Middle: Chapter Two.
A week had passed since Christopher's birthday, but Emily was still depressed as ever. And as ever, the maids and Victor did their best to keep her healthy and sane.
But one April morning, Emily had woken with a tear-stained pillow, knowing it was another heart-breaking day for her. But this time, it wasn't to do with just Christopher.
It was her fathers birthday, and it was the first one where he wasn't there. And it broke Emily's heart. To be reminded that she had lost two of the most important boys in her life. She thanked the heavens that she still had Victor with her; otherwise she'd be completely lost. After all, he had saved her life in so many ways.
Once again, Victor watched her from the doorway of their bedroom. He had left work early that day to keep an eye on his wife, leaving the business in the hands of his employed workers. They understood the pain Emily was going through, and Victor trusted them enough to work without his supervision – they weren't children.
As soon as he had walked through the front door, he journeyed upstairs and put his head round the door. The bed was made, the curtains drawn and a new vase of daffodils had been placed on the bedside table, to allow some colour in the some-what 'dim' room. And Emily stood by the window, her arms folded across her chest as she gazed down at the square below. Watching the children play in the sunshine, despite a cold chill in the air, she smiled weakly.
"How was work?" she mumbled, knowing Victor was standing behind her.
"Same as ever" he answered.
"You left early?" she stated.
"They can manage without me, I wanted to spend time with you."
At that point, he chose to leave the doorway and embrace her, wrapping his arms around her from behind and kissing her warm cheek.
"You look beautiful today" he whispered to her. She smiled weakly, knowing his compliment was genuine.
She was wearing one of her favourite dresses, one that she picked on her first birthday reunited with Victor. It was the first month after their wedding, one warm May morning when Victor told Emily he would buy her anything she wanted for her birthday. Considering she had been 'resurrected' and wanted to embrace her new life with her new husband, he decided to spoil her rotten. A surprise shopping trip, where Emily had found a dress that took her breath away. A pale blue dress, with satin skirt and long lace sleeves, adorned with pearls around the square neckline. Victor knew instantly from the moment that Emily stopped walking down the market street and said "Oh look!" that she wanted the dress. That night, she wore it to their candle-lit dinner with her hair fashioned in a neat bun with little curls falling around her face. In Victor's eyes, she was radiant. And he still thought so when he saw her wearing the dress again, this time with her hair hanging around her shoulders.
"Thank you" she whispered back.
Victor acknowledged her by placing a kiss on her neck, taking in the beautiful fragrance of her perfume. It was intoxicating! Closing his eyes, he let it mesmerize him.
"My goodness, you smell…so…" Victor couldn't finish his sentence.
"So, what?" Emily wondered, turning her head to her husband, sensing the lust in his voice and body language, by the way his hands caressed her waist and he kept his head close to hers, like he was anticipating a passionate kiss. She was right.
As soon as she had turned her head to hear what he had to say next, his lips were upon hers. And she couldn't resist!
They both got carried away in their passionate and lustful embrace, Emily letting Victor kiss her neck and pulling her closer to him. She couldn't remember the last time they had made love. She missed it, she wasn't going to deny that. And judging by Victor's behaviour, he missed it as much as she did, and it was on his mind. She could feel his hands clawing at the clasps on her dress, eager to explore what was underneath. He managed to undo one or two of the clasps before Emily pulled back, her hands on his shoulders.
"What's wrong?" he asked her. She avoided eye contact with him. It wasn't that she didn't want to go further, but was worried of the consequences and what could happen afterwards. Particularly, nine months afterwards.
"I can't" she wept silently. "It…" she began again, trying to hold her tears back.
"It's alright" he whispered, kissing her on her forehead.
"I don't want another baby, Victor" she finally looked him in the eyes.
He was silent. He kept his hands on her, looking in to her eyes, searching for an explanation.
"Why not?" he asked.
"I don't want another baby. I want him. I want our boy. I want him in my arms, calling me Mummy. I don't want to replace him with another" she wept.
"Oh Emily" Victor sighed, bringing her closer to him so now they were hugging. At the same time as she buried her face in his shoulder, he quietly did up the clasps of her dress, to save any embarrassment later.
"He will always be our boy. But crying won't bring him back. I'm sorry, I wish I could say more reassuring words but…I'm stuck. I am truly lost for words."
"I know it's not what you want to hear" she mumbled in to his shirt fabric.
He was silent, and that broke her heart a little. If she was wrong, he would've objected and said "No, no, it's alright". But he didn't. He just stood there, cuddling her.
"I hate to be the one to say it, Emily, but…eventually we'll have to move on. I can't go on living like this, seeing you every day, wasting away like you're going to vanish in to thin air…like him. I can't risk losing you too."
"You know you'll never lose me. Remember? That's what we agreed, on the day of our wedding. Remember?"
He nodded, he knew exactly what she meant.
"Our first dance" he smiled.
"By the river, in the moonlight. You said you'd love me longer than life and death."
"And so much more" he sighed. "But…" he began.
Oh no!
"Emily, I can't help think…what happens when we actually…stop."
"What" she asked confused, pulling away from him so now they were face to face.
"There's no easy way to say it, but…what happens when we die?"
"You know what happens. That's how we met!" she cried.
"No! I mean…what happens to our family when we die? Who's going to take over the family business? Who will inherit our fortunes? That's what an heir is for, and…we don't have one."
Emily looked at him, unsure if she was shocked or in total agreement with him.
"Is that why you wanted to make love? To make another heir? Is it?"
She was mad, angry, upset…but she knew he was right. Without Christopher, who was going to carry on their family name?
"Not just an heir. A child. A grandchild. It's not just you and me who have suffered this past year. Your parents, my parents, they both want a grandchild!"
"They have a grandchild!" she yelled back.
"And where is he? Tell me exactly where he is, right now!"
"I wish I knew! My god, how I wish I knew where he is, Victor. And even if he was on the opposite side of the world, I would endure every mile and walk there bare foot – on broken glass as well – just to have him back in my arms! He may be our parent's grandchild, but he's MY BABY! I carried him for nine months; I brought him in to this life and I watched him discover the world through his little eyes. Now he's gone…and…" Emily started breaking down, the tears pouring from her eyes like waterfalls.
"I'll never see him again…never hold him…and I'll never be 'Mummy'. So don't start prattling on about 'heirs' and 'inheritance' because that doesn't matter to me…not anymore."
Emily began storming out of her bedroom, leaving Victor behind to stand there and think on her words. But he caught her off guard. As she walked by him, he suddenly grabbed her by her shoulder, turning her round to face him, a glisten of anger in his eyes that worried Emily.
"Don't think you're the only person who's lost something precious. You think I'm not sharing the same agony as you? He's my son too. I'll never watch him grow, take his first footsteps, or hear him laugh…I'll never get to be his Daddy."
On that final thought, he let Emily go and walked past her down the stairs towards his study, slamming the door behind him.
She saw him draw his hand across his face as he descended the stairs, knowing he was wiping away the tears that streamed down his face.
"What has happened to us?" she thought, staring at the study door from the landing. She contemplated what was going to happen next with them. Would they try for another baby? Or accept the idea that they'd forever mourn their lost son and never move on?
Emily looked over at the clock on her bedside table. 3 o clock. Just before tea time.
She saw an opportunity and grasped it, slamming the bedroom door behind her, walking down the staircase furiously and grabbing hold of her light blue coat, matching hat and white gloves, walked out of the front door, shutting it fiercely enough so Victor knew she had left the house. He would see her anyway, the only window in his study showed the village square. She crossed that window; glancing out of the corner of her eye to see Victor leaning over his desk, head in his hands.
He caught sight of her just as she looked away and left his sight, so he had seen her but he didn't know where she was going.
Emily knew the church would be empty, spare an odd village member or two, praying for a lost loved one or confessing to Pastor Lee. She was hoping it would be completely empty, that she would have some privacy. She was lucky. As she struggled to pull open the heavy wooden doors, she popped her head through the space and saw no one in sight.
She smiled inside and made her way in, closing the doors behind her, and catching sight of the perfect space to sit and pray. The second pew from the front on the left hand side. Her favourite spot to share with Victor. She slid in to the pew, took her seat and removed her hat and gloves, placing them next to her. Hands clasped together in prayer, Emily leaned forward and balanced herself against the pew in front, closing her eyes as she started her telepathic message.
There was silence throughout, as Emily prayed for an impossible miracle.