Disclaimer: All those involved with the story that I didn't create myself out of thin air belong to Joss Whedon and anyone associated with him who is lucky enough to be a part of writing, producing, funding, or drawing the characters that he created from that insane mind of his that we all love so much.

Rating: Mostly PG-13 but I'm not opposed to the idea that it'll get closer to R or NC-17 in the near future.

Feedback: Anything you're willing to give me is fine in whatever way you'd like to give it to me. :)

Distribution: Anywhere other than where I put it, lemme know and I'm sure it'll be fine.

Just a College Girl Chapter 11

Useless

This is killing me. I thought I felt useless before.

The constant beeping of the heart rate monitor keeps hitting my ears, comforting me and driving me nuts at the same time.

Being here with her like this has introduced a whole new level of feeling useless to my life. There's nothing I can do. No way for me to make it better, or change it, or do anything other than sit here and feel useless. Every part of me is screaming at me to do something other than sit here, and I can't. I've been sitting here almost every minute of every hour of every day for the past six weeks, fighting the urge to go out and hit something for what happened to her. The more I fight it, the more I feel it. Every second I spend sitting here watching over Faith for the moment when she finally wakes up is a second that makes everything worse.

It's just not fair. Why does she have to be in a coma? Why can't she just wake up and be okay? Maybe it's not the same kind of coma that she was in before, the doctors had to put her under with some sort of drugs so she could recover, but it's still a coma. She's still unconscious for however long it's going to take. And what's worse is that the doctors can't even tell me how long that's going to be. They just keep saying that she's making progress every day and to hope for the best. I've been hoping for the best for six weeks now and I'm getting tired of it. All I want is for Faith to wake up and for everything to be okay. But it's not happening.

Every day I come in here, and every day she's still sleeping. I hate that I have to leave her every night when visiting hours are over. Whenever I leave here, I get this feeling that if I leave her she's gonna wake up and I'm not going to be here for it. I need to be here when she wakes up. I need to know that she's all right. Not being here for her would make me completely insane. How's she going to feel if she wakes up and there's no one here for her? It happened once before way back in Sunnydale, I don't want it to happen to her again. We're together now. We're together and we're in love. She doesn't have to be alone ever again and neither do I.

As long as I'm still breathing, she won't be. I'll be here when she wakes up. If I have to KILL the hospital staff to be here, I will. Faith means everything to me. She's my whole world. I don't know what I'd do if she never wakes up. If we never got to be together again like we've been for the last year. Our whole relationship has been incredible. Sometimes, I feel like Faith's the only one who really, truly understands me and how I feel. The only one who knows what I need and actually gives it to me, no matter what it is. Whether it's comfort, or space, or help with a problem I'm having. Faith's always there and she never tries to tell me what she thinks is better for me unless it's gonna get me hurt or something.

For the millionth time since coming here today, I reach out and gently squeeze her hand, hoping that she'll wake up and squeeze it back. Nothing happens.

But she's not here to do that for me now. She's not here to kiss me and hold me and tell me that it's all going to work out. Because she's lying in this bed, unconscious and not moving. Hooked up to all these machines that are keeping her alive long enough for her to recover, for however long that will take. And there's nothing I or anyone else can do to change that. I'm useless. Useless and completely alone.

Just then, the door slowly opens and I don't even turn around to see who it is, because I don't care.

"Hey Dawn, has there been any change?"

What the hell kind of stupid question is that? Does it look like there's been any change? Can't she just look at Faith and see what's changed? Nothing...

All I do is sigh, which Buffy takes as her cue.

"Not so much eh?"

Silence hits the room for a short stretch.

She doesn't actually expect me to answer that does she?

My sister walks up beside me, trying to give me something, but I just keep staring at Faith, ignoring her.

"I brought you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

Buffy pulls up her chair next to mine and places the sandwich bag in front of me.

"You haven't been hungry for the past three days Dawn. And when you did eat something, you ate half a sandwich. How exactly can you not be hungry?"

"I'm just not okay? Now leave me alone."

A sigh escapes my sister from my words.

"Dawnie, I know you want to be here for Faith and everything, but this isn't doing you any good. You need to eat. How is it going to help Faith if you pass out from hunger while waiting for her to wake up?"

Now I'm the one that's sighing.

"Well, maybe it would be better that I do."

"What?"

I look at my sister for the first time since she entered Faith's hospital room.

"If I pass out, then the doctors would probably put me up in a room somewhere until I'm feeling better. They could put me in here with Faith. Then I wouldn't have to leave when visiting hours are over."

"Listen to yourself Dawn. You're actually trying to hurt yourself by intentionally getting yourself put in the hospital just so you can be near Faith. I know you love her with all your heart, but this isn't healthy. All you're going to do is end up hurting yourself worse than what you want."

My eyes come back to staring at Faith's sleeping form.

"I need to be here for her."

Buffy's hand touches my shoulder gently.

"I know Dawnie, but starving yourself to death is not the way to do it. Eat something, please."

Maybe she's right. I probably should eat something. After all, I did kinda lie to her about the not being hungry part. I'm actually starving.

With my one free hand, I pick up the sandwich bag and fiddle with it between my fingers, trying to get it open. The bag quickly slips out of my hand and on to Faith's bed. As I reach for it again, Buffy stops me.

"Dawn..."

She puts her hand on the one of mine that's holding Faith's and gently pries it open before placing both my hands on the bag. Taking the hint, I open the little plastic sandwich bag with both hands and take the contents out. I look at it for a second and Buffy seems to know what I'm about to ask.

"Peanut butter and anchovies. Your favorite."

That puts a little bit of a smile on my face before I take a bite.

Mmm, I love the way she makes this stuff.

As I chew, Buffy lifts her hand from my shoulder and gently combs the hair back out of my face. There's a moment of almost happy silence between us when we stare at each other. Then Buffy has to go and ruin it while I take another bite.

"She'll wake up when she's feeling better Dawn. You know that. The doctors even said so on repeated occasions."

Looking back at Faith lying still, I can't help but feel a little guilty for enjoying my sandwich.

"I know... it's just that, they can't even say when she's going to wake up yet. Just that it could be a while. Things wouldn't be so bad if they could tell me when I'm going to be able to put my arms around her and tell her I love her again."

"Even if they could tell you Dawnie, it'd probably be sooner than that because she's a slayer. Her body is working more overtime than a regular person's to make itself better again. Trust me. If she can survive what I did to her in our fight back in Sunnydale after eight months, then she'll survive this too. Just you wait and see."

We sit back in our chairs together, trying to relax, even though I'm completely tense and kinda tired.

The thing that did this to her has to pay.

"Any word from Giles?"

"He called earlier, said the first wave of slayers will be coming in some time next week."

Next week? A whole other week with that thing out there doing whatever the hell it wants while Faith is lying here half dead. That's not fair. It should be dead now.

"Another week?"

My sister frowns along with her sigh.

"Yeah, unfortunately, a lot of the more experienced slayers were off saving the world recently. So they've been a little busy. But Giles swears, by the middle of next week there will be at least a hundred slayers in town, hunting that thing. And if need be, he says he can have three hundred more here by the beginning of the week after. Don't worry Dawn... we'll get this demon, just like any other."

The only instinct I have is to scoff.

"Mhmm, next week. We could've used them six weeks ago."

"Dawn..."

"Maybe if they had been, like I wanted you to do, this wouldn't have happened. Faith might not have almost died."

"We've had this conversation Dawn... repeatedly. We weren't out for a fight that night, but we thought we were prepared for one if it happened. That's why I called in every slayer in town for the mission, to keep everyone safe. But I underestimated it. The demon was toying with us the first time we fought it, I just wish I knew why. It's obviously a lot stronger than we gave it credit for. I'm not going to let that happen again. We're going into this with everything we have."

Her last line makes me look to the woman I love.

"Everything... except Faith."

For a second, neither of us says anything before my sister puts her hand on my shoulder again.

"Yes, but that's a good thing Dawn. No matter what happens, you won't have to worry that anything is going to happen to her, because she'll be here getting better. Isn't that what you want?"

"I guess..."

She puts her free hand over the one I've got my sandwich in.

"Come on, keep eating."

I do like she asks and eat the sandwich she brought for me.

"Things will work out for the best Dawn. It might not seem like it right away, but it will. You don't have to worry."

That's not gonna stop me from it though. I don't think I'll be happy until that demon is dead and everyone is safe.

...
B.R.E.A.K.
...

I hold onto Buffy's arm as the doctor explains.

"She appears to be doing quite well under the circumstances. Her vitals are strong and increasing with every day. That's a very good sign."

Oh thank god...

"But she still has a ways to go. After she wakes up, she will probably need some physical therapy in order to get back the mobility and strength that she once had. It will take weeks, if not months for her to get back to her normal self."

I can help her with all that. She'll be better in no time. That's not what I really want to know though.

"What about waking up? When do you think that'll happen?"

He sighs sympathetically.

"It's still too early to know with any certainty..."

Again? Why can't these doctors give me a straight answer? That's what I want, and need.

"But if I had to venture a guess, based on her progress..."

The doctor is silent for a second while he thinks about what to say next.

Yes?

"I'd say that she should be ready to be brought out of her coma in approximately two weeks."

Two weeks?

"Another two weeks?"

He nods gently.

"I'm afraid so."

How am I going to survive without her for another two weeks? The last six weeks have nearly killed me as it is. What am I going to do?

"Isn't there anything you can do to help her along?"

"Unfortunately no, not without compromising her recovery."

Turning to Buffy, she puts her arms around me and holds me gently.

"I'm sorry I don't have better news. If you need anything, I can be paged by one of the nurses."

My sister decides to answer for me.

"Thank you doctor."

The man taking care of Faith's recovery leaves me and my sister alone in his patient's room. We hold each other tightly for a while before I feel her gently stroke my hair.

"It's only two more weeks Dawn. And remember, it probably won't be even that long because of her slayer healing."

"I know, I... I just don't know if I can live that long without her. She means everything to me."

She steps back just enough to look me in the eyes.

"You can Dawn. You're a strong woman. If anyone can get through this, it's you. I'll be here for you through it all too, you know that."

Why did this have to happen? Why did this thing have to be out there to hurt the people I love? It's not fair. This demon robbed me of six weeks of her love and now it's going to keep us from each other for another two. It's not fair and I hate it. I hope when those slayers get here in a couple days they kick the crap out of it and make it suffer just like it's making me suffer right now. Because if they don't, I'll have to do it myself for what it did to Faith.

All I manage to do is attempt to smile at my sister before responding.

"I know..."

Except I don't.

End of Chapter 11