Chapter 9
Sasha straightened his tie in the visor mirror, making sure the knot sat at the center of his throat. He was parked outside Kristen's house with a good view of the Keeler's and what he was pretty sure was Payson's bedroom window, ready to pick up Kristen for their first date. There was a fluttering in his stomach, and not the good kind; not the kind he got when he kissed Payson, or watched her perform her floor routine. It was the kind of fluttering he got when he drank too much, or when he had the flu. He felt like he was going to be sick.
He thought he saw the drapes over Kristen's window flutter and groaned. He'd been sitting in his truck for ten minutes like a stalker, and even though he didn't want to go on the date, he also didn't want Kristen to think he was a creep. Taking a deep, steadying breath, he got out of the truck and walked towards the door.
"Hi, Sasha," Kristen said, opening the door almost the instant he knocked. She must have seen him in the truck and been waiting by the door.
Kristen was pretty enough. She was blonde, like Payson, and willow-thin. She was tall too, much taller than most of the women Sasha spent time with. Her eyes were a soft honey color, her lips bright pink. In his youth, Sasha would have found her more than attractive.
"Kristen," he said with a little bow, lifting her hand to his lips and pressing a kiss against the back of it. Her skin was soft and smooth, like silk, and she wore light, floral perfume. There was no trace of chalk, no calluses; her hands were nothing like Payson's hands.
"Thanks for humoring Kim," Kristen said as they walked back towards Sasha's truck. "She's been fussing over me ever since Mom got sick, wanting to make sure I get out and still live like I'm twenty-five."
"My pleasure. Kim is a good woman," Sasha said. He opened the passenger side door for her and he thought she might have giggled. He wondered if she could really be twenty-five, she seemed so much younger to him.
"So where are we going?" Kristen asked as Sasha climbed into the driver's seat and started the truck.
"I made reservations at Le Privilege, is that okay?" Sasha asked. Kristen's eyes twinkled.
"Totally! I love that place. My Dad used to take me on my birthday every year," Kristen said. She launched into stories about her parents and Sasha was more than happy to let her talk all the way to the restaurant. He steered the truck towards the ritzier side of town and let his mind wander.
He hadn't seen Payson all day, the gym was closed on Sunday's, and he felt her absence like a hole in his heart.
"Sasha?"
"Hmm?"
"I asked what your parents are like," Kristen said slowly, watching him, blinking her big brown eyes.
Sasha frowned. The only person who knew about his parents was Payson. Sure, the other girls had met his Dad, but they only saw the jovial old man, they never got to see the hard, relentless madman who had coached him in his youth. Only Payson had heard those stories. And only Payson knew that Sasha's heart still broke every time he thought of his mother.
"My, uh, my father lives in Romania and my mother passed away some time ago," Sasha said.
"Romania? But you're British," Kristen said. Sasha sighed. He'd forgotten how much he hated having to explain his British accent to people.
"I was born in Romania and lived there until I was twelve before I went to England to live with my mother and train with a new coach," Sasha said.
"Why go all the way to England for a new coach?" Kristen asked. Sasha felt himself bristle. He hated to talk about his family.
"My former coach was the National and Olympic Team coach for Romania. I couldn't have found another coach in Romania. Tell me more about yourself, where did you go to school?" That seemed to distract Kristen enough and she started babbling about her college years and how they were the best of her life. She talked all the way to the restaurant, and even continued to talk after they sat down.
Sasha glowered. Kristen was nice, sweet even, a lot like Summer in that they both had a saccharine smile and good intentions. Kristen didn't seem as hypocritical and judgmental as Summer, but the night was young. But Kristen was also ordinary. She was a normal young woman who'd had a normal life, she didn't have the drive and determination that comes with being an elite athlete. And Sasha admired that in a woman over anything else. He admired that in Payson.
Through the entire evening, Sasha couldn't stop comparing Kristen to Payson and a part of him wondered if he would ever be able to stop measuring women against her. Payson was his ideal. He loved her.
Even thinking the word made Sasha choke on his steak. He coughed and sputtered, taking a drink of the ice water on the table to try to clear his airway. Sasha knew he loved Payson, somewhere deep inside his soul, but it had been a long time since he allowed himself to think or say those words to anyone.
"Sasha, are you okay?" Kristen asked, reaching out to slap him on the back. Sasha shrugged out from beneath her hand.
"I'm fine," he gasped. "Sorry." Kristen watched him for a moment, waiting for him to start choking again.
"Are you sure you're okay?" she asked. Sasha smiled.
"I'm fine. So tell me, are you an athlete?" Kristen started to chatter again and Sasha was left with his thoughts yet again.
The rest of the night was pleasant enough. Kristen did most of the talking, which Sasha was perfectly okay with, and he enjoyed a decent meal. At the end of the night, Sasha drove her home and walked her to the door.
"I had a lot of fun tonight, Sasha. I'd love to see you again," Kristen said, batting her eyelashes and looking down at her feet. Sasha felt nothing, but he knew that one date wouldn't be enough to protect Payson's career and reputation.
"I'd like that too, Kristen," Sasha said. Kristen finally looked up at him, chewing on her bottom lip, probably trying to get him to kiss her. Sasha took a step closer to her, reaching for her cheek, brushing his thumb across her skin. Then he leaned in to kiss her, focusing on her hair, the same color blonde as Payson's.
Kristen's lips were soft, but not as soft as Payson's, and she was a passive kisser. Payson always gave as good as she got, aggressive as often as she was passive, but Kristen was not like that.
"Wow," Kristen breathed as Sasha pulled back. He'd gotten a little carried away thinking about Payson, and the sound of Kristen's voice brought his fantasies to a crashing halt.
"Goodnight, Kirsten."
#
Kim walked into the office Monday morning with a sly grin on her face. Kristen came over Sunday night, pretty much the instant Sasha drove away, and gushed about how perfect he was, how amazing, and how grateful she was that Kim set them up. Now Kim couldn't wait to hear the same from Sasha.
"Good morning," Kim said. Sasha was sitting at his desk, passing a pen over his knuckles as he stared into space.
"Morning," he mumbled. Kim frowned at him.
"That doesn't sound like a man who had a great first date last night," Kim said, sinking down into her chair.
"Hmm? Oh, no it was wonderful." Kim noted the flatness of his voice; he didn't believe what he was saying.
She frowned. Kim knew that she'd made a mistake encouraging a relationship between Sasha and Summer, but Kristen was nothing like her former co-manager. She was bright and fun and not at all judgmental, and Kim was sure that they would have hit it off. She thought they would be great together. And of course her interest in how their date went had nothing to do with her suspicion that Sasha was in love with her daughter. Nothing at all.
"Sasha, are you okay?" Kim asked. There was something haunted behind his eyes that hadn't been there a few days ago, before the video of him and Payson at the exhibition leaked.
"I'm fine Kim. Thank you for setting me up with Kristen, I had a good time," Sasha said. He was a little more convincing that time, but Kim still didn't quite believe him.
"Why don't you two come to dinner tomorrow night?" Kim asked. She saw Sasha's shoulders tense.
"I'd have to ask Kristen," he mumbled. Kim whipped out her cell phone and quickly dialed Kristen's number.
"I'll ask her!" The phone rang a few times before Kristen picked up. "Kristen, how would you feel about bringing Sasha to dinner at our house tomorrow night? Great! We'll see the two of you at six sharp."
"I take it she's free," Sasha said. He didn't sound at all enthused.
"She is. Six, tomorrow night."
Kim watched Sasha leave the office, walking stiffly with his shoulders tense. He crossed to the uneven bars where Payson and Kelly were working. Payson was swinging through the air and Kim couldn't miss the way Sasha balanced on the balls of his feet, ready to catch her if she fell. He always seemed to be waiting for her to fall again.
Kim was too, but the fall she worried about wasn't from the bars.
#
Payson did her best to prepare herself for dinner Tuesday night, knowing that Sasha would be showing up with her old babysitter, on a date. Part of her hated her mother for suggesting it, for pushing him into the arms of another woman, but another part of her knew that her mom only wanted what was best for Sasha. She wanted that too. The only difference was that Payson knew she was best for Sasha, not Kristen.
"Pay, sweetie, would you get that?" Kim asked, elbow deep in dinner prep, when someone knocked on the door a few minutes before six. Payson ground her teeth together, but went to the front of the house.
She reached for the door handle, taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly through her nose, like she was getting ready to face down Genghi Cho. At this point, her old babysitter was a hell of a lot more of a threat to her than that little Chinese brat.
"Hey," Payson said, knowing she sounded sullen, as she opened the door. Kristen stood right in front of her, a blinding smile on her face. Sasha was situated just behind her and slightly off to the side. He met her gaze over Kristen's shoulder and his eyes told her everything she needed to know. He hated this as much as she did, but they were stuck.
"Oh Payson! I feel like I haven't seen you in ages!" Kristen said, lunging forward and trapping Payson in a vice-like hug. She squirmed, her eyes still locked with Sasha's. He was fighting a smirk and Payson wanted nothing more than to smack him, but she couldn't reach.
"You haven't. It's been five years, Kristen. Every time you come I'm at the gym or gone to a competition," Payson growled. Kristen finally released her and stepped back, looking her over.
"You grew up so beautifully. You're gorgeous, Payson," Kristen said, smoothing her hand over Payson's hair. Behind her, Sasha gave a small nod of agreement.
"My mom's in the kitchen," Payson muttered, uncomfortable with the praise. Kristen smiled and bounced past her, but Sasha lingered.
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder. Payson bit her lip and nodded, wishing she could burrow into his arms and hold on to him forever.
"It's okay," she assured him. "We knew this would happen eventually, I just never guessed it would be this soon." His grip on her shoulder tightened for an instant so small, she wondered if she imagined it. A lump settled in her throat as tears burned at her eyes; she understood the situation, but she didn't like it.
"Hey you two," Mark said, appearing at the end of the hallway. Sasha dropped his hand as Payson turned to look at her Dad. "Mom says no shop talk. Come on."
Payson glowered all through dinner. Kristen kept touching Sasha, reaching for his hand, squeezing his shoulder, kissing his cheek as she got up to refill drinks or use the restroom. It made Payson want to throw up. She could take notes from Sasha; she knew that he was uncomfortable but only because she knew him so well, no one else would notice. He put on a good show.
"Kim, I can't thank you enough for introducing us," Kristen said, her fingers sifting through the hair at the nape of Sasha's neck. Payson felt her stomach revolt.
"Oh it was my pleasure. You two make a striking pair," Kim said, smiling and looking very satisfied with herself. Kristen pressed herself to Sasha's side and kissed him, even though he tried to dodge it.
"Excuse me," Payson muttered, shoving her chair back and running from the room. She couldn't sit there and watch Kristen hanging all over Sasha. She was going to throw up.
Payson locked herself in her bedroom, biting back tears. They choked her, burning her throat and eyes and making it hard for her to breathe. She hated herself for crying, hated that she was so wrapped up in a guy. The old Payson would never have found herself in this situation.
Someone knocked softly on her door and she groaned.
"What?" she asked. The door creaked open and her Dad poked his head inside.
"You okay kiddo?" He asked. Payson waved him in and he shut the door behind him before sitting next to her on the floor, their backs resting against her bed. He reached over and pulled her into a hug.
"I'm fine," she muttered, breathing in the scent that was uniquely her Dad. It made her think back to the days when she was small, when her dad was her hero, the man that could fix anything. She wanted him to fix her heart, but wasn't sure he could.
"You've been upset all through dinner, Pay, what's going on?" Mark asked. Payson shook her head. She couldn't tell her Dad about everything that happened between her and Sasha.
"Nothing, Dad. I'm not feeling well." He laughed, a humorless sound.
"You're a terrible liar Payson," he chided. Payson sighed, thinking about how to truthfully explain her feelings without actually being truthful. "Honey, do you still have feelings for Sasha?"
Well, that answered her dilemma. Reluctantly, she nodded.
"I try not to," she whispered, which was the truth. She tried, and tried, and tried not to love Sasha, not to want him, but it was a futile effort.
"Honey, it's okay," Mark said, kissing the top of her head and rubbing his hand in soothing circles over her back. "You and Sasha have been through a lot together, I think it's normal for you to like him. Not to mention, your mother says he's a good looking man."
That made Payson laugh, and she was glad for it.
"I know he's so much older than me and he's just my coach, but seeing him with Kristen…I don't like it."
"I don't think your mom considered that when she invited them to dinner," Mark said. Payson snorted in agreement.
They sat in silence for a while, Payson just drawing comfort from her Dad, before he got to his feet and went for the door.
"Want me to tell them you're not feeling well?" He asked. Payson nodded. She just wasn't ready to see Sasha in a relationship with someone else. "Okay then. I love you, kiddo."
"Love you too, Daddy."
#
It was a small miracle that Sasha managed to stay in his seat when Payson bolted from the room. The urge to follow her, to comfort and reassure her, was overwhelming, almost commanding his body to move before he could stop it. But he did. He sat glued to his seat, feigning nothing more than a coach's concern, while Payson sought refuge in her room and again when Mark went to check on her.
"Payson isn't feeling well, she's sorry for running out like that," Mark said when he reappeared. Sasha knew that was just an excuse so that she didn't have to come back.
"Oh no!" Kristen cooed. Her voice was starting o great on Sasha's nerves and he knew the farce of a relationship wouldn't last long.
Kristen helped Kim clear the dishes and they all enjoyed coffee and pie before Sasha made excuses and walked Kristen back to her house. He planned on just a small kiss goodnight and then doubling back to check on Payson, but when he went in to kiss her cheek Kristen surprised him by catching his lips in hers.
Her hands fisted in his jacket, pulling him flush against her and delving deeper into the kiss. Sasha grunted in surprise and she wasted no time taking advantage of it, sweeping her tongue into his mouth. She spun them so that Sasha tripped over his feet and they fell against the front door, grabbing Sasha by the belt and pulling his hips to hers. Sasha's hands shot out to keep from crushing her, and in the time it took him to steady himself, her hands were wandering beneath his shirt.
"Kristen," he mumbled against her lips, trying to pull away. She wasn't making it easy. "Kristen, stop."
Finally she stopped kissing him and let go, allowing him to take a step back. Sasha raked a hand through his hair.
"Kristen, I…want to take things slowly. I just ended a relationship and I need some time," Sasha explained, hoping she wouldn't ask too many questions. A blush flared over her cheeks and she nodded.
"Kim told me about Summer. I'm sorry, I should have thought…" she trailed off, biting her lip.
"Don't worry about it," Sasha whispered. "I'll call you."
He waited until she disappeared inside and then looped back around to the Keeler house. He slipped across the lawn to the side of the house, trying to keep away from the windows. He felt dirty, like a Peeping Tom, but he needed to know that Payson was okay.
The first place Sasha looked was her bedroom. Peeking in through the window, he found no sign of her. He groaned. If she wasn't in her room, chances of her being with her parents were high.
A noise from the backyard drew his attention. As quietly as he could, Sasha crept around the back of the house and slipped through the gate in the fence. Payson was lying in the corner of the yard, nestled in the grass. That particular spot was far enough away from the back porch, and hidden in shadow, that Sasha was no longer worried about her parents.
He straightened, stuck his hands in his pockets, and walked towards her.
"Hey," he said quietly. She propped herself up on her elbows, looking a little surprised and a little wary.
"What are you doing here?" she asked.
"Can I sit?" Sasha asked, avoiding her question. She shrugged, lying back down. He sat next to her and then lay down next to her. Their fingers were close enough to brush against each other, but he didn't take her hand.
"Why are you here, Sasha?" Payson asked again. He thought he heard her voice break.
"I wanted to make sure you were all right. I'm sorry about the way Kristen acted, and I'm sorry your mom invited us for dinner, and I'm sorry that we can't just be together," he said, words tumbling from his mouth before he could stop them.
Payson was quiet for a long time and Sasha worried that their relationship was damaged beyond repair. How could he ever repair it? How could he make sure Payson got to the Olympics despite him?
"You have nothing to be sorry for," she whispered finally, so softly he was sure he misheard her.
"I still wish it were easier," he replied. Her hand settled over his and she squeezed his fingers tightly.
For a long time they just lay together in silence, staring up at the stars. Sasha knew it couldn't last forever, but in that moment he felt peaceful, like they were safe in their own little dream world.
"You should date too," Sasha finally said. He felt Payson stiffen next to him. "I don't want you to be lonely."
"What about the no dating rule?" Payson said. He could hear the sneer in her voice.
"People think that rule still exists?"
"Sasha, I don't want to date anyone else," she said. Sighing, Sasha knew that her mind was made up. He pulled himself to his knees and leaned over her, staring into her eyes before brushing his lips lightly across hers.
"Just, be happy. Please, Payson."
A/N: THANK YOU to flowerchild3286, elliemarie84, Cassie, DarkMoon2222, LauraW89, and Kissin Concern for your reviews on Chapter 8!
Remember last chapter how I said things will get worse before they get better? Yeah, you've got a while to go. I'm sorry, it actually physically hurts me to hurt them, but it needs to be done.
If you want to get back to the happy stuff, REVIEW PLEASE! Yes, I'm begging.