Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho. Never have, never will.

I stared at the ceiling, counting the panels in an attempt to distract myself.

The dull roar of noise coming from the living room was annoying, but I was able to tune it out with ease. The conversation being held in the kitchen was an entirely different story.

Shifting uncomfortably on the table I was sprawled across, I pressed my hands to my eyes. I regretted the move immediately. The images that seemed to be seared against the back of my eyelids appeared whenever I closed my eyes, presenting a threat to the contents of my stomach.

Groaning, I let my hands drop back to my sides, splaying them against the wooden tabletop. A glance at the room's occupants revealed that I still had a long wait ahead of me.

I'd insisted that Yukina heal those who had participated in the fight before attending to me, claiming that my ankle wasn't bothering me that much. And at the time, it hadn't been. I hadn't anticipated my adrenaline and nerves wearing off and leaving me with a painful, throbbing ankle. Yet that was exactly what had happened.

When I had been watching my friends fight, I hadn't realized the number of injuries they had acquired during the battle. Looking at them now, it was blatantly apparent that they had indeed gotten hurt.

Yukina had started healing Yusuke first and was only just finishing with him. He tugged his shirt over his head and leaned back against the countertop, in the process of vividly retelling his fight with Epsilon. Honestly, I couldn't understand why he was bothering to do so. With the exception of Yukina, everyone in the room had witnessed the fight and didn't need to hear all the gory details.

The ice apparition turned her attention to Kurama, who was nursing a stomach wound, and I risked a peek at Hiei. He stood, his shirt in his hands, waiting patiently for Yukina to heal the gash on his chest.

I tore my gaze away from the group, returning my frustrated stare to the ceiling panels and resuming my count. I wanted to tell Yusuke to shut up, to inform him that no one wanted to hear his stupid story, but I bit my tongue. Just because hearing about the fight made me want to toss my cookies, didn't mean it had the same effect on the others.

Plus, yelling at Yusuke wouldn't end my queasiness. There was still the problem presented by my inability to close my eyes. Every time I did, every time I let my lids fall shut, I saw Tau lying lifeless in a pool of his own blood, lying dead because he had tried to save me.

Which was, of course, the conclusion I'd come to.

If Tau hadn't been carrying me, he would have been able to defend himself. He would have at least had a chance at living. But with me in his arms he'd had no such chance.

And then there was the other haunting idea that had occurred to me. What if, as Yomi had put it, my friends had drawn the short straw and been responsible for saving us? What if one of them had been carrying me? What if Hiei had been carrying me?

I resisted the urge to groan again and dug my nails into my palms.

Hearing the distinct sound of laughter coming from the living room, I wondered what was going on in there. All of the demons who had been a part of our rescue and the subsequent fight had returned with us to Genkai's shrine, apparently having deemed it the perfect place to celebrate Epsilon's defeat. Needless to say, Genkai hadn't been thrilled, but had been forced into the role of reluctant hostess nonetheless and had roped Keiko into helping her prepare food and drinks for the demons.

I was secretly thankful that Genkai had insisted on Keiko's assistance. Had Keiko been left to her own devices, I was afraid she would have had a panic attack. Having a job to do was probably working wonders for her nerves.

Personally, I wouldn't have minded joining them. It certainly would have given me a task to occupy my troubled thoughts. Too bad I couldn't walk.

Yukina had finished with Kurama and was beginning to heal Kuwabara's numerous wounds. How I'd missed the literally dozens of injuries on my friend was beyond me. He was talking softly, assuring Yukina that he was alright. Seeing them together like that, I was suddenly struck by the fact that they were mates.

The idea brought tears to my eyes and I blinked rapidly, hoping to prevent myself from crying while at the same time praying not to see Tau each time my eyes fluttered closed.

The noise from the living room increased abruptly. Glancing at the door, I saw that Keiko had just entered the room looking flustered, but altogether better than she had when we'd arrived at the shrine. She spotted me lying on the table and smiled, walking toward me.

"Hey," Keiko murmured, pulling out a seat and sitting down. "How are you?"

"Bored," I answered.

"Nice spot you've got here."

"You think? I don't know, it's kind of too hard for my liking," I joked, tapping the table with my hand. Redirecting my gaze to the ceiling, I asked, "What's it like out there? Is it as crazy as it sounds?"

"Crazier."

"Oh, how so?"

"Genkai had the not-so-brilliant idea to bring out alcohol. And, just so you know, drunk demons aren't fun demons." Keiko sighed, shaking her head tiredly. Her gaze flicked to the guys and she raised an eyebrow. "Has he said anything to you?" she whispered, turning back to me.

I didn't need to ask who she was talking about. "No, not a word." But he had been staring at me. It wasn't just the weird, unreadable look he had sent me after the fight. I'd felt his eyes on me sporadically ever since we'd returned to the shrine.

"You should talk to him," Keiko said, taking one of my hands and entwining our fingers.

"Why? Keiko, he can't possibly want anything to do with me. Why should I force him to talk to me if he doesn't want to?"

"Don't you want to explain? He'd understand. Maybe he wouldn't insist on mating you. Did that ever occur to you, Shy?" I took my time responding and Keiko took my silence as a sign that I wasn't going to answer. "If you care about him as much as you say, how can you possible stand to let him go? You said you loved him," Keiko breathed, her voice so quiet I could barely hear it.

"I still do. But I can't do it, I can't kill him."

"Maybe you should be a little less selfless," Keiko muttered.

I snorted. Keiko was not only bringing up a subject that I didn't want to talk about, but she was being a hypocrite while she was at it. "That's rich, Keiko. What do you call what you're doing with Yusuke, huh?" Rolling my eyes, I added, "Those in glass houses."

Keiko let out a soft sigh. "Alright, I get it. We'll talk about something else." The tone of her voice made me feel guilty and I opened my mouth to apologize, but she spoke before I had the chance to. "I don't think I ever said thank you."

Confused, I pushed myself up slightly, resting my weight on my forearms, and eyed her quizzically. "What for?"

"For doing what you did, being brave like you were." She looked down, using the hand that wasn't holding mine to pick at the hem of her shirt. "You attacked Disma with a can of disinfectant, Shy. Which, I'll admit, may not have been very well thought out, but it was brave and I wouldn't have had the guts to do it."

"I thought she was going to kill you," I interrupted. "I panicked."

Keiko shrugged off my words and continued, "And the way you acted while we were in that cell. You were the only thing that kept me from freaking out. You seemed so calm, so in control." She took a deep breath and finally met my gaze. "And thanks for not hating me, even though I put you through all of this."

Her words left me shocked and I shook my head unthinkingly. How could she possibly think I would hate her? No matter what the reason?

"Keiko, that's just stupid. I chose to be a part of this world. I could have backed out as soon as you told me the truth, but I didn't. That wasn't because I wanted adventure or excitement. You're my best friend, Keiko, and if this is part of your life, then I want it to be part of mine."

She smiled softly and gave my hand a quick squeeze. "I'd better go back out there and help Genkai. She isn't going to be thrilled that I left her out there with a bunch of inebriated, celebrating demons."

I let her hand go and watched as she headed for the living room, grabbing a bag of chips as she went. Lying back against the table, I stared up at the ceiling and resumed counting the panels for what felt like the hundredth time.

I had reached twelve when the kitchen fell eerily silent. I'd grown accustomed to the guys' conversation and its disappearance immediately caught my attention. Looking toward them, I saw that Yukina had just finished with Hiei and was making her way toward me.

"How's you ankle feeling?" the ice apparition asked.

"Um, like it's broken?" I hadn't meant for it to come out like a question, but I wasn't entirely sure how to respond. My right ankle was swollen, bent the wrong way. I was pretty sure it spoke for itself.

Yusuke laughed, leaning against the table and peering at my ankle. "Thanks for that startling revelation." He cocked his head to the side and added, "That's quite the break you've got there. Kuwabara says you got it falling down some stairs. Sounds graceful."

"That's what I said!" Kuwabara assumed a spot on the other side of the table, reaching over me to slap Yusuke a high five.

"Yeah, well, idiots think alike," I muttered.

I couldn't help the slight wave of disappointment that Hiei hadn't come to check on me as well, which was stupid since I'd been the one to break up with him, not the other way around. He and Kurama remained on the other side of the kitchen, talking in hushed tones.

"This may hurt," Yukina warned, bringing my attention back to her. "I'll have to align your ankle properly before I begin to heal you."

"Okay," I answered.

I felt her gentle hands on my ankle and foot, sending a wave of pain up my leg. Apologizing when I winced, she moved her hands, getting ready to twist my foot into position. She jerked and –

When my eyes fluttered open, Yusuke and Kuwabara were leaning over me. "I never realized you were so easy to knock out," Yusuke said, acting as though he had made a great discovery. "I'd break your bones more often if I knew it would shut you up."

"How long was I out?" I asked, fighting back a moan. Pushing myself into a sitting position, I studied my ankle, glad to find that it appeared normal, even if it was a little swollen.

"Ten minutes. Fifteen tops. Enough time for Yukina to heal you and that's about it," Kuwabara answered.

I looked around for the ice apparition and found her at the sink, filling a large bowl with water and ice. "What are you doing?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"I mended the break and tried to ease the swelling, but your ankle won't be back to normal for a few days yet. Ice baths will help with the inflammation and pain." She turned from the sink, the bowl held in both hands, and made her way toward me.

Sighing, I slid down from the table, landing on my left foot and then testing my right. Yukina was correct; my ankle wasn't normal, but it could at least support some of my weight. I dropped into a chair at the table and she placed the bowl at my feet. Gritting my teeth, I dipped my right foot into the icy water, bracing myself as it swirled around my calf.

"Twenty minutes," Yukina instructed.

I nodded and directed my gaze at Yusuke. "Go get me a book or magazine."

"Excuse me? I am not your slave," he muttered indignantly. "Why do want a book anyway?"

"If I'm going to sit here with my foot in icy hell, then I want something good to read. Now go." He grumbled, but stood up, heading into the living room.

"Ice baths suck," Kuwabara said sympathetically.

I hadn't needed his word to tell me that much. I'd sprained my ankles enough times during my running career to have grown used to ice baths and the uncomfortable pain they brought with them. It was all about keeping as still as possible so that the blood settled and the foot grew numb. Movement started the blood moving and pain was quick to follow.

Yusuke returned with a magazine and tossed it down in front of me. "Happy, boss?" he demanded.

I shrugged and opened the magazine, scanning the table of contents. He huffed and grabbed Kuwabara's arm, pulling him toward the door and out into the living room. Kurama, Hiei, and Yukina followed a second later, leaving me alone.

I lost myself in the magazine, content reading the stupid, senseless articles about fashion trends and celebrities, though I avoided anything romance related.

When the door opened, letting in a wave of noise, I expected one of my friends coming to check up on me. I had not expected Mukuro of all people. She didn't acknowledge me at first and I felt myself relax, thinking that she was simply retrieving something from the kitchen and would leave in a second, but that turned out not to be the case. After grabbing a water bottle from the fridge, she took a seat across from me at the table.

I shifted awkwardly and lay my magazine down on the tabletop. "Hi," I murmured. Moving my foot, I welcomed the wave of icy pain, hoping that it would clear my head so that I could deal with whatever confrontation loomed ahead.

"Hello, Shyle," she greeted in return, unscrewing the cap of her bottle and taking a sip. "How's your ankle?"

"It's okay. Thanks for asking."

Mukuro nodded and looked up, meeting my gaze directly. She didn't speak, choosing instead to simply stare at me. But her silence spoke volumes and I swallowed hard, concentrating on breathing normally.

The quiet finally got to me. "Look, Mukuro. I know you think I hurt Hiei intentionally or something, but I didn't. I did what I had to do and I honestly don't care if you hate me for it." She remained silent and I continued, "I can't live for sixty, seventy, maybe even eighty years as his mate knowing that, in the end, I'll be the one who kills him. I can't murder him. I won't murder him." My voice broke as I added, "I love him too much."

Mukuro smiled at me, a soft, genuine smile, and nodded. "I thought you would say that." Capping her water, Mukuro stood and made her way toward the door. Pausing with her hand on the knob, she glanced at me over her shoulder. "I would like to give you my blessing. I hope that you choose correctly."

I stared after her as the door swung shut, frowning in confusion at the whole encounter and her parting words.

It was nearly midnight when I stepped off the train and into the station in the city. Genkai had sent the celebrating demons packing just after sunset, but we hadn't left for the train station until nine o'clock. The ride had been hellishly long and I couldn't wait to get back to my apartment.

Our little group made its way toward the Yukimura diner slowly, too slowly for my liking. Yusuke and Keiko were headed home and Kuwabara and I needed to pick up our cars. Hiei and Kurama had remained at Genkai's, assuring us that they would catch a later train.

Not to say that Hiei talked to me at all. He'd maintained his steadfast silence, though he continued to watch me.

I remained quiet during the walk, listening as Yusuke and Kuwabara bickered. When we reached the diner, I fetched my keys from inside and then climbed into my car. I drove too fast on the way home, but there was no traffic and very few pedestrians so I saw no need to slow down. I practically ran into my apartment building, spooked by the shadowy, deserted parking lot.

Standing in front of the elevator, I couldn't shake the uneasy feeling that had come over me. I punched the call button for the sixth time and the doors finally slid open. When I stepped out on my floor, I was barely resisting the urge to bolt back down to my car and spend the night there. Something felt wrong and it was making me nervous.

I unlocked my door and stepped inside the darkened apartment, very conscious of my weak, right ankle. Moving into the living room, I glanced around and barely bit back a shriek.

Hiei stood at the window, facing out. He turned slowly and found me frozen, my hands pressed to my chest as if to calm my racing heart.

"How did you get in here?" Stupid question. I'd meant to ask what he was doing here. I knew how he had gotten in. He still had the key I'd given him while we were together. He'd never given it back and he had proved that it was still in his possession when he came and took his katana the day after we broke up.

When he spoke his voice was emotionless, cold and unforgiving. "How is your ankle?" It was a question that should have made me feel like he cared, but the way he asked it made it seem like a nuisance he wanted to get out of the way.

"It's been better," I answered truthfully. Forcing myself to relax, I tossed my keys down on the counter that divided the living room from the kitchen.

He took a step toward me, his hands behind his back. "Did Epsilon touch you?"

"What?"

"It's a simple question. Did Epsilon touch you when you were his captive?" His voice was still calm and even, but his eyes flashed dangerously.

"No," I said, unsure of where he was going with this.

"Liar." He moved closer to me once more, scowling. "He grabbed your ankle with his tail," he growled.

"How do you know that?" I asked, swallowing hard. "Did Keiko tell you?" Hiei laughed humorlessly and the truth clicked home. He was reading my mind, poking around in my head. "Stop," I murmured, stepping back as if distance would prevent his telepathy.

The anger left him suddenly, his shoulders slumped and his eyes lost their ferocity. He moved his hands out from behind his back, revealing a tattered book. Placing the book on the counter, he glanced away from me. "Look at it. If you wish to speak with me, tell Kurama and he will arrange for us to meet."

He walked past me quickly, his jaw set tightly. I didn't turn when I heard him open the door. I was too confused, too uncertain about what had just happened, to face him and watch him leave. It was taking everything I had not to burst into tears.

"You need not worry, Shyle," he said softly. Tears pricked at my eyes when he used my name, but I listened silently. "I am aware of the repercussions that come with making you my mate. They do not bother me and I wish that they would not bother you." He was silent for so long that I thought he had left.

At last, he added, "Read the book, Shyle."

The door closed with a soft click and I felt my restraint disappear. Sobbing, I made my way to my bedroom and sank down on the bed for what would prove to be one of the worst nights of my life.

AN: Fanfiction has been freaking pissing me off. It wasn't letting me respond to reviews and new reviews weren't showing up. Luckily, they fixed whatever was wrong.

So, I feel that it is only right for me to warn you that there are only two or three chapters left, including the epilogue, but not including the chapter I'm going to write that will explain the chapter titles. Speaking of chapter titles, if you want an idea of what's going on in Hiei's head, I'd suggest listening to 'Everything But Mine' by the Backstreet Boys. I think the song fits his thoughts perfectly.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed. You guys are incredible. What did you think of this chapter? Leave a review and let me know.