It's a choking, aching pain that cuts me inside. She broke my heart all over again.

If I had it my way, I would have completely severed ties with her. I would have stopped all contact. I don't care who she is or what she's been through or what her reasoning is; nobody has the right to just break a heart like that. So abruptly, without explanation, without a care. But, I couldn't have it my way. We were still in the same circle of friends. She wanted us to be just friends, and I guess that's what she was getting. But, we haven't spoken in weeks. Whenever we're in a room full of our happy, giggling friends, we're the two with the fake laughs. They can all tell. Nobody has mentioned our little affair ever again. They all seem to have realized we've broken it off. Phineas was really upset. I don't know if he really wanted Isabella and I to become a couple, but I know it bothers him to see her so lifeless. Not to mention the day she broke my heart, he saw me at my lowest low. I was so sad that he couldn't stand it. He was going to go fight for us, but there was no point.

I didn't tell her I love her. Maybe if I did, I could have fixed everything. I wish I hadn't fallen in love with Isabella. Why would fate deal me such a cruel hand? I lost my heart to a self-seeking girl. Someone who liked my own brother. Someone who was my closest friend. I gave up chances with sumptuous Vanessa, charming Wynne, spunky Adyson. I broke all the rules. I lost all my resolve. No strings attached… bullshit.

Here's a little fact: string theory was one of the last big ideas Albert Einstein was working on, until he died from an abdominal aortic aneurysm, a ruptured artery. He literally died from a broken heart. Coincidences, coincidences.

I heard a faint knock on my door. "Ferb, can I come in?" It was Phineas. I didn't answer. I didn't want to leave my room. He came in anyway. "Are you still…" He paused awkwardly. "…crying?" He said it so tentatively.

I couldn't say yes, because it wasn't true. That was what Phineas had found that day. His brother, his role model… I hadn't cried since I was about four, and it made me feel weak and stupid. Of course, it wasn't dramatic sobbing; it was less than a few tears. But it made my face burn, just like my heart.

"Ferb, you need to stop. All you're doing is going back and forth from home to work. You won't talk to anyone. I know you're acting like that's normal, but I can tell it's not. Not this time. This is serious. I'm not going to stand around and let you get seriously depressed."

He's probably the only one who can tell. The only thing I'm sure everybody else can sense is the awkward tension that happens after two people in the same circle of friends have a fight.

He sighed. "I know I was teasing you and all before, but if you love Isabella, you need to tell her. If you still can't, at least try to be friends again. Because this," He gestured to my position on my bed, "is not trying." And he left.

If I love Isabella. As soon as they found out I loved Isabella, the next question was: For how long? And I couldn't come up with the answer.

For almost as long as I can remember, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro has been in my life. The Garcia-Shapiros and the Flynn-Fletchers are just about as close as two families can be. She was always the sweet friendly neighborhood darling. I'm sure that she would've taken me under her wing if I wasn't related to Phineas. But I was. Therefore, I wasn't just her friend; I became an obstacle. And that stings a little, for a little boy to be pushed aside like that. She might have helped me grow-up and made me reach for things that were more important. Maybe I wanted to show that I shouldn't be ignored. Maybe I wanted to impress her with all the amazing things I could make and do. I always wanted her to get Phineas, because I hated when she was sad. But, somehow, I would find myself jumping in the way half of the time and keeping Phineas and Isabella apart. Yet, I did everything I could to stop the sadness. I listened, I became the one she'd open her heart to, and I would help her when she needed it.

And then… all because of her own insane idea… I kissed her. Caressed her. Touched her. Went all the way with her. And that was all it took to bring the truth to light. I loved Isabella. How long? Always. Always. No matter what I had thought before, that I loved Vanessa, that I loved Bella as a friend, that whole "love, but not in love" thing… I think everybody else was right. I've loved her forever.

So what am I supposed to do? Pick up the pieces? I was still trying. I was acting like nothing had ever happened. Just pretending that everything was almost normal. Ignoring that little hole she had left in my life. And suddenly, I had all this spare time to do absolutely nothing with. Time I would normally be spending having fun with my brother and our friends. Fun takes too much effort when your heart is broken.

"Ferb, come on." His voice sounded so distant. Of course, it was actually getting closer, and then Phineas was back in the room. "Talk to me. To Isabella. To ANYONE." He was so on edge.

She's broken my heart too many times and I'm done.

"I'm sure she is just as upset as you are." Phineas said.

I doubt it.

Grrr... so depressing! But, guys this is reality. Let me throw a cliché at you and say it's darkest before the dawn. There's going to be resolution and happiness and all that "d'aww!" stuff in the final two chapters. Please review!