Chapter 18 - April Fools'

"Right men, you all know your positions," James said as the four of them stood huddled in a circle. Sirius and Remus were wearing clothes that didn't belong to them, Peter was holding a bottle of the potion they'd brewed the day before, and James had been up all night preparing so his hair was messier than usual. "We've been through a lot together. Our sixth year of pranking. We have a name to live up to – future generations will talk about the marauder pranks of '77. Months of planning have gone into this-"

"We came up with this idea four days ago," Remus corrected. "The only thing we actually prepared in advance was the polyjuice."

"-and it all comes down to today. This is the day we become legends."

Ever since Slughorn had mentioned polyjuice potion in one of their lessons, Sirius had filed the knowledge away as potential pranking material. It had taken a whole month to brew, not to mention all the trouble they'd had collecting the ingredients – especially the hairs.

There had then been a great deal of haphazard last-minute preparation over the course of the day. They'd needed to steal three sets of robes, one for each of the other houses, take four strands of hair from unsuspecting students and one teacher, and – worst of all – had needed to make sure that the four people they were transforming into wouldn't be around to get in their way.

They'd pulled a few minor pranks earlier in the day to lull everyone into a false sense of security by thinking they'd used up all their tricks: Peter set off a few Filibuster fireworks at breakfast, James transfigured a student into a rabbit in class, every bird in the owlery was scared away when a big black dog started barking at them, and – entirely by accident – Remus blew up yet another cauldron in potions. But now it was time for the biggest prank of all.

Just before dinner, in an empty classroom on the fourth floor, they changed into the appropriate robes, added the hairs to the polyjuice potion, and downed the glasses of disgusting liquid, each only drinking half of what the potions book had suggested since they wouldn't need to spend long in disguise – just enough time to cause a little chaos.

James, Sirius and Peter were all used to transforming by now. Compared to their bodies changing into an entirely different animal in under a second, it was really quite simple to become a different person. Remus, too, had had plenty of practice, but he was used to the agonising pain and to losing himself part way through the transformation: this wasn't like that. It was painless, if slightly uncomfortable, and even though he was shorter, his hair was a little longer, and he'd acquired breasts, he still felt like him. He looked different, but he was still Remus.

"Blimey," Sirius said, looking down at himself. "So this is what it's like to be a Slytherin. I always wondered what I'd be like if I was like the rest of my family. I can feel myself becoming more of a git already."

"Nah, that's just the power of the prank masters corrupting you," James said.

"And I doubt being a Slytherin would have given you blond hair and unnecessarily high cheekbones," Remus added.

"I think my cheekbones are extremely distinguished as it is."

"Your cheekbones are astounding, Padfoot, but shouldn't we get a move on?" Peter said. "We've only got about half an hour."

"Right you are, Wormtail," James said, clapping him on the shoulder. "Let's do this."

Remus was really not used to being a girl. His voice sounded too high and his legs were much shorter so he was walking far slower than he thought he ought to be. Still, it didn't take long to get up to Ravenclaw tower, and then the only obstacle was the riddle he needed to answer to get in the dorm. It was a good thing they already knew about the riddle, thanks to James trying to sabotage the quidditch team in second year and failing miserably to get into their common room. If they hadn't known, it could have been any of the four of them who went to Ravenclaw Tower, and they were all very much in agreement that only Remus stood a chance at answering it.

"Er," he said when he'd climbed the spiral staircase and stood facing the large door with an eagle-shaped knocker. "I'd like to go in?"

The eagle's gold mouth instantly opened and it asked:

"What is once in a minute, twice in a moment, and never in a thousand years?"

Remus chewed his lip thoughtfully; glancing behind him he saw nobody coming up the stairs. If he answered it wrong, he'd have to wait for an actual Ravenclaw, and that might give him away since he was meant to be posing as a seventh year prefect and should really be good at this stuff by now. Or maybe no one would come at all and he'd run out of time and change back to himself, having failed at his part of the prank – and after all the effort he'd spent coordinating it.

"A minute, a moment, a thousand years," he muttered to himself. "A minute, a moment- oh! It's M – the letter M!"

The eagle stilled again and for a terrifying second Remus thought he'd answered it wrong, but then the door swung open in front of him and he allowed himself a moment of relief before storming into the room.

"Listen up, everyone!" he bellowed. He looked around the common room and was surprised to find it was remarkably similar to Gryffindor, with armchairs clustered around the fire and a few tables covered in books and parchment. There were some bookshelves, though, which the Gryffindors didn't have, and a few maps and drawings pinned to the walls.

A seventh year boy that Remus recognised as the other Ravenclaw prefect came up to him and said, "What is it, Melissa?"

Everyone was looking at them now so Remus continued in a loud voice. "Professor Flitwick has just informed me that he wants Ravenclaw house to prove themselves as the smartest house in the school. Because we lost our last quidditch match and we have the least points at the moment, he thinks we need to reclaim our pride."

There was an outbreak of muttering and most people's expressions were indignant. "I know, I know, I'm as annoyed about this as the rest of you. But he's decided that tomorrow morning, every student in our house will be taking a special exam."

At this, several people stood up and started shouting at him.

"He can't give us an exam with no notice!"

"What about our classes? We're meant to be learning to stun people in Defence tomorrow morning!"

"What does he expect us to prove if we don't have time to revise?"

"That isn't fair!"

"We should just boycott the exam!"

"Enough!" Remus shouted. His voice came out slightly deeper than before and he realised he didn't have a lot of time before he noticeably started transforming back to himself. "Flitwick was about to go down to dinner when he told me – if you have a problem with it, go and tell him directly. Maybe if enough of us complain, he'll cancel the exam."

Almost in unison, the nearly one hundred students in the common room grabbed their things and started heading towards the door. Remus went with them down the stairs but slipped away as soon as he was able to. As he grew five inches and his hair shortened, he peered around the corner to watch a stampede of students heading towards the Great Hall.

"One down, three to go," he said to himself.

James couldn't stop pushing back the long fringe that fell in his eyes. How anyone could stand having hair like this, let alone play quidditch, he would never know. But he was cheered up when he got to the Hufflepuff common room at almost the exact same time as another student, who said the password and held the door open for him – perfect.

"I'm going to need everyone's attention for a minute," James said loudly. "The quidditch team especially." Everyone looked up from their books and homework and stopped talking. One girl, evidently the victim of one prank already today, had entirely green skin and there was a burn mark on the floor that suggested there had been a small explosion. Maybe Hufflepuffs were fun after all, James thought as he glanced around at their expectant faces.

"I'm sure you're all aware that we have a match against Slytherin in three weeks. Well, apparently that conflicts with some sort of important meeting the professors all need to go to." He sighed dramatically and pushed his fringe back again. "So it's been moved forward…to tomorrow."

There was uproar. James had to stop himself from grinning; it had taken them a while to figure out what would bother Hufflepuffs enough to start a riot, but all the houses had one thing in common – pride in their quidditch teams.

"But we've not had enough time to finish training," one of the chasers argued.

"Exactly!" James said. "This isn't fair. Am I right?"

Based on the amount of people who shouted back at him, James assumed he was indeed right.

"Who's going to come down to the Great Hall with me and tell the teachers to push the match back?"

And moments later he was leading almost the entirety of the Hufflepuff common room out the doors, past the kitchens, and towards the Great Hall. Just before they got there, he felt the same tingling in his hands and feet that he'd felt when he'd first drunk the polyjuice potion. Hurriedly, he pushed open the doors to the Great Hall and stepped aside to let the Hufflepuffs stream through. They were no longer paying him any attention, focusing on the teachers' table in front of them, so it was easy to hurry back the way he'd come and duck into a secret passage behind a tapestry to change back into himself.

Peter was nervous. In some ways, he had the hardest job; if any of the houses were expecting to be pranked, it was the Gryffindors. After the past five years of the common room being snowed on, their beds being filled with dungbombs, their pumpkin juice being replaced with a cheering potion that made them laugh hysterically, and other pranks that had both amused and irritated them, they were ready for it.

Which was why Peter looked like someone they'd never suspect; Professor Kettleburn, the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, was an eccentric man who was known for being exceptionally kind unless you got on his bad side, at which point you were lucky if you didn't find yourself hexed. Dumbledore had reportedly warned him not to do this at least six times, but it was always difficult to find new staff what with the Defence Against the Dark Arts teachers always quitting or being fired or mysteriously disappearing - so Kettleburn was still around and probably would be for the next twenty years.

The weirdest thing about being Professor Kettleburn was that he was missing his right hand, having lost it in either a fight with a dragon or a cooking accident, depending on whose story you believed. The sensation of his hand simply disappearing was highly disconcerting and Peter couldn't quite shake the fear that it wouldn't grow back when the polyjuice wore off. What if his hand was gone forever?

Shaking himself to quell his worries, he mentally prepared himself for the performance he was about to put on and climbed through the portrait hole into Gryffindor tower.

"Which one of you took it?!" he shrieked. The Gryffindors all froze, expressions of surprise and concern on their faces; teachers almost never came into their common room, apart from when McGonagall made the occasional announcement or yelled at them when they partied until 2am after winning a quidditch match.

In the dead silence, Peter continued yelling. "I know it was one of you! It's always Gryffindors – obsessed with April Fools' pranks, the lot of you! Oh, I put up with a lot in this job, but this is the last straw!"

Many of the students were looking around the room, and Peter saw Lily march up the stairs to the boys' dorms, presumably to find the four most likely culprits of any prank.

"W-what happened, Professor? What's been taken?" a fourth year girl asked.

"A niffler, that's what! I bet you think it's funny putting one in a classroom or in someone's dorm, but they can be dangerous, oh yes. Tear a room apart, they will, and they have a nasty bite if you try to take their treasure away from them! Not to mention the poor creature is probably confused and scared."

As Lily reappeared on the stairs, a frown on her face, he added the punchline. "I'll be searching every single room in this castle from top to bottom until I find that niffler – starting with your dorms! And you bet I'll be thorough enough that you'll wish it was only a niffler that went through your things. Now go on – all of you – clear out so I can start searching. I have special permission from Professor McGonagall to do this and I will whether you like it or not! If you have a problem with it, take it up with her!"

A few people made angry comments or muttered something about the boys who almost certainly took it, but when Peter shot a hex at the wall – barely missing a student's head – for good measure, they reluctantly starting filing out through the portrait hole, hopefully towards the Great Hall.

This was it. The biggest prank they'd ever tried to pull off. And the house they really wanted to piss off was Sirius' job – the Slytherins. He was quite enjoying looking like a Slytherin, really; he was doing what they always seemed to do, i.e. being a complete knob. He'd shoved into a girl on the way to the common room and then he snapped at someone to hurry up and say the password already.

And then he was in. Just like that.

"Where the fuck is Severus Snape?" he demanded the moment he stepped into the common room. It was eerie in there; compared to the Gryffindor tower he'd just left it was almost empty – with a couple of people sitting in pairs and a larger group of around ten people sat around a table nearby. There was a stone floor instead of a warm carpet and no windows. The lake was directly above them, held out by a magical barrier, and the little light that filtered through it was distinctly green.

The group of sixth years, along with a few younger students, were sitting in the corner of the room. Sirius recognised Rookwood, Nott, and, then – Regulus. Sitting two seats away from Snivellus was Sirius' brother. This threw him so much that he nearly forgot what he was doing, but all of a sudden it was even easier to be pissed off at Snape.

"I've just seen the house points," he snarled, stalking over to where Snape was sitting and leaning his hands on the arms of his chair. "I thought I'd see where we were after I got 20 points in" – Sirius realised mid-sentence that he had no idea what classes the student he looked like took – "class earlier. And guess what?"

Snape looked torn between worry and contempt, but he said in a quiet voice that was nevertheless full of disdain, "What?"

"Zero. House. Points. Not a single one." He heard the whispers from a few other students behind him but didn't take his eyes off of Snape's black ones. "And who do you think was to blame for that, Snape?"

"I don't know what you're talking about – I didn't do anything!" he insisted. "How could I have single-handedly lost over four-hundred points?"

"Merlin knows, but that's what Professor Slughorn told me." Sirius folded his arms, a glint in his eye. "I'm sure you could fuck up anything that badly if you tried hard enough."

Snape leapt from his seat, drawing his wand. "I don't know what the hell your problem is," he said, seething, "but-"

Rookwood put a hand on his arm. "Save it. We'll talk to Slughorn!" He looked around at his friends and they nodded back at him.

"Of course. It must all be a mistake," Crabbe agreed, standing up and prodding Sirius in the chest with his wand. "Now back off unless you really want to start something here." The tip of Crabbe's wand dug uncomfortably into Sirius' skin, and he instinctively took a tense step backwards.

This was not what he'd expected. He thought everyone would gang up on Snape, but instead he'd found him surrounded by apparent friends, with most of the house evidently already at dinner. He gave Crabbe an assessing look and saw the sleeve of his wand-arm slide down just enough to reveal the top of a black inked tattoo.

He glanced at Regulus, whose eyes looked too wide and who was looking back and forth between Sirius-in-disguise and Crabbe. Slowly, Sirius stepped further back. "Good," he said. "Talk to Slughorn. Maybe if all of us go, we can sort this out and get our points back."

And with that they all got up, their chairs scraping against the floor, and filed out into the corridor, leaving Sirius alone in the Slytherin common room, where he slowly changed back into himself.

After one last look around, he hurried out the door after them. There was only one other place he'd ever felt so relieved to leave.

When the potion had worn off, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter met in the entrance hall in their ill-fitting clothes and shoes that either crushed or dwarfed their feet. Exchanging matching grins, they stepped into the Great Hall together.

There were some students sitting at the house tables eating dinner – but only a few. The rest were far too busy crowding around the teachers' table complaining about four independent injustices. The Ravenclaw prefect Remus had impersonated, who was no doubt bewildered, was arguing animatedly with a pair of other prefects, the Hufflepuff quidditch team were telling the Slytherin team something that had put horrified expressions on their faces, and the Gryffindors were all trying to talk to McGonagall while pointing at Professor Kettleburn, who had turned bright red with supressed fury.

Slughorn looked completely baffled, McGonagall exasperated, and Dumbledore amused. He looked up when the four boys entered and shot them a small wink. McGonagall, who noticed everything, followed his gaze and visibly sighed.

Seeing her expression, Sirius gave an elaborate bow, only to be pulled away by a laughing Remus, who grabbed a handful of his robes and tugged him over to the Gryffindor table – which was laden with mostly-untouched food.

James reached for a chicken drumstick, brandishing it in front of him. "A toast," he decreed, "To a prank well executed."

As the others began to fill their plates, James started to eat – only to bite down hard on his tongue as the chicken disintegrated.

"Looks like we weren't the only ones to pull a prank today," Sirius laughed as he attempted, and failed, to eat a potato. "Maybe the house elves felt like branching out."

A/N: When James opens the doors to the Great Hall, you should be picturing that one gif of Aragorn.