A/N: This will be the second to last update. The last two chapters will be posted together (since 70 is more of an epilogue...type...thing). Anyway. Thank you so much to everyone who has read, commented, favorited, recommended, etc. I'm absolutely amazed by all the feedback this fic has gotten.
I do have more fic ideas (including a possible sequel to this...maybe) so I promise this won't be the last you hear of me. Until then, I'm always on tumblr (lily-onher-grave) so come say hi!
Again, I cannot thank you all enough for sticking with me through this rambling mess of a story. You guys are awesome. And now I'll shut up :P
Elphaba sat on the front steps of the library, knees curled up to her chest, waiting for Glinda to get out of sorcery class so they could get lunch. She was done with classes for the day, and so was Boq, who sat next to her. Crope, Tibbett, and Fiyero were lounging around as well, but she had a feeling they were skipping their lectures. Not that she really cared.
Boq was saying something to her, but she couldn't quite bring herself to focus. She knew he was trying—Oz, they were all trying—but it was no use.
"I don't think she's listening, Boq," said Crope. Elphaba blinked.
"Sorry," she muttered. "What did you say?"
The Munchkin's eyes were pleading with her. "We can't give up now. Not when we've come so far."
Elphaba rubbed her eyes. "We've come so far, yes. But now we have nowhere else to go."
"Don't say that," Fiyero said.
"It's true, though. We've been slowing down, running out of ideas, even before Morrible destroyed the journal."
"You can't just give up," Boq said heatedly. "You can't just let her win."
Elphaba scowled at her knees. "Well, then, what do you suggest I do?"
"Stay this summer." His voice was quiet. "Stay here, with us. With Glinda. There will be less students, more free time. Stay at Shiz, and we can figure something out."
She pressed her lips together and looked away. To them, summer meant freedom. Invincibility. Opportunity. To her, it meant months held in place by Morrible. No, not just Morrible. By Shiz itself.
"Elphaba," Boq said softly. "This doesn't have to be the end."
She lifted her head to gaze out over the campus, her eyes dark. "I don't know," she whispered.
In the weeks that followed, the boys alternated between keeping their distance and trying to get Elphaba to say she would stay at Shiz. Glinda stayed out of it, though they kept no secrets from her now. But she was begging Elphaba in her own way, mostly just by being beside the green girl. It was almost enough to make her never leave.
Almost.
The end of the semester drew closer, and the girls couldn't help but wonder about everything that had changed. There were the big things, of course, but some instances were more subtle.
Like Glinda herself. There had always been depth beneath the bubbly blonde surface, and now it was on display for the whole world to see. Her reputation around Shiz had shifted. She was known to be intelligent, but in a sort of private way. She was quieter now than at the beginning of the year. She was steady, confident, but still kind—if you asked anyone other than Pfannee or Avaric or the few students that hung around them.
Her eyes were a shade darker and a hint more guarded. Her hands were ever so slightly rougher. "From casting magic," she mumbled to a half-listening Elphaba once. "It leaves marks. Like any skill, I suppose."
Her letters to Ama Clutch had grown more and more serious. Not enough for the old woman to worry too much, but enough for her to know that if the blonde visited home over the summer, she wouldn't be the same.
I don't know the end of the semester will bring, she wrote once. I plan to stay here at Shiz, and so does everyone else. But Elphaba hasn't given a definite answer yet. She seems to retreat every time someone asks her about it. I'm afraid…
But what she was afraid of, she couldn't quite say. The words wouldn't come. She didn't want them to, anyway.
What Glinda couldn't put into words, Elphaba couldn't stop thinking.
Everyone wanted her to stay at Shiz, but something—everything—was telling her not to. What could she do here? The library had proven to be no longer safe. She couldn't get into the labs or classrooms or anywhere without fear of being caught by the headmistress. Materials and tools and books were being stolen or destroyed. No matter what she did, Morrible was there to either stop her or threaten her into submission.
What am I even doing here anymore? she thought.
But…if she wasn't at Shiz, where would she be? Shiz was home. Shiz was knowledge and opportunity, and freedom from her father. Shiz was Boq and Fiyero and Crope and Tibbett and—most of all—Glinda.
Being away from Glinda was the worst thought in the world, but it kept nagging at her. It came to her when they were apart, it hit her when they were together. Sometimes it flooded through her mind, so swift and intense that all she could do was hold still and take deep breaths until her body relaxed enough to function again.
More and more, the green girl found herself trapped by her inner thoughts. Sometimes Glinda let her be, giving her space to sort through whatever was troubling her. But other times the blonde couldn't stand it, and when Elphaba tensed and her eyes darkened, she would drag the green girl away to the nearest empty room. Only when Glinda was pressed against her, pinning her to a wall or a table or one of their beds, did Elphaba's mind finally shut up for a while.
But it could only last for so long.
Distance grew between them, in a way that Glinda couldn't explain, only feel. It tainted the air when it should have been growing sweeter, signaling summer's arrival. It darkened the sky when the days grew brighter and longer.
Still, neither girl let the feeling linger between them. They laughed when they could and held each other close when they couldn't. The end of semester might be looming, bringing with it daunting unknowns, but it wasn't here yet. They still had time.
Glinda skipped dinner once, her thoughts distracting her too much to even stop by and tell the others she was alright, just not hungry. Instead, she walked straight past the café and out of the main part of campus. She wasn't sure she would remember the way, but her feet carried her there with no problem.
She knelt in front of the polished stone of Dillamond's memorial. The fire was still burning, though it turned darker when she hovered her hand over it. Glinda wasn't quite sure why she had come here, but then she started sniffing.
"Tell her to stay," she whispered. She looked down at the stone, then up at the sky. "Please. Tell her to stay."
She kept kneeling beneath the tree, occasionally ripping up strands of grass and burning them over the flames, until it was almost too dark to find her way back.
Elphaba was pacing the room when Glinda returned.
"Where were you?" It was meant to be angry, but the words came out as nothing more than a shaky whisper.
"Walking," Glinda replied just as softly. "I'm sorry. I should have told you. I was going to, but…"
The green girl swallowed, then held out her arms. Glinda stepped into the hug.
"I thought…I was worried that…"
"I'm okay," the blonde said. "I promise."
Elphaba's arms tightened around her. "Come to bed," she whispered in her ear.
Glinda shivered, but nodded into her chest. Elphaba guided her back to sit on the edge of the green girl's bed. She knelt in front of Glinda, her hands running slowly down one leg until her fingers found the straps of her shoes. She pulled one off, then the other, her eyes never leaving the blonde's.
Elphaba rose to her feet, her hands sliding up Glinda's thighs, taking the skirt of her dress with them. Glinda stood with her and lifted her arms, allowing the dress to be lifted over her head and tossed to the side. Her undergarments quickly followed, along with Elphaba's own clothes.
Every move the green girl made was slow, measured. She guided Glinda back onto the bed and gently lowered them down. Her hands travelled up and down the blonde, taking their time as if memorizing every last detail of her body. Her lips hovered above the blonde's, letting their breath mingle without ever actually kissing her. And all the while her eyes burned into Glinda's, her gaze devouring, holding her in place.
Something had changed. Something that Elphaba didn't want to admit, and Glinda didn't want to name. But while conflict had clouded Elphaba's eyes when she first lowered them to the bed, passion and devotion had long since replaced it. Glinda felt, somehow, a promise in every caress. Something that said I love you and together and no matter what. And because of that, she was able to let go for just a while—to forget everything but Elphaba's breath and Elphaba's heartbeat and Elphaba's touch reaching out to her, holding her at the edge, sending her into the most pleasurable abyss she had ever fallen through, then pulling her back home again.
When her senses returned to her, Elphaba was holding her close, almost clinging to her. Glinda held her back, matching the desperate embrace, and said the only words she could think of, though she wasn't sure they would make any difference.
"I am so deeply, utterly, madly in love with you."
Elphaba answered, but only in her head. She didn't trust her voice. Glinda wasn't sure what the silence meant, but she had no more words to try to find out. Elphaba held her close and placed soft kisses over her forehead, her cheeks, her jaw, and finally her lips, and for the moment, that was the only thing that mattered.
Elphaba lay still, listening to Glinda's quiet, steadying breathing. Normally the sound—and the smell and the feel of the blonde all around her—would lull her to sleep. Not tonight.
She finally gathered enough courage to gently untangle herself from Glinda's embrace and slid out of bed. She didn't go far—just over to her desk, where she sat down and stared back at the blonde sleeping in her bed, illuminated dimly by the moon and stars.
For all the raging and panic her mind had put forth the last few weeks, it was quiet now. And though the thoughts that came were painful, they were clear.
Every passing day was a waste. Dillamond was gone. The journal was gone. Shiz was turning into a prison for her, with Morrible as the warden. Hell, Glinda couldn't even go on a walk around campus without Elphaba fearing for her life. If she stayed here, nothing would change.
Her friends would be questioned, possibly, but nothing more. They would be safe—free to wander around the university and study in the library and go about their lives as normal students.
And what would she do? Elphaba closed her eyes and remembered the last conversation she'd had with Dr. Dillamond.
You said they knew about this research, about me. Will I have to go there someday?
A part of me sincerely hopes not. But…yes. I believe you will.
This fight for equality, for justice, even just for survival, was only beginning for Elphaba. But for Crope and Tibbett and Fiyero and Boq, and for the breathtaking young woman who was lying peacefully in her bed, holding her heart—even now, when it felt like breaking—the fight was over.
This doesn't have to be the end, Boq kept saying. He was right. It didn't have to be the end. But if she was to keep going, it couldn't be here.
And so, as she watched Glinda from across the room, her vision blurring with burning tears, she made her decision.