DPOV

Roza murmured, "This isn't over. I won't give up on you."
"I've given up on you," I replied in a soft voice. "Love fades. Mine has."

Shit. As soon as those words left my mouth I regretted saying them. God, what am I doing? I could tell that she was about to cry. I wish I could apologize and comfort her and promise never to leave her. But I can't. I've already caused her so much pain. I treated her like a Blood Whore. My personal Blood Whore. She doesn't deserve my love. I know Ivashkov will take better care of her than I ever will.

"I mean that I don't love you anymore" I hate myself for hurting my Roza like this.

"You know what? To hell with you and your damn ego. The least you could do is at least thank me for travelling half across the world to save you. I hate you!" She screamed. I deserved that. I deserve more than that.

I have disappointed the love of my life. Well, she is right. I should've at least thanked her for what she did.

She turned as she was about to leave.

"Roza-"

"No! Don't you dare call me that and don't even think about coming after me. You lost the right of calling me that". She said while tears streamed down her face. I could see Lissa standing nearby staring at Rose. I knew she was talking to Rose through the bond. I looked at Roza and she shook her head and rounded the corner.

I let out a deep sigh. I wish I could just forgive myself. I can't, not after what I've done to Roza. I drank blood from her. I'm a shame to the Belikov name. Lissa came and stood next to me.

"Don't you think that it's time that you forgave yourself? I mean, if you don't forgive yourself, it hurts Rose. She's going a lot through at the moment. I think you should forgive yourself". Lissa said to me politely.

"But that's the problem. I can't forgive myself. I've hurt so many people. Especially Rose. No, I can't do it. I'm sorry prin-Lissa". I could feel myself at the verge tears. No Dimitri. Don't you dare cry. You deserve all of this.

I excused myself and went to the gym. It is so frustrating because I can't go alone anywhere. There are at least 2 guardians with me all the time. I decided to hit the gym. When I got there I saw Roza punching the shit out of the punching bag. I'm pretty sure that she didn't realise that I just walked in. I decided to spar with the guardians. I ended up beating them successfully. When I looked up, I saw that Roza had already left. I saw her out on the field. I ran outside and caught up with her. She stiffened and increased her pace. I caught her arm and spun her around so she could face me. I could see anger and pain in those beautiful brown eyes of hers.

"Roza, please just listen to me". I begged. This girl has had a really interesting effect on me.

"What the hell do you want? And I've already told you before that DON'T call me that. Its Rose or Guardian Hathaway". I could tell that it pained her to say that. She loves it when I call her Roza.

"Rose, I'm only trying to distance from you for own good. I hate myself for what I did to you".

"I've already forgiven you! I don't care what happened in the past. I want start all over again! Why is it so hard for you to understand?" She was at the verge of crying again. She turned and ran away. She stared at me for a brief moment before continuing running. I walked back to the front of the gym and saw Roza talking to Ivashkov. I guess they make a good couple. He loves Rose as she is deserved to be loved and I couldn't ask for more. It pains me to say this but I think Adrian is the right person of Rose. I lost her. Nothing can be done now.

With that I left for my room. I showered and got onto bed and decided to read a western novel. I remember how Rose used to make fun of me reading them. I couldn't read more than the first page because I was still thinking about Rose. Roza. My Roza. But I lost the right to call her that.

I think I'm going to stay at court for a couple of months and then go back to Baia. No, I can't go back to Russia. My family thinks I'm dead. I have nowhere or no one to go. I can't talk to anyone or well, no one is going to want to talk to me. They all still think I'm a bloodsucking Strigoi.

What am I doing with my life?