report(){
ERROR_REPORT_154
AT 0007 02-14-1973 UNIT 08-M-0031 ENCOUNTERED THE FOLLOWING ERROR:
Unknown processing error.
POSSIBLE CAUSES OF THE ERROR INCLUDE: Unknown.
EVENTS PRECEDING THE ERROR AS PERCEIVED BY THIS UNIT ARE RECORDED HERE FOR FUTURE ANALYSIS:
0001 hours: Unit was granted access to tank 871. Units 08-SC-0395 and 08-SC-0396 accompanied it and one hostage to the level 1 main hall. All systems were functioning normally.
0003 hours: Unit and others were received in level 1 main hall by Master Gray accompanied by 09-SL-0484. Processor temperature increased by 0.043 K. Slight tremors detected in motors A, B, C, and D.
0031: I have returned, Herr Gray.
Master Gray: And with the brain, just as I asked; you have done well. But why did you bring that idiot here?
Scout unit: Watch who you're calling idiot you b-
0396: (Delivered blow to the Scout unit's midsection.)
0395: He followed 0031 into the woods and we caught him.
0396: We were just gonna shoot him but 0031 said not to. We, uh, we ain't in trouble or nothing for that, are we?
Master Gray: (Directed gaze at 0031. Expression was neutral.) No, you aren't.
Tremors in motors A, B, C, and D increased slightly in magnitude.
0031: I apologize for what I have done in the past, but I have brought you the processor. If you doubt my loyalty, that should be enough proof at least. I did not spare the Scout for any merit of his own, but because-
Master Gray: I don't want to hear excuses. Give me the brain.
Processor temperature increased by 0.501 K.
0031: As you wish it, Herr Gray. Here. (Offered unknown organic processor to Master Gray.)
Master Gray: (Accepted processor.) What's this device it's in? Something of your making?
0031: N-no, it is something I tricked H- I mean, the human Medic into designing, to hold the brain until I could deliver it.
Scout unit: I ought to rip off your fucking-
0395: Shut UP!
Master Gray: (Snorted.) That seems unnecessary. You could have just brought the whole head.
Tremors in motors A, B, C, and D became visible. Processor temperature increased by 0.442 K.
0031: Herr Gray, bitte, I did record some of the events from my exile in my internal reporting program. If you are doubting my reasons or actions, you can look there to see-
Master Gray: There's no scarring.
Processor temperature increased by 0.937 K. Sensory input signals interrupted by unknown interference.
0031: W-was, bitte?
Master Gray: (Thrusted processor toward unit. Expression was angry.) Look, robot. Do you see any of the insertion points from the surgery? Do you see signs that ANYTHING has been done to this brain before its extraction?
0031: I-I, ah... ah, no, Herr Gray. That is strange, I don't-
Master Gray: Where did you get this brain?
Processor temperature increased by 1.200 K.
0031: Please Herr Gray. Please understand, this is a very gut brain, und you could use it-
Master Gray: Where. Did. You. Get this?
0031: I-I took it from the clone that Herr Medic und I made.
Processor temperature increased by 3.010 K.
Master Gray: ...ah. I see.
Scout unit: Wait, what the hell are you talking about?
0031: Bitte Herr Gray, this brain is still intelligent. It is a facsimile of Herr Engineer's; you do not need him anymore if you could just-
Master Gray: (Turned to unit 0484.) Call the units back from the front and tell them to convene in the woods around the tank. Tell someone to prepare the microphone as well. Once the mercenaries realize we have their Scout they'll come, just like they came for E-001. We'll be prepared for them this time.
0484: YES SIR! (Exited main hall.)
0031: But Herr Gray-!
Master Gray: (Turned to 0395 and 0396.) You two, go secure the Scout.
0396: Where do you want him?
Master Gray: I don't care so long as he's out of the way.
0031: Herr Gray, listen to me! (Grasped Master Gray's shoulder.)
Master Gray: (Pulled roughly away from unit.)
0031: Ach! (Fell to the ground.)
Fall may have jarred small parts loose. Tremors in motors A, B, C, and D stopped. Processor temperature increased by 5.933 K.
Master Gray: (Leaned over unit. Expression was disgusted.) You were right. I do not need "Herr Engineer" anymore, as you've taken to calling him, but this isn't about necessity.
0031: Ich verstehe nicht.
Master Gray: (Turned to 0395 and 0396.) Take this one with you. I don't want anyone tripping over it in the hallway.
0396: You got it! (Grasped wheelstalk and dragged unit backward down the hall.)
0031: Ich verstehe nicht.
0007: Severe processing error. Unit ceased responses to external stimuli. Processor temperature remained stable.
WAS THIS REPORT USEFUL? Y/N
PLEASE LEAVE ANY FEEDBACK TO HELP US IMPROVE YOUR ERROR REPORTING SOFTWARE EXPERIENCE IN THE SPACE PROVIDED BELOW:
/ich verstehe nicht
}