Chapter Thirteen- The Date
"It's absolute bullshit is what it is!" Caroline screeched. I laughed lightly to myself before scolding her to keep her voice down. We hadn't gotten much chance to debrief when I had gotten home last night, so we had decided to take an extended lunch break together for a picnic and gossip in the park. The insane events of Sunday night in Alabama had only caused me to miss one day of work, but the insane volume of emails that had built up in my absence was overwhelming. I had attempted to sway Caroline out of our lunch date so I could try and get through them all but there was no way in hell or high water that she was going to go any longer without finding out every tiny detail of our roadtrip. "No, I will not be quiet. You have been torturing yourself ever since he got back into town trying to get him to flip the switch back, and now that he's finally done it, he tells you that he needs some time? Like, no, that is absolute bullshit" She was right, it was bullshit, what what else could I do?
" You really need to learn to form an opinion Caroline Forbes" I laughed lightly in a thinly veiled attempt of changing the subject
"Well we should have faked an attempted murder weeks ago if that's what it would take for him to turn his humanity back on" I hadn't quite gotten to the part about steaming hot motel sex yet, and in all honesty, I wasn't sure that I wanted to tell her. Caroline and I rarely ever kept secrets from each other, even with our sex lives, but this felt different somehow. It was such an intensely powerful moment that I didn't want to share it with anyone else, but maybe her input on the situation could help the confusing thoughts I was having. "It is rather sweet though that that was the kicker. Him nearly dying and you nursing him back to health"
"I guess. I just feel like I'm more confused than ever now"
"In what way?" She asked
"Okay so, I may or may not be leaving out a huge chunk of the story..." I admitted. Her eyes grew wide at my words and she started bouncing up and down like an excited little kid
"You didn't! Where! On the jet?" How on earth was she so damned perceptive? I hadn't even alluded that it was sex I was talking about yet she instantly knew
"No of course not" I responded coyly before finally getting the courage to talk about it "At the motel, right after his humanity had been turned back on. It just all happened so quick, one minute he was falling apart on the floor and the next minute he was..."
"Falling apart ontop of you!" She beamed with a devilish grin on her face
"Caroline!"
"Oh come on. This is a pretty epic moment Elena. You've needed to get laid for months.."
"It wasn't like that!" I defended. I knew she hadn't intended it to sound that way but her words made it seem like a drunken shallow encounter. It was so much more than that. There was no much emotion wrapped up in that one physical act, and it was something that I couldn't even begin to describe
"Alright moody I'm sorry..." She forfeited "Well?"
"Well what?"
"Come on Elena. It's not only the first time in 6 months that you've slept with him, but it's the first time you've slept with someone since your transition.."
"Meaning?"
"You're going to sit there and pretend like vamp sex isn't on another level?" I eyed her wearingly, relieved and almost a little bit hurt that it wasn't just the fact that it was Damon and I that had made it so special. It was the vampire factor.
"I can't put into words what it was like Care...it was...the most intense thing I've ever felt" Her eyes met mine in understanding before a smile seared through her beautiful features
"See, there is an upside to immortality. It's not all doom, gloom and blood-lust" Her face suddenly changed into fury though "Wait a minute though, so he flipped the switch, gave you the most mind blowing vamp orgasm of you life, disappeared for a few hours then told you he needs some time? That's double bullshit!"
"Pretty much" I agreed. "But what choice do I have Caroline? It's not like I can barge into his office and demand he give me answers to the million questions I have racing through my head. Let's face it, he's had his humanity back for a little under 24 hours now, he probably doesn't have the answers himself. And I can't begin to comprehend what he's going through right now, he's dealing with half a years worth of emotions, he's completely justified in asking me to give him some space..."
"Elena you seriously need to stop doing this" Caroline interjected
"Doing what?" I asked confused
"Making excuse for him and putting his needs ahead of your own"
"I don't.."
"Elena come on. Let's take a look back at not only his behaviour since he got back into town, but his behaviour in general since you guys started hooking up. Every time he did something awful, you justified it. You forgave him for it, and I'm sorry, I know he's going through a lot emotionally right now but so are you, and you need to put yourself first for once instead of being concerned with him all the time"
"I love him Caroline, what else am I supposed to do?" I asked seriously. She had a valid point, but wasn't that what loving someone was all about? Forgiving them when they fall short? Sticking by them?
"Make him fight for you. Make him scared to lose you.."
"I'm not going to play games with him Care. We're passed that"
"Yeah you are, but you have proved your loyalty and love to him; it's about time he proved his for you"
"Why is everything so black and white in your world? It's just so easy in your mind"
"Because it is. The two of you just complicate everything until all you're left with is a giant ball of angst and despair. How many existential crisis's have you seen Stefan and I have in our relationship? None. Because we are clear about not only how we feel about each other, but our expectations of the other one"
"Well not all of us are dating Saint Stefan" I shot at her, sounding a little too much like Damon when I used the nickname he had for his brother. But she was insulting me, making it seem like Damon and I were petulant children, and it wasn't fair "Talk to me when he turns off his humanity"
"Ouch, that was a little catty"
"Well we aren't the same Caroline. You can't compare your relationship with Stefan to my relationship with Damon. It's like chalk and cheese. Not only are we dating people who are polar opposites of one another but you and I are polar opposites of one another. You can't honestly sit there and tell me that you and Stefan are 100% perfect 100% of the time? It's just not possible. And even if it were, I wouldn't want that, because it wouldn't be real. Yes, Damon and I have had our problems and a lot of those problems could have been solved with us communicating better. But you can't pick and choose the parts of a relationship that you want, you have to take it as it is, the good and the bad"
"Alright, point taken" She said rolling her eyes "I didn't mean any offence, all I'm saying is; you stood by him, you didn't run away when things got tough and you proved your loyalty. Now? If he wants space, you need to take a step back and let him have it. But don't go running back to him the second he decides that he's ready for you. When that time comes, he needs to prove to you that he loves you. Actions are louder than words honey and lately, those actions haven't been so pretty"
"They've also been the actions of someone without any human emotion" I reinstated.
"And he needs to redeem himself for that. Whether he was truly in control of himself or not, he still hurt you, and he needs to make up for that" She exhaled deeply before crossing her legs on the picnic rug "I'm not trying to attack him or attack your relationship. I just want you to be happy. And although towards the end of your relationship, before you got turned, Damon and I developed somewhat of a friendship, there are times when I...I wish that you'd never met him. When you're good, you're love is beautiful; but when you're bad? Sometimes I think the pro's don't beat that"
"How can you say that!" I roared. She was crossing a line and she knew it
"Lena, I'm not trying to upset you. I'm just telling you how I feel, as someone who loves you very much. You have to admit, our lives haven't exactly taken a turn for the better since the Salvatore brothers came into our lives, especially for you. You've lost your brother, you've lost Bonnie, you lost the privilege of living a human life? All for what? A guy? I love Stefan, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I wonder if that love is worth all of the pain we have endured"
"If you wish you'd never met Stefan and continued on with your perfect little existence than that's on you. Do not proceed to tell me how I should feel or even for a second make me feel guilty for not resenting Damon for bringing this madness into my life."
"Elena" Caroline said softly in an attempt to calm me down, but I had flown too far off the handle. My emotions were already running on overdrive, and this was the last thing I needed to hear right now. I stood up off the picnic rug, too furious to continue sitting so close to her and picked up my handbag. I took a few steps away from her before turning around and looking her dead in the face
"You're supposed to be on my side Caroline" And before I could let her respond, I marched through the park and back towards the office.
X X
I didn't speak a word to Caroline once she returned to the office. I hated fighting with my best friend and knew that what she had said to me had been coming from a place of concern, I was still furious with her. I could never insinuate anything of that nature to her about her relationship, and I knew the part of me that was so angry was the same part that tended to protect Damon like a lioness, but regardless, she had overstepped the line.
Three days passed and I still wasn't quite ready to patch things up with her. It wasn't that I was unreasonably mad, there had just been so many things that had happened of late and I needed a little solitude. I kept myself locked up in my office for hours on end, and the only form of contact I had with the outside world, including Caroline, were emails and phone calls. I had wanted to speak with Enzo face to face following the carnage that had occurred at the Miss Mystic Falls Pageant, but instead, like a child, I had Damon handle my meetings and I hid myself away. I had taken so many positive steps in the past few weeks, but finally, all at once, everything felt as if it was drowning me, and I too needed time to process it all. I knew it was cowardly, shielding myself from confronting my problems, but a part of me just needed a break. A part of me just needed to retreat back into my shell and bury myself in work; it was how I had coped before Damon had returned and well, old habits die hard.
Caroline sent me an email a little after 2 on Friday afternoon and said she would be leaving early for the day and didn't come into my office to say goodbye. She knew what I was doing, and she respected me enough to identify when I needed to be left alone, and honestly, I was actually quite thankful for that. We would be fine; I was confident out friendship could whether even the harshest of hurricanes and after losing my connection with Bonnie this year, I didn't want to lose another friend. I just couldn't right now. I tried to turn off the cogs of my over thinking brain and power through the flurry of merger emails I had, and by the time I heard my new personal phone ding at a half past 5, I noticed I had succeeded for a few hours. I ignored it, continuing on with my furious typing and wondering if it would be totally sad if I didn't go home tonight and instead stayed in the office. The living situation at Salvatore Manor had become awkward to the biggest degree, and although it hadn't really seemed that strange to me in his absence, now that Damon was back, I often wondered if I should find an apartment for myself in town. As if seeing him at the office wasn't bad enough, but I didn't have a refuge to hide out in at home without the possibility of running into him. Add my fight with Caroline into the mix and I had a place I most certainly didn't want to return to. All that being said, I knew I couldn't be a cower at the office and that I would have to return. That didn't mean I could go straight into my room and slam the door though. My phone dinged again and I picked it up to see two messages from Stefan. I slid my finger across the screen to open them:
Elena, sorry to disturb you but I was wondering if you had plans this evening? Around 7pm? I need to talk to you about something important.
That was strange. Stefan rarely ever texted, he preferred to speak directly over the phone. I immediately began to panic, thinking that it was to do with the company, and my usual self doubting nature jumped to the conclusion that I had done something colossally wrong.
It's about Damon. It really can't wait. The second message read. Damon? Oh lord, what now. I was almost full to the brim of Damon related drama and I didn't really feel like adding any more onto my plate. When I felt like doing and what I would actually do were two different things and as expected, I texted Stefan back that I was free. What can I say? I am a masochist. Between me locking myself up in the office and him needing 'space', I hadn't seen him face to face since our flight back to Virginia on Monday afternoon; and other than a few company related emails, we had not spoken.
Great. Meet you at home? He replied almost instantly. I sent him the thumbs up back and reluctantly returned to my laptop.
I must have run through every single scenario in my head for the next hour and car ride home. Before my transition into an immortal being I was an anxious overthinking person, and now, well, my vampire brain was constantly swimming with thoughts that I struggled to turn off. I had quickly discovered early in my transition that vampires are capable of thinking of more than one thing at one time, and although this can certainly prove helpful in the day to day runnings of a large company; it proved miserable in my personal life. It quite literally meant that I could simultaneously worry about various different things at the same time, and in that moment it made sense to me why I had struggled to maintain a healthy sleep schedule in the past few months.
I pulled into the driveway of the old boarding house at five to seven and noticed that no other cars were in the driveway. If Stefan needed to talk to me in private, he no doubt had lured Caroline out of the house for the evening, and must have known Damon wouldn't be home ast he would not want to discuss something about him while he was home. Vamp hearing and all. I turned off the ignition of my car and walked inside the house, noting a delightful smell of fresh flowers coming from somewhere inside. I couldn't sense or hear anyone in the house which meant Stefan must be late. I decided on pouring myself a drink to pass the time, plus, let's be honest, a conversation with Stefan about Damon would no doubt be distressing; and only scotch could help that. I wandered into the parlour to the drink trolley and picked up my favourite crystal decanter from the crowded shelf. If there was one perk at living with the Salvatore brothers, it was their never ending supply of expensive whiskey. After over pouring myself a glass I sat patiently on one of the plush couches, staring aimlessly into the fire and pondering when exactly this little temper tantrum of mine was going to be over. Tomorrow was Saturday, and although I didn't have any pressing matters to get to at work, I would most likely find myself hiding out there for another day. It was borderline pathetic, I knew that, but it was comforting to me in my current state. I heard the slow lull of an engine pull into the driveway and sat sipping my scotch in preparation for whatever this little meeting was going to bring. He would no doubt be worried about his brother, and like usual, he would overestimate my ability to help him. Stefan was an incredible person and I highly valued his friendship, but I often thought that he put a little bit too much faith in me and my capabilities. It was an ego boost for sure, but it also gave me a paralysing fear complex of not wanting to let him down. His footsteps carried him from the car to the front door and I heard him brush his boots roughly on the welcome mat before opening the door and coming inside. I tipped the crystal glass vertically and poured the remaining liquid from it down my eager throat, willing the alcohol to give me the courage I was lacking lately. As I rose to my feet to make my way over to the drinks trolley, I noticed it was not Stefan standing under the arch to the parlour, but was instead met with the uneasy eyes of the oldest Salvatore. He shifted his weight from his front to his back foot and stared down at his feet.
"Hi" He greeted sheepishly, looking anywhere in the room but at me. Well I'm glad this wasn't awkward...
"Hi" I responded flatly, not in the mood to entertain his ungainly demeanour.
"I didn't expect you to be home so early. You've been working late this week..."
"Yeah well...you did my job, you know what it can be like" I told, continuing over to the drinks trolly to refresh my drink. I noticed he was still standing in the doorway looking at me, so I plucked up enough strength to at least be courteous to him in his family home "Would you like one?"
"No, thank you. I'm actually looking for Caroline...is she home yet?"
"Caroline?" I asked in confusion. Why on earth would Damon be looking for Caroline? My phone buzzed in my coat pocket and I slipped my hand inside to retrieve it.
Go outside to the deck. Have fun...and don't be mad at us- Stefan.
The rolled my eyes as the realisation of the set-up sank in. I couldn't help but chuckle to myself, knowing that although it had been Stefan to text me, the entire thing had Caroline Forbes written all over it. She knew I wasn't quite ready to have the patch up conversation with her yet, so she used Stefan as the patsy instead. And I had fallen for it: hook line and sinker, and I had a feeling Damon had done exactly the same thing.
"Let me guess. You got a text from Caroline this afternoon, saying that she needed to talk to you about something important. Something to do with me?" I asked him with an almost impressed smile on my face
"How'd you know that?" He asked curiously
"Because I got the exact same message from Stefan. About you" I told honestly. They were playing matchmaker, and I had to admit, it was pretty adorable of them. Despite the insanity of the entire thing. Damon had asked for space and their idea of that was tricking us into spending time together.
"Ah, the old switcheroo huh" He laughed nervously "What did the text say?"
"They want us to go outside on the deck" I informed him and it wasn't until I turned around to look at him that I noticed he seemed accepting of the proposal.
"Well? Couldn't hurt to look...could it?" He looked almost excited and I couldn't help but smile at the boyish appearance he had in that moment. I shrugged and began walking towards him with my drink before following him through the long corridor that lead to the deck. Both of us gasped in surprise as the setting came into view from the open french doors. A circular white table decorated in fresh flowers and candles sat overlooking the grounds with three bottles of champagne to the side of the tiffany chairs cooling on ice. I heard Damon chuckle to himself as we got closer and I could feel myself blushing. It was a gallant effort, but I think it was going to take more than this to resolve whatever the hell was going on between the two of us.
"I swear to god...those two are the perfect match. They are way too meddlesome for their own good"
"They mean well" He rebuffed with a smile on his face
"I guess" I shrugged. I could feel him looking to me for an answer on how to proceed and quite honestly, I had no idea. I finally mustered the courage to turn my head toward him, and was instantly put at ease by the kind look on his face
"Well I mean...I don't have any other plans...they've gone to all this effort...we may as well indulge them" I wasn't expecting that. I exhaled deeply, thinking of our options, before ultimately giving in
"Alright" I smiled. We both walked toward our chairs and Damon pulled mine out for me using the manners I hadn't seen for quite some time. I thanked him softly before my eyes were drawn to two envelopes resting against the large vase in the middle of the table, each with our individual names on it. I handed Damon his before picking up the one addressed to me, curiously tearing it open to find the contents.
"Elena, tell Damon about one of your favourite childhood memories...Elena, tell Damon a secret you have never told anyone" I read aloud before realising it was Caroline's handwriting. She had not only orchestrated the aesthetics of this surprise date, but was also apparently orchestrating the conversation " Uh seriously Caroline!"
"She thinks she's helping" I heard Damon say from underneath his chuckle
"This is just ridiculous"
"Oh come on it's not that bad...I'll start" He offered, narrowing his eyes at his own piece of paper "Damon, tell Elena three things that you love about her..."
"Damon you don't have to..." I began before he interuppted me
"You're loyal. You are honestly one of the most loyal people I have ever met in my entire life. It leave me in awe sometimes to see the lengths you will go to in order to honour the people you love" I blinked quickly in shock at his admission. I hadn't expected him to participate in this little game Caroline had created, yet he seemed to be the one encouraging it. So much for space. "You're a fierce, fierce, friend. And...you always stand up for what you believe is right, even if it means taking something away from yourself. You put your morals ahead of your own selfish need and thats...well...incredible" His blue eyes caught mine and wouldn't release them in an effort to show how much he meant he words he way saying to me. It should have pleased me, it should have delighted me to no end to hear him say such wonderful things about me; but instead, it confused me to the point of frustration. "Alright, your turn" He tore his eyes away from me to reach for a bottle of champagne and filled out glasses up while I looked at him baffled. "What?"
"I just...forgive me for being rude but, not too many days ago you asked me to give you some time and some space to figure things out and now...you're submitting to this thinly veiled attempt at sparking romance between us? You can't exactly blame me for being a little confused" He sighed at me words, knowing that I had every right to say them, but seeming a little disappointed none the less
"Yeah I did, and I can see why you're upset. But maybe this is a good thing? When is the last time you and I just sat down and had a nice night together? When is the last time we sat and just talked like regular people?" He had a sincerity in his voice that I hadn't heard in many months and it warmed my heart to hear that familiar sound again "Our lives have been filled with so many horrible things and, I hate to give Caroline credit but, maybe what we need is one night where you are just you and I'm just me? Maybe instead of time apart to comprehend everything that's happened we need to be ordinary people for the night"
"Because we aren't ordinary people Damon" I said truthfully causing a sadness to erupt in his eyes. I took the champagne he had poured for me between my fingers and took a sip, contemplating how to move forward. "But if you want to sit and pretend for a night then...I'll play along"
"Not exactly the answer I was looking for but I'll take it" He told with a sad smile. I rolled my eyes at him before bringing the paper in my left hand back up to eye level "Elena, tell Damon one of your favourite childhood memories...um...okay it was freshman year of high school and I was in that horrible transition between kid and teenager. We had a snow-day at school so Jeremy and I were home for the day and my dad decided to cancel his appointments at the clinic and he and my mom stayed home with us. We sat in the living room, wrapped up in blankets and drinking hot cocoa watching all of these olden day movies. Jeremy and I didn't really like them but my dad insisted that we watch It's a Wonderful Life. And I remember sitting there, looking at my parents and my brother and just being so...happy...just having so much love in my heart at how wonderful my family was. And knowing that even though I was growing up and everything was changing...that whenever I was with them I felt like a kid again...a felt like a kid who was so blessed to have the family that I did. It was like time stood still and we were the only four people in the world" I had to stop myself as the bitter-sweet memory cause a tear in my eye to develop and Damon gave me an understanding look.
"Thank you" He smiled
"For what?"
"You don't talk about your parents often. I know how much it hurts you to...so...thank you, for sharing that with me"
"Guilt is a hard emotion to push through" I admitted, seeing the shift in his facial expression at my words
"Yeah...I uh...feel like I understand that better than anyone at the moment" I held my tongue before deciding to proceed with the question I wanted to ask him
"How...are you? I mean, I don't even know if I'm really allowed to ask that but.."
"You can ask me whatever you wish to Elena. You know I won't hold anything back from you" He sighed again before taking a long sip of his champagne flute "I'm...holding it together, is the best way to put it I guess. It's not an easy thing, to have to confront months worth of dark and horrible deeds in such a short amount of time but...I've flipped it before so I'm...god...I don't know...I'm trying. It's difficult to do when the one thing I want to do to get me through it is the one thing I know I can't"
"What's that?" I asked
"Lean on you. Seek comfort from you. But that's not something that I'm prepared to do right now. It's not fair"
"Why?"
"You fought for me when at times you shouldn't have. You believed in me when I gave up on myself and it's because of you and how I feel about you that I was able to flip it back. That being said, I can't continue to have you fight my battles for me love, I need to do some of this on my own. And more importantly, I need to find my way back to the person who is worthy of someone like you, and until I can sort through my guilt and shame, I'm not going to bring you into it and cause you any more grief" My lip trembled as his words sunk in and I realised just what his 'time' was really about. He wasn't confused about how he felt about me; he wanted to make sure that when he came back to me, that he wasn't going anywhere again.
"You need to stop doing that"
"Doing what?"
"Putting me on a pedestal"
"You belong exactly at the height that I hold you at"
"Lately I'm not so sure" He eyed me intently, attempting to understand exactly what I was telling him but his furrowed brow told me he was confused. "Damon?" I asked softly, feeling a connection with him in that moment that hadn't been sparked inside me for many moons. "Can I ask you something?"
"Anything?"
"What were you like...when you were human?"
"Why the curiosity?" He pressed, more out of how to better understand my question than to evade it
"I have been thinking a lot lately...about who I am...about the things that are different about me since I became a vampire...and I feel as if I am drifting away from who I used to be, when I was human. I feel like the positive traits in me are getting drowned by the negatives and I guess I was just wondering, what you were like, and how similar you are to that now?" He sighed deeply as he dropped his eyes away from mine and reached over to refill my glass. I could tell from his demeanour that he was going to tell me something that I didn't necessarily want to hear, but something that would answer my question none the less
"There are many qualities about me that are similar to who I was as a human. My romantic side, my loyalty to family, my...well...cheekiness I guess you could call it. However, my more aphotic attributes, the ones that very rarely if ever came to the surface as a human, tend to be a bigger part of who I am now. As an immortal those traits seem to have been magnified"
"What kinds of things?"
"I'm inordinately stubborn; I can easily be cruel and spiteful where as as a human that side of me would only rear it's head if someone made an attack on my family; I'm possessive, dangerously possessive, as you are well aware; and anger, as a vampire my hot headedness has continued to be a problem. I am well aware of it but am powerless to stop it. I think that's one of the most dangerous things: that I can fly off the handle and impulsively do something that I'll no doubt regret later...and more often than not, particularly when my humanity switch has been off, it has lead to the death of someone" He was scarily aware of the flaw he deemed were amplified by his immortality, and I had seen first hand just how terrifying he could be "All in all, I am a darker and malicious version of the light-hearted human I once was. I have found the light shining through more since you came into my life but, in all honesty, I have no doubt in my mind that I was a better person as a human" His disappoint and pensive look told me that it hurt him to say it, but that he meant it. "I know it's not what you want to hear"
"I'd rather be displeased with the truth than comforted with a lie" I told
"That being said Elena, it doesn't mean that my past is your future. I rejected my transition, I spent many months revelling in the hedonism on the darker spectrum of vampirism. All I concerned myself with was the hunt and my vengeance on Katherine. That is not your path. You have friends who love you, you have a job where you make a difference...you have so many things tying you to your humanity that I don't see you letting go of it. You're going to be different, but different doesn't have to be a bad thing"
"It's not the difference that is worrying me as much as it's the detachment" I admitted, causing a frown of worry to spread across his face "I'm sorry I'm bombarding you with all of this, it's just, Stefan doesn't understand this type of thing. He makes it sound so easy and everything is a meadow with beautiful flowers in it kind of thing. I haven't had anyone who has struggled to talk to about it..."
"You can come to me with anything Elena...you know that"
"Yeah I can but it doesn't seem like the right thing to unload a bunch of vamp transition confusion onto a guy who has only had his emotions back for a few days"
"True, but when it comes to you I will always make an exception" He smiled lightly
"Stefan thinks I revel in my rage. He says its the easiest and most dangerous emotion to cling to" I admitted honestly "It scares me, because I know I do. The anger I've felt toward you in the past few weeks and the thoughts it has caused me...it frightens me. As a human, I never reached that level"
"You have to consider what has been happening to you Elena. Think of everything that I put you through lately, it's been a catalyst for the anger to get amplified. That doesn't make you a bad person, and besides, you're still very young. Jesus, if you saw me at your age you'd laugh at yourself for thinking you're in bad shape" He reached his hand over the table and placed it on mine "I think you're doing incredibly, and honestly; I don't think I've ever seen you more alive" His fingers slid down into mine and I felt my hand melt into him. We gazed deep into one another, seeing and feeling everything inside the other's soul for what felt like eternity before I finally broke myself away from his gaze
"Thank you" I whispered before drawing my hand off the table and standing up "I hope you don't think I'm being rude...this has been well, honestly it's been wonderful but...I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed. Would you mind if we took a raincheck?" He nodded his head at me in understanding and he rose to his feet
"Of course" He whispered back at me. I smiled goodnight at him and hoped that he understood that I wasn't running away, I too simply needed some time tonight to process the things we had shared with one another. As I turned to walk away, I felt his hand take mine and pull my body towards his as he placed a soft kiss on my lips. It wasn't an attempt at seduction, it was a soft a tiny kiss of reassurance. He pulled his face away from mine as his thumb gently slid down my jaw "I need you to know something Elena"
"What?" I whispered breathlessly
"However dark I got. However deep inside the soulless shell of a man that I warped into when I thought I had lost you; one thing never changed..." He cooed, bringing me back in and kissing my lips again ever so softy
"What?" I breathed again as he pulled away
"How I feel about you" His faced moved up and kissed my forehead firmly before he let me go out of his grip "Goodnight love. I'll see you tomorrow".
And with those six words he turned on his heel and left me standing on the deck, completely breathless and more confused then ever.