F is for Fear
AU. No Scarlet Guard, no rebellion, no betrayal. Mare and Maven are married.
There are mice living within the old, wallpapered walls of Whitefire Palace.
Mare gathers this as she crouches in a random bathroom on the second floor at two thirty three in the morning. But she'd grown up in much shabbier conditions so the sound of tiny feet pattering against wood is actually comforting.
Much more comforting than loud ticking of her watch.
Sinking her teeth into her bottom lip so hard it almost draws blood, Mare glances down at the expensive accessory for the tenth time in half as many minutes. Her heart hammers inside her chest as she realizes the little hand is finally resting on the seven.
This is it. The moment of truth.
She feels like her chest might explode at any moment. With a measured breath, she lifts the white stick off the counter and stares at the small word etched on its surface. She's immediately overcome with paralyzing fear.
"No, no, no," she murmurs to herself, rocking on the cold floor. Tears prick her eyes but she pushes them away. "I can't be pregnant."
But one bottle of water and three tests later, it's confirmed that she, Mare Barrow to some, Princess Mareena Titanos to the world, has a tiny human growing inside of her.
It's a terrifying thought. She and Maven have only been married four months and they are only twenty-one. They need some time to experience married life and settle into a new routine before taking a huge step like this one. They'd never even talked about children. It had sort of been a given, with him being a prince, but she'd never truly considered it because honestly she wasn't sure the King and Queen weren't going to have her executed until the ring was on her finger.
She still has her doubts.
And then another thought comes. Maven is a prince of House Calore. His children need to come out Silver with fire wielding abilities. With a red-blooded lightning-creating mother, the chances of that happening are significantly reduced. A tear trickles down her cheek as she realizes she doesn't even know if this baby will come out alive. There could be all kind of health risks of a Red carrying a Silver's child that she has no idea about.
Suddenly, she finds it hard to breathe.
She's leaning against the door and trying to hold her impending panic attack at bay when it's jerked open and she is shoved forward. She bites back a scream and whirls around to face the intruder. The Sentinel widens his eyes in surprise at the feral look in her eyes. Mare blushes, looking down. Without even realizing it, she'd put her hand on her stomach to protect her unborn baby.
A fresh wave of tears well in her eyes. The Sentinel, Gliacos she recognizes now, shifts awkwardly from foot to foot. "Your Highness," she says in a gruff voice, "Prince Maven has been looking for you. He's asked that you be escorted back to your bedchamber."
"Of course," she says in a stuffy voice, trying to hide her reddened eyes. "Let's go. I apologize for the inconvenience."
While Sentinels still scared the crap out of her, she'd learned that they tended to be less intimidating if you did things like apologize or thank them. She snorts to herself, remembering the way Elara had gaped at her when she'd uttered a thanks to a servant who'd refilled her wine glass at dinner. As if it's a crime to be grateful.
More fear slices through her. As much as she loved her royal husband, she doesn't think this is the environment she wants to raise a child in. Everyone is so cold and stilted and proper. She wants her baby to experience real love and laughter and joy, just like she had.
"Good night, Princess," Gliacos says with a brief bow and Mare realizes they've arrived at her bedroom door. Taking a deep breath, she pushes into the large space. Maven paces the length of the sitting room, his hair sticking up wildly, a sign that he'd been running his hands through it.
"Where the hell have you been?" He barks at her, "I woke up at two thirty to find you gone. Do you have any idea how worried I was? There's a reason we're accompanied by Sentinels all the time, Mare-"
"I just need some space." She says softly, and he stops his frantic pacing. He stares at her, with wide eyes and rumpled pajama pants, and waits for her to speak. "I need to tell you something important."
His eyes narrow and she can practically see the hundreds of scenarios running through his complex brain. In the four years she'd known him, Mare had only glimpsed some of her husband's astonishing intellect. It's honestly exhausting to keep a long, intelligent conversation with him, his thoughts changing quicker than any lesser person can keep up with.
"Maven, I think I'm pregnant."
To his credit, he doesn't panic right away. "What-" Maven begins, before stopping for a moment. He seems to swallow his words before continuing. "What do you mean... you think?"
His tone isn't unkind but rather a hybrid of uncertainty and confusion that she's never heard from him before. He crosses the room until his hands are gripping hers tightly and Mare feels nerves sweep through her body.
"I took tests," she confesses, "And got three positive results. We should obviously see a professional but it's unlikely that I got three false positives, right?"
When he doesn't respond, she presses on. "Answer me honestly, Maven. Do you want this baby?"
"Do you?" Maven replies instantly.
She shakes her head, frustrated. "I asked first."
"I asked second."
She groans in frustration, running her hand through her hair. She doesn't want riddles and treading around her emotions, she wants answers, she wants cold hard truths she can deal with – not lamely made promises that had no intention of being kept.
"It doesn't matter what I want-"
"Of course it does!" Maven interrupts indignantly. "I can't ask you to have this baby for me, it's your-"
But Mare inhales sharply, unable to hear the sentence's end.
"So... You want this baby?" She asks, her breath held in her chest.
Surprise flickers across Maven's handsome features. In the excitement of it all, he'd... forgotten himself.
"I..." He begins, before frowning. "Yes, no, I – Mare, I don't want to – it's still ultimately your decision-"
Maven's indecisiveness, his loss of control over his own words, spurs something warm inside Mare's chest and suddenly, the world looked less bleak than it had moments before. Maven, groomed to be the perfect gentleman from birth, had always had complete control over his rhetoric and actions. He was smooth, elegant and charming when need be. But to see him like this, stumbling over his words, makes her realize that he's just as nervous as she is. She's not alone.
"I want this baby too." She blurts out, "I just, I didn't want to ruin-"
"Ruin?" He interrupts, looking at her incredulously, "How could this ruin anything? I want this, I want us to have a baby."
"And we are having a baby," she breathes and his gaze drops to her belly.
"I'm going to be a father," he says in amazement, running his hand across the still flat skin.
"You're going to amazing." She says, without even thinking. But even as she says it, she knows it's true. The bitter, resentful boy she'd met four years had gradually been worn away to reveal the man she had married. He would be nothing but loving towards his child.
His eyes flick to hers and she realizes she's being selfish in thinking it's only she who has the right to be scared. Maven has a whole boatload of painful childhood memories that will lessen his initial excitement about becoming a father. "You will," she says firmly, "You won't be like him."
When he kisses her, she feels a stronger wave of desire than ever before. He pushes her gently onto the bed and manages to dissolve her worries with his tongue and lips and capable hands. Later, among tangling limbs and faster breaths, he chokes out, "I want a girl."
"It could be a boy," she reminds him, trailing a hand along his jaw. He looks down at her in amazement as if it hadn't even occurred to him that he could father a son.
"Thank you," is the last thing he murmurs against her lips before it all fades away and words aren't needed anymore.
Ok so sorry for making you guys wait a little while but I was hoping for at least fifteen reviews before I updated. They make me feel validated about my writing and motivate me to write more chapters, so please review! And if you were waiting for some more dark stuff, this is fluff but it's coming.