Been far too long since last update but I'm glad I got it out. Enjoy! P.S don't think anyone guessed correctly who was at the door :P

Chapter 4

"Hi," I say, wiping away the evidence of my tears with the back of my hand. "I wasn't expecting to ever see you again."

Madge Undersee smiles at me, her limp blonde hair falling around her face. "Can't say I was expecting to see you either after the quell." She reaches a hand out to me and I give it a squeeze. We have never been those kinds of people to be overly affectionate with each other so this simple squeeze of our hands is an adequate show of friendship.

I gesture for her to follow me in and she does. I offer her a drink but she declines, taking a seat at the table. "I'm sorry I didn't come see you in the hospital. I thought you might have enough to deal with."

"You could say that," I tell her with a smile. We sit there for a while, comfortable in the silence. Our friendship is still kind of new, unfamiliar to us both. Slowly, we start to talk like we never have. I pretend she's Peeta or Gale – someone I can tell absolutely anything to. If we're being honest, I'm kind of low on friends right now and I'll take anyone I can get. Finnick has become my confidant of late but he's damaged enough as it is. I tell Prim as much as I can but I want to keep her innocence for as long as possible, though it's proving quite difficult in this war.

"I heard you didn't make it out," I say, realising only seconds later how blunt I sound. But Madge being Madge already knows how I am and she just gives a small, bitter kind of smile.

"I almost didn't. My parents saved my life. They're both dead now."

"I'm sorry," I say. It comes out like an automatic response but it doesn't take away any of its meaning.

"It's okay," she says, but the way she stares into her lap, and presses together her lips makes me convinced that she is holding back a sea of tears. "I have my life. My freedom." She looks back up, and her face is different. Harder. Fiercer. "Some people don't have even that."

I think of Gale and Peeta and I'm sure she does as well. They have their lives – for now – but their freedom is squarely in the hands of President Snow.

"They'll be okay Katniss," she says knowingly.

"How do you know?"

"I don't know. I just have faith." She sounds so sure when she says it. But I stopped believing in things like faith and hope a while ago. Right around the time both Gale and Peeta were taken.

The front door opens and it's Haymitch this time, and Finnick is with him. "Am I interrupting?"

"No, it's okay. I was just going." Madge stands up, politely bowing her head at Haymitch. "I'll see you around Katniss."

"Don't be a stranger," I tell her and she gives me a small smile as she leaves. I turn to Haymitch. "What do you want?"

"Don't give me attitude sweetheart," he says and I roll my eyes. "Coin is willing to forget your little indiscretion this morning if you get a head start on the propos."

"Propos?" Finnick asks, cocking his head.

"They're just videos to inspire the rebellion," I explain. "And I'm guessing the only reason she's making me do these is to distract me while she sends a rescue ship out for Peeta and Gale, right?"

Haymitch sighs. "Try not to do anything stupid today, okay?"

"I make no promises."

We head downstairs where they have a huge sound stage set up. Plutarch and his assistant Fulvia are waiting for us along with some makeup people, a couple of cameramen and a woman in a suit. She comes up to me straight away, shaking my hand enthusiastically.

She introduces herself as Cressida. "I'm a director from The Capitol. These are my cameramen, Castor and Pollux." They both nod to me and I try to appear enthusiastic. But it's really hard. I already feel drained and we haven't even started yet.

Fulvia comes bustling over to me, clicking her tongue. "We told you to get her into some nice clothes Haymitch." For a scary moment, she sounds like Effie.

"If you want to try and tell her what to do, be my guest," Haymitch says and Finnick grins beside me.

Fulvia reconsiders and retreats back to Plutarch's side. She's very much like an annoying puppy dog. I never thought I'd say this but she actually makes me miss Effie.

I look down. I'm wearing a nice pair of black corduroy pants and my father's hunting jacket over a singlet. I don't look that bad, do I?

The makeup team comes over to me but I won't let them lay a hand on me. I braided my hair earlier before we went out hunting so it's good enough. I allow a light layer of makeup on my face to cover the scar Johanna left me with but when they try to do more, Haymitch tells them to piss off and I smile at him out of gratefulness.

"So what am I supposed to say?" I ask him.

"Whatever they tell you," he replies. I see the door open behind him and its Madge and Prim. I wave to Prim before returning my eyes back to Haymitch. "Did you tell them to come?"

"I thought it might help," he says. I wonder how but he just walks off over to Finnick.

Cressida calls me over. "Okay Katniss, now we want you to stand in front of the camera, and repeat what we tell you. Can you do that?"

No. "Yes," I say.

"Okay now, just repeat what I say," Fulvia says. And she starts rattling off words at a lightening pace. Most of them are just ridiculous slogans, like "Join the rebellion now," and "Fight beside the mockingjay". I can tell though that she's pretty proud of them though so I don't have the heart to tell her they stink. But no matter how I try, I cannot make them sound even remotely real. And everyone seems to realise it too.

After an hour of getting nowhere, Haymitch finally pulls me aside. "What are you doing?"

"This is bullshit," I tell him. "I can't do it."

"Katniss," he warns.

"This isn't me and you know it. I sound like a robot."

"Even that's being generous," Haymitch mutters. "Look, just ignore their words for a second. Ignore what they're telling you. Remember why you're doing this. Look around."

And so I do. I see Madge, who is smiling in her usual helpful manner. Her parents died because of Snow and The Capitol. She lost her whole family because of them. I see Finnick standing next to me. He's so broken and damaged, so…..like me. The one he loves is in danger because of him and he's dying just a little bit every day because of Snow.

I see Haymitch, who had everything taken away from him because he outsmarted them like I did. He lost his family and his girl, all because of The Capitol.

And then there's Prim, my little sister. The one who I swore to protect. The reason I went into the Games in the first place. I am doing this now so she can have a better life. So she never has to experience the kind of pain and heartache that I have.

Finally, I nod. "Okay, I can do this."

"Good," Haymitch says. He gives me a little shove forward. "Now, go."

This time, I stare down the barrel of the camera, imagining that it's just me and Gale, talking in the woods like we have for so many years. Just me and my best friend.

"There are no winners in a war like this. Just death. Just innocent people losing their lives. Because that's what the Capitol does. They kill, they make us suffer, just for their entertainment. We play in the Games for them, not for ourselves. Not for some sense of honour or pride for our district. It's just death. And if we don't dare to stand, we're just gonna fall. They'll take everything from us if we let them." A shaky breath flies out from my lips but if I don't keep going, I'll lose my nerve. "I don't want to let them take anything else from me. They've already taken too much."

There is silence. Utter and complete silence. Then Cressida signals to Pollux to cut the camera. "That was….good," she says. My hands have begun to shake a little and I stuff them into my pockets.

Haymitch steps forward. "Are you okay Katniss?"

"Just kind of woozy," I admit, though that's a bit of an understatement. My overtiredness has caught up with me and I feel like I could faint at any minute. "It's been a long day."

"You should go get some rest," Haymitch suggests. "You did good today kid."

"Yeah, yeah," I say. I look around him to Madge. "Can you make sure Prim gets home Madge?"

She nods. Finnick follows me out and together we head back up the stairs towards my apartment.

"You go rest Finnick," I tell him. "You're tired too." I can see it in his face. He is being slowly weened of morphling and it's proving difficult.

"Are you sure you can get back to your room alright?"

I give him a good natured push off balance. Finnick is in far worse physical shape than I am, and he's worried about me? "Go," I tell him, and after a moment's hesitation, he does. I continue ascending the levels, towards my apartment, and that is when I see her. I can't be sure from the back but there is something familiar about that mane of dark hair.

"Hazelle." She ignores my call and if anything starts to walk faster. I move my jelly-like legs faster too, just so I can catch up with her. I will not let her slip through my grasp.

"Hazelle please." She finally stops and turns around to face me. Her grey eyes are like steel, and there is none of the comfort or familiarity I have come to know from her. "I need to talk to you," I tell her.

"I think it's best if we don't talk for a while Katniss," she says and I wince – the words sting, more than I care to admit.

"I just wanted to let you know that they've sent out a rescue ship into The Capitol."

"I know. Haymitch told me." Hmm, did he now? Funny how he never mentioned he told you to me.

"What do you want me to say?" I blurt out in a panic, fearing I am losing my grasp on this conversation. "What can I say to you to make you forgive me?"

"There is nothing Katniss," she says, and her voice is so hauntingly empty, I fear this moment may be added to my growing list of nightmares. "It's not me you have to apologise to. It's not me whose forgiveness you have to beg for. It's Gale's. When he comes back, I want you to look him in the eye, and I want you to tell him that you've chosen Peeta. You need to take ownership for everything that's happened. That's all I want from you."

Easier said than done. It was hard enough to look Peeta in the eye, knowing that I had lost Gale's child. To look into Gale's eyes, break his heart even more so than I have done…..

I take a deep breath because she's right and there are so many conversations I have to have with both Gale and Peeta when they get back. I have to tell Peeta what I couldn't in the Games. I have to tell Gale that I love him, but not enough to spend the rest of my life with him. Not to be with him like that.

"Okay," I whisper, because I can't seem to will my voice to be louder. "I – I will."

Hazelle reaches a hand out and she takes mine in hers, holding it. I feel safe, secure but it's only for a second before she has retreated and left me all alone.

I head to the apartment and thankfully it's empty – my mother must still be at work. I lie down on my bed, daring to close my eyes. Somehow I do fall asleep. Images of Gale and Peeta float in and out of my slumber but most of my usual nightmares stay away. Hazelle's voice, distant and empty, calls out to me. I try to beg for her forgiveness but she just tells me that there is nothing I can do.

Eventually I wake to someone shaking me awake. I open my eyes, still disoriented but I can tell that it's Haymitch hovering over me. It's so dark now. I must have fallen asleep and slept right through most of the night.

I rub the sleep out of my eyes. "Haymitch, what's going on?" Then I bolt upright, knowing there could only be one reason for a midnight visit. "Are they back yet?"

"They are." His answer is too short, too brief. Something is wrong.

"Did they get them?" Silence. "Haymitch, don't do this to me. Just – just tell me. Please!"

Haymitch's eyes are bloodshot when they find mine. "They only got one of them."

Submit your guesses in your reviews!