Monday, December 25th, 2000
Christmas Day
Samantha's shrill screech of delight woke Mulder and Scully at about a quarter till seven. Scully had never managed to make it home, having fallen asleep sometime around three in the morning with her head resting on Mulder's shoulder. Now she found herself trying to look more awake than she was and pretending that she had just arrived, having come early to watch Samantha open up her gifts. She scooted down to her end of the couch and stretched as Samantha came hurrying down the hallway holding the kitten tight to her chest. A tag attached to the kitten's collar informed her that it was from Santa.
"FOX! Fox, look! Look! Santa brought me a kitten!" she exclaimed, brandishing the kitten out in front of her briefly before holding it tightly to her chest again, almost protectively. In her excitement over the cat she hadn't even realized that Scully was there yet. "Can you believe it? Santa actually got me a KITTEN!" In her excitement, her voice was almost too shrill to be intelligible.
Mulder yawned and knuckled grit out of his eyes, trying to wake up. "Well, would you look at that? I didn't even hear him come in last night..." Mulder glanced to the end of the couch. "Hey, when did you get here?" he asked Scully, playing along but not sure why he was so anxious that Samantha not realize she had spent the night.
Samantha looked up and squealed in delight again. "Dana! Look what Santa brought for me! I got a kitten!" She gave the kitten a dopey look of loving adoration and hugged it tightly before planting a smacking kiss right on its furry cheek. To its credit, the kitten took this all perfectly in stride. Samantha looked up at Dana with an absolutely beautiful smile that expressed her utter shock and delight perfectly. "I have a kitten… I can't believe I have a kitten!"
Dana laughed at the little girl's antics. "I see that, that's awesome!" She started to add that Samantha must have been a very good girl this year to get a gift like that, but cut off the remark before it left her mouth. For all intents and purposes, the kid hadn't even existed for most of the last year.
Samantha plopped down on the floor and corralled the kitten on her lap, facing Mulder and Scully on the couch. Utterly enthralled with her new pet, she hadn't even noticed that there were gifts under the tree.
Mulder yawned again and stretched, still trying to wake up. "Hey, Samantha, don't you want to get into the rest of your gifts?" he asked, nodding towards the tree when she gave him a questioning look. When she turned to the tree her mouth dropped open in shock.
"There's more?" she squealed, her eyes as wide as saucers. She clearly wasn't expecting anything else since she had received her coveted cat. "Is all of that for me?"
Mulder chuckled. "Most of it is, go take a look." And that was all it took to get Samantha moving. By 8:30 the gifts were all unwrapped and the stocking emptied out. The kitten thought the discarded wrapping paper and ribbons were the best things in the world, and Samantha was sitting practically underneath the tree, a red and white candy cane in her mouth and all over her lips, giggling at the zooming ball of fur as it pounced in the trash pile. Both her brother and Scully had been rewarded with hugs and sticky kisses for the mountains of gifts, which included a Playstation with five new games, a brand new computer, an American Girls Doll that looked just like her, three CDs, a pile of coloring books, a 120 count box of Crayolas, a small easel, three Barbie Dolls, seven new books (and a gift card to Barnes & Noble to get more), a purple Nanopet, a new baseball glove, bat, ball, jersey, and cap, four Disney movies (plus a few others), hair barrettes, scrunchies, and headbands, two dozen mini bottles of nail polish in various colors, plus glitters and metallics, a set of five mini body sprays, two play-doh sets, five different board games, a soccer ball and a basketball, a hula hoop, a jump rope, roller skates, a bicycle, two yo-yo's, and a bunch of new outfits, along with a small menagerie of other odds and ends, plus a stocking full of candy and other assorted baubles.
There were a few gifts under the tree addressed to Mulder from Santa, including a few ties and sweaters, and a new pair of roller skates to go along with Samantha's. From Scully there was a new silver watch with a bright green glow-in-the-dark face. His old watch had been destroyed on a recent case, and he had lamented more than once that he kept forgetting to replace it.
When all of the other gifts were unwrapped, Mulder slipped a small silver-wrapped box from its hiding place. Samantha giggled when she saw it, laying upside down under the tree and teaching the kitten how to swat at the low hanging ornaments, her third candy cane of the day in her mouth. This one was blueberry and her lips and tongue were an alarming oxygen-deprived shade of blue. She and her brother had spent an entire afternoon trying to find the perfect gift and both siblings were eager to see Scully's reaction, albeit for somewhat different reasons. Mulder watched her unwrap it with a somewhat nervously expectant smile on his face.
Scully's jaw dropped when she opened the small box to reveal a matching necklace and earring set. The tear-shaped emerald pendant on the necklace was surrounded by tiny diamonds and hung from a thin gold chain. The stud earrings were identical to the pendant and also set in gold. The pendant and studs were large enough to be noticeable but not quite large enough to be ostentatious.
"Oh my God, Mulder! I can't take this, it must have cost you a fortune!" Watching her shock, Mulder decided he liked the way she looked when she was surprised. Not wearing make-up, freckles showed across her cheeks, and seemed to pop out even more in her wonderment. Her widened eyes looked an even brighter shade of blue than usual.
Mulder shrugged demurely. "It only took a small personal loan. I'll have it paid off by the time Sam graduates with her Ph. D." he responded, smirking. Scully gave him one of her patented incredulous looks.
Samantha scooted across the carpet to them, the kitten hot on her heels. It seemed to have taken an instant liking to its exuberant young master and hadn't bothered with Scully or Mulder since Samantha had awoken. "Do you like it, Dana? I helped Fox pick it out. He said we had to find you something really, REALLY nice because you've been doing a lot for us." Samantha informed her, making her brother blush.
Scully leaned forward and kissed Samantha's cheek, than leaned over and kissed Mulder's. "It's gorgeous, thank you both very much." She couldn't refuse a gift from a happy eight year old. Both Mulder and his sister wore bashfully pleased looks of surprise.
While Mulder and Samantha cleaned up all the wrapping paper, much to the kitten's chagrin, Scully whipped up a big batch of her Grandma Baker's Special Christmas Morning French Toast. Eloise Baker was Margaret Scully's Mother, and even though the Scully Family moved all over the world she made sure she was able to be with them every year on Christmas, and every Christmas morning she made her special French Toast for breakfast. Dana was a bit surprised to find herself so excited to pass the tradition on. She knew that Charlie did the same thing with his kids every Christmas, too. Bill she wasn't sure about.
Samantha removed the kitten from the black trash bag full of wrapping paper; it was trying to go along with the last clump of ribbon. Frowning suddenly, she held the kitten out to her brother. "Fox, is my kitten a boy or a girl?"
Mulder took the kitten with one hand and the bag of trash with the other as he walked towards the kitchen. Samantha danced along beside him nervously, as though he might forget which thing he was supposed to be throwing out. Once he relieved himself of the garbage bag he lifted the kitten's tail up and took a cursory glance before handing it back to his sister. "Looks like a girl to me."
Samantha gave him a quizzical look. "How can you tell that by looking at her butt?" she asked, apparently completely flabbergasted. Mulder froze, thankfully not facing his sister as a look of utter horror came over his face.
Scully appearing with an overflowing plate of spicy-smelling French Toast saved Mulder from an impromptu birds and bees talk, and as they sat down to eat and Samantha apparently forgot her question he was aware that he had never in his life been nearly so thankful for an interruption.
Scully was out the door by 10; she had to meet her Mother and brothers for Mass at noon. Mulder promised to be at her Mother's with Samantha by 4:30-5, and when Samantha wasn't looking Scully stole a quick kiss from him. He happily returned it, the gesture being an indication from both of them that the night before was not an isolated incident. Scully left the apartment with a light heart, while Mulder felt that his might be overflowing as he walked into the living room to see Samantha sitting on the couch with the kitten. Samantha had christened her 'Dinah' over breakfast, after the kitten in Alice in Wonderland as well as a favorite song of Samantha's called "I've Been Workin' on the Rail Road". There was yet another candy cane hanging out of her mouth, this one a cherry-flavored rainbow cane. She was watching some parade on the TV, and the kitten was apparently sound asleep on her lap. She looked up as her brother came into the room.
Scooting the candy cane to one corner of her mouth she talked out of the other corner. "Are we going to visit Mommy and Daddy before we go over to Mrs. Scully's for dinner?" she asked like it was the most perfectly normal thing in the world.
Mulder sat down on the couch beside her. "Sure, we can do that if you want to." He had been hoping to sneak a nap in for an hour or two, but he certainly wasn't going to tell her no. "What made you want to go today?" He was moderately surprised; Samantha hadn't even mentioned their parents much except in passing and she certainly hadn't mentioned anything about visiting.
Samantha shrugged. "Well, I thought we were supposed to. We always visited Grandma and Grandpa after church on Christmas and Easter."
"Oh, yeah. You're right, I forgot about that." Mulder said, leaning back. Their occasional church visits had ended entirely after Samantha's disappearance, and the holiday visits to the cemetery had ended with his parents divorce because those particular grandparents, Irving and Ruth Mulder, were Bill's Mother and Father. Teena's parents, Roger and Marilyn Kuipers, were buried in West Virginia, too far from Chilmark or Greenwich for holiday visits. Speaking of which…
Mulder sat up suddenly. "Actually, we can't visit Dad today. He's buried in Boston. I'm sorry, Samantha. We can still visit Mom though, she's close by. And we'll go visit Dad whenever you want, tomorrow even. It's just a long drive." Mulder felt ashamed of himself. It had been so long since he had been to his Father's grave, years now, but he still couldn't believe he had forgotten he was buried in Boston.
Samantha agreed without any concern and went back to watching the parade. Mulder took the time to watch her in turn, and a felt a strange ripple of unease work its way through him. He remembered Samantha being a some-what tantrumy child. As the youngest, and the apple of both her parents eye, their little Princess, she had been accustomed to getting her way and throwing fits when she didn't. She had been exceptionally easy-going for the last month, though, and he just didn't get it. Shrugging internally, he pushed the troubling thoughts aside with little reluctance; after all, he'd been spoiling her and hadn't told her 'no' about anything, so what did she have to tantrum about? Anyway, if he tried to go to sleep right now he could still get an hour or so of sleep before they would have to get ready to leave...
Four 'o' clock found brother and sister standing side by side on the gravel road by Teena Mulder's grave. Samantha's hands were tucked into the pockets of her pale blue jeans as she gazed at the stone bearing her Mother's name, her face blank. Both siblings wore dark blue sweatshirts, but only Samantha's had 'Lil' Miss Attitude' written across the front. Mulder put his hand on her shoulder, not sure what else to do. After staring from a distance for several moments Samantha approached the headstone cautiously and stood directly in front of it. Slowly, she reached her hand out, hesitated briefly, than traced her fingers over the etched name and dates before letting her hands fall back to her sides. She stood and stared in silence for a moment longer before spinning around abruptly and walking quickly back to her brother. A sudden gust of cold wind lifted her hair away from her face, and her brother saw a storm churning in her eyes for just a second or so before it disappeared. "Can we go see Dana now, Fox?"
They were in the car and almost out of the cemetery before Samantha spoke again. "Fox, why is Daddy in Boston if Mommy is here? Why aren't they together, like Grandma and Grandpa are?"
Mulder answered her before he stopped to think. It had ceased to particularly bother him many years ago and he didn't think about how Samantha might feel, or the fact that she didn't already know. "Because Mom and Dad got divorced." He winced as soon as the words left his mouth and glanced into the rear view mirror in time to see his sister's shocked and horrified expression.
"Mommy and Daddy got divorced?" she squealed, sounding devastated. In the early 70's 'divorce' was still almost a dirty word. Most kids didn't come from split homes, and there was a heavy stigma attached to those who did, especially in a community like Chilmark. "But, why? When did Mommy and Daddy, do that?" Mulder was disconcerted to hear the thick sound of tears in her voice. She seemed to be taking her parent's divorce harder than their deaths.
Mulder pulled the car over to the side of the road just inside the cemetery gates and put it in park before turning around in his seat to look at his sister. "Sam, I'm sorry. I forgot you didn't know." He couldn't look her in her face except in glances, which was enough to reveal the tears running down her cheeks.
"But, why? Why did Mommy and Daddy do that?" she asked, sniffling.
"I don't know, Samantha. They just didn't get along anymore, and they didn't want to live together anymore. It was a long time ago..." Mulder trailed off. "They still loved each other." he lied, hoping to ease her pain.
"When did they, get that, Fox?" Samantha asked quietly, dutifully avoiding the word itself now.
Mulder shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't remember, exactly, it was a long time ago now, I was a teenager..." He left the time period open on purpose. He didn't want to tell Samantha it was less than a year after her disappearance, she was upset enough, but she made the connection on her own. She'd always been a bright kid.
"Was it my fault, Fox? Because I was missing?" Samantha asked softly. "Is that why Mommy and Daddy stopped getting along?"
Mulder didn't even pause; the lies flowed as naturally as truth. "No, Samantha, it didn't have anything to do with you being missing. That made Mom and Dad get closer, you know, from grief. They separated awhile after that. They just grew apart, and decided not being together would be best for them. Divorce started becoming more common, and people started to realize that sometimes people just aren't meant to stay together and it became more accepted. You'll understand it more when you get older, Kiddo."
Samantha was giving him a mistrustful look. "Were you upset about it?" she asked him. Her tone suggested she didn't entirely trust his explanation and suspected he was trying to placate her, but her tears were beginning to slow just the same.
Mulder shrugged uncomfortably. He remembered with complete clarity the cold drizzly April day in 1974 when they moved from the house in Chilmark. Samantha had only been missing a couple months than. He had still been twelve, not turning thirteen until October of that year. He was moving with his Mother to Greenwich, to a much smaller house with three bedrooms. Teena had set up one of those rooms as Samantha's, for when her daughter returned, identical to their home in Chilmark. Mulder remembered his Father shaking his hand as they stood outside of the house in Chilmark, the moving van packed and ready to go, his Mother waiting for him in the car. He hadn't hugged him, but had shaken his hand, like a man, and told him to take care of his Mother. He remembered the way it had felt as he stared out the rain-splashed car window as Chilmark faded behind him, like the final piece of his world falling utterly apart. He pulled himself out of the painful reverie to answer his sister, and was surprised to find that he was very close to tears himself.
"Yeah. Yeah, I was upset, at first. I was sad. But I just wanted Mom and Dad to be happy again, and being apart seemed to make them happier." The car fell into silence as he remembered and Samantha absorbed. "Don't worry about it, Samantha." Mulder finally said. "It was a long time ago, and wherever they are now I'm sure they are happy."
"Do you think Mommy and Daddy are together in Heaven, Fox?" Samantha asked, and the hope in her voice hurt him. He was happy Samantha had never had to see what their parents' relationship had become, because it clearly would have hurt her far more than it had him. Or maybe he just refused to admit how painful it had actually been for him.
"Yeah, Samantha. Sure. Why not? I don't think anybody fights in Heaven, I think that's all just for when we're here on Earth." He replied diplomatically, but it seemed to satisfy her and she sat back and wiped the last of the tear trails from her face. Her nod was enthusiastic when he asked if she was ready to go to Mrs. Scully's now, and by the time they got there she was apparently completely back to normal.
Friday, December 29th, 2000
The Last Night of Hanukah
Samantha hurried around the small square dining table, setting places for herself, her brother, and Scully. Scully had agreed to come over after work to celebrate the last day of Hanukah with them, and Samantha was buzzing with excitement. She had dressed herself for the occasion in a dark blue crushed velvet dress with a white lace bib, white stockings, and black shoes with silver buckles. Her long dark hair was pulled back with a silver and faux crystal barrette. "When is Dana coming?" she called to her brother impatiently, removing the orange kitten from the table. "She has to get here before dark! I want to show her how to light the menorah!"
Mulder stepped into the dinning room, a half smile on his face. "Calm down, Sam. She'll be over as soon as she gets out of work, it's not the end of the world if we're a little late with the lighting. And it's not a 'menorah', it's a 'hanukiah'. A menorah only has seven branches, a hanukiah is the one that has nine." In re-teaching himself the basics of Hanukah he had learned a fair bit himself and was trying to pass the knowledge along to his sister.
Samantha gave him a petulant look. "Daddy always called it a menorah." she retorted, her tone suggesting that her brother was thus clearly an idiot and that their Father obviously knew best.
Mulder bit his tongue to keep from retorting inappropriately. "A lot of people call them menorahs. They're still technically hanukiahs." he disappeared back into the kitchen before she could reply, and before his latkes could burn. Samantha stuck her tongue out at his turned back and hugged Dinah to her chest.
Scully arrived about 20 minutes after dusk, slightly disheveled and very tired from a long day at work, a long week, but Samantha's excited greeting at the door with Dinah at her heels brought a smile to her face nonetheless. She gave Samantha a tight hug. "Hey Honey, Happy Hanukah! Sorry I'm late." As she spoke Samantha took her hand and pulled her into the house.
"Come on, Dana, I want to show you how to light the menorah!" Samantha insisted, tugging on her. "Fox, come on, Dana's here, we have to light the menorah!"
Mulder appeared in the doorway, drying his hands on a hand towel. "Hanukiah. And I'll be out in a minute. I have to take the salmon out."
While they waited for Mulder, Dana complimented Samantha on her pretty dress.
"My Mom picked it out for me to be my Hanukah dress." Samantha said blithely. "It was too pretty not to wear, right?" she asked, twirling to show it off. The cut of the dress screamed 1970's style.
Scully's smile was slightly awkward. "It's a very beautiful dress, your Mom had very good taste." Samantha beamed at the compliment towards her Mother, but Mulder's entrance ended the conversation, to Scully's relief. "Smells good in here, Mulder. I'm impressed."
"I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not." he retorted. "Tonight's menu is ginger glazed salmon, potato latkes, and creamed spinach. For dessert we have home-made jelly donuts."
Scully laughed at him. "Definitely a compliment, and I am very impressed. And starving, I can't wait to eat."
"It's all ready whenever you ladies are." Mulder told them, gesturing towards the table, but Samantha was on her feet before Mulder or Scully could take a step.
"Wait! We have to light the last candle first." Samantha said. When he brother looked reluctant she added "They were supposed to be lit at dusk, we're already late." The firm finality in her voice and the pouty set of her bottom lip had Mulder turn around with a sigh.
"Alright Samantha, fine. But hurry up, alright?" he requested impatiently.
Samantha shot him a dirty look as she scampered over to the plastic electrical menorah/hanukiah. "Do you know the story of Hanukah, Dana?" she asked, pausing before lighting the 9th candle.
"Um, sort of." Scully faltered. "It's the Maccabees, and how the oil didn't run out, right?"
Samantha giggled. "Kind of." She than spent the next ten minutes or so filling in the finer details for Scully, until her brother was ready to sigh loudly and exaggeratedly check his watch. Finally she recited the appropriate prayer, albeit in English, and flicked the last candle on. "And that's how you light the menorah." she told Scully.
Mulder stood up, delighted that he was finally able to serve the much anticipated meal. He knew that their observations were not very strict, but he didn't fill Samantha in on that. Their observance of Hanukah and Passover as children had been barely cursory, and he was only doing it now to honor his Father's memory, and to appease Samantha.
Dinner went over without a hitch, with both Samantha and Scully complimenting the meal. After dinner Samantha and Mulder taught Scully how to play dreidals for gold-foil wrapped chocolate coins and Jolly Ranchers.
"Your teeth are going to fall out if you keep eating that much candy." Mulder told his sister after catching her sneaking a Jolly Rancher from the pot in the center of the table for the second time.
Samantha stuck her tongue out at him. "No they won't; I brush them twice a day, it washes all the sugar off."
Mulder slid his chair back and stood up. "Speaking of brushing teeth, I think it's about time you get in your pajamas and get those teeth brushed tonight, huh?"
Samantha whined and sulked, but only a bit, a sure sign that she was tired. As soon as she disappeared into the bathroom, Scully stole a kiss.
"When are you planning on telling her?" she whispered to Mulder, pitching her voice low in case Samantha was trying to listen to the conversation.
Mulder inhaled the clean scent of her hair. "After New Years." he answered, rather evasively. He didn't know why he was so anxious about telling Samantha that they were taking their relationship to the next level. She clearly adored Scully, and had suggested it from the beginning. But, still…
Scully didn't bother to follow up the question, she just wrapped her arms around Mulder. She figured that he would introduce Samantha to the idea once he had her settled into school, and that was fine with her. She was more concerned with how this was going to affect their jobs; she thought Skinner would be much more concerned than Samantha would.
The next few days passed in a blur. Scully spent New Years Eve with Mulder and Samantha at Mulder's apartment. Samantha stayed awake until midnight to ring in the new year, and drank sparkling grape juice while Mulder and Scully drank champagne. Mulder and Scully took her outside to light sparklers and set off small fire crackers at midnight, much to several of the neighbor's apparent chagrin. Nearby someone was setting off real fireworks, visible just over the trees near the apartment. The trio sat down on the lawn to watch the show, which lasted a good twenty minutes or more. Mulder carried Samantha back upstairs; she was almost out cold before they headed back up.
Scully spent the night again, this time under the pretense of being unable to drive after drinking the champagne. New Years Day was again spent at Mrs. Scully's, but this time there was no Bill or Charlie or their families. Bill had already gone back to California, while Charlie was spending the day with his wife's family. Maggie was clearly glad for the company, and although her daughter had not yet told her about the new developments, it was clear enough to her.
Mulder made sure Samantha was in bed early. She was signed up for the local public school, and her first day was going to be January 2nd, when all the kids went back from Winter Break. It was also his first day back to work. Tucking her in, Dinah curled up on the pillow next to her head, he gave her a calming smile.
"You excited for tomorrow?" he asked Samantha, smoothing her hair back from her forehead.
Samantha gave him a half shrug. "I guess so. Are you excited to go back to work with Dana?"
"Yeah, I'm excited to go back to work. It was nice spending all of my time at home with you, though. But I bet you're tired of being stuck with your big brother all the time, and ready to find some kids your age to play with." Mulder told her, winking.
Samantha giggled at him. "I hope they don't all hate me."
"They won't hate you. You'll probably be the most popular kid at school." Mulder reassured her. He hesitated before continuing. "But, I have a favor to ask you."
Samantha gave him a quizzical look. "A favor from me?"
"Yeah, from you. Kind of for you, too." He paused again before plunging forward. "Don't tell the kids or your teacher when you were really born, or that you were missing, or anything. Don't tell anyone anything about all that at all."
"How come, Fox?" Samantha asked, looking confused.
"Because people aren't going to understand, Samantha." he told her, a bit sadly. "We don't even understand what happened, and if you tell people they might get afraid. It, it'll just be better for you if you don't tell people about it, okay?"
Samantha nodded. "Oh. Alright. But, what do I tell them about Mommy and Daddy?"
"You don't have to tell them anything. Just tell them you have a brother who is a lot older than you who you live with because your Mom and Dad passed away. Tell them they had cancer." Mulder suggested.
Samantha looked up at her brother. "Fox, how did Mommy and Daddy, die? Did they both have cancer?"
A silence blanketed the room as Mulder squirmed for an answer. He couldn't give her the truth, not at eight years old. Their Father had been murdered, shot, and their Mother had taken her own life when diagnosed with a terminal illness. There was no way he was going to tell Samantha that.
His voice was very soft when he replied. "They both got sick, Samantha. Don't worry about with what exactly, okay? I'll tell you some other time, when you're older. Okay?" His eyes were pleading, expecting Samantha to pursue the question anyway.
For a moment it seemed like she was going to. But than she just folded up into herself a bit. "Okay, Fox."
He kissed her goodnight and told her he loved her, and she responded in kind, but there was a distance to her behavior. She was very clearly still brooding on her question, and Mulder didn't know how to help her. He didn't want to lie, but he just couldn't tell her the truth, either.
Mulder held Samantha's hand as he walked her into the elementary school the next morning. She was dressed in the school uniform, a plaid skirt, white buttoned blouse, knee-high black socks, and black leather shoes. Her hair was pulled back from her face with a green barrette on each side and a plain brown JanSport book bag on her back was full of new school supplies. Outside of the classroom Mulder squatted in front of his sister. "You going to be alright?" he asked her.
Though she looked nervous, Samantha nodded. Mulder gave her a hug. "Good. I'll be waiting for you right out front as soon as school is over, okay? Than you, Scully, and I are going to go out for a special dinner, okay?" Samantha's smile was answer enough, and Mulder stood to watch her walk into the classroom. He figured she was doing better than he was when she didn't cry but he burst into silent tears walking back down the hallway and out to his car.