Author's Note: More apologies that it took so long to post another chapter. My only excuse is that my children seem to be up later now that it's summer, that or it's just because they are getting older. I can't believe they are going to be 5 this month. I wish I could keep them little forever. I am totally going off on a tangent. I may post some smut soon, just because I haven't in a while. Anyway enough talking (typing?), hope you enjoy this chapter.
A large map of the United Earth Republic was laid out on a table. Hand written red marks marred the otherwise good condition of the canvas. Korra stood over the table staring at those red markings as if waiting for them to tell her something. She and Suyin were the last two in the room. All of the other officials had since retired for the evening.
"I don't understand how they keep evading us." said Korra, mostly to herself.
"They are sandbenders, if they don't want to be found they won't" replied Suyin, from one of executive sofas that occupied the meeting room.
"Perhaps if we try their regular haunts again. We should at least be able to pick up some lush at one of the desert outskirt bars who will tell us something."
Suyin stifled a yawn. "We've tried that several times already. Not even the merchants at the Misty Palms Oasis have traded with the Sandbenders in the last six months let alone seen them. All of our leads have come up as dead ends." Suyin shook her head. "I almost wonder if it's sandbenders at all."
"Of Course it's sandbenders. All the witnesses say the raiders were bending sand." Said Korra,throwing up her arms in disbelief. "Who else can bend sand besides sandbenders." her words came out more irritably then she intended.
Suyin took no offense. "What I mean is that I just find it odd that the sandbending tribes are attacking and raiding the towns and cities that surround the Si Wong desert. If you remember, I lived in a sandbender commune for some time. While it is true they are scavengers and have resorted to thievery from time to time they are an honorable people. Forcefully breaking into homes and establishments and outright looting goes against their standards. For them to turn to this...violence...I feel I must be missing something."
Suyin seemed to be looking through Korra, her mind perhaps in another time, but then her gaze cleared. "Of course though I understand your frustration. It has been some time since you have seen your family. As the sandbenders just eluded us again with their raid on Gaoling, it will probably be a few weeks before they strike again. At least their timing is more or less predictable. Why don't you go home for a week or two, see your baby, then we can start fresh. How old is San now? he has to be close to a year."
"Ten months." said Korra quietly. "I think...that my duty as the avatar comes before all else. We need to resolve this issue before I go home." Korra looked around the room as she spoke, avoiding eye contact with Suyin.
"That is understandable. Perhaps Asami or Mako could take some time off and come visit with San. There is more than enough room for everyone to stay here at the capital."
Korra stumbled on her words "That is very kind of you, but, that is...Asami and Mako are very busy with work at the moment. I don't really think they could take time off."
Suyin had the impression that Korra didn't want to be with her young family. she couldn't help but push the issue a little further "Of course, that is why Jinora was hired to be San's day nurse. Perhaps Asami and Mako wouldn't mind if Jinora brought San for a trip. He would be more than safe here, especially since most people don't know he is your child. Asami and Mako may even be welcoming of a little break. After all just because you love your child doesn't mean you don't want some time for oneself."
"I…" Korra was out of excuses "I don't think San coming here at all would be a good idea." She rubbed her arm self consciously. "San hates me."
Suyin kept her face neutral even though she was momentarily flabbergasted. "Korra, my dear, San is just a baby. The only thing he hates right now is dirty diapers and perhaps peas. It felt like not too long ago you were telling me what a happy, easy going boy he is."
The avatar unceremoniously plopped herself down on the sofa next to Suyin. "He was...is" Korra corrected herself, "for Asami, Mako, Jinora, Bolin, Opal" she counted on her fingers as she rattled people off "basically everyone except for me. It's like he knows I'm a fraud and not really part of the family. Even an infant figured out kids don't have three parents and that I am the one that doesn't fit."
Suyin patiently waited while Korra got everything off her chest and provided a supportive listening ear.
"Everything was fine until he was six months. I left for a few weeks to start heavily working this sandbending deal and when I came home for a visit he acted like I was this scary spirit or something. He would cry when I would hold him, feed him, bathe him...everything. Every Time I came home he would get worse with me. It's at the point now that he cries even when I am near him. I feel so alienated and Asami and Mako make it worse by saying he just senses my unease and feeds off my vibes. They act like I am just trying to get out of helping with him. like it doesn't hurt me that my child wants nothing to do with me? Each time I go home my trip gets shorter because I am making my child upset, and Mako, Asami and I fight more and more about it." Korra sighed. "I don't know what to do."
Silence hung in the air for a few moments as Suyin considered whether Korra was advice.
"I think Asami and Mako might be right." Suyin held up her hands in defense when Korra shot a look of daggers at her. "Now hold on, let me explain. San only recently started becoming aware of himself and other people. He is starting to understand his needs...warmth, food, safety, comfort etc., and who fulfills them. Anyone who doesn't provide those things is someone to be wary of, even threatened by. Unfortunately duty called you away at the pinnacle of his awareness. When you came back he didn't quite remember you. Naturally he was leary of you, but not knowing this change occurred in him, you tried to jump right back in with him and he didn't have any time to adjust." Suyin could read the guilt in Korra's face. "More than likely, you had to leave before the two of you could connect again and that is not your fault. However, when you do see him it's a cause of tension, also with his caretakers, and he senses this. Each visit then becomes more strained as he is starting to memorize faces and with it how he feels around those faces."
Korra felt awful. She knew when she had children she wouldn't always be able to be with them, as the avatar. She hadn't however, ever envisioned being a stranger to her children; so disconnected.
"I'm still the avatar and right now, this is where I need to be. Going home for a week or two won't make things better with San, or my spouses." Korra shook her head "I feel like I am in way over my head. I can't reason or fight with a child, how do I fix this? Asked Korra,unsure of herself.
"Time." responded Suyin, with a comforting pat to Korra's leg, "All he needs is some quality time with you, in which he can be comfortable around you. You will provide love and the things he needs and he in return will overcome the fear and anxiety he feels around you, to find he loves you also."
"Now," Suyin continued, as she could see Korra was mulling over their conversation "let's get some sleep, so we get start fresh in the morning. Lets settle this thing so we can get you home and back to your family." She stood up, yawning as she stretched.
Korra, for the moment, felt better and determined to make things right with San. "With the two of us working the case, I'll be back home in no time ."
Korra had been wrong about the time. While they had resolved the crises and with minimal violence, it had taken three more months, in which time Korra did not go home. In reality Korra could have stayed even longer in the capital to assure peaceful closure. However Suyin had assured her negotiations with the state and the sandbenders could be handled without her presence.
Anxiety flowed through Korra's veins as she entered through the front door of her apartment. It had been a little over four months since had been gone. Four months since she had last seen the man, woman and child she loved more than anything in the world. Naga of course was the first to greet her; nearly bowling her over, barking and licking her face.
"Ok, ok, Naga. I missed you too." said Korra as she calmed her polar-bear dog.
"Korra?" She heard Mako calling her name before she saw him. When he came into the living room, he paused looking her over, and then with a few long strides he met her and kissed her passionately on the mouth. Korra was glad to be home.
"I've missed you. You've been hurt." he said guiltily, his finger tracing a healing, but deep cut on her temple. "I'm sorry, I should have been there with you. I am the director of foreign affairs and could have gone for work, plus your my wife and it's my job to protect you."
Korra leaned into Mako and breathed him in, having missed his smoky, heady scent "It's nothing, just a trophy from the short lived skirmish with the sandbenders. Besides like I told you on the phone several times, you needed to be here with Asami and San. Our son is our first priority."
"It's nice to hear you say that, especially since you missed our son's first birthday." Asami said acidically from the doorway with a curious San in her arms.
"I'm sorry. But we were so involved with the sandbending raids and making so much progress...I'm the avatar...I had to be there." Korra apologized and tried to defend herself.
"I know." Said Asami rather sadly. "It's not easy being the avatar's family. I think I know how Katara must have felt." But still she couldn't help feeling some resentment as she placed San on the floor. Excitedly he crawled his way to his father and the guest.
"He crawls now?!" exclaimed Korra as she squatted closer to his level.
San however, now having full view of the stranger turned right back around and practically tried to climb his way up Asami's leg, crying out: "Maa-mee."
"Crawls and talks. Well only a few words: mommy, daddy, and doggie." Said Asami and she picked him up and patted his back in a comforting gesture.
Korra felt awful. "I've missed so much. I didn't think so much would change in four months. He looks like a different person."
"Four months is a long time at this age. A lot of changes happen in short time." Said Asami, trying not to sound bitter.
Mako wrapped his arm around Korra's waist from behind her and pulled her backside into him. "Well you are home now and that is what matters. You will have plenty of time to see some of San's firsts " He held her, like he was never going to let go.
"Until she gets pulled away for more Avatar duties." Commented Asami. "I'm sorry" she said shaking her head "I didn't mean for it to come out that way. I'm going to give San his bath and lay him down for the night."
"I can do it." Korra offered.
"No that's ok," replied Asami, holding San close, as if protecting him from something or someone. "You and Mako can use this time to catch up."
Simultaneously Korra felt a loss and relief at the same time at not having to try and immediately re-bond with her child. She sighed deeply, having made it through her homecoming. Honestly it could have gone much worse she thought as Mako led her to the sofa by the hand.