A/N: So...it's been a really long time since I updated this...so long in fact that I totally forgot where I wanted to take this story, but after a good year (or two) of not having a single idea for this story I finally had an epiphany today and came up with this. Hopefully you guys enjoy it, though it'll be a little more serious toward the end. The beginning is all humor though, and hopefully the best yet. Given that this is a parody, everyone is pretty much OC...at least a little bit. Anyway, enough talk. Enjoy the show!

Disclaimer: I do not own the epic goodness that is Code Geass.

Chapter 3

Thanks to Rakshata leaving (without permission mind you) Lelouch, now dressed in a clean "Zero" get-up, had just issued for the operation to be put off for two hours. After issuing this order he departed from his room where C.C. was still contemplating what drug her accomplice was hyped up on. She simply couldn't figure it out.

Setting her aside though, we return to follow the protagonist down the hall as he makes his way towards Kallen's quarters. From behind the Zero mask, Lelouch was frowning slightly, aggravated that Rakshata had just left. He would need to plot out a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan of revenge against her later.

I bet you readers have missed that mouthful of a line.

As he neared Kallen's quarters about a minute later, he plotted out the number of ongoing plans on his gloved fingertips. He counted three, but then remembered why he had wanted to go to Kallen's quarters in the first place.

"That's right, I mentally made a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan to woo Kallen so she'll never dream of betraying me should any of my diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plans go awry. Doing so shouldn't be too hard. She already has a crush on me. She'll be putty in my hands in no time at all."

Lelouch grinned idiotically from behind his mask as he stepped toward the doorway. He expected the automated doors to open automatically, so he didn't shift his gaze from his right hand. All of his thoughts were centered on memorizing the different plans and the exact strategic measures he needed to take to ensure they worked in his favor.

Unfortunately for him, the simple plan to briskly walk into Kallen's room in a charismatic manner was met by his masked face colliding with the heavy metal door.

"Gah!" He shrieked upon impact, took a couple of steps back while shaking his head, then angrily glared at the door.

"It should have been set to automatic," he thought, stepping forward to type in the code on the keypad next to the door. Oh well, a slight detour isn't going to hurt, right?

Wrong.

Access denied.

From behind the mask, Lelouch lifted an eyebrow in slight agitation but once more ruled it out as a minor inconvenience. He typed the code in again.

Access denied.

"What?" he muttered, utterly confused by this turn of events. He knew he was typing in the right pass code. He'd memorized it for just this sort of occasion.

"Just type it in again Lelouch. Come on! We have a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent...oh forget the stupid line! Just open the door!"

Lelouch once more typed in the pass code, albeit a bit more forcefully then necessary, and was met with the same result as before.

Access denied.

The masked terrorist took a long moment to glare at the oppressive door, now realizing that Kallen must have changed the pass code. More than likely she did it to keep Tamaki out. Still, she would at least want her commander to have the new pass code, right? After all, she clearly has a crush on him. It's obvious.

"What would Kallen change the pass code to," he wondered while still attempting the original code. "The code will be four digits long. How many options is that? Eh, I don't know. The author's brain is math impaired. I'll have to wait for her to look it up on Google."

(Ten seconds later)

"So...there's 10,000 different options. I could have figured that out. After all the code is from 0000 to 9999 if every digit can be used more than once which is how I had it designed. A wide range of choices and little to no time..."

"Zero?"

Lelouch turned around so quickly that his cape swished in a dramatic fashion that would have been cool had he not let out a high-pitched screech at the same time.

"Ah...Ohgi..." Lelouch quickly cleared his throat. "What are you doing here? I thought I assigned you to the main operations room with Deithard."

"Yes sir, you did," Ohgi stated, smiling nervously "but then I got a call from Kallen and uh...wait what are you doing here?"

"Do I not have a right to check on a subordinate?"

Ohgi looked at his commanding officer a bit suspiciously for perhaps the first time since he'd known him. "Zero, not to overstep my bounds, but are you trying to seduce Kallen? If you are you should know that Kallen is like a little sister to me and if you do anything to hurt her..."

While Ohgi was still talking, Lelouch shifted his gaze toward the ground. "Darn it, he figured me out. Guess I'll have to try out that plan another time."

Finally tuning in back on the conversation, Lelouch cut off his deputy commander mind-threat. "Ohgi! I would appreciate it if you refrained from those kinds of accusations and focus on the task at hand. Now, didn't you say Kallen called you."

"Oh right, that...um...Zero."

"Hmm?"

"When she called," Ohgi began, "she sounded...off?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, she just kept saying...all these squares make a circle."

Lelouch's eyebrow rose a little higher from behind the Zero mask. Why did that sound familiar?

"I was worried so I thought I should come check on her," Ohgi continued, stepping around the commander. He typed 9-3-7-6 on the keypad and the door opened seconds later.

Upon seeing this, Lelouch's jaw dropped. It was a good thing Ohgi couldn't see his face right now.

"What...how...when...I...how do you know Kallen's pass code!?" Lelouch questioned loudly.

Ohgi glanced behind him at his boss, confused. "I just got through explaining that Kallen is like a little sister to me. I asked for the pass code and she gave it to me. Besides that, shouldn't you know all the pass codes Zero?"

"Is this guy getting smart with me!? Oh that's it! I'm adding another diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan to my list of diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent..."

"Aren't you coming Zero?"

Lelouch silently growled to himself. "That's it! No one cuts off my inner monologue! This man dies in this room. I don't care if Kallen and the Black Knights end up hating me for it. I can just use my Geass to control them...well except Kallen, but she..."

The masked genius cut off his own mental rant upon following Ohgi into Kallen's bathroom. She lay on the tile floor, wearing her black knight uniform, though the top was unbuttoned, revealing a peek at a canary yellow tank top. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were a bit vacant. In her right hand she held an empty gallon jug. There wasn't a label on it.

Ohgi's eyes widened like saucers. "Oh no..."

Lelouch felt confused. "What is it? What's wrong with her?"

She giggled and hiccupped as her gaze lifted from the square tiles on the floor to glance up at the two of them. "Zero? Hey, come down here. I want to tell ya somethin'."

Ohgi gave Lelouch a panicked look that screamed for him to just walk away from the scene and pretend like it never happened, but Lelouch, being the hardheaded bloke he could be, decided to completely ignore the warning and slowly knelt by Kallen's side. He figured while she was in this obviously drunk state he could flirt with her right in front of her self-proclaimed guardian.

Once he was close enough, she slowly pushed herself up to her knees so she could be eye-level with him. She sighed as she gazed at the mask.

"I wish I could see your eyes Zero," she breathed, letting herself fall into his arms. He barely caught her and Lelouch could feel the heat in Ohgi's gaze.

"Kallen, are you alright?" Lelouch asked, glancing at the jug. "What was in that?"

"I left a gallon of milk on the kitchen counter yesterday," Kallen answered, slurring the whole time while leaning more fully against Lelouch's chest. "Wow, you sure smell good Zero-sama."

Ohgi slapped his hand over his forehead. "Tamaki."

Lelouch's ears barely caught the whispered name and he didn't get the chance to properly question Ohgi about the situation. Kallen beat him to the punch.

"Oh yeah...I rushed into the kitchen earlier thinking I'd left the milk out alllll night," she stated, wrapping her arms around Lelouch's waist. "I guezz Tamaki must have put the milk in the fridge for me though I don't know why he would have taken the label off."

Ohgi pinched the bridge of his nose. "Oh Kallen, you didn't."

Once more Lelouch attempted to ask Ohgi what the heck he was talking about, but Kallen started before he could.

"I drank a glass, figured out it wasn't milk, but it tasted kinda gooooood so I...drunk the whole gallon." She barely lifted her hand for emphasis. "Now Zero...can I take off your mask. I want to see what you look like. I'm sure you're beautifuuuuuuuul."

"Ohgi, what did she actually drink?" Lelouch asked, smirking a bit as Kallen's eyes suddenly darted toward the floor again. In a flat monotone she started murmuring, "All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle..."

As her murmurs continued, Ohgi mae himself sit down on the closed lid of the toilet seat. "Zero...Tamaki has a bit of a problem."

"Tamaki has a vast amount of problems," Lelouch replied, somewhat agitated now that Kallen was more actively trying to take off his mask as she continued murmuring that all the squares make a circle. "What of it."

"Well this time...he brought in a gallon of LSD last night."

Lelouch would have stopped moving if he hadn't needed to continue fighting off Kallen's attempts to take off his mask. "A gallon! But that means...she's going to be like this for hours!Ohgi! She's our ace pilot! Why didn't you inform me of this!?"

"Because," Ohgi dragged out, hanging his head low, "Tamaki was supposed to drink it and get himself killed in the operation."

"Note to self," Lelouch thought, finally managing to get Kallen's hands back to her sides momentarily, "keep an eye on Ohgi from now on."

"If I had known something like this could..."

"Ooooooooh! Enough already Ohgiiiiiiiii!" Kallen abruptly released Lelouch from her grasp and shakily stood upright. She swayed for a second, her eyes moving in all sorts of directions before finally focussing on Ohgi. "Kay Mr. Blob face...you're killing my mojo!" Stumbling forward the managed to get a good grip on the collar of Ohgi's shirt before he could even react. "Get out of my pizza paarlor!" With a firm yank she pulled up from the toilet seat and then pressed her foot against his backside. "OUT!"

"WHOOOOA!"

Lelouch got up from the floor as Ohgi landed in the next room. He tried to run out of the bathroom behind him, but Kallen shut and locked the door before he could escape.

"Now it's just you and me masked man."

Lelouch swallowed the lump in his throat as cold sweat began to gather at his brow. "Oh no, this wasn't part of my diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan. In fact, I'm pretty sure this is the exact opposite of how I wanted this particular plan to go."

Kallen giggled while throwing off the jacket to her uniform. Now she just wore the tank top and shorts. "Now let's see who you are Zeroooo...wow you look so nice with all those colors around ya."

"Kallen...this is highly unprofessional," Lelouch stated in a calm sort of panic. His back suddenly pressed against the wall by the shower. The poor guy may have been used to scores of girls throwing themselves at him, but he never thought in a million years one of those rabid fangirls would be Kallen, the most intensively focused, non-fangirly girls he knew.

And given her reserves of strength, even while intoxicated, made for a VERY bad situation.

She was looming closer, a lustful gaze in her eyes. "I've wanted to see who you are for a looong time Zeeero..."

"Kallen...wait a minute...you aren't supposed to find out my identity for a good ten episodes." His eyes darted around the room frantically as he tried to figure out a way to get around the red-head.

Outside the bathroom, Ohgi was slowly picking himself off the floor.

"Aww man, even when she's higher than a kite she can beat me up," Ohgi muttered while rubbing his sore backside.

"NO! LET GO! DON'T TOUCH THAT! KALLEN STOP!"

Ohgi inclined his gaze over his shoulder before letting out a dejected sigh. "I get the feeling Zero will be retiring from terrorist work after this."

A few minutes later

C.C. let out a sigh, her gaze on the ceiling.

"I'm bored," she muttered in a flat monotone while wondering if she should call Sugiyama and order him to make her another pizza.

Her thoughts were interrupted however, when Lelouch, clad only in his pants and the Zero mask, came stumbling into the room. As soon as the automated doors shut behind him, he hurriedly tugged off the mask and let it fall from his hand to the floor. With wobbly legs he walked to the other end of the couch C.C. was laying on and sat down. Harsh breaths slipped through his lips and sweat poured from his brow as he leaned back against the soft cushions. He didn't acknowledge the presence of the immortal witch, only focused on breathing in and out.

C.C. watched him in silence momentarily, thinking to herself in avid triumph, "The boredom has ended."

Moving her feet to the floor she shifted her weight on the couch so that she was facing him. "So, an addiction to sex then?"

Lelouch's violet eyes snapped open and the enraged glare that met her eyes would have killed her instantly had she been able to die. Still, she was unperturbed by it.

"What happened?" she asked.

Lelouch continued to inhale and exhale shaky breaths. "Let's...just say...that my diabolical..."

"...and stupid plan to woo Kallen ended up in shambles," C.C. finished, sparing the readers of this story from having to read that mouthful of a line again.

"That's not...the only plan...that ended up in shambles," Lelouch added, his breaths slowing a little. "Kallen drunk a gallon of LSD."

"A gallon?"

"That was my response as well, and then she started saying something about all the squares making a circle."

C.C.'s face paled considerably and her amber eyes widened in horror. Seconds later she turned away from him, her eyes still wide, almost as if she were remembering something particularly horrible.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, genuinely concerned when she didn't come out of it. "C.C.?"

Her body began to shake, "First rule of Popo's training...never talk about Popo's training..."

"What?"

C.C. shook her head as a shudder went through her body. "Forget it. What happened after that?"

Lelouch let out a long sigh, having finally caught his breath. "Well, like most girls do, she tried to force herself on me. She was fixated on seeing my face, but luckily for me the full effects of the LSD kicked in and she only ended up taking off the top half of my clothes. While she was doing that I managed to unlock the door to her bathroom and at the first available opportunity I ran out and didn't stop until I made it back here where I could be safe. She won't be able to get in without a pass code and you're the only other person who has access to that code."

C.C. smirked. "Hmm, you must trust me a great deal."

There was a pause and then, "Yes, I do."

The immortal woman blinked in surprise. Her comment was meant to be sarcastic, but he...

"I trust you C.C.," he murmured, having closed his eyes. "Maybe not every second of every day because of your devious nature but...on a whole I trust you. At the very least, I trust you won't do anything to endanger me or my sister's lives. After all, you're always saying how I have to stay alive to grant your wish.."

C.C. didn't respond, only watched as his breaths continued to slow down into a more steady rhythm. He was exhausted.

Lelouch heard her moving, but didn't open his eyes until he felt her hand on his shoulder. His violet eyes met her amber ones. She was smiling softly at him.

"You're tired," she whispered, gently patting her lap. "You should sleep for a while."

He hesitated. "The operation..."

"Can wait until nightfall," C.C. cut in, her hands moving to cup the sides of his face. Her thumb brushed the tender skin under his left eye. "If you're too exhausted to command them efficiently, all of your expertly crafted plans will fall apart."

She withdrew her hands and for a moment Lelouch couldn't help but feel like all the warmth had left his face.

"Lay down," she ordered. Once more Lelouch hesitated, but after a few seconds he lowered his head to rest it on her lap, bringing up his legs to rest on the couch in the same moment. Seconds later he could feel her fingers in his hair, massaging his scalp. Slowly he closed his eyes.

"I do have one question for you though."

"Proceed," he answered.

"Did you not want to seduce Kallen?"

Lelouch briefly opened his eyes. "Not in that way. I only wanted her to be emotionally invested to the point where she wouldn't dream of betraying me, in case everything fell apart. The future of my sister depends on our success, but should we fail I need to have a back-up plan in place. Kallen is strong and fiercely loyal to the Black Knights and to me. You could say that I wanted more though. I wanted her to put me above her comrades so to speak."

"Then why resist her?" C.C. asked, her soft green tresses falling over him like a curtain when she leaned forward to grab the phone on the table.

He thought it over for a moment. "Because there's someone else holding my attention in regards to romance."

C.C. began dialing a number. "Shirley?"

Lelouch chuckled. "She'd like that, but no, not Shirley."

The immortal woman stopped dialing for a moment. "Lelouch, you do realize that incest is generally frowned upon right?"

"That joke isn't funny witch."

"It is to me," C.C. replied, resuming her business. She pressed the phone to her ear and waited for Diethard to answer. When he did she quickly told him that Zero had rescheduled the operation for nightfall. Once she was through informing him, she hung up and placed the wireless phone back on the table. As she did so, Lelouch reached out and grabbed her wrist.

She blinked in shock at the sudden contact. Her amber gaze moved to meet his, but he didn't look at her. Instead he gently brought her hand to his lips.

His kiss upon her hand was light and brief. He kissed her hand like a knight might kiss the hand of his princess.

"I wonder if he took a swig of that LSD," C.C. wondered, fighting the blush that wanted to appear on her cheeks. What was this feeling?

There was a smirk on his face when he released her hand. "Wake me at nightfall. The government bureau will be under our control by midnight. Taking it over will make it easier to move forward into our future. And I still have to grant a wish of yours after all."

C.C. narrowed her gaze, hiding her sadness as she began messaging his scalp again. "Yes, but for now, the only wish I have is for you to rest Lelouch."

"Very well, but one last thing."

"What now, boy?"

"I've added a new operation to the strategic plan," he murmured as he began to drift off. "In addition to Operation Takeover Britannia on Christmas and Operation Kill Tamaki, we're adding, Operation Humiliate and the Kill Kaname Ohgi."

C.C. raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

Lelouch didn't answer, he was already out cold. The immortal woman shook her head, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.

"See, I told you he liked you too C.C. You should have believed me. Honestly, you act like I don't know my own son."

C.C. let out a sigh. "You're ruining the moment for me Marianne."

Meanwhile in a far off dimension...

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle..."

A green man that went by the name of Piccolo opened one of his eyes as the black genie known as Mr. Popo continued to rant about the square tiles of the lookout making a circle. Meditating was becoming increasingly difficult thanks to this. It didn't help that there were two inner voices in his head ranting at him.

"Dude, how did he end up with a gallon of LSD again?"

"I'm not sure Nail. Mr. Popo never leaves the lookout, so how he even gets LSD to begin with is puzzling."

"Well, he's a genie right? Maybe he can travel through dimensions and he's getting it from idiotic resistance force guy."

"That's highly unlikely..."

Piccolo groaned. "Would the two of you please shut up! I'm trying to freakin' concentrate before Goku and Gohan come out of the hyperbolic time chamber and Mr. Popo's continuous rants coupled with Vegeta's constant complaining about it are already wearing on my nerves."

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle..."

Shut up! I did not think that anything on this God forsaken planet could be any more infuriating than Kakarot, but you have proven me wrong and for that you will die a slow, painful, death."

"Father please..."

"Don't you dare try to discipline me! I am your father, not the other way around."

"Fa...father...you've finally acknowledged me as your son?"

"The only thing I'm acknowledging is the fact that you're a giant thorn in my side that I will get rid of at the earliest convenience."

Piccolo sighed. "The idiot that gave Mr. Popo that gallon of LSD needs to die in an explosion. Better yet, it needs to be a planned explosion. Yes, and explosion that was part of a diabolical, horrible, awful, evil, malevolent, condescending, wicked, vindictive, and expertly crafted plan."

"Hey guys! We're out of the chamber now! Oooh! Is that a gallon of milk! I LOVE milk! Anyone got any chocolate chip cookies?"

"Goku no! Don't drink that! Please!"

"That's it, I'm killing Kakarot and the genie with my final flash."

"All these squares make a circle, all these squares make a circle."

Piccolo sighed again as chaos ensued, closing both is eyes this time. "The same thing needs to happen to Goku...and Trunks...and Vegeta...Gohan's okay though."

A/N: So we had a little crossover action at the end. (Couldn't resist. I've got the DBZ abridged bug.) Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. It's been a long time coming. The next one will center more on Suzaku and Euphie and the oncoming battle in which hopefully Tamaki will explode. Apparently everyone wants him gone now. Thanks for reading guys. Feel free to review. Constructive criticism is welcome.