Chapter 14: Unspoken Revelations

Lucas

Anger is a dangerous emotion. Not because of the things it can cause you to do, but because of what it can change on the inside. Anger causes you to morph into a version of yourself that you didn't think could ever exist. It causes you to become someone else entirely - a stranger who is part of you forever. Someone you don't recognize. And that is exactly who I became at Jensen's party the other night.

"Lucas, you okay, man?" I looked up from the countertop I was staring at to see Zay standing in front of me with a fresh bag of peas in his hands.

"I could be better," I mumbled, removing the bag I was already pressing gently on my eye, and replacing it with the new one.

"Dude, what got into you last night? It was like I didn't even recognize you," Zay sat in the stool next to me and leaned against the counter.

"Trust me, Zay, I didn't recognize myself," I sighed, and swiveled the stool so that my entire body was facing Zay. "It's Jensen. He's pretty much blackmailing me, if you could call it that."

"Okay, now you have to tell me what's going on," Zay lightly hit my shoulder, clearly intrigued with the impending story.

"The easiest way I can explain it all is - do you remember the party after the championship game last year?"

"How could I forget it?" Zay shook his head solemnly. "It was the day our entire school will remember forever."

"Well, we were all pretty far gone that night," I gave Zay a knowing look and he nodded, as if he understood. "There's a lot of it that's still a little hazy to me, but my memory has been coming back in sporadic fragments for the past few months... And back in March, a few weeks after it had happened, there was something that came back to me that I approached Jensen about... And it didn't go well."

5 Months Ago

"Lucas Friar. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Jensen greeted me as I lightly tapped on his bedroom door. Merritt was upstairs working on a new dance routine for dance team tryouts when I decided to sneak down to Jensen's room.

"Jensen, you were pretty close with Jessica Evans... Do you remember anything about what happened to her that night?"

"You're starting to remember," Jensen stood up from his computer chair and crossed the room to meet me in the doorway.

"I- It's still a little foggy, but I think... I think that I was there... When it happened," I explained, furrowing my brows together and glancing up at Jensen. "And so were you."

"Lucas, if I tell you what happened... You're never going to be the same again," Jensen explained. His tone had a hint of warning to it that made me feel uneasy, but I brushed it off quickly.

"I need to know. It's been eating me up ever since it happened, and I can't take it anymore," I looked up at Jensen with desperation in my eyes. "Please."

Jensen paused for a moment, as if he was analyzing my expression to determine if I could handle the truth or not.

"After we took the bus on that joyride, we ended up at the lake behind Jessica's house," Jensen explained, leading me over to his bed and gesturing for me to sit down. "She had already had one too many, but she kept asking for more. We didn't have anything left on the bus, just the one that you were holding in your hand. Jessica reached for it, but you didn't want to give it to her."

My heart started beating fast in my chest and Jensen closed his eyes as he gathered his words to finish his explanation.

"Anyway, you two were walking on the rocks near the shoreline. They were slippery and it was dark... She kept reaching for you, you kept pulling away. And when she finally grabbed the beer, something inside you must have snapped," Jensen looked me straight in the eyes and took a deep breath. "You pushed her, man. You pushed her and she fell back onto the rocks. You were so shocked that you backed away and wouldn't help her. I lunged for her, I tried to do whatever I could, but it was too late. She was gone."

I couldn't move - couldn't breathe. I could barely comprehend what Jensen was saying. I couldn't believe it. I was the reason Jessica Evans wasn't alive anymore.

"No," I muttered, unable to think of anything more coherent to say.

"You're responsible for Jessica, Lucas, and it's time that you own up to it," Jensen's expression was grave, and I swallowed hard.

"I can't, Jensen. My parents can't handle that kind of stress right now - that kind of disappointment," I was on the verge of breaking down completely, and it took every ounce of strength I had left in me not to.

"I think we can arrange some sort of deal," Jensen nodded and patted me on the back. "I'm already a disappointment to my parents, so me taking the fall for this would just be another one of the mistakes that they can add to their pile. I tell them that it was my fault - I provided the beer, we were all drunk, and it was an accident. She slipped and fell. Simple as that. I take the fall, you go on being Golden Boy Friar."

"I can't ask you to do that for me, Jensen. I'm responsible for this!"

"I'm just as responsible as you, Lucas," Jensen frowned, glancing down at his hands. "Besides, they'll just send me to a private school for rich delinquents. It was only a matter of time. I'll fit right in."

"How could I ever repay you for something like that?" I was completely dumbfounded - shocked that he would do something like that for someone he didn't even like that much.

"Simple," Jensen rose from the bed and headed over to his dresser. "No matter what happens, you stay with my sister. No breaking up with her, no dating other girls, she's your one and only. You got it?"

"Jensen, why do you care if -?" I began to ask, but Jensen cut me off abruptly.

"Do we have a deal?" Jensen stuck out his hand, looking at me expectantly.

What Jensen was offering could cost him everything. It could be the tip of the iceberg for his parents and they could kick him out once and for all. But he didn't care. He was willing to admit to doing something terrible that I was responsible for. This deal was a no-brainer.

"We have a deal," I agreed, taking Jensen's hand and shaking it firmly.

In the back of my mind, I knew that I had made a deal with the devil. And I knew that it would come back to bite me in a big way. What I didn't take into consideration in that moment, was how it was going to effect the other people in my life in ways that I didn't think were possible.

"Dude..." Zay's eyes widened as he shook is head in awe.

"I know," I nodded solemnly. "But here's the thing - I remembered something else last night. Right after I tackled Jensen into the coffee table."

I paused for a moment to adjust the frozen peas, and took a second to collect my thoughts.

"You gonna leave me hanging here or what?" Zay nudged my arm lightly and I took a deep breath.

"I think Jensen was lying," I admitted, confident that I was right about this.

"Wait - so you don't think you were there when Jessica slipped and fell?" Zay furrowed his eyebrows together, confusion written in his expression.

"No, I was there. And I was still responsible for what happened in some way, but I wasn't the one on the rocks with her. It was Jensen," I hopped off of my stool to get a glass from one of the cabinets in Zay's kitchen.

"But why would Jensen push Jessica Evans? Weren't they dating?"

"Why do guys like Jensen do anything?" I asked, but Zay shook his head, unable to answer me. "To gain something from someone - or somewhere else. Somewhere like Dalton Academy. "

"You think he pushed Jessica to get kicked out of our school so that he would get sent Dalton?"

"I can't really explain it, but yeah, I think that's part of it," I walked over to the sink and turned on the water to fill up my glass. "But I'm going to do whatever I can to figure out the rest."

Zay watched me take a sip from my glass of water and narrowed his eyes at me.

"That's why you don't want him hanging around Riley Matthews," Zay pointed his finger at me and I stopped mid-sip to raise my eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?"

"You think he's dangerous, and you're trying to protect her," Zay stepped off the stool to meet me in front of the sink.

"Zay, stop talking, you sound crazy," I avoided meeting his eyes, and headed over to the dining room table to sit down.

"And you want to protect her because you like her!"

"I don't just like her, man," I sighed, tired of lying to everyone. Tired of lying to Zay and Riley and myself. It was time to admit the truth. "I'm in love with her."

"Whoa," Zay sat in the chair next to me. "Did not see that coming."

"I'm in love with her," I repeated, shocked that I had just admitted that to myself. "I can't let her end up with him."

"And by "him" you mean Jensen? Hence the broken coffee table in the Haynes' living room?"

"I have to get to her before it's too late!" I stood up and grabbed my jacket from the empty chair next to me.

"Well, go on! Go tell her, man!" Zay encouraged, slapping his hand on my back as I walked past him to get to the front door.

"Thanks for listening, Zay," I smiled at him gratefully and he nodded as I headed out the door and ran down the hallway to find Riley.

I stopped by Topanga's Bakery first, but her mother said that Riley was writing in the park and wouldn't be back until later that evening. I headed there as soon as the words left Mrs. Matthews' mouth, rushing through the doors as fast as I could. My head was swimming with so many thoughts - so many emotions. I knew that Riley probably hated me, but I had to convince her that I was exactly the guy that she had always known. That I was someone she could trust, and be proud of when she said that she knew me.

I entered the park, my eyes roaming the faces of various joggers and dog walkers. I couldn't find her, until I realized that Riley wouldn't be out in the open when she was trying to find inspiration to write a good story. She would find a quiet, secluded spot where she could still watch and observe the world from afar, but not be distracted by everything happening around her. I suddenly remembered that she had taken me to this old bench for one of our tutoring sessions once. It was chipped and faded, and much more run-down than the rest of the benches in the park.

"Why are we sitting on this ratty old bench, Riley? There's a brand new one right over there that doesn't have questionable stains on the wood," I asked her one afternoon.

"Because this bench has been here much longer than the other benches, Lucas. It's seen so many important life moments - proposals, break-ups, people getting their first jobs. It's been through rain and snow and the changing seasons. We could learn a lot from sitting on this bench."

"It's jut a bench," I informed her, and she smiled at me warmly.

"Nothing is just its name, Lucas," she flipped open her English book and turned to look at me. "If I didn't believe that, I wouldn't be a very good writer, now would I?"

I sprinted to the back of the park where the bench was located, running through what I was going to say to her in my head. I knew that I would have to tell her everything, and that was okay. I trusted her. And I trusted that she would be able to believe me when I told her that everything that happened with Jessica and Jensen and that entire night was an accident - one that I wished that I could go back and change. But more importantly I had to tell her that I loved -

As I approached the bench, everything stopped moving around me. The joggers stopped jogging. The dog walkers and their dogs froze in front of me. Riley was sitting on her bench, but she wasn't alone. Jensen was with her, and they were locked in a kiss. It wasn't a 'nothing' kiss either. It was one that silenced everything around you and made your head spin. And it meant something to Riley. Before either of them could spot me, I turned in the opposite direction and headed back the way I came in.

I was too late. Jensen had gotten to her and if I did anything now, I would just look like the jealous jerk trying to ruin her happiness. But I wasn't going to give up. I had to find out why Jensen lied to me about the night of the lacrosse party last year. I needed to figure out what Jensen was hiding, and why he wanted to be kicked out of our school so badly. And I had to protect Riley from him in whatever way I could.