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I really REALLY fucked up this time. If anybody was thinking my ideas had been stupid earlier; the trampy clothes, the jealousy, the matchmaking, getting wasted, sleeping with my neighbor, thinking that somehow friends-with-benefits could fix all my problems… nothing was quite as bad as this. I had made a big mistake. I was so worried about being a slut or ruining my friendship with Ferb, I tore everything apart. Now things could never go back to normal. I don't think we'll ever talk again. It sucks. I don't know what to do. It's not like I haven't seen him since. We're still in the same gang. But, I can't make eye contact with him, because all I see in his big eyes is pain. It's awful. I think I'd prefer it if I saw anger, if I had only made him angry, and not so hurt. If only he knew how heartbroken I was too. I wasn't sure what I was doing anymore, or why I was doing it.
Some of my friends had tried to offer me advice, and it was all stupid. Katie basically wanted me to kidnap him, Kyle ultimately said I should let the problem "fix itself", Buford said we should just go back to the sex, Wynne was convinced that Ferb would play the Prince Charming and rescue me, and Ginger straight-up blamed me and said I should apologize. They're all crazy.
I know I keep telling myself I want everything to go back to normal, but do I? What do I want? I want Ferb. He's all I want. I can't think of anything else I want more.
There was knock on my door and my stomach twisted up, wondering who it was, coming late on Sunday night. The kind of thing that hadn't happened since Ferb would come to solve all my problems. I opened the door so cautiously that I don't think I was breathing.
"Hi Isabella." Phineas said gently.
"What do you want?" It came out far more abrasive than I meant it to.
"Isabella!" He seemed stunned.
I let him in, feeling bad. "Phineas, I just meant…"
"Isabella," He said. "What happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"Between you and Ferb." He said.
I whimpered my response. "Phineas, please, this isn't really your busi-"
"No, this is definitely my business!" He said sharply. "Ferb isn't just my best friend, he's also my brother. And I have to fix what's wrong. Isabella, you made him CRY."
That hit me hard. Ferb, my rock. He was always my shoulder to cry on. And now, I had hurt him so much that I made him shed tears? I felt myself beginning to cry.
"Isabella, this is your fault." He said plainly. "You complained I wasn't romantic enough? He was doing everything. Dinner, dancing, flowers, chocolate… You are literally all he thinks about. And you broke his heart."
I was still crying, but I could by his no-nonsense tone, Phineas wasn't going to take any of my crap.
"You two are crazy and cowardly. He loves you and you love him. Why can't you just tell each other and end the craziness?" He asked. "You love him, Isabella, don't you? Even if you won't admit it to me, admit it to yourself."
"Phineas," I said weakly. "He… I…"
"He loves you too. He just can't get the words out." He said softly.
"Please go. Please." I turned my back, and Phineas left.
I didn't sleep all night. I was crying and overthinking everything. At least lying in my blankets gave me some sort of comfort. I felt so weak and tired in the morning. I didn't know what to do. I saw my stupid physics book on a table and felt the uncontrollable urge to burn it. As if that would somehow burn away this whole story, and every night I had spent with Ferb, and everything he had ever said to me.
Je te désire. Tu es l'amour de ma vie.
I suddenly had to get to a computer. I never knew what he had said that night. I didn't know any French at all. In fact, I sort of hated it since our trip around the world. But… in translation…
Je te désire. Tu es l'amour de ma vie: I WANT YOU. YOU ARE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE.
And like that, time totally froze. He had asked me; what would it take for you to fall for someone else? All he had to do was tell me he loves me. And he did. All he had to do was show me he loves me. And he did.
I scrambled to my feet as fast as I could and started getting dressed. Oh my god, where was he? That stupid stupid wonderful boy! I really really love him. That's all that matters! Forget my stupid friends and reputation and being afraid of change or commitment… forget everything! Do I care about any of that anymore? No! The only thing I want is Ferb!
I ran out of my apartment and started banging on his door. "Ferb! Ferb!"
The elevator opened and I looked eagerly towards it. Unfortunately, it was just Buford and Baljeet. "Hi, Isabella."
"Where's Ferb?" I asked desperately. "Is he with you? Is he in there?" I pointed crazily at the door.
"I think he is at work, right?" Baljeet guessed.
"Damn it!" I exclaimed to no one in particular.
"What's wrong?" Buford asked.
I ran down the hall into the elevator. "I'm going to tell Ferb I love him!"
I never got to see their faces. Maybe they were stunned or happy or confused, but really, who cares? Now I had to concentrate on where he was. I had to try his office first. If he wasn't there… well, I'd have to comb the whole city, Phineas and Ferb do so much.
I just took off. I was totally not in the right outfit for running. There was so much noise, from cars honking to teenagers joking together. I was just manic. Worst of all, the clouds were looking gray.
"Does everybody hate me!?" I screamed to myself. Please don't let it rain. But, the rain was so romantic when I was with Ferb. I absolutely have to tell him. So I kept running. Even when it started to pour.
Quick, tell me all and anything that needs to happen before this story ends in the next chapter! Review!
