you were not used to them. Touch. Hands reaching out to loved ones, arms brushing against one another, doctors' hands pressed against chests ready to heal. The chaos almost looked organized, a choreographed number in an otherwise disorganized commotion.

"Lucas!" A woman, elegant, if a bit disheveled, with her hair pinned up high and her shirt untucked in the back, waved us over to the far end of the waiting room. She had been pacing, you could tell, from the way she had her hand on her chin, and her purse and jacket thrown over the chair.

"Mom, what's happening?"

"They won't let me see him. I practically begged the horrid lady at the front desk, but she was entirely unhelpful. I even offered her money. I swear, the proud people in this city-"

"Mom! What happened to Holden? Is he going to be okay?" Lucas' hands were trembling. I had never seen him this scared before. Lucas Friar, the invincible. Lucas Friar, Golden Boy. Lucas Friar, Mr. Perfect. He was human after all. And it broke my heart to see him like this.

"He… He took Jeremy Henson's Porsche for a joy ride with a few of his friends. They were drunk. Holden wasn't, but his friends were. One of them thought they were being funny and grabbed the wheel. They spun out into oncoming traffic… The semi hit them head on…" His mom paused, tears welling in her eyes.

"Shh, he'll be alright Mom," Lucas left my side to pull his mother into a hug.

"Mrs. Friar?" A doctor emerged from behind the two double doors where Holden had been taken a few hours ago.

"Yes, doctor! Is my son okay?" Mrs. Friar's eyes were frantic, desperate for any kind of news about how Holden was doing.

"Your son… Your son's injuries were quite extensive. He's suffered from a collapsed lung, several cracked ribs, internal bleeding, a broken leg…"

"Is my son okay, Dr. Francis?" Mrs. Friar pressed, her tone tight and her eyes blazing with intensity.

"He's alive. But only just. It's up to him now, whether he stays that way. The next few hours are critical, but if he can hold on and make it through them, then he should be able to recover," Dr. Francis explained.

Mrs. Friar sighed, relief evident in her facial expression.

"Thank you doctor!" she exclaimed, holding onto Lucas' hand and smiling brightly.

"You can see him now. But just you," Dr. Francis nodded and then disappeared back behind the double doors.

"Go ahead mom, we'll wait here," Lucas assured her, looking back at me.

"Okay," Mrs. Friar gathered her purse from the chair and turned to follow Dr. Francis behind the double doors. She stopped suddenly, and turned to look at me. "You're a good friend to come with my son. Thank you." With that, she headed through the doors to be with Holden.

"You don't have to stay," Lucas told me, as he collected his mother's jacket from the chair and sat down. "I think it's going to be a while, and I know you have that story to work on for that writing contest."

His brother is in the hospital, and he's thinking about my stupid writing contest.

"Of course I'm staying. I'm not leaving you alone in this big scary hospital to deal with this on your own," I sat down in the chair next to him and crossed my legs.

He smiled at me thankfully and I nodded, my gaze moving quickly down to my hands. A few moments passed and I realized that I was starving. I was starting to learn that emotional turmoil and stress made me hungry. We had left the bakery so suddenly, that I didn't think to grab anything from the snack basket that my mom keeps underneath the counter for those long days that she requires a pick-me-up.

"Hey, Lucas, I'm going to go to the vending machines. Do you want anything?" I rose from that chair and pulled my jacket tighter around me. Hospitals, I was learning, were entirely too cold.

"No, I'm okay. Thanks though."

I headed towards the hallway in the back of the hospital where the vending machines were located. My head was reeling from everything that had happened in the last 2 hours, but I tried not to think about it as I turned the corner and stood in front of the vending machines. I looked over each sugar-filled, empty calorie snack food and decided on a bag of pretzels. I put in my dollar, punched in the number, and my snack fell into the slot. As I opened the bag and popped a pretzel into my mouth, I heard a faint whimper somewhere in the hallway adjacent from where I was standing. Curious, I peeked my head around the corner to see Merritt Haynes crouched on the floor, head in her hands, tears streaming down her face.

"Merritt?"

As she lifted her head to look up at me, I could see that her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked like she was a million miles away.

"What are you doing here?" It wasn't accusatory or mean-spirited. She asked it simply because she wondered the same thing for herself.

"I… That doesn't matter. Are you okay? Why are you sitting in the hallway?" I approached her slowly, still a little weary of how she might respond to my being here.

"I couldn't go in there. For several reasons actually," she took a deep breath and wiped a few tears from her cheek.

I waited for her to continue, but she just paused for a moment, staring at the colored pieces of tile in front of her.

"You know, my grandmother told me once that when the people you care about are sick or hurt, it's sometimes better to be there for them at a distance at first. They know you're there, but you're giving them the time to heal on their own that they need," I offered, picking at a piece of fraying fabric at the end of my jacket.

Merritt smiled slightly. "Thanks, Riley. But it's more complicated than that," she paused again, but this time she closed her eyes for a second and continued. "About three years ago, I was diagnosed with acute myelogenous leukemia. I've been in remission for a while, but I just hate hospitals you know? The last time I left one, I swore to myself that I'd never step foot in one again. But here I am. And I know that's selfish when… When he-"

"Hey, Merritt. I can't begin to imagine what it was like for you going through that. But just remember, you're in this hospital now to be there for the people you care about. You fought through your hard time. Now it's your turn to help those people fight through theirs," I had turned to face her, and she was looking at me like she had never met me before. I could tell that I had surprised her. And I could tell that I had told her what she needed to hear.

"You're right," she stood up, and brushed off her pants. "Thank you. And I'm sorry for how I treated you. Really. I was just jealous, and I know I shouldn't have been. I have no right to feel that way. You're a great tutor, and an even more amazing friend to Lucas. I haven't been there for him like I should, and you were there when he needed someone. But that's all going to change. It's time to be the girlfriend that Lucas deserves. He was there for me when things got really bad. Now it's my turn." With that, she touched my arm as she passed and rounded the corner to head into the lobby.

I followed slowly behind her, knowing deep down what I had just done. Merritt walked up to Lucas, her hands shaking. I couldn't see her face, but I could hear the sobs and see the hunched position of her body to know that she had broken down again. Lucas looked at her like she was a stranger at first, but then slowly his expression softened and he stood up from his chair. Lucas touched her shoulder, and then she very carefully wrapped her arms around him. I knew that in that moment, whatever Merritt had done with Holden didn't matter. Who she was didn't matter. Who he was didn't matter. What mattered was that moment. And the fact that they needed each other. I smiled sadly to myself, and backed away, pretzels still in my hand. Lucas needed someone who was familiar with his past now. Who could connect to the way he felt about his brother when he was younger. And right now, that was Merritt. And it was my job as Lucas' friend, to let them deal with this together.

–

As I headed through the front doors of the hospital, my head was spinning with everything that had happened tonight. One minute Lucas and I were in my mother's bakery eating cheesecake, and the next, everything had changed. As I rounded the corner, my shoulder slammed into a tall, broad body. Lacrosse equipment tumbled to the ground in front of us, and I scrambled to pick it up.

"I am so sorry. I swear, my clumsiness should be broadcast on the news as a national threat. Here, let me help," I bent down to pick up his bag, and more items fell onto the pile. On top, was a jersey with the name Haynes on the back. "Haynes? Are you Merritt's brother?"

"On the days I claim her, yes," his smile was wide, and too nice, just like Merritt's. "Jensen Haynes, nice to meet you."

"Riley Matthews," I reached out to shake his hand and his smiled got even wider.

"I know who you are, Riley Matthews. You're tutoring Merritt's boyfriend aren't you?" The way he said it, straight-forward and too sure of himself, made it seem like he knew all too well that I was tutoring Lucas.

"Yeah - I mean, I was. He decided that he was better off finding someone else to tutor him," I explained, hoping that I didn't sound too nervous. "And I agreed. We were just… Too different. It's all for the best."

"Well, that's too bad. Hey, this probably isn't the best time, but I could really use some help figuring out this whole calculus thing," he gestured to the book he had picked up from the ground. "And since you're not helping Lucas anymore, I was wondering if you would consider tutoring me?"

My gut was telling me no. I had still agreed to tutor Lucas again, even if we were having our sessions without anyone knowing about them. And something deep down was screaming at me not to trust Jensen, for whatever reason. But I needed Lucas to focus on Holden. I would still be there for him. I would still help him in whatever way I could, but it wouldn't hurt to keep myself busy with other things as well.

"Um, sure. I can help you out," I told him, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"Great," there was that smile again. "Well, here, put your number in my phone. We can meet up at my house after school. What days are you free?" I took his phone from his hands and punched in my number.

"Well, I have newspaper on Monday and Wednesday, but any other day should work. Just text me when you want to meet up," I handed the phone back to him and he pushed it into his pocket.

"Awesome. Well, I was just heading to the hospital. Lucas' brother just got into a terrible accident. Did you hear about that?" He was getting at something, I could tell. But I brushed it off, and gathered his bag from the ground and handed it to him.

"No, I didn't. I hope he's okay," Jensen took the bag and sighed.

"Yeah, me too. I'll let you know how he's doing when I see you tomorrow," he turned to walk away, but I gave him a confused look. "For our tutoring sessions remember?"

"Oh, right," I laughed, a little embarrassed. "Wait. When did we decide on meeting tomorrow?"

"Check your phone," he smirked, holding up his phone and gesturing to my purse. I pulled my phone out, and turned it on to see that I had one text message from a number I didn't recognize.

"See you tomorrow, Matthews. I'll bring my calculus book. You bring that smart and beautiful head of yours," I read off of my phone. "Smart and beautiful head? Really?"

"Hey, I speak nothing but the truth," he smirked, walking backwards toward the hospital. "See you tomorrow. I'll text you the address!"

With that, he disappeared around the corner, and I started walking home. I had gone about a block before I realized that I hadn't told Lucas that I was leaving. I was trying to give him space to be with his brother, but I didn't want him to think I didn't care. I got out my phone again and typed a quick message.

Hey. I'm sorry I just left like that. You needed to be with your mom and brother. And Merritt too. I didn't want to be in the way of that. I'm here if you need anything. Always. Whenever you want to start the tutoring sessions again, I'll be there to help you. I really hope your brother is going to be okay.

I sent the massage and looked up to see two large figures walking towards me. Knowing the type of people you can meet on the street in New York late at night, I turned around to walk back towards the hospital. I could hear footsteps walking faster. Panic started to overtake me, and I started to pick up my pace. Before I knew what was happening, the two figures cornered me on either side and pinned me against the wall. They were wearing masks, so I couldn't see their faces.

"Leave Lucas Friar alone," one of them breathed, low and deep into my ear.

"It's for your own good. You don't know what he's done. And you don't want to," the other one warned.

"I don't understand. Why are you doing this?" I muttered, my voice shaking uncontrollably as I spoke.

They didn't answer. Instead, one of them slammed his hand onto the wall, right next to my face, and I jumped. They both backed away and walked in the the opposite direction.

Terrified, I slid down the wall and curled my legs up to my chest. I sat there for a long time, unsure of what to do or how to feel. Whatever Lucas had done in his past, was way more complicated than I thought. People were angry. And they were starting to take it out on me. I had to decide if Lucas Friar was worth this much trouble. And I needed to decide soon.