Chapter 6

I wake to Effie Trinket pulling the curtains open and practically blinding me. I half-fall out of bed, clutching at the sheets.

"Rise and shine," she greets brightly, oblivious to my disgruntlement. I rub my eyes and look to my left, wondering why Effie hasn't berated me for having Peeta in my bed yet. But he's not. He must have disappeared in the course of the night, fearing this very possible reaction from Effie.

I follow her out to the dining room, where Peeta and Haymitch are already digging into breakfast. Peeta looks up when I enter and there is a smile on his face. I automatically sit next to him and he grabs my plate before I can, ladling it with my favourite foods.

Haymitch is muttering feverishly, stabbing his toast with a fork repeatedly. Peeta leans over to me. "He's a bit upset. Effie threw his last bottle of white liquor out the window."

I cover my mouth I'm too late; a laugh escapes and Haymitch's head spins in my direction. I avoid his glare, fixing my own eyes on my hot chocolate. Beside me, I can see Peeta grinning widely.

After we've finished, and I've managed to keep most of my breakfast down, we head down to the training centre, where will spend all day preparing. Peeta and I are the last ones to arrive.

"You should go mingle, make some allies," Peeta suggests.

"Why me?" I whine, "You're the people person. Everybody hates me."

"They love you," Peeta corrects. "Now, go. Be nice." Peeta leaves me and automatically heads to the camourflage station, where the morphling tributes are painting pictures on each other. I decide I might as well head to shooting practice, considering I have nothing to hide. They all saw me shoot in the last games and it's a while since I hunted – the morning Snow showed up in my house – so I need the practice.

As soon as I pick up a bow, Finnick is hovering beside me. I want to tell him to go away but he offers to give some tips. I don't really like the idea of taking tips from Finnick Odair but he has been around the Games longer than I have. And Peeta's suggestion to make some allies rings firm in my mind.

So for the most of training, Finnick doesn't leave my side. He teaches how to throw a trident and I give him tips on shooting. He's not bad with the bow but I find it hard with the trident. It's heavy and hard to lift over my shoulder. When I throw, it dips badly and lands in the waist of the practice dummy. Finnick retrieves it with a condescending smile. He stands on his mark, bends his knees and throws. He makes it look effortless but I know it's not. It spears right through the head of the dummy and Finnick grins back at me. I don't want to smile back so I look away, though inside I am impressed.

I catch Peeta watching us from the camouflage station and he has an odd grin on his face. He jerks his head towards Finnick and back to me, and I mime punching Peeta. He just laughs and goes back to his painting. The morphling tributes are standing next to him, watching him with wonder.

Next we do the knot tying station which Finnick easily masters as well. I watch him with jealousy, as his long, large fingers move swiftly and delicately. It takes me several tries until I can do one half as good as his. Finnick Odair is starting to seriously annoy me.

I finally shake him when I head off to find Peeta. I see him lifting weights with the Careers, Gloss and Brutus. Finnick's partner, an old woman from District 4 called Mags, grabs me by the arm and shows how to make hooks and baskets. From a distance, I watch Johanna throwing axes at a practice dummy. The dummy's severed head falls to the ground in a loud clang and I shudder; is Johanna imagining beheading me?

At lunch, I pile my plate so much that even Peeta stares at me suspiciously. "What?" I say defensively.

"Nothing," he answers, filling his own plate. We sit down at a table in the corner by ourselves, hoping no one will come bother us. But as in the remake center, I have no such luck.

"May I sit here?" Finnick asks. He doesn't wait for an answer though, sitting opposite Peeta and I and flashing a dazzling smile. The way he talks with Peeta is like they're old friends. I shovel food into my mouth, to make sure I never have to say something. Mags hobbles over after a while and sits on Finnick's right. She offers me a gummy smile and I smile back. Mags is probably the only person I don't have a problem with here. She doesn't talk much, and when she does, it's garbled, so I don't have to worry about her talking to me.

Johanna slides in on Finnick's left after a while and I curse under my breath. I haven't been fond of Johanna since the elevator ride. Minutes later, Chaff and Seeder take residence at the end of the table. It's like we're the popular table, I realise. Everyone wants to be our friend, or ally really.

When I have licked my plate clean, I feel sick. I have eaten much too fast, just to get away from having to speak and I excuse myself from the table. Peeta watches me with curiosity but doesn't say anything. I head to the bathroom and find that the sick feeling is quickly passing. I splash my face with water, bend over the sink and control steady my breathing. When I lift my head up, Johanna Mason is standing behind me. I stare into her reflection off the mirror in front of me. I wonder for an irrational second if she followed me.

She stares at me for a long moment and I snap. "Did you want something?"

Her lips form a snarl. "Nothing 12." She kicks open one of the stalls and slams the door behind her. I leave the bathroom with my own slamming door. I do not like Johanna Mason. I will not regret putting an arrow in the back of her head.

The rest of training passes like a blur. I manage to keep a hold of Peeta after lunch and we spend most of the day passing through the stations together. When we return back to our rooms, we are both so spent that we barely say a word during dinner. Peeta heads to my room without me even asking and we collapse on the bed and instantly fall asleep.

The next day is even busier. We are woken up early again, at the crack of dawn, to get ready for our private training session with the Gamemakers. Peeta and I are sitting in the hall with Effie, waiting for a very long time. Finally Peeta is called in.

"Good luck," I mouth. He just gives a jerky nod back before disappearing inside the grey steels doors. Then it is just me and Effie, who has the decency not to run her mouth off. Then a mechanical voice calls 'Katniss Everdeen' and Effie gives me a reassuring push.

As soon as I enter, I know something is very wrong. The Gamemakers are sitting huddled close together. They look rattled, and I wonder what Peeta has done. They deliver me death glares that trace my movements across the floor and I am worried for Peeta. I have to do whatever I can to keep him alive and his case will not be helped if the Gamemakers are not on his side.

An idea forms in my head and soon I am dragging the practice dummy from the side to the centre of the room. I grab a piece of rope, and try to replicate one of the knots Finnick was so easily tying yesterday. When I do, I hang it around the neck of the dummy and dip my fingers into the jumble of red paint left over.

In bright red letters, I write 'Seneca Crane.' Then I turn to the Gamemakers. "I'll see myself out." With a bow of my head, I stride right out.

Effie isn't too happy when I explain what I have done. Haymitch and Peeta smile though. Peeta tells me how he painted a picture of Rue dying with the flowers I placed on her body. Outside, I praise him. Inside, I am silently cursing him. He is throwing his life away with both hands and there is nothing I can do about it.

We are given an hour to rest before they announce the scores, and then we will be sent to our stylists to get ready for the interviews tonight. The Careers and Finnick post typically high scores. Johanna also gets a decent score and the others are usually midrange or quite low like Mags and the morphlings. As they get to District 12, I wonder if anyone's ever been given a zero. Then both Peeta and I are flashing up on screen with a neat 12 next to our names.

Haymitch sighs. "Stupid, both of you."

"Why did they do that?" Peeta asks him. I realise the answer and open my mouth before Haymitch can.

"So that the others have no choice but to target us," I fill in. There's a dreadful silence as Haymitch gulps down his full glass in less than five seconds.

"Get out of my sight. I can't look at either of you," he grunts, standing up and leaving. I hear him knock over a few things as he goes to his room. Effie gets up soon after and it's only Peeta and me sitting there.

"I do stupid stuff all the time," I say to him with a smile. "What's your excuse?"

He laughs. "Come on, let's get some rest before the interviews."

I blank out during most of the interviews. Everyone tries to hijack Peeta and I's star crossed lovers angle for themselves. Johanna talks about the rules having to be changed, to prevent such situations as Peeta and I having been thrown together again. When it is my turn, I try to act like speaking will kill me. Like I am so choked up at the thought of losing Peeta. Which I find, it is not hard to act this way.

"I'll do anything to save Peeta," I told him. "Even if it means my own life."

"I know," Caesar says, bending his head and kissing my hand just as the bell rings for the end of my interview. As I sit down, I pass Peeta on my way to the stage. I want to know what he's thinking but his face is unreadable.

"It must be hard," Caesar said almost sadly as Peeta sits down, "knowing you'll never be able to spend your life with Katniss. Marry her."

Peeta pauses, hands folded over his knees, staring off into space. I wonder what he's thinking. Finally he turns to Caesar. "Not being able to love her for as long as I want to is, very difficult." He heaves a sigh. "But, really Caesar," he looks around as if to make sure no is listening, which is preposterous with the audience hanging on his every word, "I have to tell you. We're already married."

The audience spins into chaos. Squeal and howls and sighs at the odds never being in our favour. But I am not all too surprised. I knew Peeta would try something like this, to milk our star crossed lovers even more and convince Snow and the Capitol that we are truly in love.

Peeta goes on to explain how the marriage isn't really official but to us, it is. He talks about the toasting, our special ritual in District 12 for those getting married. The cameras spin to me and I try to look as enamored as I can, with a hint of sadness, gazing strictly at Peeta.

"Well then, at least you got experience some married bliss," Caesar says gently. "That's something to be happy about."

"Well it would be," Peeta says angrily, slapping his hands against his thighs. His voice is bitter when he speaks next. "If not for the baby."

My hands clench into fists by my side. He's done it again. Made the audience forget about every single word of the tributes before him, all just to save me. He's made me pregnant with his child.

If the audience was emotionally charged before, now they are positively crazy. They refuse to settle down, even when Caesar asks them to. So Peeta just climbs down from the stage and walks back toward me, his face a little uncertain.

"Did I do something wrong?" he asks. I shake my head and take his hand. I can't be angry at him when he's just given the world a reason to save me. Because if I'm pregnant, the girl on fire, it makes me much more valuable. They can't let me die when I have a child within me. Not one of the star crossed lovers from District 12 who has been through so much.

All at once, something seems to happen down the line of tributes. Finnick takes hands with both Mags and Johanna, and Johanna takes the hand of her district partner. I take Chaff's stump in my hand as he offers it to me, and suddenly we are standing together, linked as one. This is our stand against The Capitol. They can send us back into the Games but they cannot separate us. They cannot tear us apart.

Then the anthem is playing so loudly that the audience is drowned out. Capitol workers crowd around us and push us towards the exits, breaking our chain. I lose Chaff next to me instantly but I grab Peeta's arm with both hands and clutch him so tightly I cannot lose him. We are escorted back to our level and we enter to find that neither Haymitch nor Effie has returned yet.

I head to my room, getting changed out of my dress and into a soft, loose nightgown that is much more comfortable. Someone knocks on my door and I tell them to enter. Peeta does, changed into a pair of satin pajama trousers and skin tight singlet.

"Go on," he says. "Yell at me. You know you want to Katniss."

I give a shallow smile back. I should, but I don't. Instead I say "I'm sorry."

Peeta frowns. "That was unexpected."

I laugh softly. There's so much I want to say. So much I need to say. "I'll never get the chance to say any of this again. I'm sorry for pretending to love you during the games. I'm sorry for lying to you about Snow. I'm sorry for everything I've done to you –"

Peeta cuts me off with a kiss and I'm so surprised, I keep my eyes open the whole time. His eyes are closed though, his long beautiful lashes pressed against his cheeks.

When he pulls back, he brushes the side of my face. "Stop saying sorry. I don't have any right to be angry with you. You saved my life. I can't get pissed off just because you don't feel the same way about me that I feel about you."

"I just didn't want to go into the arena with you mad at me."

"I'm not mad," he replies. He sits down on the edge of the bed. Then in a weary voice, he says, "After all, I love you don't I?"

"Do you?" I ask. After all I've done to him, I wouldn't be surprised at all if he no longer did. If he didn't, I might be able to tell him about Gale.

"I don't know how you can even ask that."

"Show me then," I say bluntly. This is the last time either of us will be alive and alone together, without any cameras, without anyone else. Just us. I might as well make the most of it.

Peeta sits there dumbfounded. "Excuse me?"

I launch myself onto my knees and he pulls back a little. "Show me that you love me."

I force my lips against his and he falls back into the bed. My act at spontaneity doesn't come off as well as I had hoped. His head smashes back into the headboard and I fall into him.

"Peeta! Oh my god, Peeta are you okay?"

He groans loudly, his eyes fluttering. Oh my, I've given him a concussion. This is the worst attempt at seduction in the history of the world. "Katniss?" he says weakly. He sits up, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm okay."

I bury my face in my hands, hoping to hide my mortification. The one time, I try to reciprocate his feelings, I hurt him. Curse my inexperience.

"I'm fine Katniss," he says, rubbing my back. "Maybe just leave the romantic moments to me huh?"

I finally look at him again and he's smiling. I lie back down next to him, wrapping our legs within each other's. "You wanna tell me what that was about?" he says.

I don't know honestly. I just know I don't want to be alone. "Do you need an answer?" I ask, craning my neck to look up at him. "Can't you just, just kiss me? It's our last night."

He ponders this, looking down at me. He knows that it's too difficult for me to work out what I feel for him and Gale. But will he be taking advantage? It's not taking advantage if I let him.

I roll on top of him, pressing our mouths together and running my hands greedily through his hair. The old Katniss, the girl who doesn't know anything about this kind of love or boys or any kind of intimacy, disappears. I have left her behind. With Gale.

Gale. I break away from Peeta's lips and lift my head into the air. It's not possible to be with one without thoughts of the other poisoning me.

"Katniss?" Peeta says quietly. I look down at him and I know – now is the time. I should tell him. I need to tell him about Gale before anything happens.

But I don't. Instead I lower my lips back to his and swallow all the voices and doubts in my head. I don't know if I love Gale or Peeta. Maybe I love them both. Or maybe I'm too damaged to love either of them. I just know that on my last free night, on the last night on earth that I will ever be just me, I need to be with Peeta. I cannot be alone.

There's a knock at the door and I sigh into Peeta's mouth. I run a finger across his bottom lip. "You probably shouldn't be here."

"We're married and pregnant," Peeta says with a grin underneath me. "Nothing we haven't done already." I roll my eyes at him and we both get up. He's probably right considering we are supposed to be unofficially married with a baby on the way. But I still make sure he's hidden in the closet before I open the door.

It's Haymitch. "You okay sweetheart?"

"Yeah why?" I ask.

"Heard noises, thought you fell off the bed or something."

I hide my smile. Actually it was the sound of Peeta hitting the headboard very hard but that's not something I need to tell him.

"Did you want something in particular Haymitch?"

"No, I – I just wanted to check on you."

I narrow my eyes at him. Haymitch doesn't 'check in' on me. Ever. "Seriously, what's up?"

"I thought you might do something stupid," he says with a grin. "You know, one last defiant act to the Capitol."

"I wouldn't dare Haymitch," I say in a light, mocking tone. "I'm an angel."

"Sure you are Everdeen." At this, I realise Haymitch hardly ever calls me by my first name. Maybe because that's too familiar, and if he allows himself to care, he might just feel what he's been so long trying to block out with alcohol. As he goes to leave, he throws words over his shoulder back at me. "Can you please make sure Peeta's back in bed by morning? Wouldn't want to cause a real accident you can't take back, would you?"

I wince, my whole face reddening. The door shuts and Peeta reappears, his blonde hair disheveled. He moves towards me and takes me gently in his arms. "He might be right," he whispers.

"Yeah," I breathe back. "Probably best not to – complicate things." We stare into each other's eyes and he reads my sentence as I predicted he would. We know we're not coming out alive, at least not both of us, so isn't it best to just let it go, not get caught up in what we might be if we had the chance?

Besides, Haymitch's warning is ringing in my ears. An 'accident I can't take back'? Not hard to read into that one.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Sounds….like a plan."

He kisses me hard and long and I know I will not survive the night without him. "Stay with me?"

He smiles and leans in again. I just hear the whisper pressed into my lips.

"Always."

The games are starting next chapter !