entry_13

0027 hours, Thursday, February 8, 1973.

He did not take that well at all.

I am shaking right now. It is difficult to comprehend how Herr Engineer can be simultaneously so intelligent and yet so infuriatingly obstinate when it comes to the different options available to him. It is not as though being a machine makes one incapable of happiness or indeed anger, if I am correct in assuming that is what I am experiencing right now. And he certainly seemed angry enough when we finished talking! What is so good about being human anyways? He doesn't dispute that I think and feel, does he? Or has this entire progression of events, him taking me with him when he escaped and standing up to the mercenaries on my behalf included, been a strategy on his part and nothing more? Did he bring me here only because he needs me to maximize his chances of reverting to his original state once again?

Agh, I do not mean these things, I don't think. They are simply residue left over from our discussion. But at the same time I do not think I am overstepping my bounds to be annoyed with him. It was not an ideal conversation, and I didn't even tell him about the robots at all. Given his reaction, that was probably for the best.

It was approximately one hour and ten minutes ago that I breached the subject. Herr Medic had gone to talk with Miss Pauling about a possible attack to distract the robot army from Scout and Spy, and we were cleaning up what mess remained around the operation area. I watched him carefully in an attempt to gauge his mood, hoping that if he was feeling well enough he would be more ready to listen to what I had to say. It didn't tell me much, so I made a throat-clearing imitation.

0031: Ah, Herr Engineer, would you mind if I asked you something?
E-001: You're askin' me something right now, ain't you?
0031: Yes. But I mean... this... this body. You are very determined to go back to being human, ja?

He paused and looked me in the face rather intently.

E-001: Well yeah. It's how I was before.
0031: That is, er, all well und gut, but ah... why, exactly?
E-001: What d'you mean why?
0031: Nothing impertinent, I do not wish to offend you at all. It is just that I am curious about what is so gut about being human, exactly. Since, well, you are stronger und faster und less susceptible to pain in this state.

Herr Engineer rocked back on his heels a little, still watching me. I felt a bit nervous.

E-001: Mostly I'm more comfortable with the way I was made to start out with, being able to feel things properly and all. Plus, well.

He crossed his arms and put his head a bit to one side as though evaluating me.

E-001: I don't take kindly to having things forced on me by people like Gray. Or the Administrator, for that matter, which is what got me in this mess to start out with. Being like this is kind of a constant reminder of what he did, and I'll be damned before I settle for that kind of humiliation. So that's a contributing factor.

I think I would have frowned if I could, in that way that humans do sometimes to show that they are thinking hard about something.

0031: Humiliation?
E-001: Yeah, like being taken down a notch, having someone embarrass you in a way that makes you seem powerless. Let's say Gray decided you weren't any good at your job anymore and made you shine his shoes instead of fixing up the other robots. How would that make you feel?

I was taken aback by this example.

0031: Well, I would continue to do as Herr Gray wished, even if it were something I did not completely enjoy. I would have deserved it.

Herr Engineer shook his head and went back to mopping up a puddle of lymph from the floor.

E-001: Even after he was all set to have you destroyed, you're still loyal to him. If that ain't just...

He didn't finish the sentence.

0031: If that isn't just what?
E-001: You're not gonna like what I have to say, Thirty-One.
0031: I trust myself to view the matter objectively. Please continue.

He didn't look up from the puddle he was cleaning.

E-001: You don't owe Gray nothing. He doesn't care about you, and he doesn't deserve this blind devotion you've got to him.

It took me a moment to comprehend exactly what he had said.

0031: Blind... blind devotion? Herr Engineer, be reasonable! He-
E-001: Made you, I know, but what's he done since then? I've said it before, he don't care about no one but himself.
0031: That is ridiculous. I-

He straightened up and faced me.

E-001: No Thirty-One, listen to me. He murdered his brothers in cold blood. He sends robots like you out to their deaths day after day without batting an eye, and for what?
0031: Well... well what about you other humans? All of you kill robots all the time, und you are mercenaries anyways so killing other beings is your job. You are only upset because of what Herr Gray did to you, I think.

Herr Engineer took a step toward me. I wanted to roll back from him a little but didn't.

E-001: Yeah I'm upset about what y'all did to me! Gray knew good and well from the start I'd have qualms against fightin' my own team; he must-a been planning this from the beginning, planning to stab me in the back while I was helping him out. Say what you like about me and the others, but we'd never pull something like that.

I could feel myself starting to shake very slightly.

0031: You turned your back on your team earlier, didn't you?
E-001: That ain't none-a your business.
0031: You DID though. How is that any different-
E-001: None of them are walkin' around in tin cans, are they?! And it didn't have nothin' to do with them anyhow; this was between me, Blutarch, and the Administrator.
0031: It affected them all the same! Don't tell me you were so foolish to think that it wouldn't impact them in any way, you assisting Herr Gray in attacking their weapons supplier! You are not a stupid man, Herr Engineer!
E-001: I am NOT talkin' about this with you. Besides, what did I do to you or him that warranted this anyhow?
0031: You said yourself that you had been planning to leave Herr Gray-
E-001: Because I thought he was gonna try and kill me!

I was going to shout back at him except there was a low, muffled breath from behind me. I spun around to see that Pyro was standing in the doorway and holding its axe. It looked to Herr Engineer with its head to one side. Herr Engineer's fists uncurled a bit and he went back to the almost gone lymph puddle he had been mopping.

E-001: We were arguing, that's all. Put that thing away before you hurt somebody.

Pyro turned its attention toward me again, but I didn't stay. Herr Engineer was not going to listen; what point was there in me being there anymore?

I pushed past the Pyro and out of the room before either could say anything.,

The moonlight and some small electric lights on the walls were the only sources of illumination in the hallway, besides my optics. I was so angry that I hardly took in my surroundings anyways. That is why I did not see the Spy even though he was uncloaked.

Spy unit: Something troubling you, my metal friend?

I almost turned around to try to avoid him, but it was too late for that. He was leaning against the wall to my immediate right and smoking a cigarette.

0031: Nein. Lassen Sie mich alleine.
Spy unit: If you like, Stephen. I have no reason to anger you today.

I paused, then looked at him in confusion. He was smiling in the small way that irritates Herr Engineer so much, "smirking" I think it is called.

0031: What did you call me?
Spy unit: Surely you remember? The Sniper thought it was much more suitable than Champ, or indeed whatever other drivel the Scout might come up with. And if you are going to be a teammate of ours, it would be better not to call you by a number.

I made a noise like "hmmph".

0031: It is not as though you call each other names, Spy. Why do you not call me "the robot" like Herr Medic does?
Spy unit: We kill robots, Stephen. A name differentiates you from the clanking metal masses.

He flicked the cigarette butt onto the floor and stamped on it.

Spy unit: If you object to the name, however, I could call you something else.

I didn't answer, so he shrugged and kept talking.

Spy unit: Either way, it is unwise of you to stray from the surgery even at night. Miss Pauling often runs surveillance. She could easily find you.
0031: Is that why you were lurking here then, to make sure Herr Engineer und myself stayed hidden?
Spy unit: It's possible.

I scoffed before turning back toward the surgery.

0031: I think I am beginning to know why Herr Engineer is so annoyed with you all of the time.
Spy unit: The Engineer is not likely to sneak outside at night.

I froze.

0031: What are you saying?
Spy unit: Nothing that should matter to you, if all is as it should be. Goodnight Stephen.

I wanted to turn around and demand an answer, but somehow that seemed imprudent. Instead I wheeled quickly back to the surgery and helped to finish cleaning in silence.

The Spy can't possibly have seen what happened at the fence, can he?

/entry_13