Chapter 4

I felt like chicken fried shit when I woke up.

I blinked blearily, the room carefully coming into focus, and I noted the light-

"Mom," I croaked, my head pounding and throat scratching-dehydration.

I turned and rolled off the bed, my limbs shaking like a newborn Hawkstrider-hunger, blood sugar crash possibly. My duster gathered around me, and my gloves were in my line of sight on my hands-so I was in my selling clothes.

I was over exhausted, how long have I been asleep?

I made it to my feet when I heard the sound- someone was in my house.

I snatched the knife from underneath my pillow, and I prowled to the door, pushing it open-

Sylvanas was sitting at my mom's bedside, singing.

I froze, and she turned and looked at me, her hand stilling in my mother's hair, and she eyed the knife, "She ate something small every couple of hours and is well watered, I did what I could with all of these odd herbs and remedies, but she doesn't remember much and you have no paper instructions."

I put the knife down on my broken vanity, stepping into the living room threshold slowly, trying to keep a hold on my tremors.

"How long…" I hacked, bending over as my head was blindsided by a searing pain, and for a moment everything went red, then Sylvanas was kneeling next to me, helping me into a chair and putting a thing of water to my lips.

"Take it slowly, Tortheldrin. You've been asleep for a couple of days."

I spluttered, water spraying out of my mouth and down my front, days?!

"Shh, it's alright, breathe. I've been here the entire time; your home has been protected." This was the Sylvanas I saw on the roof of Silvermoon, soft and caring.

I took in some deep breaths, keeping my eyes shut until my head clearing, and I opened them to find Sylvanas watching me carefully, eyes searching for something.

"Are you aware of what insanity is, Tortheldrin?" she asked, and I shrugged.

"Yeah," I said, my voice still rough, but not quite as horrid.

"Can you explain it? Put it into words?"

I sighed, raking a hand-a probably filthy hand, I need to bathe-through my hair, which was snarled, "Whenever your brain sees things backwards, I guess."

Sylvanas got this sad look on her face, like she felt bad, "In some ways, yes…insanity can be severe depression, where every minor sadness turns into despair so overwhelming that nothing seems the way it should. It could be a paranoia, where you never sleep or stay still for fear of an invisible hunter finding you. In a bunch of cases…it's when your rage takes over and you become a killing machine, taking out a score of men with the strength of a thousand."

I felt ill, "Why are you telling me this?"

"What do you remember about your father?" She steered the conversation in a completely different direction, and I flinched, looking at mom's curled up form.

"Talk outside-he triggers her fits." I whispered, curling the water jug into my arms and heading to the front door.

I sat down outside, little ways from the house, and when the door shut behind Sylvanas, I sighed heavily, "My father was a merchant who sold trinkets and never aspired for anything greater-not a bigger home, another child, more money, a title, anything." I took a deep breath, beating back the disappointment, "He fled the draft during the beginning of the troll wars, and my first clear memory of him is your father disciplining him for letting his child run away in Silvermoon, and four years later rangers came and collected him for the war. Then we got a condolence letter and a bag of money." I took a deep breath, "He had a temper, a really bad one, and…Mom will never admit it, but I think he hit my older brother, before he died. I think the rage got to be too much."

I didn't talk about my brother much, but from the stories, and the very vague memories of him, it was easy to tell that my mom loved him more than me, and dad hadn't liked him very much.

"I wasn't aware you had a brother," Sylvanas noted.

"Tyrannus Tortheldrin. He died when I was two." I explained, and she nodded.

"So your father had a temper?" she prodded.

I snorted, "I totally get it from him. He was an ass when he wanted to be-when your father died, apologies, I wanted to go to the funeral and pay my respects, and he had yelled and stomped and thrown things…" I shuddered, that night had been horrid…

I had been ten, and the news of Talanas Windrunner's death had circulated like wild fire, and I was a sniffling wreck, and I saw on the missive that it was an open invitation to Quel'Thalas to attend the funeral.

I shimmied down the tree trunk across from the house, padding in to see Mom and Dad going over something adulty. I trotted up and stood patiently-they'd acknowledge me.

"Yes, Teir?" Dad asked, turning and looking at me, his eyeglasses twinkling in the light-it was a pretty day.

I handed him the missive about Talanas and waited for him to finish reading it, then spoke, "I want to go to his funeral."

He stiffened, his face contorting, "It's not appropriate."

"But it's open invitation to all of Quel'Thalas!"

He growled low, and I flinched, "You have no attachment to him, Teir."

"Sure I do! He helped me down off that ledge in Silvermoon, remember? He's why I want to be a rang-."

"You're not going!" He yelled suddenly, both mom and I jumped.

"Sweetheart-." Mom tried, but he whirled on her.

"It's inappropriate for a child to go, Lyressai!"

"But if she wants to pay her respects…" She trailed off, shrinking under his gaze, and he whirled back on me.

"You are not going!"

"But Dad, you don't even have to take me! I know where their village is I can run-!"

"YOU'RE NOT GOING!" He boomed, looking so scary that I took a few steps back, my tiny, child form quivering.

"Teir go outside," Mom said quietly, her tone underlined with anger, and I practically fled the house, immediately going around the side and crouching under the window to listen.

"What is wrong with you?!" Mom snarled.

"Me? That girl wants to attend a funeral!" Dad was so angry.

"She wants to pay her respects, it's polite. Practically every elf in the Realm will be attending!"

"Then it'll be too dangerous for her to go!" Dad yelled.

"Well if we went with her-."

"Lyressai!" there was an odd noise, like something being hit, and silence for a moment, then he continued "That man disrespected me in front of the entire Bazaar, don't you remember?"

"Of course I remember, but it is still common courtesy, and if Teir wants to go mourn him-."

"Then she can do some from here! In fact, she's grounded until that wretched funeral is over!"

I peeled away from the window, tears boiling over as I stood in front of the door, and I walked in silently, head down and hair hiding my features as Dad listed out my grounding.

Then I heard the Hawkstriders.

Two blonde women rode up, atop gorgeous striders, and they looked a lot like Talanas.

"Vereesa, Alleria, why-." Mom dropped into a bow, and so did Dad after she jabbed him. I just stared.

Alleria looked down at me, "Why are you crying, small one?"

I sniffled, "I'm grounded." I said simply.

She dismounted, green armor glimmering, and crouched down in front of me, a lot like Talanas, "Well Grounded, I'm Alleria Windrunner."

Hey! "I knew your dad!" I exclaimed, recognizing her name, and a sadness seemed to fall over her even as she smiled.

"Did you? I hope he was nice," she said kindly, and I nodded vigorously. I felt Dad's rage from behind me, but I liked this lady!

"He helped me down off a ledge in Silvermoon. I wanted to give him a trinket," I revealed the little charm I had made from my pocket-I wanted to put it on his grave.

She smiled, "Well, I see you got the missive. I'm going to guess that you're Teir?"

I nodded vigorously, she knew me?

"Well, little one, my father personally wanted my sisters and I to invite you-he left it in a special letter." She revealed this letter from her pocket, and I heard dad grumbling as Mom took it and read over it.

"My! She'd be staying in the Windrunner spire! What an honor!"

"She can't attend." Dad was such a party pooper.

Alleria froze for a moment, and her expression hardened, "Vereesa, show Teir how to climb, I think it'll be fun for her."

I was lead away by the smaller, blonder elf, who was considerably younger, and amidst the shimmying amongst the branches, I saw Alleria towering over Dad, her face anything but friendly.

I was allowed to go after that.

"My sisters coerced your parents into letting you stay with us?" Sylvanas cocked her head, as if trying to remember a small redheaded twit.

I shrugged, "In retrospect, I was probably taken away so that I didn't get scared, but it worked."

We sat in silence for a long while, until Sylvanas said, "I think your father was insane."

I snorted, "me too."

"No," she was completely serious, "I think your father was actually mentally unstable, Tortheldrin."

I froze, that phrase like ice in my veins, "But…that would mean…it's hereditary."

She nodded, and I thought I was going to die.

"You're saying…?" My eyes were wide as saucers and my heart was thundering in my chest.

"There are ways to restrain it, to control it-."

I took off, my bare feet sliding through the grass, and I heard her take off-she was considerably faster than me.

But she's admitted in training that she sucks at climbing…

I stopped for a second, launching into the trees, and I heard her curse much louder as I flew through the trees, climbing something I was so used to that I could make it to Silvermoon in minutes on autopilot.

I couldn't tell where she was, so I kept moving, away, away, awa-

I stopped, nearly flying out of the tree, and froze. She stood at the river's edge, glaring at me.

How the hell…?

"Because this is so mature of you, Tortheldrin." She quipped with a little malice, "Get your ass down here. Now." She sounded like-

She sounded like a mom.

I slid out of the tree sheepishly, my feet touching down silently, and she glared.

"Now I know why the others don't mock you for your climbing abilities." She said, and I huffed with amusement, "But that was so damn stupid of you-." She clenched her first for a moment, and took a deep breath, "I know how to arrest the madness, how to control it-my little brother was born with the same kind of thing. Let me help you."

Mom got worse.

She got so much worse.

It had been weeks since the revelation of my madness, and Sylvanas spent more time than not at the house, guiding me through meditation techniques and mental exercises-she was helping me build a mental landscape, where I could compartmentalize and essentially lock away the madness. I was envisioning it as senseless screaming which didn't have a face-I hoped it never had a face.

As for the rest of my mind, I thought it'd be a nice library-all my stories and little quips could be stored in books. I could recall things by reading one of the many, and it was warm and all mine.

I sat in the sauna of my house, thinking on those books while mopping up the most recent puddle of bile-it had been a long night.

The door opened, and in with it came Sylvanas and a bag of ice, I sighed contentedly as I essentially pressed my face against the bag, handing the mop over to Sylvanas and lounging on the clean section of the floor.

"How long until she needs a fresh round of herbs?" Sylvanas asked.

"We only bought this set a few days again and already I'll need to go out for more-we're going through so much money…"

I had spent precious gold pieces to get into the Silvermoon library and spent the entire time looking for anything I didn't know on the sickness, and all I got out of it was that the more effective herbs were rarer, and thus, more expensive. I was barely making enough for food at this point-we couldn't leave her alone to go hunting for game, it sucked.

Sylvanas finished cleaning up the vomit, and I bound mom's newest wounds-she had ripped a lot of skin open by clawing at it during one of her fits. She looked so damn frail, and she couldn't keep anything down.

"I'm going to have to return to the Spire soon…make sure to contact me if you need me, understood?" Sylvanas had taken on an older sister role, verging on Mother, and it was warming.

I nodded and she left with a nudge to my shoulder, and I watched out the window as she ran off towards her home. I felt drained, sweaty, and miserable.

Mom suddenly sat up shrieking, and back into the insanity I went.

I threw another letter for help out the window, which was surrounded by dents and cracks from my fists.

She was in such a state all the time, and by the light I needed help but I just-

My pride. What was left of it, at least.

I ran a hand through my hair, ripping at it, staring longingly at the sky as I cleaned up more of Mom's wounds and slapped on more paste. I hadn't left this damned room in weeks, except to go find more herbs and leaves. I hadn't eaten in so long, and god I was tired.

Mom's hair was almost completely gone now, and what was left was lanky and grey. Her skin was sallow and pale, and covered in bandages from where it had slid off of her in grafts. Her entire body was bony and malnourished, and her hands were gnarled.

She didn't remember my name.

She didn't remember Dad, or Tyrannus, or me!

My face burned with tears, and I gulped back sobs as she continued to ramble incoherent and scream.

The clock ticked midnight, and I looked at the chart of the year on the wall, and with a jolt, I realised-

It's my birthday.

"Mom, please-."

"Get away from m-." She hacked up more blood, her chin and sheets already spattered with plenty of it, and her eyes were so glassy.

I sighed, leaning back against the wall and scratching another tally into the destroyed floor-Day 98 since Sylvanas had gone home.

She hadn't come back, and I hadn't reached out-though the ever growing pile of parchment in the corner shows how badly I wanted to.

The house was destroyed; the floorboards were broken and pocked, the walls had holes and were dented from me pounding them when the rage got to be too much, every piece of cloth in the house had saliva vomit or blood on it, and the food stores were so low it was hilarious-I actually cooked a rat yesterday, and even ate a small amount of it raw, before using the fur to scrub at more of the blood.

Mom fell back, letting a dejected wail fill the house, and I groaned as my stomach growled and my hands shook.

"Mom, I love you." I said quietly, even as she couldn't hear me-I'm pretty sure her hearing had gone, because her sight was basically dead at this point-I had checked, her pupils didn't react at all anymore.

I checked the kitchen again, knowing all I would find was dust, and I sighed, looking longingly at the duster-if I could just go hunt, and get something from the village.

But no, no one trusted me anymore, not after Coin.

And if I left, Mom might die alone.

I sobbed hollowly, realizing that I had no parchment or ink left to plead to Sylvanas-

I know where the spire is.

I looked at Mom, determination reigniting this will in me that had just sort of died.

I applied the last of every salve and paste and herb in the house-which wasn't much-and used every sort of minor spell I could think of; it'll have to hold.

"I'll be home soon." With that, I took off for the Spire.