Hey, I´m sorry it took so long but our internet broke on me and moreover I got wisdom teeth pulled and it hurt like a bitch, honestly-fortunatly never again puh...
Anyway, thank you for all the positive feedback on the last chapter! I was really afraid of the feedback because it was so... dark and well yeah rape but I was completly overwhelmed by your reviews! Thanks so much! Oh and I´m sorry that I replied so late to a few-I don´t get my inbox -.-
Okay, so this is I guess the longest chapter I´ve ever written (I honestly should short them a bit) so I hope it maked up for the long wait. And well...
Warnings:
Angst
rape/non-con reference
language
and again ANGST
it´s not fluffy, the next one will be ( it´s a bit nice but not really) so yeah... I don´t know which one is actually worse, the last or this one... they´re sad in their own way but okay...
Yeah, there probably will be one more chapter, maximal two :)
Oh and I noticed that I totally forgot to answer the guest reviews, my excuses I will try and do that for the next chapters of course and this one too! :)
AnemonaAnonima: Thanks for your review! Yeah I feel quite bad about what I did too him, but I also like torturing my favorite characters :D (sorry Kagami^^) and of course I´m going to continue the story! :) no need to worry, I know I update really ah rarely, not often but my study is killing me, urhg, but I´m definetly going to finish the story! Thanks for reading and yeah, Aomine may look like a big bad guy but we all know that he´s also a crybaby^^
anon: thank you so much for saying that! That means a lot to me :) I hope you like the new chapter! that´s true but I´m afraid Haizaki really appear anymore but I´ll see what I can do :) thanks for reviewing!
guest: thanks for reading! :) of course he will, he will get all the love he deserves!
hi: ah well, that´s probably true, maybe he jumped? I don´t know... my mistake^^ sorry!
Oh and this story also contains light gomxKagami but it won´t be getting really frisky or something like that as I´m afraid it wouldn´t really fit the story :) Moreover I´m sorry for my absent knowledge of hospitals and medical treatment, so I tried to keep it realistic but uh well... I´m not sure how it looks...
So enough from me, here you go!
Aomines voice broke and as Kuroko felt his own tears rise again he saw Aomines eyes too were shining and so wet before thin tears began to slide down his cheeks.
What now?
"I´m sorry, but the patient isn´t awake yet…"
"Can´t we just go in, take a look and leave? Please?" The nurse didn´t fell for the blonds' puppy eyes and just gave a small smile. Kise had to admit that his face couldn´t look that appealing right now-self-induced sleep deprivation and uncontrolled crying could do that to a person.
"I´m sorry, but due to special circumstances it´s not possible for anyone to enter the room except for the staff."
Next to Kise Kuroko gave a sigh, "I told you it´s not possible Kise-kun, we already tried it yesterday. You´re making a fool out of yourself."
"But Kuroko-cchi, we kn-"
"Ryouta!" Akashis voice seemed to cut through the air, dominant and heavy. He sounded tired, almost exhausted-just like the rest of them. No one had really slept the night and they had spent both afternoons sitting in the hospital, waiting for the red head who lay there behind those thick walls to wake up.
"Just because we know what happened doesn´t mean Kagami wants us to know or even wants to see us. And no one could blame him for that." Midorimas voice came from Kises right and the blond swallowed, looking on the ground.
"I know" he exhaled softly and buried his face in his hands as he heard the retreating footsteps of the nurse. They all suffered under the crushing and heavy feeling of guilt, thousand what-if´s scenarios ran through Kises head and with them came the images of Kagami, crying and begging for Haizaki to let him go. His throat tightened and Kise clenched his fists in anger, frustration, fear and thousand other feelings he couldn´t name.
They all knew the reason why Haizaki had done what he did and they all had their history with him but for Kise… he felt like it was different for him, he hadn´t liked Haizaki from the very beginning but now he felt pure and utterly hate for that person. It was so deep and dark that Kise sometimes wondered where the capacity to hate so much came from. He knew Haizaki had wanted revenge on him (on all of them, but mostly him) but he had naively believed that their victory against him during the winter cup would have shown that he didn´t stand a chance! He hadn´t spent one thought to the possibility that the former Teiko member would seek revenge outside the court and was able to do something like that.
Kise groaned. He couldn´t close his eyes without those picture running through his head, Kagami-cchi, Kagami-cchi, Kagami-cchi…the pain and the humiliation of the red head was so obvious and the sounds he made, Kise winced and shook his head. He didn´t want to remember, he didn't want those images in his head!
"Oi, idiot-stop moving around so much!" A hand collided with the back of his head and nearly sent him off the chair he sat on.
"Don´t be so mean, Aomine-cchi!" he called, quickly covering his inner turmoil with his usual cheerfulness but for once he wasn´t fooling them.
"Stop thinking so much, I can hear your stupid thoughts from over there!" Touous´ ace glared at him but Kise knew that he wanted to say something so different, stop blaming yourself, you idiot! And Kise wanted to believe him, he really did but from all of them he was the one with the worst history with Haizaki and the messages-how he was mocking him-he just couldn´t forget. He didn´t know if the others got the same-they tried not to talk about it, the only time they did was when the police needed their statements and confiscated their mobile phones-but it felt like Haizaki was laughing at him, cruelly and cold.
-Jealous, Kise?
-Look, I prepared him for you ;)
-Wanna have a go?
Kise clenched his teeth and stood up. "I know…" he whispered, "I just can´t help it" When he looked up he was met five eye pairs that reflected the same emotions he felt, pain and fear, guilt and desperation. He averted his gaze, he knew that he wasn´t alone with those feelings but he suddenly had never felt more alone than now.
"We´re coming back tomorrow, right Aka-chin?" Murasakibara mumbled and also stood up, slightly stretching his back. "Yes, maybe he´s awake then."
Golden eyes were filled with tears when he looked at Akashi and Murasakibara, we´re in this together.
"Can´t have him waking up all alone, can we?" Aomine deep voice drawled from behind, faking indifference but they all knew better-deep midnight blue eyes looked like they were about to cry and they all knew that Aomine didn´t want to appear weak in front of them.
"He will be hungry when he´s awake, we should buy him enough cheeseburgers for that." Kuroko said, brushing off invisible dust from his trousers.
"As if we could buy enough to fill that black hole of a stomach of his, I´m sure he will suffer from a food poising one day." Midorima cleared his glasses and set them on and Kise could see the dark circles under his eyes coming from too much worry and too less sleep because even if he acted like he didn´t care Kise knew that exactly then he probably cared the most.
"We should buy him sweets, sugar is good for the soul" Murasakibara muttered and Kise rolled his eyes, opening his mouth to retort but Akashi was faster giving a sigh and petting the purple giant on the back, "that´s for you Atsushi but I´m sure that Taiga isn´t very fond of sweets"
Murasakibara hummed. "He should be"
"Let´s leave for now, we don´t want to disturb the other patients" Akashis eyes were calm and Kise was thankful to know him in their midst-the old Akashi who was kind and calm.
"I couldn´t care less about that" Aomine muttered and winced when Kuroko jabbed him into the side, "Aomine-kun, there´s nothing we can do anyway" and against his actions Kurokos voice was soft and his eyes gave away that he wasn´t okay with the decision to leave either but knew better than to bother the hospital staff with their presence-even his low one.
"Akashi´s right", Kise sighed and then gave a small smile. "We can come back tomorrow"
In movies the weather always seemed to change depending on the mood the protagonist was in. If he suffered under great sadness it would rain and the colours grey and black would dominate the scene and if he was in love or just plain happy the flowers would bloom, it was colourful and one could nearly catch the sweet smell floating through the air.
But all Kagami could see was white. What did white stand for? It was bright so maybe he was happy, but it was also so empty so maybe he was sad?
Which one was it?
There were strange noises and somehow Kagami didn´t want to open his eyes, he wanted to stay in this blissful empty space where nothing hurt and he wasn´t sad and even if he wasn´t happy there was something deep inside of him that told him he would be better off with feeling nothing. Because the other choice he would have once he woken up would be worse than nothing.
What could be worse than nothing, he wondered while he felt like he was floating on a cloud, soft and warm. What would happen if he fell?
Where would his fall end?
But time waited for no one so at one point Kagami felt his own eyelids flutter and no matter how much he fought against it they still opened and bright white light caused his pupils to contract. He blinked a few times as he tried to get used to the intensity of light and then stared at an also white ceiling.
So that´s why it had been so white in his dream?
It was silent in the room he was in and when he turned his head to the right there was a window through which he could see a large tree and above the blue sky, barely clouded. It must be warm outside.
Birds disturbed the silence with happy and blithely chirping and one bird, Kagami was unable to name the sort, sat down on a limb of the tree near to the window gorging down a worm he properly caught a few moments before.
How cruel, huh…
Feeling a bit dizzy Kagami tried to sit up and winced when his whole body seemed to protest against that idea because suddenly everything started to hurt.
That probably has been the reason why he wanted to remain in that nothingness as long as possible, because he never dreamt of white. If he remembered his dreams they were colourful, even if they were nightmares, then they were red, orange, violet but never white and full of voices who called him or sometimes he called someone or the wind was blowing so hard he was afraid to fall off the building he strangely stood on, but they were never empty.
And empty couldn´t be positive, it never was-being empty was worse than being sad or angry or even downright depressive. Because you could feel something and there was something there and as long as there was something, that something could be changed but how do you deal with nothing at all? How do you fill that gap when you have nothing at all?
That was what Kagami was afraid of and now he could do nothing but stare at the ceiling, listen to his own heartbeat and observe how the infusion in the bottle next to his bed was sucked into his body.
He frowned.
What happened?
Pain shot through his head and he whimpered, oh God-he fucking knew what happened, that voice was still inside his head, echoing over and over again but he didn´t want to know-he wanted to forget! It didn´t happen-fuck it couldn´t have happened. He buried his face in his hands, it couldn´t be real-there was no way… He whimpered slightly and raised his head.
What would he tell everyone when they asked why he was laying in the hospital?
He could imagine Kurokos still face, silently judging him for doing something stupid or Aomines scoff when he looked down on him, telling him how weak he was-getting himself into the hospital. Fuck, what should he tell them?
Fell down the stairs? Ran against a wall? Fell from a bike? Wait, he didn´t have a bike. But no one knew that, so he fell from his bike and lost it of course, so now he wouldn´t have a bike anymore.
The redhead glanced down on his own body. He wore a hospital shirt without any underwear and-oh god!
Heat exploded in his face and he instantly began to shake uncontrollably. That meant that someone had seen him, washed him and-he swallowed hard, fighting against the rising nausea as he remembered the fluid that had been left inside his body-touched him. Someone had washed him down there, saw all the wounds and the… six on his stomach, saw his abused body and-he raised his hand to his face which seemed to lay under a layer of fat cream or lotion- touched his body while it was all filthy and dirty and oh shit, he needed- he needed to get to the bathroom, to throw up-oh god he felt so sick!
Pressing his hand against his mouth he swung his legs out of the bed, tears raised in his eyes when white pain surged through his body but he couldn´t pay attention to that. With one hand he grabbed the stand with the infusion to keep him upwards and because it would become really messy if he just ripped the needle out of his arm. With shaking legs he made his way to the door he thought would be the bathroom and stumbled over to the toilet to release his whole stomach into the sink.
He squinted his eyes in disgust, but now that the thoughts and memories seemed to begin to pop up there was no stopping them. Everything suddenly came back and soon he was crying over the sink, saliva dripping from his mouth and snot hang from his nose. His whole body shook under the pictures that floated in, that face and those cold grey eyes, the laughter rang in his ears, when the knife cut his skin again and again. Kagami clutched his arms around his stomach, feeling the bandages that were put up and began to rip them off. His fingernails scratched over his skin when he felt those fingers again dancing over his skin, teasing him, humiliating him and that feral grin seemed to brand itself on Kagamis eyes and in his mind because it appeared out of nowhere again and again, while he sobbed and cried and moaned under the images, how Haizaki abused his body, how he beat him up, how he forced himself onto Kagami and he didn´t do anything! Why didn't he do anything?!
He panted, gasped and tried to catch his breath. The tears tasted salty and just seemed to trigger something else, because he again threw up and even though his stomach was empty and disgusting and acidly fluid burned in his throat.
Panting Kagami leaned back, his chest hurt and his lungs seemed to burn as he tried to catch his breath. The white bathroom suddenly appeared unstable, everything seemed be spinning and moving and Kagami needed to grab for the toilet bowl to make sure that his surroundings weren´t turning. He closed his eyes, listened to his own breathing for a few moments and desperately tried to calm down, he knew that he just damaged his body even more if he panicked and moved uncontrolled-not that this didn´t already happened. Wincing he looked down at the bandages which he nearly ripped off and inspected his bleeding fingernails.
One… Calm down…
Two…. Calm down…
Three… Clam down…
It was something Kagami always tried when he couldn´t sleep, like before a match and even though it usually didn´t really work it helped him clearing his head nonetheless.
With bleary eyes he stared down at the white chequered flagging, followed the lines with his eyes and tried to catch his own thoughts which seemed to have totally run out of order and were now hiding somewhere where he couldn´t reach them.
What should he do?
Forget it…
Something whispered deep inside him and he sighed, he just needed to forget it… it wouldn´t happen again, he had been awake long enough back then to know that the police had caught Haizaki-he swallowed when his thoughts formed the name, it felt like it poisoned his mind over again, carrying the guttural feeling of fear with it and caressed him with cold fishy hands-so he should be safe from him, right?
Kagami released a shaken breath-exactly, he would be alright, he was stronger than that. How could you let him do that to you?
How weak are you?
He winced, trying to force those thoughts away. He had tried to flee, had tried to fight him off-he even managed to throw him off!
Maybe you wanted it?
"No!" he panted, clutching his head with both of his hands. Wide red eyes stared aimlessly at the ground, flickering around as panic rose in him again. He hadn´t wanted it!
I told you I make you enjoy it, so how does it feel, Taiga?
No, that… he didn´t enjoy it-he didn´t!
You little slut!
He wasn´t-he didn´t mean-he really wasn´t…
Seems like you´re really do enjoy it-always knew you were a little slut.
No, no, no, no-he wasn´t, he hadn´t-he, he-
Everything was spinning, it was too much-that voice in his head, calling him names over and over again, you little slut… so filthy and dirty… look at you now, huh?
His thoughts were driving him mad, he didn´t want them to go there, he didn´t want to remember! It wasn´t true, he wasn´t weak-he was 6' 3" and 181 pounds … so how could that happen to him?!
How could-
"Kagami-san?"
Startled Kagami jerked and fell back as he lost his balance landing on the cold hard floor and his head collided with the bottom of the sink behind him. Pain shot through his body when he landed on the floor and he supressed a scream which still came out as a wince.
Footsteps hurried outside the bathroom and a moment later the door was pulled open and with haunted eyes Kagami looked up, staring at the young nurse that stood in the doorway. Her expression of shock melted into one of soft worry when she approached him with slow steps as if Kagami was a hurt and cornered animal that needed reassurance…or maybe could lash out any moment. He averted his eyes, he wanted to cry-this was all so embarrassing, so fucking humiliating he wanted the ground to swallow him up and to never give him back again. He wanted to disappear, he wanted in his bed although-he shuddered-maybe not, he just wanted to hide, run away-just, he wanted to be gone, somewhere where no one could see him!
"Kagami-san?"
He twitched and tried to calm his racing heart as he looked up, forcing back the tears and the pain-just everything, everything should be gone.
"Uh, yeah?"
His voice sounded rough, broken around the edges as if he spent a lot time not talking and needed to get used to speaking again.
"Are you alright?"
He swallowed and closed his eyes. Of course he wasn´t alright, would he sit on the floor in front of the toilet if he was alright? Of course not, so what was it with that silly question when the answer was so obvious?!
"I-Yeah, I just-uh, needed to go the toilet and lost-uh, my balance I guess…" he stumbled over the obvious lie-well half-lie-but right now he couldn´t think of anything else.
"Do you need help?"
The nurse asked-her voice kind and patient-and when he looked up her face was friendly, open and sincere and it pissed him off. It was so irritating that smiling face of hers that he wanted to punch her in the face, scream at her that no he didn´t need any help because he was fine so she shouldn´t be here, see him like this, that she should get lost, that he didn´t want to see her or anyone else! But he swallowed these words, because he was fine and if he was fine then there was no need to scream at here for trying to be helpful and friendly.
"No I´m fine, thank you. I just-need to-uh, gather myself I guess" he mumbled and used the toilet brink to pull himself up and reached for the infusion stand when he finally stood on shaking legs. He gave the young lady a forced smile.
"See? I guess I just need to lie down"
She nodded, but that suspicious worried look in her eyes remained and Kagami clenched his jaw, he didn´t need pity and neither did he want it. Just-she shouldn´t look at him at all!
He turned around to wash out his mouth to get rid of the sour taste and with shaking hands he flushed the toilet and slowly made his way back to the bed. Kagami sat down on the edge, wincing at the pain from his rips and head and a place he would rather not name. He swallowed hard.
"You slept quite a while Kagami-san", the nurse said-her name was Masaki-san when Kagami read her name badge right (not that it mattered anyway) - and smiled at him "it´s a relief to see you awake, you worried us"
He blinked at her, slowly rising out of his thoughts "How-how long was I out of it?"
"Nearly two days"
With wide eyes Kagami stared at the girl, his brain slowly progressing the information it received, "tw-two days?!"
She nodded, "Your head received more damage than it seemed at the beginning, it looks like it needed a bit more time to heal" she smiled at him and Kagami stared down at his hands not able to see that warm and gentle smile. It seemed to suck out any energy in his body.
"But you don´t need to worry Kagami-san, there won´t be any long time damage"
"Not that there is much do be damaged, huh?" he chuckled in a sudden moment of self-irony and even though he knew that the joke seemed really out place and was right out bad (Kuroko would have probably "ignite passed" him for that one) he was a grateful when he heard her giving a quiet laugh.
"At least you didn´t lose your humour Kagami-san" she smiled.
"A bad one to begin with, but better than nothing" he sighed and gave a small smile back.
She chuckled softly and began to fumble with the infusion needle in his arm.
"I´m going to remove the infusion, it might sting for a moment", it didn´t sting Kagami noticed but he looked away nonetheless because having a needle inside his skin wasn´t something he really wanted to see, "I´m nurse Misako, responsible for you today" she informed him and then gave the ripped off bandages a criticising look, "I´m going to tell the doctor you´re awake and then we´re going to wrap you up in new bandages again. Please don´t rip them off again."
Kagami blushed slightly and looked down on his hands, "uh yeah, sorry about that." She gave him a small smile, "I´ll be back in a minute"
The red head nodded and pulled the hospital shirt back into place-he had nearly ripped it off when he broke down in the bathroom. Now he noticed that he was in a one-bed-room, the wall behind his bed was in dark red and a warm wind blew through the half open window and played with the white curtains. All in all it seemed like a nice day and just so normal-so normal, that it made Kagami sick. He had to avert his eyes-everything was too bright, too warm and he just couldn´t appreciate it, couldn´t enjoy the warm sun on his skin or the soft wind on his face.
When he heard the door creaked he flinched a bit, but soon managed to collect himself when the same nurse from before entered the room with a black box in her hands and behind her a young woman followed in a doctor coat with a short ponytail.
"Good afternoon Kagami-san, it is nice to see you awake, how are you feeling?"
"Uhm, okay I guess…" he managed with twitching hands as nervousness creeped up his bones when he slightly fidgeted under the intelligent gaze of the woman.
"My name is Dr. Yamato and I´m in care for you" she smiled and he nodded in understanding.
"I heard you already had an adventure to the bathroom?" Doctor Yamato took a chair from the nearby table and sat down in front of him while the nurse put down the box on the bed beside Kagami.
"Uhm, yeah I-I needed to throw up…" he mumbled and saw the woman nod before she scrabbled down something on her clipboard.
"On a scale from one to ten how bad would you say is the pain you feel?" she asked and Kagami swallowed and his legs gave a nervous twitch.
"When I lay still I don´t feel much, maybe a bit dizzy and some pressure on the head but when I move I would say…a seven?"
She nodded again, "That´s understandable, you have a bad concussion which is the reason for the dizziness and the head pain and also the nausea" Except it isn´t Kagami thought but kept his mouth shut-she didn´t need to know, "and three broken rips, that´s why it will hurt to move."
She looked at him and set down the clipboard and Kagami had the ugly feeling that the conversation would now take a serious tone.
"Do you remember what happened to you, Kagami-san?"
He swallowed and took a deep shaky breath but his voice still sounded shaky when he answered, "yes… yes I do…"
She nodded, "I´m sure that everything now will be a bit too much, but we will need a blood sample from you to look for possible diseases…"
"Diseases?" he asked with a panicked undertone.
"STDs, Sexually transmitted diseases like AIDS or Syphilis."
Kagamis eyes grew big and he swallowed, he hadn´t thought about that. Every thought that led him back to that day was strictly banned from his thoughts. "O…oh, yes-do you think, that-I mean…"
"We can´t say anything yet, we need to wait for the results of the tests"
"… yes"
"But don´t think about it too much, it´s quite rare to happen", she tried to reassure him but Kagami could feel and see how his hands began to shake and he desperately tried to calm himself down-he really didn´t want to suffer a panic attack in front of the doctor, who knows what she would interpret into that.
"I see we need to do the bandages again, Misaki-san will do that in a moment and I just have a few questions for you."
Both women worked fast and efficient while Kagami did his best to answer the questions about his height, weight other possible diseases and a lot of other things he never had really paid attention to but were seemingly important and when they were finished he felt strangely exhausted and so damn tired. He just wanted to sleep and… his stomach suddenly gave a loud rumble and Kagami groaned. But at first he was really, really hungry…
"We will bring you something to eat in any moment" Dr. Yamato smiled at him and stood up. "For today we´re finished Kagami-san, I will see you tomorrow then okay?"
He nodded-not sure if he actually wanted to see her again and suddenly the idea of food didn´t really appeal to him anymore, his throat seemed far too tight and his stomach too small to contain any food. "Tomorrow… or in the next days there probably will be other people who will want to talk to you, at first probably the police, please let us know if you feel ready to meet them Kagami-san, we will pay attention to that."
He nodded and released a breath he didn´t know he was holding when Dr. Yamato left the room-doctors always made him so nervous.
"Kagami-san?" the nurse smiled at him, "there are people outside waiting, should I let them in or sent them away?"
He blinked at her. People?
"Who?"
"Six boys, I don´t know their names but they all have pretty strange hair colours and one scared me half to death" she laughed slightly. For a moment Kagami panicked-what were they doing here? How did they know? Who told them he was in a hospital and how did they find him? How much did they know and…
"Kagami-san?"
"Huh? Ah-uhm…"
"I can send them away if you want and tell them to come tomorrow"
He could do that… he didn´t want to see them, he just wanted to sleep and sleep and sleep some more. They shouldn´t see him like that, weak and trembling-they would start to ask questions and maybe he could fool Murasakibara, Kise and Aomine with his "I fell off my bike"-lie but probably not Kuroko or Midorima not to mention Akashi. And he would bet his last shirt that the six boys sitting outside were the six basketball prodigies who somehow sneaked into his life in the last few months.
"No, no… let, let them in, thank you" he muttered and pulled the covers over his naked legs. If he would deny them to see him it would seem even more suspicious so he just had to try his best making that "I fell off my bike" lie believable. But he really didn´t want to see them…
"Please lie down, Kagami-san, you mustn´t pressure your rips" Misaki told him and opened the door, "I will tell them they can come in…" she paused, "are you sure? Kagami-san?"
He nodded slightly, "Yes-I mean why shouldn´t they, huh?"
She didn´t say anything to that and sighing Kagami followed her advice and lay down, wincing when even the brush of the sheets against his skin seemed to hurt and sting. He just needed to act normal-like always and they wouldn´t know. Just normal.
"You can come in" the nurse smiled and the six boys nearly sprang out of their chairs but they all still hesitated when Kuroko reached for the doorknob. They all had waited for this moment but now it was suddenly really hard to take the last step. What should they say? Kagami probably didn´t know that they knew what happened to him so how should they act?
"Oi Tetsu, it won´t get any better so open the door" Aomine grumbled and Kuroko sighed. It was rare but Aomine was right-they all wanted to see Kagami. That´s what he had thought-until now at least-but right now he wouldn´t mind remaining in blissful ignorance for a few more days and he really wanted to slap himself for that thought.
When he opened the door it was bright, the room was white and the light was on even though it was daytime. It stung in his eyes. Kuroko swallowed when his eyes found his friend who lay there on the hospital bed which probably was a bit too small for such a big guy but somehow Kagami managed to look utterly small and it broke Kurokos heart.
"Hello Kagami-kun" he smiled softly and was met with a grin, so wrong and forced that it physically hurt him; it squeezed his lungs and his heart into a tiny ball of strange hollowness because that wasn´t Kagami, he didn´t grin like that anymore-he didn´t lie to Kuroko.
"Hey Kuroko-oh and the others too! I knew the nurse meant you guys when she said something about six guys with a strange hair colour" he laughed slightly.
"As if you could talk about strange hair colours Kagami-kun", Kuroko retorted, not missing the beat and eager to try and live up to Kagamis try to act normal because he was sure that the other just needed that. Normal, because it was safe and the red head knew it and everything else he just didn´t.
"Oi, don´t say that!"
"You have two different hair colours Kagami-kun"
"So what?"
Akashi was the last one to enter and closed the door while everyone else was trying to find a place to sit down or stand. He looked at Kagami who was still talking to Kuroko, giving small smiles and laughs which all seemed so out of place and a bit too much. His face was coated in a slick crème covering the blue and nearly green bruises on his skin and white bandages were wrapped around his fore head. Akashi swallowed. It wasn´t easy seeing him like that, it was actually an impossible thing to do and even though Akashi would call self-control one if his strongest character traits the sight of the other red head in the hospital bead nearly broke it down. He took a small breath and glanced at his ex-teammates. They all carried their usual expressions if one didn´t try to look deeper and uncovered the masks they were currently putting on and of course he remembered that they had decided to act like they didn´t know, acting up to whatever Kagami was comfortable to tell them but it was just so hard to keep a straight face when he still could hear Kagamis crying and sobbing and his broken pleas for help. And they didn´t help-they had left him all alone.
"Taiga" he greeted quietly and forced a small smile on his lips. He nearly winced at the wide eyes Seirins ace gave him, usually it was quite endearing to see how the other still flinched from him but now it made his stomach churn.
"Akashi, hello" Kagamis voice sounded hoarse but no one mentioned it and also no one said anything when he began to tell them how he fell off his bike and had a really unfortunate fall.
"I didn´t know Kaga-chin had a bike" Mursakibara mumbled and took a bite of his favourite candy. "Uh well, now I don´t have one anymore…" the red head gave a grin.
"Always knew you were an idiot, but that stupid?" Aomine smirked and the red head glared at him but it lacked the old fire, as if Kagami wasn´t really there and Aomine swallowed, averting his gaze. He couldn't bear looking at his rival who looked so broken, covering up something that was so obvious to all of them and the lie they all played seemed to become heavier with every word he spoke. It hurt. It hurt like hell and Aomine didn´t know what to do, how to act. He usually wasn´t someone who gave that much thought about the way he acted-not anymore at least-but now he wished he had because everything he did suddenly seemed wrong and Aomine couldn´t deal with it. He glanced at the redhead who seemed to have forgotten the insult and now listened to Murasakibara talking. It felt so wrong because normally they would have had the most spectacular fight with both of them not giving an inch and Aomine liked it that way (not that he would ever admit) but now Kagami seemed so empty and kind of lost. And the thought really hurt Aomine, killed something deep down there where he never wanted to look because feelings weren´t something he wanted to think about-they were annoying and kind of scary. Although he liked the feelings which Kagami had suddenly erupted in him whenever Aomine faced him on the court, both of them in the Zone fighting with everything they had, clashing against each other, snarling and dancing around each other-raw, animalistic and so good. He would never voice it but he actually enjoyed playing with Kagami even if the other was such an idiot ("not that you´re any better Aomine-kun" that annoying little Tetsu in his head deadpanned and he could even hear that irritating slurping sound of a Vanilla Shake). He scoffed and ran his hand through his hair, raising his eyes to look at Kagami-to really look at him. He was pale, sickly pale beneath those bruises with dark shadows under his eyes and Aomines throat tightened when he met Kagamis gaze and those ruby eyes which always carried so much fire, fierceness and fighting spirit reminded Aomine of the eyes of a dead fish, so empty it was terrifying.
A knock on the door interrupted the conversation and the nurse from before came in with a tray in her hands and set it on the small table which was turned in a way that Kagami could stay put in his bed while eating. The portion was small and there was no way in hell that it was enough for the redhead. They silently watched as Kagami slowly took bite after bite, eating unusually slowly. Kuroko looked down at his hands-it was painful, it was so painful to see Kagami like this, lying to him and acting like nothing was wrong.
"Maybe Kaga-chin should eat some candy" Murasakibara mumbled and Kagami looked up with a questioning gaze. "Huh?"
"It looks like Kaga-chin isn't hungry, that´s weird because Kaga-chin is always hungry. Candy helps."
"I-I´m not always hungry!" Kagami stuttered, clearly disturbed by the purple heads observation and as if to protest Murasakibaras statement he took a huge bite from the food in front of him.
Midorima watched how Kagami fought to keep the food down, staring at the bed sheets while his jaw worked to swallow down the food. It all looked so enforced and when Midorima paid more attention to the redheads' hands he could see that they slightly shook and he didn´t know if Kagami noticed him looking but he quickly put his hands down, burying them under the bed sheets.
"We had the idea to buy Maij Burgers for you but if you´re not hungry right now we do that tomorrow, Kagami. Hospital food isn´t really enjoyable." Midorima said-trying to give Kagami the possibility to reason his own behaviour and if he interpreted the small smile the redhead gave him right it seemed to have worked.
"Uh yeah, tastes like shit…" Kagami mumbled but Midorima could see the small tremors running through his body and how his legs twitched under the white sheets, shaking from obvious nervousness. He swallowed and gazed at the other boys in the room. They all seemed a bit out of it, behaving far from normal and most of them couldn´t even look at Kagami. And Midorima wasn´t different himself, he first couldn´t really stand the redhead but with the time he discovered that the other was a genuine and kind person who may be a total idiot who was denser than bread and sounded really rude but he had other qualities to make up for those gaps. Moreover Kagami seemed so innocent-even though he had a repertoire of swearwords that would put any mother to shame-but there was something pure about him because he put his heart into everything he did and Midorima admired that character trait even if only from afar. What made it even worse was that Kagami didn´t have anything to do with their time in Teiko and their problem with Haizaki-he had been a total outsider-and the only mistake he made was knowing them, the Generation of miracles, and somehow capturing all their attention. Not that Midorima wished his fate upon anyone else but Kagami was one of the last persons he wanted to see hurt. And now it was too late.
When he had seen the photos Haizaki had sent and the video had started playing on its own it was like someone had punched him in the stomach and had forced all the air out his lungs. Midorima liked to think he was a rational person and he always tried to reach the highest score with the lowest efficiency because it was a logical thing to do. Why would someone waste energy on unnecessary actions? But at that moment his brain had completely shut down and he couldn´t think about what was happening, he just knew that what he felt was anger and hatred, both emotions he tried to avoid because they could almost never bore fruits of success. But this day he had totally failed, he had forgotten to call an ambulance or the police and even forgotten that it took quite a while to get to Kagamis place. When he arrived the place had been empty. Only thanks to Akashi he knew that Kagami already was brought to the nearest hospital.
"It is still weird for Kaga-chin not to eat" Murasakibara yawned, oblivious to the warning looks he received from the rest.
"Well he has a head injury so maybe it hurt something else", Kise chuckled and Midorima sighed, "It´s normal to not be hungry after a head injury"
"Even for Bakagami?" Aomine teased with a smirk on his face but it clearly lacked bite and his eyes showed genuine concer- even if he had always teased the other about his monster appetite, a Kagami without it was not really Kagami.
"Who are you calling an idiot, Ahomine?" the red head shouted back but winced and lay a hand on his rips. Fuck that hurt.
"Please be careful Kagami-kun" Kuroko said with a worried expression and Akashi nodded "you shouldn´t pressure your rips Taiga"
"I know" the red head hissed and breathed as flatly as he could until the pain would fade.
"Mine-chin shouldn´t tease Kaga-chin…" Murasakibara freed a red lollipop out of his wrapping and began to suck on it "that´s not very nice"
"Since when are you nice" Aomine shot back and the purple head rolled his eyes in annoyance, "Be nice or I´ll crush you Mine-chin"
"Tch as if" Aomine folded his arms and frowned.
"Daiki, Atsushi please be quiet, this is still a hospital" Akashi sighed and stood up, approaching Kagamis bed and sat down on the edge.
"Is the pain better Taiga?" he asked with a gentle tone in his voice and Kagami nodded, avoiding eye contact as he stared at his also bandaged hands-they now resembled Midorimas.
"Uh, yeah if I don´t breath too deeply I can barely feel it…"
Akashi nodded and retreated a bit, it was obvious that too much closeness made the other uncomfortable and that was something Akashi didn´t want.
"Who knew you could break your rips by falling off a bike, huh?" Kagami gave a short quite laugh and grinned at them, obviously trying to light the mood a bit and ease the tension but it did the exact opposite.
Kuroko swallowed and looked down on his hands, fighting back the tears that he could already feel swelling up-hot and burning. He couldn´t do this, it was so wrong-everything felt so heavy and he didn´t want to lie to Kagami (even if they didn´t really lie, they just avoided the truth, Kuroko had told himself). His light deserved to know the truth, they were deceiving him and how would he react if he found out afterwards? Kuroko knew that Kagami was a forgiving and kind guy but even he had his limit and Kuroko didn´t want to know how the redhead would react if he afterwards find out that they knew all along-even worse, that they had seen him. That was probably the worst and the most difficult thing to except.
"K-Kagami-kun?" he softly raised his voice, angry with himself that he sounded so shaken and he glanced at Akashi whose eyes widened for a moment, but then he nodded and gave the sign for Kuroko to continue-it seemed Akashi had the same thought as him.
"Hm?"
Kuroko swallowed when deep red eyes looked at him with a questioning gaze and the words he chose to say got nearly choked up by the fear what kind of look Kagami would have once Kuroko had said what he intended to.
"W-we know, Kagami-kun…" he whispered and tried to look calm and soft when all he wanted to do was to scream and cry out how sorry he was, how he wanted to kill Haizaki and how that never should have happened to Kagami-kun.
Red eyes widened and Kagami raised a shaking hand to his head to nervously run his fingers through his hair and his voice trembled when he asked "Wh-what do you mean? There is nothing to know."
"Taiga…" Akashi said softly but the redhead shook his head and stared at them, the small smile had fallen from his lips and panic was written all over his face as he held on to the blankets. "Wh-what do know? What do you mean?" the words were stuttered and seemed to tumble through the air, edging and bumping uncomfortable into their private space forcing them to speak their minds, to be honest and the room seemed so heavy, pulled down by the sudden change of atmosphere.
"That Kagami-kun didn´t fall off his bike" Kuroko spoke softly "And-"
"How?" Kagamis voice was strangely high and had a pitch that Kuroko never heard before, strangely out of control but even if he had heard that one before now clear fear and panic underlined the tone.
"How!?" he repeated louder and anger was thrown into the mix when no one dared to answer that question.
"How do you-how…" his voice broke and Kuroko could see realization dawn on Kagamis face and he stood up. "Kagami-kun…"
"No, no, no be quiet! You´re good at being quiet so don´t, don´t fucking say anything-how, oh God-the pictures right? He was at his mobile phone-he, fuck- he sent you the pictures right?!" Kagamis voice came thick and fast and became louder with every word, his whole body began to shake and his eyes darted around the room finding no place to stay.
"Y-yes…" Kurokos voice was quiet as he nervously stood in front of his partners' bed and glanced at his friends who twitched on their chairs, blinking and restless.
"Y-you saw… all of you saw what-how…" the redhead whispered, tears slowly filling his eyes as he stared at his hands. Kuroko noticed how his breathing became ragged and his hands twitched uncontrolled. "Kagami-kun…"
"Go…"
A bit taken aback Kuroko blinked at the other. "Pardon?"
"Go! Leave! Go away, I don´t want you here!" his voice grew louder, filled with horror and shame and when Kagami turned his head Kuroko twitched, he never had seen his friend look so frightened, eyes wide open and such a haunted look on his face that all Kuroko wanted to do was to hug Kagami, to comfort him but he knew that it wouldn´t end well so he nodded, slowly retreating even when Kagami began to shake uncontrollable and pained noises left his mouth as he sobbed into his hands.
"Go, all of you-I don´t want to see you here anymore!" he screamed and they all sprang up hurrying out of the room, stumbling over their own feet and bumping into each other's back. Akashi hesitated and turned around once more, "Taiga-if you need…"
"Go, just leave! And don´t call me that!" he sounded so afraid, humilated and broken that he didn´t dare to look at him and Akashi nodded, "We´re there for you if you´re ready" he quietly said and closed the door behind him, faintly hearing how the red head screamed that he didn´t want them to be there for him as he chanted all over again to leave him alone.
A doctor and a nurse hurried past them, giving them a short glance of pity? Akashi wasn´t really sure but he swallowed as he turned around to see his ex-teammates staring at the ground, guilt and shock written on their faces. Of course they had expected a negative reaction once they told Kagami that they knew about what the redhead rather would have kept a secret. But still… seeing the other so upset, nearly hysterical had been too much and even if he didn´t want to feel that way there was a feeling of relief to be out of that room because although Akashi could only shake his head about statements like "Out of sight out of mind" it was easier to deal with it that way. And that was something they all needed to do, without Kagami it seemed but that was expected.
"Tetsu… why did you tell him?" Aomine voice sounded as shaken as Akashi felt and the usually scowling and bored face of the Ace was strangely twisted into an expression of disbelief and shock.
"You saw him Aomine-kun, you saw how Kagami-kun tried everything to make us believe the lie but he was trembling all over, forcing himself and… I couldn´t bear the feeling to lie to him, him lying to us is understandable but us lying to him is unacceptable because Kagami-kun deserves our honesty and… it hurt. It hurt so much to lie to him and I know…" Kuroko looked at them, one by one "that everyone felt the same."
There was a short moment of silence as they made their way to the exit, trying not to think about what they were leaving behind-who they were leaving behind.
"Also… Kagami-kun noticed us behaving strange. I know he´s not the fastest with understanding other people but even for him it must have been obvious there was something wrong and it was only a matter of time until he would have asked."
"What-What are we going to do now?" Kises voice was quiet and golden eyes were shining with wet tears which he somehow managed to keep down as Kuroko noticed with a small smile. It was strange to see someone who seemed to have no problem with showing his emotions very clearly choking them down but the model could be a totally different person when it came to issues he was serious about-just as apathetic or cold he could act when something was unimportant to him or he just didn´t like it.
"For now…" Akashi said "all we can do is to wait"
They nodded and Murasakibara cracked the lollipop in his mouth. They all weren´t really known for being patient.
Kagamis eyes fluttered as the sedative took effect, calming his racing heart and thoughts. With dazed eyes he glanced around in the room, blinking against the sleepiness that tried to take over his mind. They knew… the thought repeated itself over and over again, echoing inside his head until he nearly forget what it actually meant. And how he wished to forget. The injection the doctor gave him to calm him down and keep him from hurting himself did wonders to his head, turning all his thoughts into a fluid mush of nothing, blessing Kagami with a strange emptiness in his head.
But still he couldn´t forget how exhausted and shitty his visitors had looked, with dark bags under their eyes and pale skin. Of course he had noticed something was wrong-he wasn´t that dumb, but he had rather not known the reason for their appearance. But now… he winced at the memory, now he knew that they knew-that they had seen him, seen him at his lowest and weakest moment, and seen how he submitted to that bastard, how he pleaded and begged and how he moaned. He buried his face in the pillow. Now they knew everything, everything what he had done to him, every expression Kagami never wanted to show them. They had seen him cry, sob and breakdown. It was so unfair… he didn´t want anything of that-how should he face them after that? He could never look them in the eyes or play basketball against them. He whimpered and even in his ears he sounded so pathetic that he wanted to bang his own head against the wall and scream at himself to pull himself together, to not let it go and to not surrender to those feelings of weakness and helplessness but right now, he didn't have the energy to scream and neither the spirit to listen-he just wanted to sleep and with eyes falling shut he just did that, hoping to never wake up.
He didn´t dream of white, now everything was pitch black, strangely comforting and all so soft that Kagami didn´t want to wake up anymore but of course his wish wasn´t fulfilled so day after day he woke up in the same hospital bed waiting for his rips to heal. Two police officers came on the third day after his awaking, two women and he began to wonder if they send women because he was hurt by a man but chose not to think about it-it wouldn´t change a thing anyway. They asked him questions about what happened and Kagami found himself answering before he even knew it, as if he was watching himself, like his body was another person. His voice sounded firm, it didn´t trembled anymore but on same time it sounded empty, even emotionless. They told him that Haizaki would end up in jail and that he didn´t have to worry about it and he almost laughed at it. Maybe Haizakis body was in prison; his voice was still in Kagamis head, whispering all those filthy things into his ears until he asked for a sleeping pill to escape him.
Then there had been another woman who said she would be a therapist to help him recover after his trauma but he had told her rather bluntly to fuck off-he didn´t need someone he didn´t know to look into the depth of his soul and his fears to then make a judgement over him. She came back the next three days but gave up when Kagamis voice grew louder and angrier with every visit. His basketball team visited him, teased him about his clumsiness to fall from a bike and apologized for a missing Kuroko, saying he couldn´t make it but Kagami knew better. He was grateful that those rainbow heads didn´t show up anymore, at the beginning he was afraid that they maybe try to come again but nothing happened and he felt himself relax at this thought. The only problem he had right now was where to stay after he could finally leave the hospital. There was no way he could go back to his apartment, he wouldn´t be able to set one foot into that place. Even the thought of it made him sick. He wondered if he should rent a new one but then he needed to call his dad and that was something he didn´t want to do because his old man would be raising questions and Kagami didn´t know if he could lie to his own parent- he always had been bad at that and he was afraid that he might break down at the phone. He didn´t want that. His old neighbour Suzuki-san had offered him a place to stay after she had discovered that he was hospitalised but Kagami needed to refuse. Even if it wasn´t his apartment it was still the same building and the same surroundings-he couldn´t do that. But Suzuki-san had been the only person he could stand talking to, the old lady was kind and always talked about her grandchildren and her cats when she visited him so Kagami didn´t need to say much back. She brought him self-made food which Kagami ate a bit too forceful in her presence but she always smiled at him and even if he had the notion that Suzuki-san knew more than she said her visits always lightened his mood a bit. And after he gave her permission to his apartment she also brought him his clothes and washing material, so he didn´t look that ill anymore.
He had been in the hospital for nearly a week, his head was nearly healed and the bruises in his face seemed to slowly but surely fade and he didn´t look that debauched anymore when Himuro surprisingly visited him. He had thought about calling his brother but always hesitated because he didn´t know what Murasakibara might have told him, so he didn´t dare to call him.
He had just send the therapist away again when the door opened again but before he could growl that no he didn't need any therapy because he was fucking fine Himuro appeared in the doorway smiling softly like he often did when Kagami had hurt himself by, as his brother always liked to say, being stupid.
"Taiga" he smiled "I see you´re well enough to scare all the pretty lady´s away!" and Kagami rolled his eyes "Pretty lady my ass…" he mumbled before giving a short grin back, "What are you doing here Tatsuya?"
The other gave him a hurt look "Taiga, I´m disappointed in you-why do I need to hear from Atsushi that you are in the hospital?"
Kagami swallowed at the name but managed to look a bit embarrassed as he scratched his head, "Ah, sorry… I just didn´t think about it…" Himuro sighed and took a seat on the chair next to the bed. "Really… and falling from you bike? Who breaks his rips from that?" Kagami gave a pout at that, "It´s easier than you would think!" His brother sniggered at that and just like that they dipped into a conversation about nothing and everything and it felt strangely good to talk about unnecessary things, old memories from America and their childhood. Kagami noticed how much he missed spending time with his brother because the distance between their schools made their meetings quiet rare and both of them weren´t really into phoning so they rarely spoke to each other. They were interrupted when the nurse brought him his meal, even if Kagami refused to call it that-it tasted like shit- and while she aired the bedclothes she asked about his plans after his release at which Kagami stayed silent, suspiciously eyeing the mass on his plate called food as he raised the chopsticks to his mouth.
"What is the problem?" he heard Himuro ask and cringed, giving the nurse a short glare who hurriedly left the room, mumbling an apology. Tch, didn´t help him now.
"Nothing, it´s just… I can´t go back to my apartment" he mumbled and grimaced at the taste of the food-how can someone mess up something simple as rice? He would never understand. Kagami could feel Himuros dark and calm eyes on him and armed himself for the long list of questions that probably was about to come-Except it didn´t.
"What about staying at Kurokos´?" Surprised Kagami raised his eyes. His brother looked curious about the reason why he couldn´t go home but it seemed that he also could read that Kagami obviously didn´t want to tell him and he was fine with that. The redhead smiled softly, it was nice to have someone who knew him so well even if it also bore the danger that Tatsuya could see right through him. He shook his head, "impossible" and Himuro nodded.
"You could stay with me" Tatsuya suggested and Kagami blinked at him in astonishment. Himuro smiled "Of course the way to your school would be longer, I don´t know if you…"
"No, that´s fine! Really!" the redhead gave a sincere smile, "thank you, but…" he frowned slightly in confusion, "don´t you live in the dorms with uh Murasakibara?" The black haired boy shook his head, the strands elegantly dancing around his face, "No I just moved out because I will need more time to study once the third year has started, so I decided to rent a small apartment near the station. In this way I have more peace and I am also near the school and the train station." Kagami nodded, "Uh yeah right, I sometimes forget that you´re older than me" Himuro chuckled "Really? I thought it was quite obvious" "Oi!" the redhead shot back but the smile from before still remained on his lips and he took a shuddered breath, relief filling his chest when Himuro didn´t ask any more questions concerning Kagamis apartment. Moreover he picked up their conversation from before, lightly talking about their time in America and reliving the memories of their childhood. That was something Kagami could easily pick up on and take part in and for the first time he actually felt like talking and not just listening because it was something so far away and something safe. It felt good. He felt strangely warm with Himuro sitting next to him, smiling lightly as he talked to him with a soft voice and they both laughed at the mischief they had caused when they were younger. It gave him a funny and fizzy feeling inside, he felt content and suddenly really mushy and embarrassing sweet but he welcomed it with open arms.
But as soon as his brother left the room felt cold again, the warmness inside him died and more than ever he felt like crying because everything felt so empty and lonely and grey as he stared outside the window where everything was dark and the wind crashed against the window, announcing a storm. Like all the colours were taken away from him and the world got as white and black as his dreams.
Thanks for reading! Please leave reviews and tell me what you think, I try to answer them on time :D
Love, Anon!