❤︎ Day 14 - 09:09 AM ❤︎

POV: Saeran Mode

He hadn't moved for nearly fifteen minutes. His breathing was shallow, and he was doing his best not to blink. At any other time, he would have already been up and out of bed, but there was no way he was going to miss this. In front of him, Zai was sleeping with the most relaxed expression on her face that he'd ever seen. For the past three days he'd spent in her company, minus the time he'd fallen asleep for nearly a whole day while tied to her couch, she'd consistently kept a neutral air except for the few moments where she'd smiled or given him that slightly sad look that came up whenever she mentioned the RFA.

In a way, it was strange. They'd only really met for the first time a few days ago, but he already felt connected to her in a way unlike anything else. He knew it was partially due to the two of them sharing the strange ability to remember the previous timelines. She'd explained how she didn't have any control over when the timeline reset, usually it was every eleven days, but sometimes when she messed up really bad, it would reset faster.

Saeran knew that his memory had been impaired from his time spent in Mint Eye. Even though he could remember most things, how much information he retained from the previous timelines wasn't always the same, or he'd be missing pieces and chunks that he knew would never be fully recovered. Although she had told him he owed her nothing, he was truly in debt to this girl whether he wanted to be or not. Now he was watching her sleep. What was wrong with him?

He tensed when Zai began to stir, eyebrows furrowing as she reached out to grasp at something. To his horror, he made a completely undignified noise that quickly turned into a sharp inhale when her hand clutched at his back and she scooted forward to rest her head against his chest. After getting comfortable, she resumed her peaceful sleep, none the wiser to Saeran's discomfort. Unfortunately, he now had no way to extract himself from her grip without waking her up. Wheezing as the air left his lungs, he realized the gravity of the situation. He was stuck.

Looking down at her slightly parted lips, he felt his face heat up to the point where he honestly believed he was on fire. Actually, he would prefer being on fire to being trapped in this situation. There was nothing he could do except possibly make a break for it and hope that he could make the mad dash to the kitchen without her realizing it was him who woke her. Closing his eyes and saying a quick prayer, he tore himself out of her grip and half-ran half-stumbled down the stairs and into the safety of the tiled kitchen in record time.

In his haste to get away, he'd almost tripped over Jamming. After apologizing to the dog with a liberal amount of head scratches and belly rubs, he decided to make himself tea.

It seemed that his plan had worked because Zai didn't come downstairs until nearly an hour later. Saeran was sitting at the little kitchen island, sipping from his third cup of tea. He tried his best to ignore how her nightgown barely reached past her knees as well as how nice she smelled when she walked by him to reach the sink. Clearing his throat, he waited until she turned to look at him before he spoke up.

"Zai I, don't think that we should sleep in the same room anymore..." He tried to keep the nervousness and remorse out of his voice, but he was pretty sure that last word came out as a squeak. She turned around to look at him questioningly.

"Why? I thought you liked it?" Ducking his head, he hoped she didn't catch the blush on his face. She was correct, he did like it. Then she was laughing into her hand, and for a moment, Saeran forgot everything except the crease of her eyes as they filled with amusement and life. "Oh, oh, I get it. Is this about last night?" ...What?

"I- I don't, what... Last night?" Now he was confused. What had happened last night? All he could remember after they finished dyeing his hair was her helping him wash the remaining solution out of his now dark auburn locks and he had been so comfortable at the moment that he'd just slipped into unconsciousness the moment he felt her fingers against his scalp. He'd already known that Zai had carried him to bed once, so if she had done it a second time he wouldn't be too surprised, but her next statement almost made him choke on his tea.

"Yeah, you were really clingy, wouldn't let go at all." She giggled lightly. "Your arms were so tight around my waist that I almost couldn't breathe, but you relaxed after I started hugging you back. Pretty cute if you ask me." Saeran was glad he was sitting down because he might have collapsed otherwise. As it was, he still fell onto his elbows as mortification filled his body. Someone take him back to Mint Eye right now or at least let him die on the spot. He couldn't handle the way she was looking at him, with both amusement and happiness and something else that he didn't even want to think about at the moment.

"N-no it's not about last night...but I guess it's fine if you're okay with it?" Looking down at his mug, he did his best not to pay attention to how it shook in his grip, or how he was hyper aware of the sound of soft feet approaching him. The stool next to his was pulled out and he caught a glimpse of smooth legs before his eyes were darting to anywhere that wasn't Zai's face.

"Saeran..." He was determined not to look in her direction, but her hand was sliding up to rest against his arm and the shaking was getting worse now. "Does it bother you? The touching? Because I can stop. I just- I thought you enjoyed it as much as I do." His resolve crumbling, he let go of his cup to grasp her hand in both of his.

"That's the problem! I do! I really, really like it. But it feels like- it's like I'm doing something I'm not supposed to. You never really told me whether or not you're actually still dating Zen and Jaehee. I don't want to be the reason why you keep yourself from seeing them again." He hoped he wasn't squeezing too hard, but at the moment he was lost in the rolling storm of emotions currently filling his heart and head. "You make me feel like I matter. You're the first person who I've gotten to touch gently in forever. I don't care about anything that happened before this anymore! You...you forgave me for everything I did even when you didn't have to. I tried to kidnap you! That alone should make you hate me!" Almost jumping off his seat, he sank to his knees in front of her.

"You know, I've thought about this, and I- I don't think I'll ever have a chance to go back." Saeran was so wrapped up in his own turmoil that he didn't notice Zai getting down and kneeling on the floor next to him until her arms were curling around him and pulling them both together. He could feel moisture against his shoulder and his chest ached as he realized that he'd made her cry again.

"Even if I did, there's no guarantee they'd want me back if they knew what I've done. I don't want them to think of me in that way..." She moved back so they could see eye-to-eye and Saeran was struck with just how strong this girl was, to force herself to leave behind those that she loved in order to protect them. Then to forgive her would-be attacker and try to make him into a friend instead. "I don't want to replace my love for them with my love for you. It wouldn't be fair to anyone." She worked so hard to make everyone else happy, so why couldn't she do the same for herself?

"Please, It isn't even like I want you all for myself, or that I want to steal you away from them. It's more like...I want to be a part of whatever you have, with them too." He couldn't deny, it sounded more than nice when he thought about it. Zai had the love of two people, three if you counted himself, and some part of him yearned for a connection like that. "I know you've only just left them, and I'm part of why you had to, but... do you think that if- if you ever go back to them again, could I come with you?" Saeran could feel himself shaking with anxiety.

In a way, it was weird. All his time spent at Mint Eye, he'd been mostly indifferent or just angry at the world. But after she helped him to recover, he'd been feeling more and more. Sometimes, that was a good thing, but he didn't know how to control his emotions at all. Here they were, on Zai's kitchen floor, having a heart-to-heart conversation about their relationships while their drinks went cold. It was almost funny. Almost.

"Saeran!" Zai's eyes were filled with tears that were now getting all over him, but he couldn't find it in himself to care as her hands moved to tangle themselves with his.

"I want to be near you, okay? I feel happy when you touch me. I've spent so long inside that stupid apartment that for a while, I forgot what it was like to be held by another person every day. I can't guarantee that I'll ever reunite with the RFA, but if you- if you really want to come with me," She paused to smile, and Saeran's heart fluttered wildly. "I'll make sure there's a place for you with us no matter what it is you decide to do." Pulling her down into his lap, he let his lips brush against her temple as their tears and trembling subsided.

"That's all I could ask for. Thank you." She sighed contentedly and they both took a moment to come down from their emotional highs, relaxing in each other's presence. Eventually, the two of them felt better enough that they could move on wit their day. Zai stood first and gently pulled up Saeran with her. There were another few seconds where they simply started hugging and didn't let go until they started getting cold from standing on the tile barefoot. Smiling brightly, Zai moved over to the sink with his mug and rinsed it out before pulling an unused one out of the pantry.

"Want me to make us some more tea?" Looking at her standing there, a genuine expression of happiness on her face, Saeran could honestly say that he loved this girl.

"Yes, please." However, he'd save that particular confession for another time.