AN: Thanks for hanging in there. Not only is this my first AU, but my first story written without a planned outline. Hope you enjoy the ride. -jb

Chapter 2: We're All Mad Here!

With the ache of her loneliness so unbearable, a heaviness had settled deep into Carol's bones, covering her in a thick mental fog. For a long time, things seemed unreal, worse than a nightmare. Faces were a blur, time seemed to almost stop completely. Like watching someone else's slideshow, she was there, but she was not there.

There were only the freckles on her daughter's face. The shrill fright in her voice as Sophia called to her. "Mama!"

Her beautiful girl.

"She's gonna be a heartbreaker, this one," Dr. Murphy had told her when he finally placed the swaddled baby into her arms on the day she was born.

Stupid, stupid. How could you be so stupid?

After twelve years of marriage to Ed, self-beration had long ago become second nature. Trapped in the hazy logic of her head where she spent countless hours, she beat herself down a gloomy spiral of repentance, fueling her guilt with her pain. What else could she do?

Someone said something nearby, pulling her out of the fog. A man with a boyish face stood in her doorway, chewing on his thumbnail. He tried to hide behind a dark veil of shaggy hair, but it just made him look that much more pathetic, like a drowned dog who had waited loyally in a season of rain for his master to return. The needy look in his eyes told her he knew too well what it was like to be abandoned. It pulled her chest into a tight knot. She recognized the sheer terror paling his face. It reminded her of—

No, she couldn't let herself dwell on the past. This is now! Stay in the goddamn moment, Ed often yelled at her.

Startled, she had barely squeaked out a hello before the man had fled. Perhaps she made him uncomfortable. She tended to do that, Ed always had to remind her to keep quiet. Always running that big mouth of yours. Although she really couldn't remember the last time she had actually spoken to a person, anybody. This man was ashamed, and like a scolded child, he ran off with his tail between his legs.

She couldn't leave him like that, crushed. It wasn't fair for him to go around thinking he'd done something wrong. Got nobody to blame but yourself. He needed something, even in her fog that much was clear. He needed someone to care about him, and Carol, unable to cope with her own loneliness, needed a distraction.

It was like caring for a wounded animal, she thought, she just had to be patient and let him make the first move. Maybe she just needed to give him another opportunity. They could start over.

Down the hall, she could hear someone cursing angrily. Oddly, the sound of his loud voice didn't frighten her. Instinctively, she knew it was that man, beating himself up over his failures. She had done it enough to know she couldn't let that stand. A strange energy began coursing through her body, compelling her to action. Suddenly, she was moving down the hallway towards the imploding black hole. Her mission was obvious, she had to save this innocent man from himself.

This time she was patient. Approaching slowly, she knew if she just waited, he would find his footing. And it worked. He began to walk beside her, introducing himself.

The man-child's name was Daryl. How fitting that their names rhymed; there was something karmic about that. It was a benevolent sign indeed. Maybe they could help each other.

He had the earnest face of one who could be trusted completely. For the first time in a very long time, Carol smiled.

"Alright, why don't we start with introductions and some of the group rules to welcome Carol here to the fold," Milton stated at group the next morning.

"Welcome, little lady, to our fair town of Woodbury. People call me the Governor." Philip winked at her.

Daryl scoffed, but said nothing.

"We don't like liars here," Philip added, shedding the plastic grin he wore for an intimidating glare as he paraphrased a rule in his own demented way.

"Part of being honest, is telling about our true selves. Why don't you tell her your given name?" Milton urged him.

"You can call me... Philip," he said his name distastefully. "But only you. Only her!" He eyed the group in warning.

"Very good , you're making progress," Milton said with an encouraging smile.

"What's said here, stays here," said a man with intense blue eyes.

"Aren't you going to tell her your name?" the counselor inquired.

"Rick Grimes, ma'am. Very nice to meet you. Sorry, I'm a little groggy today." He turned his head towards Milton. "I think it's that new medication."

Daryl elbowed the former deputy. "Welcome back to the land of the living."

Rick scratched at his beard and nodded uncertainly.

"I'm Beth," the young blonde said. "We're supposed to be respectful of everyone. Do unto others, you know."

"Her last name is Greene," an older blonde woman clarified, "which I'm fairly certain violates some type of ethical standard. Although, we're not supposed to talk about other people's business around here, without their permission, so it never gets addressed."

"Don't mind Andrea. She's some type of big shot lawyer," Daryl explained to Carol, "or at least she thinks she is. You never can tell with this bunch."

"My name is Eugene." The mulleted man nodded at Carol stiffly. "The rule that I would like to state is this: do not comment on appearances. Some would consider it impolite. Eccentricities are, strictly speaking, of a personal nature that need not be swayed by popular opinion, as they are often representative of a creative mind. Or genius as the case may be. Not necessarily of madness."

After a silent pause, Milton turned to Daryl. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"

Daryl blushed as he looked at Carol. "Already had the pleasure."

"Hi, everyone, I'm Carol," she said meekly, wringing her hands. "I'm not sure what to say."

Daryl's eyes were drawn to the movement. That's when he spotted the glint of gold around her finger. Despite its gleam, he immediately felt contempt for the ring, seeing how it cast a shadow over her and kept her shackled to something sinister, something that was tarnishing her otherwise spotless aura with a disturbing gloom. He scowled at it.

"Don't gotta say nothin', 'less you wanna," Daryl assured her, feeling himself liquefy under her aquamarine gaze.

"It's true, Carol," Milton confirmed. "You can just observe until you feel more comfortable." Turning to the group, he asked, "Who would like to begin?"

Carol smiled nervously. It was a false smile, it didn't reach her eyes or brighten the gloom on her face. It wasn't anything like the genuine smile she had given Daryl the day before. He stared at her, confounded by this complex creature. She was the sun, and he needed her to shine.

"I guess, I'll start," Rick stated, taking the initiative. "It's been hard being away from my son. I know he's gotta be takin' it hard. With me in here and Lori... I don't know sometimes, it still doesn't seem real, you know?"

"It's a reality you have to face," said Andrea.

"Believe me, I know, I just—" Rick stopped speaking as he leaned forward, elbows on knees as he played with the ring on his finger. "I still see her."

"Maybe you're just not ready to say goodbye," Beth said gently.

"That's fuckin' selfish," Daryl spat. "You should be thinkin' about your kid. What's he got now, huh?"

"You're right."

The anger hardened in Daryl's chest and seized when he noticed Carol's creamy complexion had turned dull and ashen. There was no light in her eyes. Like a small child, his thumb went to his mouth and he pulled at the skin with his teeth. Suddenly, he was not certain of anything, if he ever was.

"The problem with children," Philip complained, "is that they are so childish. I—"

"Shut up, dumbass," Daryl interrupted, never tearing his eyes away from the sad woman. He leaned forward, the concern creasing his brow. "Carol, are you alright?"

Everyone turned to look at Carol, who suddenly looked startled. Color had begun to return to her face and her cheeks flushed a bright red. "Oh, I'm, I'm sorry, I...I'm not—" she stammered, scanning their confused faces. Standing abruptly, she pushed back her chair with her legs and fled.

Daryl felt like a giant asshole putting the spotlight on her. The hell you thinkin'? He stood as if to go after her.

"Daryl, remember we put thoughts into words here, not action," Milton cautioned him.

Uncertain of what to do, Daryl stalled. "You wanna know my thoughts?" he asked, pressing his brow together. His thoughts were racing, even he didn't know what he was thinking; the look on her face had been so devastating. Maybe Carol wanted to be left alone. He could understand that. But if he offended her, he needed her to know he hadn't meant to. He was just concerned about her.

"Yes, what are you feeling? What is it that you want?"

Yeah, Darlina. Tell the good people how sweet ya are on that honey pot.

At the sound of Merle's voice, Daryl looked suspiciously at the group. "Screw this!" he huffed at Milton, taking off in the opposite direction that Carol had gone.