Reality can destroy the dream, why shouldn't the dream destroy reality?
-George Moore
I woke up, but my eyes didn't want to stay open. I closed them again, encased in the soft fog of sleep.
When I awoke the second time, I knew something was wrong. I felt rested, my mind was fresh and clear. I hadn't felt that way in years. I looked around the room - Jacob's room - and tried not to panic. I remembered the night, flashes of deep sleep and strange dreams. It was what sleeping was like before this, my duel life, took over my nights.
I hadn't gone to my real life. How strange.
I lay back down on Jacob's mattress. It daylight outside - impossible to tell if I had been to sleep for ten minutes or twenty-four hours. Maybe, I thought, I'd actually just dosed for a moment, and hadn't had enough time to fall asleep properly.
But I realised, as I lay down with no desire to sleep at all, that I had almost certainly been asleep a long time - possibly days. Something very weird was going on.
I listened by the bedroom door before I ventured out. The house sounded quiet and as I padded my way to the kitchen. I found it empty. I got myself a cup of coffee and made myself comfortable on the couch. Even though I felt better than I had in years, I had no desire to leap out the door and figure out what had been happening. In fact, I felt even more like I wanted to curl up on the couch and not look up for another ten years or so.
I turned on the TV as I sipped my coffee, not thinking about anything, not paying attention.
"I see your taste in TV hasn't improved,"
I jumped as Jacob sat down on the other side of the lounge. He was wearing his usual cutoff jeans and a black, nice fitting v-neck that me feel hot all of a sudden. God, did I hate this. - being this close to him and not being able to touch him. I hated that the thing that stood in the way of touching him was only myself. I had to be strong, but I was never strong.
"If I remember correctly, you were the person that introduced me to hoarders." I fiddled with the remote to stop my fingers from twitching towards him.
"Leighton, I know what Keeping up with the Kardashians looks like." Jacob laughed. It was throaty and wholesome and genuine. It picked me up and swept me back five years.
"I dare you to watch ten minutes and be able to turn it off afterwards," I challenged him.
And we watched ten minutes in companionable silence.
After about fifteen-minutes, with me spending the last five minutes watching Jacob's rapt face, the curve of his jaw line, I laughed triumphantly. Forgetting myself I grabbed a cushion and swiped it at him.
"I told you that you can't stop watching!"
Jacob grabbed the pillow as it swung towards him, grinning sheepishly. Then suddenly, somehow, he was holding one edge of the cushion and I was holding the other and we were laughing and our knees had somehow crossed the couch to be touching. I could smell him, cedar wood and damp leaves, and it set my skin alight. I wasn't forgetting myself, I was falling out of myself.
He was fast, he always was, and in an instant the distance was gone. His lips were on mine, burning and hungry and his body pressed on mine until I was laying down and covered with him. Heat radiated, and I was sure it was as much from me as him. My hands were in his hair, my tongue was exploring his mouth. He moaned. I was wanting, wanting...
"Jacob, stop." I pulled away, ashamed that I let it happen, terrified to stop, terrified to not stop.
Jacob pulled away just as quickly, as if he too had just snapped back into himself.
I could see his erection straining against his pants, and I could feel myself slipping all over again. I had to look away. I focused on a spot on the wall just behind him.
"Can you tell me what it is?" Jacob asked finally, after a long awkward minute that was nothing like five years ago.
"Tell you what?" I asked, trying to get myself to leave - but finding I didn't have the metal. It look everything I had to leave once before, I didn't think I could do it again. I had to avoid this at all costs. A lot of hurt now to avoid a whole lot more later. I had made it this far, and now, so close to the end, I was failing.
"What it is about me that you hate so much?"
I had to look at him this time. My eyes snapped to him as this shocked, ashamed feeling took over. This man, was looking at me with the deepest hurt. Jacob was always so vulnerable, so open with his feelings and now they were barreling me over. I never thought, for some reason, that he'd blame himself, think it was his fault I left.
"Oh Jacob," I breathed, my voice tight. "It wasn't you."
"Please do not say it's not you, it's me." He growled. He wanted answers. He deserved them.
"There's someone else, Jacob." I told him, as honestly as I could without sounding like the total coward I was. The one thing I didn't want was his pity. Oh poor Leighton, doomed to know that man she loved was destined to be with someone else. God, the look on his face - I could imagine it. The comfort he'd give me, the assurances. I could see every word, and I'd believe them too. Because I'd want to, I'd need to. But he'd change, I know he would. He wouldn't be able to help it. He'd start to pull away from me, slowly at first, and then all at once. Both to open himself up to this new person, and save me some heartache.
He'd do the same thing that I did - if he knew.
Jacob's face changed, set into hard, unfamiliar lines. "Oh, I didn't realise. I'm sorry - I shouldn't have kissed you. That's put you in an awkward position."
Suddenly, I realised that he thought I meant I had someone else. Which wasn't at all what I meant, but Jacob's instant withdrawal made me feel better. He was angry, jealous maybe even and still hurt, but it was something he could now understand. He's be able to move on with this answer.
My heart ached.
"Would it be okay if you drove me back into town?"
"Yeah, Houghton has just pulled up. He can take you."
He disappeared down the hall.
#
The Cullen's house was buzzing when I walked in.
"Did anyone care that I was just about arrested for murder?" I asked, after I walked through the lounge room unnoticed.
"I, personally, was not at all surprised. I knew you were a little feisty." Emmett laughed, looking up from where everyone was gathered together around the kitchen bench.
"Jacob said that the pack were looking after it. We thought it was best not to clash on that issue." Edward said, his voice tense.
"Are they still not cooperating about the Volturi?" I asked. "Do you want me to see if I could talk to him about it?"
I noticed Bella raising a questioning eyebrow at me. I guess, not one day ago I was determined to never see Jacob again - now I was offering to mitigate discussions.
"I don't think it will help, Leighton." Carlisle said. "They've made themselves pretty clear that the treaty doesn't extend to any other vampire. If they catch someone they'll kill them."
I frowned. "That means we can't have our army of witnesses if the Volturi pay us a visit."
"It's ok. I think we've found another option anyway."
"What?" I asked, now wondering why everyone was gathered around like this.
"There is a coven of witches in Seattle. They've agreed to help conceal our presence from the Volturi until after the baby is grown."
"What do you mean conceal your presence? Who are these witches?" Something didn't feel right to me.
"They've placed a spell over us, we've basically become invisible to other supernatural creatures. They've promised to sustain it until we decide the baby is old enough to not be mistaken as an immortal child and a risk. We could possibly keep her hidden from them entirely."
"But that might help in the short term, but they'll still want you all as part of their collection. That won't stop them!" I said angrily.
Edward shrugged, "Nothing will stop them wanting us to join them. All we can do is give them no reason to harm us."
"That's bullshit." I spat, unhappy. I didn't want the Cullen's to have a life on the run. You could't have roots if you were always moving around. Jacob was going to be with them. I wanted him to be able to have a home somewhere.
"I have to agree," Rosalie said, from where she was standing quietly.
"That's a first," Alice laughed.
Rosalie shot her the look. The beautiful killer look. "Can't we just tear them to pieces and be done with it?" She growled.
"The Volturi have a lot of followers. Even if we killed one of them - we'd never be allowed to live afterwards." Jasper conceded.
"Also, the Volturi may lead a much different lifestyle to us - but they are the rulers of our kind. They somehow manage to hold us together. Do you not think we could rule humans if we wanted to? There have been vampires to try. The Volturi understand that we need to remain secret. I don't think anyone else could keep this semblance of order." said Carlisle.
"A necessary evil." I muttered.
"Yes," agreed Carlisle. "The best we can do is remain hidden until they cannot even entertain the idea of us breaking any of the laws."
"What about me then?" I asked, because I was surely as much of a broken law as any future baby. Humans must not know about vampires, and if they do, you must either kill them or turn them.
"Ever thought of becoming a true member of the family?" Emmett joked, though no one else laughed.
"The Volturi have knowledge of you - though they believe you are connected with the shape-shifters. They did not seem to think we had done anything wrong where you are involved. Interestingly, in the dealings we have had with them they have been more concerned with Bella. I think in this case, the more obvious transgression has kept the lesser transgressions out of their minds."
I gave Bella a small hip bump, "Thanks for that."
"No problems," she smiled her fake smile that she always did when she was worried. I knew that look anywhere. She wanted to do something grand and brave.
"You should just turn me now. We don't have to have a baby. I never thought I'd have one anyway. If I was one of you, there'd be no broken law at all." She said.
"No!" Edward and Rosalie both growled at the same time.
"What did I tell you before, Bella? A long time ago. Not because you're scared." Edward whispered.
I looked away.
"So, I guess I'll have to liaise with Charlie about clearing my good name?" I asked the group, trying to change the subject.
"What good name?" Emmett chuckled. I hissed at him.
Jasper shrugged, "Sorry Leigh. All signs point to no supernatural involvement. Best leave the ordinary killers to the police."
I shook my head, "It just doesn't seem right that after all we've been through, a normal human could be behind torturing and killing an innocent high school student."
"And you call us the monsters," Emmett laughed to himself.
#
I was left alone that night.
Bella and Edward were, well, presumably trying to make a baby. Rosalie and Alice went out to hunt, the boys were gone doing something. Carlisle and Esme were on a date. Charlie was still working overtime.
I didn't want to be alone in the Cullen house. It felt strange to me since they told me there was a spell cast over it. It felt electric to me somehow, like it had a pulse, a life force. I couldn't explain it but sometimes the walls sizzled when I touched them.
Instead, I went to the bar. If I'd learnt anything, it was that I clearly needed to become more of a people person - you never know when you might need the alibi.
I knew it was a bad idea as soon as I walked inside. For one, it was a Saturday and so it was busy and two, every single person in the whole town thought I was a killer. I'd somehow managed to let that small fact slip my mind. I stood in the door of BBGs and the hostess hesitate to greet me and everyone in the entire restaurant turned to watch me. I was mortified.
I sighed. I knew that I didn't do it. What did I have to hide from? Maybe this would be a chance to convince some of them that I was innocent.
Eventually, the manager came out to greet me. Which was nice.
"Leighton, nice to see you." She said warily. Luckily, when I turned 21 I spent quite a bit of time here for the few months before I left. I would have considered Bridgette a good friend, before I let all my good friends turn into strangers.
"Hey Bridg, long time no see."
"Yeah, five years and not even a post on my wall. You need to get Facebook."
"Ugh. I hate that thing."
She laughed, "So, did you do it?"
I gasped, "No I did not do it! Are you kidding me?"
Bridgette smiled, and maybe her shoulders did relax a little.
"I believe you. I tried to tell Dad, 'Leighton screams when her steak has a little bit of red in it. Likes it burnt. No way she cut a boy up.'"
I laughed at this logic, as everyone else in the room went back to doing what they were doing - or maybe they weren't even looking at all.
"Everyone knows those out of town cops haven't got a brain between them. They come in here together most nights, and have the whole table set up like it's a game of Cluedo. Will you have a drink with me? Some burnt steak? I'm sure a lots happened in five years in New York City."
She had me in a booth before I could say vodka and suddenly it was like living an old memory. Everything felt the same, warm, comfortable, fun. People came over to say hello. I was something new and shiny, and my dash with the law definitely helped my celebrity. It reminded me of the companionship I hadn't managed to fine in the big city, where no one gave a fuck about you. Five years ago I would have had Jacob here and maybe some of the pack. We'd joke and eat and dance and drink and then Jacob and I would go home and make love and fall asleep on the floor of the lounge room.
Jacob, Jacob, Jacob, everywhere I looked in this town. I wondered if that witch could change imprinting.
I scolded myself from thinking it. It was wishful thinking, the kind that broke hearts if you let it carry on too long.
When I went outside to catch some air it was past midnight and near closing. It was cold, my breath frosted around my face and my skin prickled with numbness. It was about to snow, I could feel it.
"Do you need a smoke?"
I turned and saw a guy I'd met a little earlier that night, Blaze. I was actually re-meeting him. He was a kid when I used to live here. Now he was not a kid, but somehow still a kid. When did I get so old?
"God no, there is nothing good about smoking." I laughed, skin full of vodka.
He quickly dropped the cigarette he was about to light.
"I can't believe you're back in town. I used to see you, when you used to live here. Always with that big guy."
"Ha!" I laughed again, because I didn't know what else to say. I could see where this clumsy conversation was headed and I was trying to decide if I hated myself enough to go there.
"Do you have your own place?" I asked him, stepping closer. God, I felt sick with myself. I never felt like this. Sex was casual and fun. I enjoyed it. It never made me feel dirty.
His eyes widened in shock at my brazenness. His surprise caught me. Maybe he had just come outside for a smoke. My cheeks flushed red. He friends called him inside and he practically ran back to them.
"Be careful, those Feds might just put you on a sexual predator watchlist as well."
I turned around to see Jacob leaning against the wall, thoroughly enjoying himself. I wanted to sink into the ground.
"Do you follow me around just to witness my most humiliating moments?" I gasped.
"My timing has been particularly good," he smiled. How he was so casual after this morning blew my mind, but there he was leaning against the wall like a greek god who had no cares.
"What are you doing here, if not haunting me like the ghost of boyfriends past?"
Jacob laughed at this, throaty and low. I wish he wouldn't be so sexy when I was particularly weak.
"I knew you were here and that closing time was fast approaching. I didn't know what kind of a state you would be in, so I came to see if you needed any help."
I raised an eyebrow, "What's really going on?"
"Bella called and said she thought you might be going out to get drunk. She didn't want you washed up on La Push Beach again."
I swore, "Honestly, she is no friend of mine. Plus, you enjoy this too much. You know she's just trying to get us back together? You shouldn't fall for her sneaky, sneaky tricks."
Jacob laughed, "Yeah, you're not drunk at all. Come on."
He walked to a truck, not the Rabbit anymore. It was black, old but done up all new. He jumped into the driver's seat and waited for me to follow him. I pulled myself up and we drove off, much like we used to. I didn't ask where we were going and he didn't ask me where I wanted to go. Instead, he drove back to his place. I tried to tell myself it suited me because the further I was away from the Cullens the more innocent we would look to the Volturi, if they ever did come calling.
"You can stay in the guest room," Jacob said, pointing to a door down the hall past his bedroom. There's a shirt you can sleep in, the door across the hall is the bathroom."
"Thanks Jake," We hesitated for a moment, together in the hall. He was thinking about saying something and I was thinking about saying something. There wasn't enough space for all the things we weren't saying.
"Good night Leighton," he said, opening his door.
"Good night Jacob." I said as I disappeared into my room.
#
Just a quick note - the next chapter is short and a little bit naughty. It's not critical to the story so if you are under 18 or just don't want to read that sort of stuff - you can skip it.