entry_14
1034 hours, Sunday, February 11, 1973.
It has been three days since I argued with Herr Engineer. He is acting like nothing happened and changes the subject if I try to talk about it. Plus it might be my imagination but I think he is trying to avoid being alone with me longer than he has to. It makes me feel bad. It would be better if we could simply finish discussing the matter and be done with it, and maybe then we could be normal friends again instead of having all of this... pressure or perhaps tension between us. I do not know the human terminology for such things but it feels like one of those two. I still don't know how I might confront him again though. I'm not sure if I really do want to talk with him about 0396 or if I am simply acknowledging what would work best while having no intention of doing it. That seems ridiculous and yet it is possible; I have felt very odd lately.
Perhaps I should talk about the good things happening instead. Everyone is working hard to prepare for a decoy attack against the robots, for one. Miss Pauling has a fair knowledge of the territory surrounding the base, and the others told me that she determined which areas would make for the most strategic exits for Scout and Spy on their mission to penetrate the siege. Sniper is planning to cover Scout's path until the other gets too far into the trees to follow with his scope. That leaves Heavy, Herr Medic, Demoman, Soldier, and Pyro to draw the robot forces away from those routes via an attack in another area, probably at the bit of fence near the parking lot. Miss Pauling is going to be directing the attacks by using surveillance on both parties and communicating via some two-way radios she thought to bring with her during the inspection.
I got this information from Demoman and to a lesser extent Soldier, who have been spending a good deal of time with Miss Pauling. It's helping to keep her from the surgery, but Soldier is getting very excited from talking about the impending battle so much. He keeps calling it "the Trojan Attack" for some reason and insisting on giving Scout and Spy robot lessons, whatever those are. Apparently he's been offering these lessons to everyone; when he asked Herr Engineer if he would like some, I thought he was in imminent danger of getting punched through the nearest wall. Fortunately Demoman was able to quickly change the subject.
Another good thing is that Herr Medic seems to like me much more than he did at first. During the beginning of our project concerning Herr Engineer's body, he would not speak to me much and always gave me those looks that Herr Engineer calls "the stink-eye" whenever I addressed him. Now that we are further along, however, he treats me similarly to how he treats everyone else. Granted he still gets annoyed with me at times, but when we are working together on removing stitches or re-calibrating the healing-gun to make sure it is healing at the fastest possible rate, he is positively cheerful. I am beginning to enjoy our conversations over the gurney almost as much as the work itself. There are a few in particular that stick out quite well in my mind.
One of these conversations occurred yesterday evening. It was a particularly exciting time for both of us, as Herr Medic told me that we could begin to reattach the head several days ahead of schedule. I watched with rapt attention as he pulled it from the ice box. Though the jaw sagged and the goggles that I hardly ever saw Herr Engineer without when he was still human were missing, the familiar face made me stop and watch it with a certain amount of fascination for a moment. There wasn't much sound besides the steady drip and splat of fluids from the base of the neck falling to the floor as Herr Medic turned the head over in his hands, inspecting it for defects with a very slight frown on his face.
Medic unit: Mmm. It looks to be in order. The eyes have a film we will have to take care of, und it seems a bit thin compared to what I would like, but. Well. That will have to do for now.
He glanced over to the corner where Herr Engineer was slumped over in standby mode. He had said he was simply tired, but really I think he had not wanted to watch tonight.
0031: He is very odd about his body sometimes. He's never that way about the robotic one.
Medic unit: Some people are that way about the human body. It's rather ridiculous; I've seen plenty of them, und they really do not differ so much between one body und the next, even between the sexes. At least, not as much as you'd think, the way everyone carries on.
Herr Medic set it down on the gurney. It rolled over onto its side. The illumination of the healing beam cast shadows beneath the eyes and under the cheekbones. I prodded it gently.
0031: Goodness, it does not look so healthy.
Medic unit: Oh they never do until you connect them to the body und start up the circulation again. The needle, bitte.
I handed him the needle and thread I had sterilized, then positioned the head at the top of the torso. The body was more or less finished other than the head. We still had some stitches to remove from around the ankles, and there was extensive scarring, but otherwise the only thing missing was this last important piece. I held it still, and Herr Medic began to sew the head onto the neck.
0031: I am curious now, have you reattached heads before then?
Medic unit: Ja, though not quite under these circumstances. It is quite fun though. Spy does not like it when I mention this, but there was an incident involving the RED Medic some time ago where I had to reattach him to his own body. Well, I could have simply sent him through respawn as he requested, but this was far more fun. I think he still has the scars.
He giggled. I simulated a laugh as well. What can I say? Herr Medic's enthusiasm is infectious.
0031: Well I am sure he is grateful to be back together again now at the very least. It must not be pleasant to exist in pieces.
Medic unit: You would be surprised, Machinenmensch. But meine Teamkollegen are not often thankful for the services I provide, regardless of how essential it is that I do my job well if we wish to succeed in any endeavor. I am used to it, more or less.
His next jab with the needle went through the skin with a bit more force than was strictly necessary. He had made his way halfway around the neck, so I turned everything carefully so he could continue. Herr Medic sighed.
Medic unit: It isn't that I am complaining of course. This is perhaps the best job I have ever had. The Administrator allows me to work in whatever way I see fit, it pays well, und of course there is always plenty of material for me to work with should I think of a new experiment.
0031: It does seem like a very gut set up to be sure.
Medic unit: Ja. Und what is better, well, I would be doing these sorts of things on my own time even if I was not employed to do them. Being able to devote this sort of time to one's personal passions und get paid for it besides, it is a wonderful thing.
We lapsed into silence as he concentrated on the last few stitches. Once he finished he took the head and tugged it back and forth to make sure it was on securely. The stitches held. I rolled back a few feet to admire the body as a whole. It was remarkable how well everything was sealing itself together under the medigun, slow as the process was. Unlike machinery, the exterior held no seams where the stitches had been taken out, only thick lines of raised scar tissue encircling the limbs and intersecting across the torso. Organic beings will never cease to amaze me.
Herr Medic clapped his hands giddily.
Medic unit: Aha, very gut indeed! Now we will have to let the remaining wounds heal und see what happens.
0031: Should we turn up the healing beam then?
Medic unit: Yes yes, I was just about to do that actually. Pull the gurney back a bit so it is out of the middle of the surgery, bitte.
I did as Herr Medic instructed so that the rolling table was against the wall across from the door. Meanwhile he walked to where the gun hung suspended from the ceiling to adjust where it was pointing and its power levels. The beam of light intensified, lighting up our project as though it were on display. Once he was done Herr Medic stepped back and wiped his brow, leaving a red smudge on his forehead.
Medic unit: That should do it then. There is nothing we can do but wait until the head has rejoined entirely. The brain stem should come into play at that time, to regulate the body functions, und then we will not have to worry about icing it when it is not under the medigun.
0031: The brain stem? Does it have a processor already inside of it then?
Medic unit: Well of course. The head does not develop naturally without a brain inside of it, as you know. But it is very unlikely that it will be more than a rudimentary lump of cerebral tissue. I mean to say, this technology is superb, but brains are very complicated-
That was when the body sat up.
Medic unit: Verdammt!
I watched in amazement. The head lolled, the unnervingly blue eyes blinked, the fingers stretched open and contracted into fists. A low moan, like a man just asleep coming to his senses, fell upon my auditory sensors. It was looking around. For the briefest moment, I wondered if it was aware.
But Herr Medic was by its side in an instant, muttering curses and pulling a syringe from his pocket. He uncapped it and plunged it into the neck of the body. It offered no resistance; it did not even jerk as the needle sank into its flesh. It only rolled its eyes back up into its head and fell back against the gurney. Herr Medic quickly set to restraining it with the straps hanging off the gurney.
Medic unit: Ah. Apparently we are doing a better job than I thought at first.
0031: Mein Gott, that was the strangest thing.
Medic unit: If you thought that was strange then you haven't been here for nearly long enough mein Freund.
0031: I only mean that, well, it... it functions EXTREMELY well, if what we just saw is any indicator.
Medic unit: Oh yes, und that IS something to think about to be sure.
He pulled back with his head to one side, and suddenly a look of elation crossed his face.
Medic unit: Machinenmensch, do you know what this means?
0031: Ah... well. The body has a processor of its own that functions quite well, I think.
Medic unit: Yes. Und THAT means that I have an extra brain to use. Not only an extra brain, but a sufficiently capable one, if it is anything like our friend's!
I looked over to where Herr Engineer was slumped in the corner, arms crossed over his metal chest. I had a troubling thought.
0031: Herr Medic, I thought we were growing Herr Engineer a body so he wouldn't have to be a robot anymore. If we put his processor into this body, where will the one already in there go?
Medic unit: Well I haven't decided yet of course. There are so many possibilities to explore; I could make anything! I could make a monster, or I could make a god, or... anything.
He set a hand on the side of its expressionless face. His fingers were trembling. I shook my head, still puzzled at a discrepancy I had noticed.
0031: But Herr Engineer is always saying that his displacement from his original body was a moral wrong, even if Herr Gray did it. If he knows what is going to happen, that the body we prepared for him is inhabited, will he not object?
Herr Medic didn't answer me right away. Eventually he pulled himself away from our project, brow furrowed slightly.
Medic unit: Machinenmensch, surely the Engineer will understand. It isn't as though we are kidnapping a person und extracting their brain against their will. We grew this body. It wouldn't exist without us, und we made it for this purpose, so... so it is all right.
0031: You mean... because we made it, we are in charge, ja?
He waved his hand as he turned back to look at the body again.
Medic unit: Yes, what you said. Und it isn't as though I will let such a marvelous gift as this brain go to waste. It will be put to good use. Yes... very good use...
He ran a hand through his hair distractedly. I nodded slowly as comprehension dawned in my own brain, though his back was to me now so he would not see.
0031: Alright, I think I understand now. Danke Herr Medic.
Medic unit: You are welcome Machinenmensch. Now please be quiet, I am trying to savor this moment.
So I was quiet, and I thought, and I have been thinking ever since then. Even now as I am taking care of Drei and the body is obscured by a sheet I am still turning his words over in my head. Herr Engineer asked about it a few times but not anything too in-depth, and he has not wanted to look at his own face under the sheet yet either. Herr Medic has not said a word about the brain to him though he has been undeniably cheerful all day.
It seems that the body's relation to Herr Medic and myself, but mostly Herr Medic, might be similar to my relationship to Herr Gray. He made me, so wouldn't that mean that my loyalty to him is reasonable despite what Herr Engineer may say? He is angry that he was punished by Herr Gray, naturally, and I can understand that he does not like being a robot, but... but if Herr Gray wishes to reconcile with me, I should take advantage of the opportunity, shouldn't I?
All the same I do not want to betray Herr Engineer and the others. It would be a poor repayment after they have treated me so nicely, and as much as I may owe Herr Gray my allegiance that does not mean that I should drag them into things. Perhaps I can manage some sort of negotiation, or... or I don't know. The entire situation seems fairly hopeless.
I need to talk with 0396 again.
/entry_14