If there was a contest to win the "Laziest Author on Fanfiction" title, I'd probably rank first. Sorry for the delay. Finals are finally over where I live (lol), so I'll try to finish this story before university starts again. Thank you for sticking with me so far! Your reviews encourage me a lot! Thank you! You're wonderful!
This chapter is from a different character's point of view, but next time we'll be switching back to Luka's pov, so please bear with me.
On the day I took the form of the devil, the world as I saw it was divided into three groups; those who were disgusted by the beast, those who dreaded him, and those who pitied him. But what brought them all together was that all of them loathed the beast. Cast out of the world by everyone, a seed of hatred was planted deep into the heart of his that everyone refused to see, his wrath only grew more powerful day by day until it conquered him, leaving only a shadow of said heart. The boy from the past had enough and lost all his human features, adopting the characteristics everyone had accused him of.
He wasn't born a beast, he didn't change into one on his own, he was shaped into a beast by the hands of the world itself.
The boy from the past felt so distinct, distant, and disconnected that I couldn't refer to him as 'I' anymore, for I wasn't that bright, elegant young man who was admired by everyone, and I couldn't feel that I ever was. The boy felt like a ghost lost in time, and the monster was the cursed reality I woke up to every morning.
But my distorted reality didn't make me sad, at least not anymore. The way my family viewed me and eventually avoided me was painful at some point, the end put to my would-be artistic career was frustrating at some point, the absolute loneliness I felt, the feelings that I couldn't explain, and all the hate the whole village would smother me with… they all used to hurt at a time. But gradually, I got used to all of it. I let everything drown away with the human I once –supposedly- was. I increasingly became numb to everything but the anger that had taken over my life, until the day my eyes –unfortunately- fell on the most ill-fated maiden in the world, who awakened something buried deep within me. Why did fate have to be so sarcastically cruel?
Eventhough anger was all that's left inside of me, I wasn't born violent or monstrous, but I was made so as I was slowly stripped off of my humanity, both in body and heart.
One day, women would gather to throw eggs and whatever rotten food at me, another day men would try to hit me with sticks and rocks –which I tried to avoid at first, but eventually let them do it condemning my act useless, as I would feel no pain even if I bled-, and occasionally priests would try performing their exorcising rituals on me, wanting to crack my head open to let the 'evil spirits' out. Most of the times I would ignore them and tolerate their actions, but eventually I did kick back when I got too pissed off, and my kicks weren't exactly soft.
But I didn't blame the cursed, shallow, village people for their desperate, rash actions, even if I still believed it was what encouraged me to further embrace the new nature everyone had decided for me. I couldn't blame them no matter how much I hated them because I know I would have done the same if I were in their shoes. There was really no one to blame, no one to let my anger on, no one to get my revenge on, no one to punish for the agony and unfairness I had to go through, and that was what frustrated me the most. I wanted to take vengeance, I wanted to fight back, I wanted to regain what I had lost and get back my dignity, but there was no one for me to fight in the first place. The wings, horns, and scales grew on their own.
I had no enemy to settle score with, and so, slowly and without my knowledge, the universe filled that occupation. I wanted the whole universe to suffer as I did.
When I finally got too tired of the villagers' actions and noticed how terrified and miserable I made them, I stopped visiting the village altogether and reverted back to the only two places in the world where I –mistakenly- thought I couldn't ruin anyone's life; the almost-empty mansion, and my hideout in the mountains quite close to it, having no choice but to accept Meiko's help to get me whatever I needed from the town's shop or whatsoever.
Meiko herself wasn't an exception to anything. Even if she tried not to show it, truth was that she was scared of me. However, she rejected her fear and decided to stay by my side out of pity, and perhaps obligation since we were blood-related and former close friends, and in the most ironic scenario possible; because she's too kind and loving for her own good.
I've always felt sad for her because she had to put up with me, and genuinely sorry for all the harm I had caused her. I just wasn't always able to express what I felt to her, as it was an ability I had lost once anger and hate seized my being.
"Earl Gray!" I hopelessly called Meiko's cat as I filled his bowl after I came back from my early morning hunting trip, fully-knowing that it was going to make him run away instead. Like any other creature following its natural instinct, Earl Grey's first reaction to me was that of a prey to its predator. But the time when receiving that reaction could hurt me was long over.
I sighed and walked over to Earl Grey's favorite spot to get him, or perhaps to irritate him, I wasn't sure and it didn't matter; I just started getting this unfamiliar urge to interact with others lately, and beside Luka who must have been very angry with me, there was no one in the mansion to annoy at the moment but the grey cat, as Meiko was away today checking up on the family's business, being the one managing it ever since she was left in the mansion.
Expectedly, Earl Grey wasn't there; even a deaf person would still feel my footsteps and run for their live if I try to approach them. However, I noticed that an object was lying there instead, a piece of jewelry with pearls, it seemed. I bent down to retrieve it, but some of the pearls scattered all over the floor. Looking at what was left in my hand, I thought that it must have been a necklace, but some of the delicate golden chains connecting the pearls were broken. I tried to pick up the loose pearls but my goddamned clawed fingers weren't compatible with the job, however, I did manage to gather all of them after endless trials. I knew It must have been naughty Earl Grey's doing.
I placed the necklace pieces in a pouch and initially wanted to leave it somewhere where Meiko would see it so I would witness the horrified expression she'd make once she discovers her cat's malicious doing, but then I remembered that Meiko had never put on neck accessories ever since the day I… attacked her and scarred her neck, and thus, the necklace couldn't be hers.
Back then, I was around seventeen or eighteen and still not used to the changes happening to me. It was at the time when only Meiko and I were left in the mansion right after our families' departure. That day, she went out very early in the morning without saying a word to me. When the night fell, doubt trickled into my mind and I thought she wasn't coming back again, I thought that she too had left me to rot alone, after all the kindness she showed me like a sister. I couldn't stand the idea of her faking all she had said and tricking me into trusting her as my only friend. I was frustrated, and when she finally came back at midnight, I broke out in angry tears and attacked her. It turned out later that she had been visiting a nearby town to look for a sorcerer that she had heard of; hoping he'd be able to fix me. The guilt of that night still haunts me every time I look at her face. I'll be bearing that guilt over my shoulders for the rest of my life, and I do deserve that feeling at the very least for being such a monster. And yet all she ever did was to forgive me after my unspeakable brutal crime against her.
I slapped myself to get rid of the horrible memory painfully playing in my mind, looking back at the pouch in the same sinful hand that had scarred Meiko before, and realizing that the jewelry piece must have been Luka's, being the only other female in the place.
I figured it wouldn't be a good idea to just go straight and tell her about what happened to her necklace; I had no idea if she would be awake, and I didn't want to ruin her day by being the first sight she'd open her eyes to. I was too ashamed to face her after the many times I hurt her and afraid that I'd cause her more harm. Plus, she already hated me enough, why be the one to bring her the bad news?
Out of boredom –as I convinced myself-, and perhaps loneliness, I decided to visit an old acquaintance that I hadn't seen in years, hoping she'd be able to fix the necklace. She was my personal tailor as a teenager, a blind young lady who owned and ran a clothing and jewelry shop. People would always marvel at her remarkable skill in tailoring and making accessories, she could always do a wonderful job in spite of her disability.
I wasn't sure that visiting the village was going to be a merry event for the beast, nor did I understand my paradoxical illogical reason for wanting to fix the necklace in the first place, but I decided to do it anyway.
I spread my wings and let myself enjoy the momentary feeling of freedom I was experiencing as I ruled the sky alone. The sights below were mesmerizing as spacious fields with flowers of all colors blended before my eyes in a breathtaking scenery, the sensation of the wind encircling me and brushing through my hair was priceless. Up there it felt as if I owned the world.
However, my euphoria died out as soon as my feet touched the ground, jailing me back in reality. I didn't want to descend to the ground in front of everyone to further frighten them, just landing in the outskirts and walking the rest of the way to the town square on foot was granted to terrify them enough.
The muddy footpath I followed was lined with flowers and roses, the beautiful fields stretched in front of my eyes for as far as I could see. The sun rays were painting the grass through the trees' leaves with endless shades of greens, a work of art that combined light and shadow. The scene of greenery was swaying back and forth with the gentle wind, making the colorful petals even more tempting. I wasn't one to be fascinated at such sights usually, in fact, I'd hardly notice their existence, but Luka loved flowers didn't she? That night, her pathetic parent did say that he was getting the rose from my garden for her. And why was his words about her still lurking in mind? That was something I couldn't understand.
I let my eyes wander between the plants and choose the very best looking flowers then picked them up, arranging them into one messy bouquet that I could hold with one hand before I headed back on my path.
As I reached the inhibited part of the village after the calm peaceful walk, the usual drama started taking place again as if I finally woke up from a dream. Many people started screaming and running in every direction like frightened ants, some were repeating prayers for protection, others were just frozen in their places, horrified. The whole town went into a state of hysteria at the sight they wished to never come across again; the beast.
Some of the townspeople would try to defend their children, other would beg to be spared, and some would mutter empty threats at me, nothing had changed at all over the years.
Ignoring the mess the town square had turned into, I walked steadily to The Nakajima Shoppe.
"Long time no see, Kamui. I have been expecting you." Gumi, the short, green-haired woman who owned the place greeted as soon as I stepped in, working on something or another without turning to face me.
"You never fail to amaze me with the abilities you're blessed with." I replied with honesty to the lady who I haven't seen in a few years. Nobody knew how could she tell people, or even colors apart, but that was part of the charm that gave her her good reputation among folks, the other part being her magnificent works. Nobody but me. I've always known that she was born a witch but never embraced that way of living and instead decided to live as a common tailor, as it was what she liked to do in her life.
"You're still going with your plan, aren't you? About Ms. Megurine?"
"I am."
"And yet you brought her roses? I can also smell jasmines and lilies." Her voice was soft and barely-audible as she spoke, and yet it stroke me like thunder as it opened my eyes at how contradicting my choices were.
'Don't get close to her… Just be the nasty monster you've always been, she's guaranteed to hate you. Don't fool her with false kindness.' I had always told myself. But ever since I met Luka something inside me changed. It was like an infection; I didn't feel any difference at first, but now I know it had spread through my blood, starting to take over me.
Why was I doing this? What was my purpose? Making friends with Luka at this point was going to benefit neither of us the way things were going; it was going to do the exact opposite and risk destroying everything I've been working to achieve for an eternity.
And yet, the need to make it up for her was too overwhelming to be resisted. The need to make things right for her, to show her that I wasn't the ruthless, vicious demon she saw me as, to make her as happy as I could while she was staying at the mansion… That urgent necessity was eating at my insides, forcefully subjugating my whole being in order to be fulfilled.
Why was it that this lady's well-being mattered to me so much? Why was it that I finally took interest in anything at all after I gave up on everything and everyone?
Why was it that I felt guilty for hurting her of all people? Hadn't I already decided long ago that I wouldn't care for a world that had kicked me out?
Every time Luka would cause me to end up questioning my intentions like this my anger would be triggered, because it made me feel scared and threatened. Nobody wants to have their beliefs and intentions shaken. It made me lose sense of who I was for the second time (the first being when my change took place), fogging my mind and crushing my beliefs and my identity.
Whenever I thought about her, I was lost and uncertain, somewhere between existence and void. Whenever I thought about her, it was only her who existed, because my wrath, needs, and objectives would melt into the nothingness she unintentionally reduces me to.
Every time she comes across my mind she'd make me forget who I am and what I want. She'd make me feel as if the familiar beast I had finally learned to coexist as is also fading into oblivion, as did the kind young man I once was. She'd make me feel as if I am undergoing a change into a new alien creature all over again, and I certainly did not wish for such a painful memory to find its way to surface yet again. She was the only person to ever threaten my being and put the beast at risk.
"You're spacing out. You're not certain about it, are you? You're having second thoughts. " Gumi noted, bringing my wandering mind back to the shop.
"You know nothing, Nakajima." I replied harshly, annoyed at how sharp she was.
"I know it all. You of all people should know about my supernatural senses and abilities; wasn't I your favorite tailor a few years? You've developed a horrible new taste in clothing by the way." She said pinching her nose in disgust as if she could actually see what I was dressed in, with a small smile on that childish face of hers that she managed to keep despite being an adult.
"Six years… it's been six damned years since I've turned into this! I'd do anything to get this curse lifted up even if it meant hurting others. I can't have second thoughts or I'll be the monster for the rest of my life! Or are You the one having second thoughts?" I yelled, unable to hold back eventhough I knew that Gumi was only trying to help me.
"May I remind you we're not even sure it's a magical curse that had changed you yet? May I remind you of the risks I am putting myself at for your good? I had agreed to help you at the expense of losing my powers so don't go yelling at me! Have you got no respect for others?" The tailor replied, anger leaking through her calm façade. She then exhaled and sat down on a chair, crossing her arms.
"I'm sorry… I got too emotional." I apologized trying to justify my anger, knowing that I was the one at fault. I sometimes tend to forget that the one making the biggest sacrifice here was Gumi. I tend to forget that she was only doing this because she still appreciates our friendship from the days when I was still a human.
"I don't blame you. I understand you all too well. My mother got a similar treatment as you get from people around her when they found out she was a witch, and she ended up committing suicide. That's why I don't reveal that I am a witch too. I know it hurts and I want to help you."
My heart burned upon hearing her story, a feeling that I don't usually experience. I placed my hand over the left side of my chest feeling for a wound or an external injury, but there wasn't any. What was wrong with my body today, reacting to all thing I see or hear, or even think of?!
"I just want to warn you one last time." The green-haired lady started, already working on the necklace I brought, despite me not remembering that I had handed it to her. I looked at her with an empty pouch in my hand and waited for her to continue.
"If this wasn't the work of a magical spell… if this was the true will of God and what fate wanted for you the results will be devastating. We mere humans aren't meant to fight against fate, we'll have to pay the price of our reckless sin. The sacrifices we make will be in vain… I won't be able to turn you back into your human form, I'll lose my powers for nothing, You'll lose the girl and whatever acceptance you still have for yourself."
"I know.." I nodded at her. I knew all that by heart. "Thank you for fixing the necklace." I continued as I felt the weight of the jewelry piece returning to my hand, and she smiled at me enthusiastically. She seemed to be enjoying showing off her magic.
Turning my back and heading for the door, I noticed the many dresses displayed on the mannequins all around the room. Scanning through them quickly, my eyes fell on a rose-coloured gown, and immediately, an image of Luka flickered inside my head. Perhaps an apology gift would draw a smile on her face again?
"You're most welcome. Come back tomorrow to take the dress I'm making her. I know her measurements and size as I've sewn dresses for her before. You're right, a rose-colored gown would be perfect on her." Gumi said to me, answering the request I was about to make. "And I have the perfect chocker to go with it." She smiled wryly. She truly knew how to sell her stuff.
"Thank you!" I found myself smiling back at the tailor.
"You know… in terms of ethics and morals, your curse is already being lifted up. Your nice side is slightly leaking out again, just a tad bit. Bless that Megurine lady for altering the beast's behavior." She smiled at me and waved. "I'll be waiting for you tomorrow."
Stepping out of the shop, I still felt a weird warm sensation in my chest that I couldn't identify. It didn't appear malicious but the feeling was slightly irritating me.
It was all what occupied my mind until I suddenly felt faint stinging in my back.
"Die you monster! We won't forgive you for stealing Lord Shion's lady!" a child, probably less than twelve years old, who led a gang of youngsters behind him cried out at me.
"Attack him!" He ordered his fellows, and they started to 'shoot' me with tiny stones. I sneered at the irony, and my smirk seemed to plant terror deep in their heads so they backed off a little.
Really? Shion was using the town's children against me? Hadn't he considered even for one second that I could actually kill all of them with one blow had I been angered? Or was he too sure that I wouldn't attack them since they were mere innocent kids? He was just as much of a monster as I was for taking advantage of such poor starving children, who'd take up the most suicidal jobs for a piece of bread.
While I was in the midst of my hateful thoughts, a loud rippling sound sliced through the air, followed by a hellish burning sensation in my upper arm. I couldn't take the amount of pain that suddenly hit me like thunder and I found myself growling against my attempts to imprison a loud cry behind my throat. My mind went on a frenzy trying to sort out the many thoughts rushing through it in that short amount of time. Realizing what had just happened, I couldn't stop myself from smiling at the painful encounter between my flesh and the hot tearing small piece of metal. I wasn't going bonkers yet, but I was happy to finally be able to feel anything but hate, it was something I've longed to experience for what seemed to be centuries and so I passionately welcomed it. I had forgotten long ago what pain, love, sadness, or happiness felt like. God had finally sent me a bless. Perhaps Gumi was right, perhaps I was becoming more of a human with every passing day.
As the crazy rush of emotions and thoughts started fading out and time started moving around me again, I threw a quick glance at my bleeding arm dying my overcoat a dark shade of crimson, before I inspected my surroundings for the source of the bullet which brought me both pain and delight. I wouldn't describe myself as lucky, but I didn't have to search long to find the source; an old hunter with a gun. Bullets started raining over me one after another, forcing me to cover myself with my wings as a shield and move quickly trying to avoid a much-unneeded accidental death. I didn't want to fight back and end up murdering another man, the small part of me that was brought out by the bullet did not wish more pain upon others.
I picked up my pace so I could flee without having to face the hunter or any similar happenstances, but then I noticed that my now numb, limp, and bleeding arm wasn't holding onto Luka's necklace anymore. The pouch was gone, and I realized I must have dropped it at the moment I was shot.
"Dammit!" I shouted out loud, stomping one foot against the ground before I ran back to fetch the item I had been running around all day to fix and protect. Creating an opening in my shield, I stretched my other arm and grabbed the necklace, but thankfully my movements were faster than what the hunter could fight against. I then stretched my wings and took off in the blink of an eye, leaving the town in a state of terror.
After showing up today, receiving such a lovely greeting, and stirring enough troubles in town, I even doubted I'd be left to live through the week.
Ignoring the trail of blood I was leaving behind, I walked directly to Luka's bedroom, frightening a certain grey cat on the way.
I knocked with my functioning hand on the door, holding a miserable bouquet of flowers and keeping a murderous pouch that had brought me so much misfortune to almost regret all I had done today in my pocket.
"Are you awake? Would you please come out?" I called as I knocked again.
"Go away." Came the response after a distressing silence that seemed to last too long.
"Luka, I'm… sorry." I muttered. I could hear her exhale as if her patience was running out.
Ironically, it was all I could come up with after today's adventure and a previous night's worth of thinking, and it made me hate myself more.
It was all I could offer her after attacking her family, bringing her to the mansion against her will, and just being as nasty and cruel to her as I was to everyone, eventhough I did my best trying to restrain my anger as much as possible when she was around.
And the worst part was my purely selfish intention behind kidnapping her, it was the part that torn me apart the most. But it couldn't be helped; I needed to undo the curse.
"A five-lettered word won't be enough to get you behind this door. You've been far too brutal to Meiko and myself, you don't expect that a mere word you meaninglessly spit will magically erase all the harm you've caused, do you? And then by sunset you'd be throwing tables over our heads again." She fiercely answered, her words slightly muffled by the thick door standing between us.
And she was absolutely right, therefor I couldn't argue with her. It irritated me how painfully true everything she said was. I had the urge to shout at her for not understanding how truly sorry I was, but I bit back at it as I knew it was just another ill-mannered act of mine that would only further complicate things, my hands balling into fists. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before I spoke again, calming my tone.
"It'll be different this time, I promise. I'll be a better…" I just couldn't bring myself to use the word 'person'.
"Then prove it." She coldly said to me with chilly, serious, azure irises as she cracked the door open.
"I will. I appreciate the chance you're giving me." I replied serenely, looking back into her eyes with a faint smile that meaninglessly and unwillingly stretched across my face so out of place at the evanescent warmth she caused inside of me.
Trying to hide my idiocy, I looked away for a second before I faced the door again, handing a startled Luka a worn out bunch of flowers.
"Oh, apologies." I commented as I took notice of how horrible it looked, mentally slapping myself for my lack of attention, "I got this for you earlier. It looks terrible and withering now, and it smells like blood… It was supposed to look beautiful but that's all I could save from it." I sighed.
"Blood?" she wandered loudly to make sure she had heard me right, the question tone missing her inquiry. "It's okay, at least it's thoughtful." The pink-haired female responded calmly, with a tiny grin that spread across her face on the sight of flowers, even if they looked as rubbishy as I did. She really did love flowers, and had a heart as pure as they were. I felt as if I was cheating for bringing her something I know she loves when she was mad at me. It felt as if I was using her weakness against her illegally, while in fact I only wanted to make her feel a little less awful.
The smaller lady gently reached out to accept the flowers, but her arms suddenly paused midway, and her eyes widened.
"You're...bleeding!" She quizzically shouted.