"Oh my eyes! Thank you so much, now the image of my sister, the porn star, will be forever burned into my retinas," Jamie cries out and shields his eyes with his forearm as I stumble down the hall into the living room on my 4-inches-too-tall heels wearing what I now fondly refer to as The Slut Suit. I toss my thick brown curls one more time and secure my phone in the only available spot, my cleavage. I've just become 'that girl'.
"Suck it up Jamie, your sister is my partner in crime tonight," Kelsey says as she leans over an end table to apply her blood red lipstick in the mirror.
I have to admit, I'm completely jealous. Kelsey's costume is my angel outfit's red twin, sans wings and halo of course. In their place she has a tail poking out of her tulle skirt, and a shimmering set of horns strategically arranged in her gleaming black waterfall of hair. Even a blind man would be able to sense the sexiness emanating from this girl. Paul is going to swallow his tongue when he sees her.
"You just better hope dad never finds out about this," Jamie says, lowering his arm from his face and making a point of staring directly into my eyes and nowhere else.
"Well I have no idea how he ever would, unless someone decided they no longer wanted me to keep quiet about who really put that dent in his bike last spring." The threat in my eyes shows him I'm far from kidding.
To my dad I'm still his innocent, if slightly unruly, little princess. If he were here I wouldn't have made it as far as the living room before he locked me in my room and nailed the door shut. I have no intention of using this outfit to nab some pathetic drunken guy to bring home tonight. I just need to appease my best friend and make it home without rolling both of my ankles. So what dad doesn't know definitely won't hurt him.
Of course, the one night that I'm wearing next to nothing L.A. would be in the middle of an uncharacteristic cold snap. I shiver as we walk from the car up the steps to the Sigma Chi house. I turn and wave to Jamie as he pulls away in Kelsey's car. He isn't into the frat scene and was nice enough to volunteer as our designated driver tonight.
"I know you want to make Paul suffer tonight Kels, but please don't leave me alone. You know I can't stand these people and the last thing I need to do is get into it with one of them while I'm standing there nearly naked," I beg.
"No worries Jess, I'm by your side all night. But just in case we get separated, we meet back here at 2AM," she mutters over her shoulder and throws open the door before I have a chance to protest.
Kelsey heads straight to the kitchen to secure us a couple of drinks. While we're waiting for one of the frat's underlings to mix the cocktails, Kelsey hands me a test tube filled with a bright blue liquid.
"Drink up girl!" She toasts me in the air with her tube and tips it back, draining the contents.
I sniff, then figure what the hell, and down my tube as well. It's more juice than anything else.
"You know," I almost jump out of my skin and spin around punching at the voice inches from my ear, "if you really want to feel anything, you have to go for the clear ones."
I turn my head to find myself face to face with a cocky, grinning face attached to a stocky, muscular body in a caveman costume. How apropos.
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," I smile politely and intentionally turn my body completely away from him and back to Kelsey who has decided to make friends with our bartender. If there is one thing I'm not going to deal with tonight, it's some oafish jock who thinks he's going to get lucky. Not even an option.
"So what's your name, sugarplum?" Caveman leans on the counter next to me, clearly not taking the hint.
"Well I can tell you it's not sugarplum," I grab my drink from the pledge who mixed it, and link my arm with Kelsey's as I steer us both into the main room where I hope to blend in with the crowd of dancing bodies.
"What's wrong Jessie? He's cute!" Kelsey grins at me like a fool before scanning the crowd, looking for Paul I assume.
"Other than the fact that his IQ and junk size are probably both in the low single digits?" I shout over the pounding bass and catchy beat blaring from the speakers.
"You're never going to meet a guy if you don't give them more than a thirty second audition Jess," Kelsey scolds, half listening to me.
"If I were looking for a guy, that would most definitely not be my type. Plus, who says I need a guy? I'm perfectly content with the way things are right now. I've got my books, my brother and my best—" I stop mid sentence as Kelsey spots Paul and proceeds to desert me in the middle of the makeshift dance floor, "—friend. Well, there goes that."
I edge over to lean against the wall and take a sip from the red solo cup, which is mostly filled with vodka, before taking in my surroundings for the first time since arriving. There are at least fifty people crammed into the living room performing various mating rituals disguised as dancing. Costumes range from sexy sailor to sexy kitten, so very original. Not that I can talk given my current state of undress, but I'm here as a favor so it clearly doesn't count.
The guys' costumes tend toward the lazy or the humorous. The entire football team decided to wear their jerseys and come as, you guessed it, football players! One particular costume that had me giggling into my drink was the genie whose lamp was strapped around his waist with the words "Rub Me" conveniently located on his 'spout'.
I'm still chuckling over that one when I spot Amber and her minions heading my way. Rolling my eyes I take a deep gulp of my drink. Surely some liquid courage can only help the conversation about to take place.
"Wow Jessie, I almost didn't recognize you! You almost look like a girl!" Amber laughs at her own joke and looks for confirmation from her brainless bookends.
"Amber, I see you decided to go with your daily attire rather than digging up a costume," I give her and the other two a once-over. They're all dressed as trashy school girls in plaid skirts with button down shirts tied in knots mid-torso. Oh, and no respectable school girl costume would be complete without pigtails.
"Very funny, Jessica," she emphasizes the last syllable of my name as if it's an insult.
"Yeah, well I see this would surely be a very stimulating conversation, but," I stop and down the contents of my cup, "I seem to be in need of a refill. Have a nice night Amber. Don't trip on your heals." I begin walking towards the kitchen without waiting for a response.
I hand my cup to the same freshman bartender who made the first drink and he refills it for me. I take a sip, and if at all possible, this drink is even stronger than the first. My head is a little fuzzy as I meander from room to room looking for someone to talk to.
I spot my friend Casey from one of my psych classes and make my way over to her with a wave.
I'm halfway across the room when I'm accosted yet again by the caveman.
"Sugarplum!" he shouts in my face as if he's not standing a foot away from me, "Let's dance."
He wraps one of his tree trunk arms around my waist and begins to tug me back towards the mass of dancing bodies. I plant my feet in an attempt to stop him from dragging me any further. All I manage to do is cause him to turn and face me, pulling me closer. He obviously misread my resistance for playfulness. I place my free hand against his chest and push. He doesn't budge. He just smiles his drunken smile and hugs me closer to him.
The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, my anxiety level shoots through the roof. If I wasn't already three quarters of the way to intoxication I'd have incapacitated him before he was able to get his arm around me like the big, overgrown bear that he is. I'm not afraid, I know how to handle myself. It's just going to take a lot more concentration since I'm seeing two of him.
I'm about to stomp on his instep to free myself when out of nowhere a gothic drag queen appears and places an arm on Caveman's shoulder.
"Hey Mike! I heard Drew was asking for you. Something about getting a beer pong tournament started," my cross dressing savior says, squeezing Caveman's shoulder just hard enough that he loosens his grip on my waist.
"Sweet! Catch you later Sugarplum," he utters as he stumbles through the throng of party goers. I turn and just stare after him in amazement that this guy thinks what he did was acceptable.
"You okay?" the drag queen asks from behind me.
"Thanks. Totally not used to this damsel in distress thing, but he caught me one shot and two drinks deep so I'm a little slow tonight. I appreciate the save, uh …" I trail off, turning to my knight in shiny pleather, trying to figure out what the hell would possess him to come out in public dressed this way. He's in fishnets, high heels, and some kind of leather underwear-corset thing with a curly black wig. Oddly enough, he's still pretty hot despite the drag. His body is tan and toned like he plays a sport that requires a lot of gym time. Too bad Jamie isn't here, this guy would probably keep him entertained for the rest of the night. Can't tell much about his face under the triple layer of makeup though.
"Dr. Frank-N-Furter," he looks at me expectantly.
"Oh. O-kay…" I draw the word out, confused and trying to focus past the alcohol. This new information does nothing to spur any recognition in me.
"Rocky Horror Picture Show, don't ask, I lost a bet," he sighs regretfully then looks me up and down, "I'm loving your costume though."
He smirks at me and I get the distinct impression that he's flirting. Obviously I'm even more drunk than I thought.
"Thanks again for stopping me before I had to break character and go all demonic bitch on that guy," I giggle, raising my cup in a toast and leaving the oddly sexy drag boy staring after me.
"There you are!" Kelsey shouts in my face. She's obviously had more to drink than I have. She's slurring and stumbling in her heels. "Paul is such a bastard. I'm SO done with him! Let's go. This costume is riding up my ass."
I laugh again, chug the remainder of my drink and toss the empty cup in a nearby trashcan. I link arms with Kelsey and we stagger towards the front door, leaving the drunken debauchery behind us.