Chapter 10: As Time Passes Us By

Lucas

It was becoming an increasingly evident fact that time moved differently in a hospital. When you were in the waiting room, everything happened in slow motion; like you were stuck in quicksand, trying with all your might to get out before it swallowed you up. The doctors, however, moved at top speed. It was as if they were stuck on fast-forward while everyone else was simply left on pause. It felt like we were in that waiting room for days. Weeks even. But it had only been 9 hours. 9 hours and no change.

"Lucas, go home sweetie. Get some rest, have Marta fix you a good meal. I'll call you as soon as anything changes," my mom emerged from behind the double doors where the ICU was located and walked over to sit next to me. The doctors still had not let me see him, but I wasn't entirely sure that was a bad thing. I didn't know how I was going to handle seeing him hurt and unconscious and broken. And I wasn't in any hurry to find out.

"No, I'm okay. I don't want to leave you," I argued, patting my mom's hand and fighting the urge to yawn.

"As much as it pains me to say this, your father should be here in a few hours. His flight gets in at 8am, so I won't be alone, if that's what you're worried about," she smoothed down a flyaway hair near the tip of my eyebrow. "Seriously, honey. Go home. I'll be fine."

"But-"

"Go on, Lucas. Mother's orders," she gave me a stern look, but winked to lighten the mood.

I rose from my seat, still hesitant to leave. I knew that as soon as I walked out those front doors, something was going to go terribly wrong. But this is what my mom wanted. That, and I was starting to develop an odor, so I could definitely stand for a shower.

"Okay, but you'll call as soon as something changes?"

"He so much as twitches an eyebrow, you'll be the first to know," my mother promised me as she led me toward the front entrance of the hospital.

I leaned in to hug her, and she rested her head on my shoulder.

"I love you Lucas," she whispered, her voice shaking from the oncoming tears.

"I love you too, mom," I pulled back and gave her a reassuring smile, before I backed up and turned to walk out of the hospital.

The walk back to our apartment was much slower than I anticipated, but the fresh, cold air, felt amazing compared to the stuffiness of the hospital lobby, so I didn't mind. Once I reached our apartment door, my hands started to shake and I closed my eyes. The last time I had been in there with my brother, I had been so cold to him. I had acted like he was a complete stranger, and one that I couldn't be bothered to spend 5 minutes with. I took a deep breath and turned the doorknob.

"Lucas."

I looked up to see my father sitting in the kitchen, his head down and his hands resting on the table. His suitcase was next to the dining room table, and a pot of coffee was brewing in the kitchen.

"I didn't think you were supposed to be back until later," I muttered, avoiding his gaze and heading towards the refrigerator for a bottle of water.

"I caught an earlier flight. How's Holden?" He sounded tired, like he had been up all night trying to find a flight that would get him here as soon as possible.

"He's the same. Mom said she would call if anything changed. She's fine too by the way. Worried out of her mind. But she's holding it together. No thanks to you," I didn't care what he would say to me. I didn't care if he got angry or threw things or called me terrible names. I just didn't care anymore.

"You're mother is the strongest person I know. She doesn't need me," the way he said it, made it sound like he was afraid to step into that hospital for some reason. Like he wouldn't be able to handle what was behind the sliding glass doors.

"She will never admit this out loud, but she does need you. She needs you to be there for your son. So whatever you two have going on - with the divorce, your company, the blackmail - it needs to disappear once you enter that hospital room." With that, I grabbed an apple from the counter and headed to my room to take a shower.

I threw my hoodie on my bedroom floor and went to turn on the lights. It looked just like how I left it. Bed unmade, dresser drawers slightly opened, books stacked in piles near my bedside table. This part of my world remained unchanged. It seemed impossible that this could happen when the rest of my world was changing in the most unbearable ways. I glanced down at my hoodie, and noticed my phone peeking out of one of the pockets. I hadn't checked it since I had gotten to the hospital last night with Riley… Riley. What had happened to her? I turned on my phone, expecting to see a text or hear a voicemail explaining her disappearing act, but there was nothing there. Just a text from Merritt and a missed call from Zay. I read the text from Merritt.

Lucas. I know things have been off with us for a while, and that is completely my fault. But I want to be there for you while Holden is recovering. I care for both of you, and I want to help in whatever way I can. Tell me what you need, and I will be there for you.

Despite how she's treated me these past few months. Despite the way I felt about her now. Merritt was the one who checked up on me. Merritt is the one who stayed with me all night at the hospital. Merritt is the one who stuck with me when I needed someone the most. And she was still my girlfriend… But she wasn't the person I wanted to talk to right now.

Hey. I'm not sure what happened to you last night, but it doesn't matter. I need to talk to you. You're the one I want to be with right now. Call me when you get this. Please, Riley. I need you.

I sent the message, tossed my phone on the bed, turned on some music, and gathered some clean clothes to put on after my shower. It had been a long night, and I needed to wash away the dirt and grime of everything that had happened. I walked over to my dresser to pick out a clean t-shirt when I noticed the photo that was placed between the mirror and its frame. It was a picture of Holden, my parents, and myself. It was about four years ago. We were at the zoo, enjoying the first day of summer. Everything was going perfectly until my father had gotten a call that changed everything. It was our last good day together, just the four of us. I wished with everything I had that I could go back to that day and stop him from answering that phone. Maybe my life would be different. Maybe Holden would be at home right now, instead of in the hospital, fighting for his life. I placed the photo back in it's spot and turned towards the bathroom to get in the shower.

–

I slept for about 30 minutes before my phone started buzzing. I woke with a start and grabbed my phone from the nightstand.

"Hello?"

"Luke! How's Holden?" Zay asked, his voice full of concern.

"He's… the same. Aren't you supposed to be in school?"

"I am. We got called into an assembly. I think it's some vigil or something for your brother," Zay had to strain his voice to be heard over the roar of the crowd. I could feel my blood starting to boil up and my hands starting to shake, like they did when I was starting to get really angry.

"Why are they acting like he's dead already? He's not dead, he's just in the hospital," I sat up and started throwing a tennis ball at the wall. This was a trick I learned to keep my anger under control. Sometimes it worked. A lot of the time it didn't.

"Merritt and the dance team thought it would be kind of nice. There are cards and signs and candles. It's this whole big thing," Zay explained.

"She had no right to do that. He's going to be fine!"

"I know, Lucas. He is. But this is how some people deal with this kind of thing. And if it keeps her from breaking down entirely, then I think she should have the right to do whatever she needs to hold herself together."

I knew that Zay was right. There was no harm in what Merritt was doing. In fact, it probably helped a lot of kids at school deal with what happened to Holden. At least they were dealing with it in some sort of way.

"You're right. I'm sorry, I'm just going a little crazy over here," I ran my hand through my hair and took a deep breath.

"Lucas, it's okay. You're going through a hard time. We're here for you, man," Zay promised, as the crowd got even louder in the background. "Hey, it's about to start. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, talk to you later. Thanks for calling," I hung up the phone and headed over to my dresser.

There was no use going to sleep now. I shoved my phone in my pocket and headed to the front door to leave the apartment. I was going to school. I needed to deal with Holden's accident with the people I cared about. I needed to see Riley. On my way out, I passed my unconscious father on the sofa. The coffee was in the sink, and it was replaced by the bottle of bourbon on the end table next to him. Feeling the anger bubble up within me again, I slammed the apartment door and moved quickly towards the elevator before I did anything I would regret later. I needed to get away from my useless father, and start heading towards the person I needed now more than ever.

–

I was used to people staring at me as I walked through the halls. It came the territory of being Mr. Popular, Team Captain, Golden Boy; names that I never even asked for in the first place. But this was different. This wasn't admiration. This was pity. And I couldn't stand it.

"Lucas! What are you doing here?"

Merritt appeared at my locker before I even had the chance to put in my combination.

"I needed to get back to normal. And strangely enough, high school is about as normal as I'm going to get right now," I swung my locker open, nearly missing the tip of Merritt's nose.

"Well, you missed a lovely assembly. We all talked about how much we loved Holden, and how we hoped he recovers soon. Marjorie Chen even mentioned the time he organized the clothing drive for-"

"Was this for the entire school, or just to make yourself feel better?" I snapped.

"What are you talking about?" She looked at me with furrowed brows, as if she was trying to assess how much I knew about her relationship with my brother.

"Nothing, I have to get to class," I grabbed my geography book, and slammed my locker door shut.

"Lucas, are you sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine!" I yelled, as I headed down the hall, avoiding the curious stares of my classmates as I passed them at their lockers.

I really wish people would stop asking me that.

Riley was in study hall. I knew this because she had written her schedule on the inside copy of one of the books she lent me. I rounded the corner to make my way to the library. I could see her through the window. Her head was in a book, and her earbuds were in her ears, the rest of the world forgotten in her mind. I opened the library doors and everyone but Riley looked up.

"Mr. Friar, how is your brother?" Mr. Jameson, the P.E and study hall teacher, looked up from his comic book as I entered the library.

"No change, sir," I explained, already tired of repeating the same thing over and over again. "Mr. Jameson, may I have a word with Riley Matthews for a moment please? She's my tutor and I wanted to ask her a quick question about an assignment."

"Of course, take your time." I nodded gratefully, and headed over to Riley's table.

I sat down and waited for her to look up at me. It took her a full minute to realize that someone else was at the table with her. When her gaze met mine, she took the earbuds out of her ears and took a deep breath.

"Lucas," she breathed.

"It amazes me; the amount of concentration you have when it comes to reading a good book. Seriously, someone could be jumping up and down with flames coming out of their head right in front of you, and you wouldn't even look up."

"I don't think that's necessarily a good thing," she admitted, her voice low and sad.

Her eyes met mine, and everything else melted away. My brother was no longer in the hospital. My parents were no longer getting a divorce. I wasn't stuck in this life I hated. It was just Riley, and myself surrounded by what brought us together in the first place - books.

"Take a walk with me," I whispered.

"I can't, I'm in study hall," she glanced at Mr. Jameson, who was eating a banana and flipping through his comic book. He looked up and smiled widely at us.

"I think he's fine with it," I stood up, hoping she would follow. She did.

We headed towards the courtyard. I could tell she was nervous by the way she twisted her hands together and tucked her hair behind her ear.

"Lucas, I'm really sorry I left last night," she muttered to the ground.

"That's not important anymore, Riley," I touched her arm and she turned to look at me.

"No, it is important. You deserve someone who can be there for you when you're going through a tough time. And I clearly wasn't. And I know what I said in my text last night…"

"What text?"

Riley gave me a confused look, but shook her head quickly.

"It doesn't matter… I just realized that you and Merritt need each other. She can help you deal with what's happened to Holden in a way that I can't. So I'll be there to tutor you, like I told you I would. But I think that you need to focus on Holden getting better. And working on your relationship with Merritt."

I could have argued with her. And I normally would have, but I could see how important it was to her for this to be the way things were for now. I wanted her to be happy, and if this was the way to do it, then this would have to be how things were.

"Okay. Just as long as you're still my tutor. I don't think anyone could help me the way you have. I don't think anyone understands me the way you do," I stepped closer to touch her hand as we walked past the bushes and flowers that lined the edge of the courtyard.

She smiled sadly, and stopped in front of the statue in the center of the courtyard.

"I'm still your tutor," Riley turned on her heel to head back to the hallway that the library was on. "When I see you for our tutoring session tomorrow, I want you to tell me what Holden says to you when he wakes up."

I looked at her skeptically, and followed her to the door.

"How do you know he'll be up by tomorrow?"

She smiled, and opened the door to enter the school.

"Just a feeling." With that, she turned the corner to the library and I was left alone in the courtyard.

Not two seconds later did my phone buzz in my pocket. I looked down to read the text message that my mom sent and the world went silent for a moment. Three words. That's all it was. But they changed my world forever. I shoved my phone in my pocket and ran as fast as I could down the hall.