entry_18

1946 hours, February 13, 1973.

I am very scared right now. I am recording this because there is nowhere to look for consolation or guidance. That must be why humans write journals sometimes, because it gives the illusion that you are telling a person your thoughts and they are listening.

Herr Gray's army has arrived at last; that is what was responsible for the gunshots. When Herr Engineer and I looked out the window of the van, we could see a barrage of Heavy units arriving at the gates, firing through the chain link. What was more concerning was the way the trees seemed to shake and some were falling down a ways off, and the flocks of birds that were leaving their branches in alarm.

0031: A tank. There is a tank coming.
E-001: Dammit. We need to get out of here, come on.

He wrenched open the doors of the van, and without waiting I followed him out even though I was apprehensive.

0031: But Herr Engineer, what if Miss Pauling sees us?
E-001: I'll take my chances with her over Gray anytime. MOVE!

Demomen had joined the Heavies, and one sent a pipe bomb arcing over the fence. I watched it falling end over end without really processing what was happening or where its trajectory would have it land, until Herr Engineer dragged me backwards. As I turned to face the building where the others were surely being roused by the sound of battle, the ground shook and an all too familiar orange flash illuminated the scenery for a fraction of a second.

E-001: Stop staring around and just run!
0031: They will destroy us! There are so many of them, und if Herr Gray brings even a fraction of his forces-
E-001: Then I'll kill as many as I can before I get shot down myself, now-

This time the explosion almost knocked me down. Herr Engineer kept his hold on my arm so that I just barely remained upright before pulling me behind a boulder. An idea formed in my processor.

0031: No, Herr Engineer, you go und I will stay here.
E-001: Cut it out Steve, I'm serious!
0031: I am also serious! Perhaps if I go back, I can reason with them!

Herr Engineer stared at me with what I could only assume was utter bewilderment.

E-001: Reason with THEM? You're off your nut!
0031: You were able to reason with me, weren't you?
E-001: But this is different! Stop spewin' out nonsense and come on already!

I jerked my arm out of his grip and kept my ocular receptors fixed on his face.

0031: They may have shot at us a bit just now, but Herr Gray wants us ALIVE. Don't you remember this?
E-001: Us? I thought it was only me he wanted alive. You'd get decommissioned, right?
0031: No, Herr Engineer, I... I have talked with one of them.

He didn't speak for a moment but only stared at me. When he did speak, he suddenly sounded much calmer which was concerning.

E-001: You talked with the robots.
0031: They dragged me beyond the fence when Scout took me to "play hooky". I'm sorry, I should have told you.
E-001: What did they say?

A deep harsh laugh boomed over us almost like another explosion going off. I could hear bullets ricocheting off of stone and concrete. I spoke more quickly.

0031: They wanted me to go back und to bring you with me. Herr Gray has discovered that phenomenon we discussed, that a robot develops into a person over time much like a human when it is young, so he thought that having older more intelligent robots in his army might be a gut thing. My contact said he would forgive us if we came back.
E-001: And you weren't tempted by that at all?

I did not let myself pause.

0031: Of course not. You do not want to go back, therefore I do not want to go back.

He opened his mouth but I cut him off. I thought I heard metal rending, perhaps the sound of the fence being breached.

0031: Please, Herr Engineer, I only wish to find out what they want. They will not take me back without you, but they will not kill me either. I can talk with them.

Herr Engineer shook his head and simulated a sigh as he does sometimes.

E-001: All right, I trust you. Don't get yourself killed.
0031: Danke, I won't.

Without waiting to hear his response I pushed myself upright against the rock and took off as quickly as I could across what was becoming a battlefield.

I could hear mercenaries shouting behind me, all of them sounding panicked. Ahead the fence kept back a mass of Scouts gathered near the gate; some were climbing it. Two Soldiers and a Demoman jumped over the fence with ease to shoot rockets and bombs at the building's walls. I waved my arms as they turned toward me.

0031: DO NOT SHOOT! I wish to speak with 0396, bitte!

They hardly glanced at me but just kept running, perhaps on Herr Gray's orders. I did not bother asking them where 0396 was.

My wheel skidded a bit across the asphalt in my haste, but that was the only trouble I ran into before I reached the fence. I grabbed it with both hands.

0031: STOP ATTACKING, BITTE! I wish to speak with 0396, it is urgent!

Several more Soldiers jumped over my head. Nearby a Scout swung a leg over the barbed wire at the top of the chain link, paused, then leaped down to land in a crouch. I spun toward him immediately.

0031: Please, I need to speak with unit-

He pushed me aside.

2934: Outta the way, I'm busy here!
0031: But this is urgent! I must speak with 0396!

I tried to grab his arm. Apparently this was a mistake. His bat swung through the air and hit me directly in the chest, sending me toppling backward. It is good that Herr Engineer reinforced my chest plate because that could have caused serious damage.

2934: What are you, deaf? I said I'm busy!

After some time of struggling, with various robots jumping over or running around me, I managed to right myself. 2934 had since run for the base. I could see the human Heavy at the doorway with his gun, advancing. Several robots had already fallen to him and were lying either in little heaps at his feet or strewn out in bits all across the asphalt. I am sure that he did not recognize me amid the other metal faces; how could he when we look identical? He is not one of us, he does not have the identification software. And little though I know about human expressions, I am certain his contained no recognition when he looked across the field at me. Only rage, and perhaps a little bit of enjoyment at the destruction he was causing.

Heavy unit: RUN, ROBOT COWARDS, RUN! I WILL CRUSH YOUR DOKTOR!

So I did as he instructed. I ran, and I kept running- rolling, perhaps, is a better term- along the fence line. It was like the old days almost, with Herr Gray, except I don't recall ever feeling that terrified in my life. And I could hear the robots behind me, the young ones that were too stupid to know fear, collapsing with cries of surprise and pain while his bullets punched holes through them. He laughed as we ran.

But it was only a matter of time before my speed carried me well out of his range and around the corner of the building. I grasped at the fence, noting that my extremities were shaking and rattling with my disconcertion. It seemed prudent to rest for a moment until the shaking subsided, so I leaned against the fence. My gaze happened to turn downward.

A pair of wire cutters were lying next to my wheel. Someone had used them to clip a large hole through the fence. It seemed that either Scout or Spy had had the presence of mind to leave during the commotion to fulfill their duty.

I ducked and crawled through as well as I was able. It was safer for me on that side anyways, even if the ground was uneven to the point that negotiating it with a wheel was an arduous task. I moved from one tree to the next, clinging to each trunk for support, and so very slowly I started to curve back toward the gate.

Until I was stopped by a hand on my arm.

0396: Hey hey, look at you, coming all the way out here by yourself!
0395: We almost thought you'd abandoned us for good. What kept you so long?

I turned around as carefully as I could. The two Scout units stood there watching me. 0396 had his hand on my arm, and 0395 had his bat out.

0031: I am, well, not here because... well. I have come on behalf of the mercenaries, to ask for a cease fire.

They stared at me uncomprehendingly. I had to stop myself from glancing at 0395's bat.

0396: That's real funny. Freakin' hilarious.
0395: Didn't we tell you that the Maker wouldn't take you back without the processor?
0031: I am not joking. They wish for you to stop attacking, und I volunteered to deliver the message.

The Scout units exchanged a glance.

0396: Why the hell would we do that? Master Gray has 'em right where he wants 'em.
0395: Oh man, don't tell us you actually care what happens to those chumps. This has to be some kind of sick joke.

He poked me hard in the chest as he said these words. I held my hands up in a placating manner, processor whirring with the speed of my thoughts.

0031: Calm down und stop saying foolish things. I only mean that, ah, a cease fire might lead to negotiations for their surrender. Herr Gray could regain what he has lost, und perhaps more, without suffering more casualties.

0395 scoffed. They were both very close to my face now. It was making it difficult to think.

0395: We've got them CORNERED, dummy! They don't have a chance!
0396: And why don't you got the brain yet, huh? You're taking your sweet time to help us, that's for sure!
0395: I'm starting to think you're not even on our-
0031: HE DOES NOT WANT TO COME BACK!

My frame began to shake again. The words had come from my speakers unbidden. The Scouts went very still. In the distance I could hear human and robot voices mingling with the muffled booms of explosions.

0396: What's that got to do with anything?
0031: I... I wish to be a gut robot und to do as Herr Gray says. I do. But Herr Engineer-
0395: "Herr" Engineer again, really?
0396: You can't say that anymore, Doc. E-001 is like us.
0031: No he is not, it is... complicated. I do not wish any harm upon him, not when he is so unhappy with what I have done.
0396: What, you helping to make him into a robot to start with?

I stared at them both in amazement.

0031: Herr Gray told you?
0396: What's it to you?
0395: Look, you either go get him and bring him back or we're going to have to do this the old fashioned way. We don't care what kind of weird old-model nostalgia problems you're having right now.
0031: But-

0396 grabbed me by the arms, which I did not like much. I almost shoved him away.

0396: Gramps, listen. You've got to snap out of it. E-001 and his human buddies, they're turning you against the Maker.
0031: No, aren't you listening? That's not why-
0396: He's been badmouthing him, hasn't he? He figures he's still human, and that you should obey him instead of Master Gray!
0031: That is not-! He has never commanded me to obey him!
0396: Well you obviously don't care about Master Gray anymore. If you cared about him, you'd do what you were told.

I did not know how to respond. I just stared at him until he let go of me.

0395: Just stop wasting our time. Either come back here with the processor, or don't come back at all.

Then they left me here alone. I really don't know what I should do, but part of me is starting to worry that 0396 is right.

/entry_18