entry_15
2323 hours, Monday, February 12, 1973.
It is strange to think that there was ever a time when I found making decisions to be an easy task. My latest excursion to the fence has complicated matters rather than simplifying them, and what's worse I didn't even manage to do what I had set out to accomplish.
The excursion started out smoothly enough. I had taken precautionary measures to help ensure against interruptions, namely from Spy; I was concerned that he might be patrolling the corridor outside of the surgery as he had been when Herr Engineer and I had fought. In the end, the only reliable course of action seemed to be artificially induced stupor. Herr Medic did not miss the syringe I extracted from his cabinet this afternoon when he was tending to his doves. Finding a way to introduce the drug into the Spy's system without arousing suspicion was challenging, but eventually I was able to accompany the Scout to the break room and, while he was talking and generally being oblivious, inject the syringe's contents into the rations he had set aside for himself in the refrigerator. Herr Medic had told me about his preferred sedatives; therefore, I knew that though this drug was most effective when injected into the bloodstream, the dosage would nevertheless be sufficient to keep an average sized man under for six hours when taken orally.
Despite all of this my processor buzzed with anxiety at the possibility that somehow this plan would go awry. What if the Spy didn't eat his food? When I left the surgery after the others had entered sleep mode, I realized this was unnecessary. The Spy was nowhere to be seen. I proceeded slowly anyways, all the better to listen for breathing or footsteps or other auditory signs of a human presence, but there were none. Everything was quiet as I wheeled out of the base and furtively across the parking lot.
I approached the fence with a certain amount of caution. it was too dark under the trees to make out much, but I thought I saw shapes moving in the shadows.
0031: Ah, hallo? Ist da jemand?
Something dropped out of the tree right behind the fence, and I almost fell over. Two blue lights from a Sniper unit's optical sensors glared at me from under his hat.
2009: What are you doing here?
The question surprised me.
0031: I was, ah, wishing to speak with unit 0396, or 0395 or 0484 if that is not possible.
The Sniper unit looked down at my hands, which I stopped wringing at once. Then he looked back at my face.
2009: Where's E-001?
0031: He is, er, not with me, but I wish to-
2009: 0396's busy. What do you want?
I felt annoyance at this. This unit was much younger than any I had talked with before, and he was being very disrespectful. Traitor I may be, but they had been the ones to contact me first.
0031: I would prefer to talk with 0396, if it is all the same to Herr Gray.
2009: The Maker can talk with you personally once you get E-001's processor. There ain't nothing more to discuss until then.
I grasped the fence with both hands.
0031: But I need to talk with someone about this!
2009: Talk with someone? What about, tactics? Unforeseen complications? I don't reckon the Maker's real interested in excuses right about now, 0031. You'd do better to just get on with it and get back to us.
0031: I am NOT going to make excuses!
2009: Then what the hell do you have to tell them that's so important?
My mouth- my, er, jaw, that is to say, moved as though to frame an answer, but I didn't know how to explain. It wasn't a matter of how to do it, or trying to get into Herr Gray's good books. And I was almost certain the other robot would not understand.
2009: Thought so. Don't bother us anymore; we've got a siege to keep up.
He turned and stalked off between the trees. I wanted to make him listen, to reach through the fence and grab his arm and keep him from walking away from me, but what was the point? I watched until his outline was lost between the tree trunks. Then, feeling entirely hopeless, I made my way back across the parking lot toward the base.
I was at the door when someone tackled me from behind.
Demolitions unit: FECKING ROBOTS! I'LL RIP OUT YOUR INNARDS AND STRING THEM ON A CHRISTMAS TREE!
The Demoman sent me crashing into the wall. I tried to push him off so I could steady myself; it almost worked. He staggered backward a pace before launching himself at me, and before I could move we were both falling over into the wall again. The empty glass bottle in his fist sailed toward my head. I caught his wrist just in time.
0031: Demoman, was ist los? It is only me!
He punched my face with his free hand, which was annoying and probably hurt him some. He didn't act like it did though, especially since he did it again right afterward. It was quite unnerving.
0031: Demoman come to your senses! It is just me- ach!
We both fell to the ground in a heap. I spun my wheel hopelessly as he sprawled across my torso, blinking.
Demolitions unit: How...? Oh, it's just you Stephen. Taking a walk, were ye?
I pushed him off in annoyance.
0031: Yes, it is only me, und yes I was talking a walk. What are you doing out here?
Demolitions unit: Needed some air. Here lad, let me help.
He stood up and swayed just slightly on the spot before offering me his hand. He seemed oddly unfocused. Perhaps that was due to the contents of his then-empty bottle. Either way I took his hand and he hauled me to my feet with only a little difficulty.
0031: Danke.
Demolitions unit: Don't mention it lad. Shouldn't be wandering about after dark though.
He tilted the empty bottle back as though hoping to get one last drop to run down into his mouth, then stopped. His eye fixed on my face.
Demolitions unit: Wait just a moment Steve, what ARE ye doing out here? You know if Miss Pauling sees ye-
0031: Well that is because... er, I was about to ask you the same question. What are YOU doing out here, with the siege in place? You could be severely damaged!
He frowned at me. Suddenly his voice rose with a passion I rarely hear him use outside of battle.
Demolitions unit: Because I'll go wherever I bloody well please, that's why! I'll not be cowed by a bunch of oversized wind-up dolls like what Gray's set on us! YE HEAR THAT, YE DAMNED ROBOTS?! SET SO MUCH AS A TIRE PAST THAT FENCE AND I'LL-
I gripped his arm tightly, panic that might not have been warranted overtaking my processor.
0031: Shh, please Demoman! There is no reason to antagonize them!
Demolitions unit: No need to get your wires in a twist boyo, they aren't about to come for us. Now let go of me arm.
He pushed me off, swayed, then lurched back at me to throw an arm over my shoulder. I had to lean against him to stop from overbalancing.
Demolitions unit: Ahh... but it must be tough for ye, Steve. Running from your own kinsfolk, thinking they might put a bullet through your head next time ye meet... it's a sad thing, even if ye are all robots.
0031: Er, yes, quite sad. Shouldn't we try to get in-
Demolitions unit: Do ye have any friends among their ranks?
It took me a moment to process exactly what his query had been.
0031: Friends, Demoman?
Demolitions unit: Aye, back among your kind.
He jerked his thumb backward to indicate the fence. It seemed to me very odd that he should ask me this, perhaps simply because I hadn't spent a good deal of time with him and it was what Herr Engineer would call a personal question.
0031: I... did, I think.
His brows rose.
Demolitions unit: Did?
0031: He is destroyed now. The Soldier shot him before I came here.
Demolitions unit: Aah... I'm sorry to hear it lad. What was his name?
0031: Heavy weapons unit 0218.
The Demoman raised his bottle in what I took to be a solemn salute.
Demolitions unit: To 0218 then.
He threw his head back to drink, the motion almost making me fall. When nothing came out of the bottle, he made a face of displeasure.
Demolitions unit: Bloody empty. I probably shouldn't have anymore anyways; I'm starting to feel it.
0031: Can I ask you something?
I don't know why I said it. He frowned at me but not in an angry way.
Demolitions unit: Aye?
0031: This... this might sound odd, but since I joined you humans, does that make me a bad robot?
Demolitions unit: What do ye mean by that Steve?
0031: Well I mean I know that everyone is glad that I am not with Herr Gray anymore, but he made me. It is like I betrayed him- no, not like, it IS betrayal.
He shook his head.
Demolitions unit: Ye came to the wrong person for that kind of talk boyo. Those are deep waters.
0031: I am sorry. It has just been bothering me.
The Demoman swayed again. His eye was rather unfocused, either because of the alcohol or because he was deep in thought.
Demolitions unit: I think... just because someone made ye, it doesn't mean they're right about everything. Just look at me mum.
0031: Deine Mutter?
Demolitions unit: The one! A finer mum no man could ask for; she's a demoman like (hiccup) like me, and me old da, rest his soul. Blind as a bat, fiery as a dragon, and she's always on me case about work. She says no demoman worth his salt ever had less than fifteen jobs at one time, and never mind if ye DID pull in over five million dollars last year Tavish! We live in a bleeding mansion, and the way she talks ye'd think we were constantly on the brink of starvation!
He shook his head.
Demolitions unit: Anyways, what were we talking about again?
0031: Ah... whether I am a horrible traitor or not?
Demolitions unit: Right. So... it's like I say, lad, sometimes ye have to follow your own path even if they don't want ye to. It's not like me mum or your Gray knows everything. They're just... just as human as we are...
He trailed off. I turned his words over in my head, processing their meaning. I thought he was thinking as well, until his head slid onto my shoulder and he began snoring. I held on to his arm, worried he would fall and hurt himself without my continued support.
0031: Demoman... Demoman, wake up.
I shook him gently. It did no good. I looked around to see if anyone was nearby. If I didn't find a way to either put him down or pick him up without overbalancing, I was going to be stuck.
0031: I require assistance! Is anyone there who can help me?
Spy unit: Yes.
I spun to face the base again. The Spy was holding the door open and watching me closely. For a human, his face is incredibly hard to read. Neither of us spoke for several seconds.
Spy unit: I am going to take you back to the surgery, and you are not going to leave it again. Is that understood?
0031: Yes.
He stepped forward and pulled the Demoman off of me, then dragged him to just inside the door. I didn't look at him as he led the way back. Excuses I might be able to use flew through my mind, and once we were just outside of the surgery I addressed him.
0031: Spy, I-
He held up a hand, and I was quiet.
Spy unit: Stephen, I want to believe you are on our side just as much as anyone else. I am giving you a chance to show that our trust is not misplaced. Do not make me regret it.
I dropped my gaze again.
0031: Danke.
He nodded to the door, and I left him there. For all I know he is still out there watching the door. I should just shut off and rest my systems, I know that I should, but this night has given me much to think about.
And Demoman said "just as human as we are". What does that mean?
/entry_15