Hello to anyone reading this, hope you're doing well.
There are many things that I'd like to change about this story since I was much younger when I started it, but being the lazy and the busy person I am, I can't afford to. Thanks for sticking with me so far, I appreciate it a lot!
As to why I haven't been updating, well, usual laziness. Also, do you have electricity available at your place 24hrs a day? We used to, and we didn't appreciate it. Now we have 8, and it's heaven compared to when we only had 3. That's why I haven't been updating much. Now 8 is enough for updating.
I'll be replying (super late, I know) to all messages and feedback soon :) wait for me.
Note: Last paragraph is not from Luka's POV. It's a different character.
Feedback is much appreciated!
"You don't have to…" the words hardly left his gritted teeth as he squinted at me through struggling lids, clearly in pain because of both the antiseptic and my trials to stitch up his wound a bit. "It doesn't hurt." He continued as he averted his gaze to look at the mess of a suture I had managed so far.
"Yes, clearly." I replied sarcastically without looking up, wiping my now-sweaty forehead. In all honesty, I didn't think he could feel pain, not after I hit him with a vase on the head back in my house, but his twisted features said it all. I also didn't even think that the day when I put my knowledge to use and stitch someone up would come for that matter.
"Don't mistake my intentions though, I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this to repent. Because last time someone died in front of my eyes I was weak, I couldn't do anything to save them. I can't be one of the reasons again." I said with more emotion in my voice than intended. For a second, his chilly sapphire irises seemed to lock up on me as a result, as if pressing for more and I started to feel uncomfortable. I took a breath to calm myself down a bit before I continued, trying not to think too much of the past and to drive his thoughts elsewhere to avoid possible unnecessary questions "And also because you managed to get on my good side today." I gave him a small smile remembering the flowers. "You should still see a doctor though, I'm only saving your life for the moment here with my basic knowledge. You're lucky I've learnt to do this in theory before."
"That's…not an option." He muttered seeming to let go of the previous subject I now regretted, messing around with his giant wings as if to justify his response.
"Hey," I stopped midway as I remembered something, frowning at him "Aren't you supposed to heal on your own or something? I don't remember you needing medical attention the night I hit you. You healed up rather fast, and you said you didn't feel pain…" I knew the I-feel-no-pain thing could have been an implication to make me and my family fear him, but that theory falls short on explaining why hadn't he healed up till now this time.
"I'm supposed to. I don't know what's wrong. I'm sorry." His words stung me. He was being far too soft today that it made me so cautious and hyper-aware of him, making sure to keep my guard up. What's with him doing things for me, apologizing, and even getting me something like flowers, something that's completely pointless if it didn't hold a message, a meaning or a feeling behind it? I couldn't even begin to fathom what was on his mind, but it obviously was a tangled mess. Much like My mind. I couldn't decide whether I was mad at him, happy to receive the flowers, worried about his injury, or seriously annoyed by all of that.
"Just what in the world did I miss?!" Meiko exclaimed, stammered in her place, hands on hips and eyes wide as saucers at the sight she walked up on. "I go out for a few hours and I come back to see…I don't even know what do I see!"
"Meiko,… " I fretted, trying to describe the situation, only realizing I was just as confused.
The brunette just walked over quickly, the sound her shoes made as they made contact with the floor with every step being the only sound filling up the room.
"What troubles did you stir in town this time, idiot?" She asked ruffling Gakupo's hair. The sight seemed wrong to me, seemed messed up and scary, but she had already said he was like her younger brother. He met her gaze head on, kind of appreciative but clearly showing that he had no interest in explaining.
"I'm fine. This is not the first time I return home with a bullet or two." He nodded. "But you need to discipline your cat."
"But it's the first time I've seen you grimace in pain. No wait, Luka, did you try to kill him?! Stabbed him with a fork?!" She suddenly looked my way with a completely different attitude, respecting his wish. "Say it!"
"Wait what?! N-no, I…"
"God we could've done this together girl, geez you're no fun." She sighed, resting her hand on her forehead. "Don't you guys dare plot and have fun without me again." She finished winking at me before she started to walk away to look for her cat, probably trying to give us some space in case she had interrupted a private conversation or something.
Seriously, if not for this kind spirit of hers and her ability to cheer everyone up and maybe treat the grimmest of situations as trivial daily life troubles (which could be both a good and a bad thing), only God knows what would have happened to me, or to the both of them on that matter.
Leaning on the chilly metal railings my mind wandered around endlessly for what seemed like hours, bringing up both sad and happy memories, simple wishes which seemed so out of hand right now, and lots of nostalgia.
I had decided to spend my time alone at the balcony, in hopes that Meiko had brought some news about Kaito or my family while she was out this morning and had been waiting for the perfect chance to talk to me when he wasn't listening. I figured the balcony would be a proper place out of his hearing range. But she didn't show up.
Many questions were biting at my brain begging to be answered and making me feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Was Kaito to arrive in the next following days? How would I be able to help him and not be in his way when he would encounter Gakupo? Will Meiko remain at our side when he's against him? How should I even feel tearing the bond between these two apart had she remained at our side? How should I feel if Kaito is to 'murder' someone? How was I supposed to feel if Gakupo was indeed killed? I definitely wanted the horrifying beast gone to protect everyone from going through what I've gone through, but I wasn't as sure about the not-as-horrifying beast, the one who got me flowers. Would Meiko hate me? Would she become even more lonely? Perhaps she won't be alone if I remain at her side?
I finally lifted my head up and sighed at the sky. I was even jealous of the birds passing over the mansion. Why couldn't I be as free, have the whole world as my house and the sky as the ceiling? I wanted to visit many places and roam gardens and forests freely, taking my time to observe nature in its most beautiful forms. Just yesterday I was leading a normal bearable life, and in mere seconds everything went down the hill. My patience was starting to run out.
I heard someone clear their throat breaking my concentration, and I turned just in time to face him again.
"I forgot to give you this." He said, extending a bandaged arm to me that held onto a pouch. I made sure to keep my guard up.
"Earl Grey got hold of your necklace but it's all fixed now." he said as I inspected the continents of the small bag. It was my mother's necklace indeed but I couldn't point out where it had been fixed.
"Nakajima does wonders." he added, referring to the one and only clothings and jewelry goddess in town, in what seemed like a desperate try to keep the conversation flowing.
"Nakajima-san... She's tailored me a dress before, she sure does wonders." I approved coolly without looking his way, too busy checking up on the necklace, then placing it around my neck and toying with it a bit, still both worried about my most treasured item and startled by his illogical newfound, assumingly-faked kindness.
"I also didn't get the fortunate chance to properly apologize to you and-" he was about to continue with a serious face that betrayed nothing but I cut him short. I did expect him to act better to Meiko and I after promising, but he was going over the edge with his honeyed words which made me sick in the stomach. One couldn't be a wolf one day and a lamb the next. It was illogical, it drove me nuts, he just didn't make sense and it was going to break my head.
"What's with the change of heart?!" I finally snapped under the stress and spat it out, my heart going on a riot "Just make up your mind, alright?! I don't understand, one day you're the monster and the other you're a bloody sweetheart, I can't take any of your contradicting crap anymore, so stop!" I yelled too loud to be considered proper, not that he usually was proper himself. I inhaled deeply as I finished, reconsidering my words as my chest heaved up and down.
His brows furrowed deeply at me as soon as the words clumsily left my mouth and suddenly the horns on top of his head seemed much more notable and intimidating in my eyes. I took a few steps back, my legs slightly shaking. A grim feeling washed over me and a chill ran down my spine as I felt my back hit the cold wall, now cornered between it and the glazing eyes piercing through me. My heart sank in my chest and my "fight or flight" mode was activated. I raised my arms above my head in a poor try to protect myself.
"I shall." he quietly muttered in response, turning his back to me slowly. I was momentarily relieved.
Too soon though the muscular figure with the dark air around it turned back after a moment of thinking and reconsidering and walked over to me with quick jerky movements, and I closed my eyes in fear of what was to come.
With rough movements a clawed hand got hold of my wrist and dragged me closer, then a pair of muscular arms circled around my body from behind me, right below my breasts, basically a rough hug.
"Ugh, let go! Kaito will kill you!"
"Calm down. I won't do anything bad." his grip tightened on me, then he suddenly and without warning jumped with me out of the balcony and I shrieked in surprise, my eyes closing shut and every muscle in my body contracting.
A shadow fell over me blocking direct sun rays as he spread his raven-black wings over our heads, flapping them to keep us from crashing to the ground. We then started flying ahead while his gaze was fixed somewhere far away in the horizon.
"Let Go! Oh Lord I just stitched your arm what if it gives up?! Help!" I didn't know what I was blabbering because I was too scared to think straight. I clung harder to his arms in fear of an untimely death, and he faintly sighed. Or perhaps such death wasn't so untimely?
"Open your eyes, there's nothing to fear! Look how free we are here, we are one with the sky!" with sudden enthusiasm Gakupo encouraged me. "You own the world! No one can hurt you here, and all the flowers in the universe are yours and yours alone!"
I slowly opened my eyes to the most breathtaking scenery I have yet laid my eyes on.
So this was what Earth looked like from above, a magnificent view that was privileged to angels and creatures higher than humans. We –humans- fail to see how huge and beautiful our home is and how small and unimportant we are next to it. Yet insignificant as we are we continue to puff our chests in pride as if we had any power over nature or even over each other's. As if we actually owned Earth. No, it's Earth that owns us.
I was a bit jealous over the fact that this spectacular view was available to him whenever he wanted, if I had wings I would have definitely appreciated the gift.
"Try this, let out all that's been bottling up inside and you'll feel better, you'll see." He told me with a voice that's a bit muffled by the wind, derailing my train of thoughts. "GO TO HELL, SHION!" he shouted loudly, but up there in the sky you were safe and no one could hear you.
I looked over my shoulder at him in confusion; was he challenging me by saying that he hates Kaito? Was he trying to encourage me? Was he provoking me to fight with him? Or did he simply just hate him? Well, it didn't matter because I had already decided to give it a try.
"I hate you Kamui!" I shouted what was on my mind clear as crystal. Isn't that what he got us up here to do anyway? He should have seen it coming.
"Louder! You're still holding back. It won't work that way." Came the response unexpected to me, calm yet challenging. I was glad it didn't drive him mad at least.
"GODDAMIT KAMUI I HATE YOU!" I barked at him as loudly as possible, exhaling every last bit of air in my lungs. And oh how deeply and passionately I hated him! I even hated that side of him which was nice because it gave me hard time pondering over whether I completely or just mostly hated him. My chest felt much lighter as if mountains were taken off my heart. I hated him and I didn't have to bear it alone, I could share it with the world. It was a sweet relief.
"I also hate Kamui." He remarked quietly as he breathed out a laugh that tickled my neck.
"Curse you and this stupid rose of yours!" I felt as if some bad-mouthed person inside of me was temporarily set free, but luckily only he was going to find out about this. I liked how honest I could be away from the judging eyes of others, but I wasn't proud to curse.
"Keep them rolling." He muttered before it was his turn to let out something "Damn you stupid town's people!" he shouted, making it my turn again.
"stupid damned fate, just give Mom and Dad back already! And my siblings!" Had my voice not cracked as I shouted with all the power in me, I wouldn't have noticed the tears washing down my cheeks as I spontaneously did finally let out a thought I've been keeping for myself for too long. I should have stopped myself before I pathetically admitted all of that in tears, but it was already too late. "Give them back! Give them back!" I yelled flailing my legs, my powerless fists drumming against his arms as I lost it and couldn't see straight anymore. "I'm stupid, I can't save anyone…" I finally whispered as I ran out of power, still crying weakly.
As if startled to see this whole mess of a situation that he hadn't seen coming, the beast's eyes widened and he was lost in thought as he looked at me, and I could see my miserable reflection which I hated there in his eyes. He awkwardly took one of my hands in his, his movements stiff and not exactly gentle but it seemed like a friendly gesture, keeping me circled with the other arm only, then he started to fly lower and lower intending to land on the ground without a word.
"I've made things very painful for you. I owe you at the very least an apology and an explanation." He said as he helped me sit down on a cut tree log. "And you don't have to believe or accept one damn bit of it."
My tears were dry now but I was drained of power after my emotional collapse, my most-likely-reddish-now face was expressionless, my lips slightly agape to allow an extra amount for air in making it up for my now-only-partly-functioning nose, and my body was shivering at the contact of the cool breeze with my warm skin, and on top of that I was embarrassed by the weakness I had exhibited. I had usually been a strong girl, at least one who's able to keep her drama for herself while others were around, but letting things out unleashed it all. I was weak and human.
We had landed in the middle of a forest that extended as far as I could see in all directions. However small cottages could be seen from afar so I guessed we were close to town.
"Even if I were to die as a beast, I was not born as one." He started as he sat down as well, apparently nervous and confused after my break down. I had already known that fact but I made no effort to say anything. I only wrapped my arms around my torso trying to warm myself up as I continued to listen. Making an uneasy face he went on anyway.
"One day, a witch who lives in town offered me her help and we made a contract. She gave me one magical seed which I was to plant and take care of. The magical plant would produce one rose each year, and said roses wouldn't wither or die as long as I take care of it. For five freaking years I was to patiently take care of it, and on the night when the fifth rose would bloom, the spell she was cooking was to take effect."
Not knowing what to believe or how to reply, I simply stared back at him in silence. It didn't seem like he was enjoying telling the story, quite the opposite, and his eyes seemed sincere enough to me. The wind blew my hair in front of my face breaking eye contact, and I quickly reached to put it back in place.
"The risks she was taking for me were great; she was to lose power if anything went wrong or if it wasn't a magic curse that which had turned me into this. But she was doing it for our friendship." He said looking far away as if remembering a conversation or a situation in particular.
It all sounded like nonsense, but being abducted by a demon-like creature made believing such nonsense much easier. A magic curse and a magical rose, and a witch who'd sacrifice herself for friendship were almost too much even for a fairytale. But knowing that some good people still remain on Earth, ready to sacrifice things for the good of others (much like Meiko) left me feeling better about our world.
"And if I were to not have five healthy roses on that plant by the end of the fifth year, I'd blow up my last and only chance to break the curse and be free, and I'd be sacrificing her magical powers for naught." The words came out a with some effort, and he seemed to want to stop there and leave the rest up to me as he stood up, avoiding eye contact this time. It didn't require a genius to figure out the rest.
"And my father took one of these roses and ruined your chance…" I commented, anger slightly leaking through my voice, signaling to have found the reason of his abduction. And now you thought you were eligible to take revenge on my father by ruining my life. Indeed it was awful, but how could have my father known about all of this?
"Not completely." Came his answer with a sigh. "The witch gave me one final chance." Silence extended for a short eternity as I waited for him to go on. Perhaps it was agony, or general discomfort, or just a reflection of my own sadness, but something clearly painful was showing in his eyes. Seeing such powerful sadness on his face for the first time made me scared and the air became dim and heavy; what could it possibly be that made someone so horrible, so powerful, and so awful this pained?
"She made one extra condition to the spell, where spilling the blood of the maiden whose hair have the same color as the rose her father had taken would make it up for the rose itself." He finally muttered his gaze meeting the ground, with the face of a sinner. "That's why you're here."
"No…" I quietly gasped at his words which didn't exactly match my expectations, but I couldn't form any meaningful words. I quickly stood up, blood roaring in my ears, mind going on a frenzy, and terror finding its way to my face. Things became blurry and I felt as if the ground was shaking under me and spinning around. With clumsy steps I started walking backwards eventhough I knew I had zero chance at running away. I was on his own field far away from prying eyes, and his strength exceeded my humble human abilities greatly. Now that I knew he actually had a very strong reason to finish my life I was far more petrified. He was not taking revenge on my father, his sole goal and only reason to live depended on my death; he needed to kill me. And humans and monsters alike would very gladly kill to remain alive.
"Wait!" he called after me but I shook my head in horror, eyes getting moist. Even if my death was certain, I wasn't going to sit around and wait for it.
"Luka.."
I paused midway reflectively at the sound of my name being called. And I was probably going to regret it.
"I can't… I won't do it." The beast tried to maintain eye contact as he struggled to form comprehensible words in such a calm tone, but my mind being on a chaos I wasn't about to even try.
"Stay away from me!" I warned, trying to take control of the situation, or at least to not be an easy kill.
"Fine by me. I don't want to harm you. But I'm a sinner for I have tried."
I searched his face for signs of mockery or dishonesty without a result.
"Forgive me for I have been ironically trying to kill you in order to gain my humanity back. But you're so pure, you're so DAMNED GOOD AND PURE that I just can't! And I'm just a MONSTER!" He yelled in such a deep loud voice that almost triggered a heart attack within me, punching a nearby tree with so much power causing it to fall down with a very loud crash that reverberated through the forest, sending all the birds flying away. I could see the glint of tears in his eyes shamelessly displaying the fragility of a human that was once inside the beast, and the sight made my heart stop for a moment.
"Gakupo…" I walked towards him with worried steps. Part of me wanted to pat his shoulder and say something nice and soothing, the other part wanted to take her leave immediately while he was still distracted. I was officially going bonkers.
"Town's that way." He said fighting tears, pointing towards the faraway cottages with his index. "You'll be there in no time, nothing can dare hurt you as I'll be watching your back from here."
What? Just like that? We came here because he was sending me back home? The thought just wouldn't sink in. Did we fly all the way from the mansion here just so to return me to my family? No, he just said he needed to kill me didn't he, so why wasn't he doing so yet? Why did he decide to get me back home now? What purpose did any of this serve? How did kidnapping me benefit him in the first place? I stared back at him with wide eyes, he didn't flinch, only his eyes watered.
"… How much time do you have left?" I asked as a reply to the story he had just told, my feet moving away at the same time, not that I could (or had to) possibly find a solution for him before his time ran up.
"I said GO! Now! That's what we freaking came here for." He ordered impatiently, tears flowing down his now-very-human-face. "Shion can pick your crap up from the bloody mansion later."
Seeing his expression that left no room for further arguments, I turned my back to him and picked up my pace as my heart made little leaps inside my chest and excitement took over me eventhough I had millions of questions popping in my head which I chose to entirely ignore; I was finally going back home!
After I managed to send her back home with whatever self-control I still had, I simply sat there following her beautiful figure with my blurry eyes as she basically bounced her way back to the village, her salmon pink hair flowing behind her flawlessly, mercilessly torturing my heart.
But it was the right thing to do. If I wasn't going to kill her for the spell to take effect then what was the purpose of keeping her at the mansion anyway? If I had already decided yesterday, no since the very first day when I aborted my original plan of killing her inside her own house, then why did I ever take her to the mansion instead? Had I thought that I'd be able to kill her if I gave myself time? Had I only wanted a chance and an excuse to be around her? I –not the monster but a worthless monstrous excuse of a human being who fully chose to become the jerk he is, taking the transformation as a pathetic excuse- was not in any way worthy of her existence in my life. I didn't deserve to even live in the same universe as her.
"Tomorrow's full moon marks the end of the fifth year…" My whispered answer to her last question hang there in the air for no one in particular to hear just like the many answers she did not need or even care to know.