Catalyst: A Story about Change

Author's Note: Sorry for the long delay! Fanfiction . net wouldn't let me upload. I actually had this finished last Tuesday! Also, I was going to shout out reviewers again, but I'll wait till next time. I'm just happy the dern thing uploaded!

Chapter 12: Nightmares

October 26th

Sam stood at the kitchen sink rinsing some turnips to cook. She wasn't sure why she'd even got them; it was one of the few vegetables she didn't like. Maybe they had some…vitamin she needed?

It's hot in here! Her head felt woozy from the warmth. A trickle of sweat ran down her temple, and she brushed it aside absently, staring down at the turnips. Why had she…bought these, again?

"Waaaaaaaaaa!" Darn. Nathaniel was awake, and probably hungry. Sam moved to dry her hands, the sound of his crying a constant.

Then something in his voice changed. He was suddenly screaming as if in pain or panic, and without thinking Sam was running toward the bedroom. Something was wrong!

But a moment later the screaming stopped as abruptly as it had started, leaving the room strangely quiet, and a sickening terror shot up Sam's spine. She took the last few steps to the doorway, afraid of what she might see…

The room was dark; only a tiny night light next to the bathroom door gave any light. But it was enough to see his rustling cape, to recognize his build and height, and his flaming hair cast its own shifting, eerie glow.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…

As she watched, he stood upright, withdrawing his left hand from the playpen as he looked over at her. She couldn't move as he walked over, smirking, looking down at her hungrily, his large form looming over her. He brought his hand up, his left hand, to cup her cheek.

"Now that the racket is taken care of…" He leaned over, pulling her towards him, the dead body of their baby only feet away…

Sam woke up screaming.

After a few moments she crawled out of bed, sticky with sweat, and made her way to the playpen. Her knees wobbled and she couldn't stop the tears streaming down her face. My baby…my baby…

Amazingly Nathaniel was still asleep, and she watched him as he breathed his tiny little baby breaths. But it wasn't enough. She had to hold him; she had to feel his tiny heartbeat next to hers! So she picked him up gently and went slowly back to bed, curling into a fetal position with Nathaniel hugged to her stomach.

Sam lay for a while, just feeling him close by, and sobbed quietly, unable to stop.

The nightmares had started after Vlad's visit. She'd be running after Nathaniel, who was flying away from her, or she'd be looking everywhere in the apartment but he'd be gone. They were vague dreams permeated with a sense of dread.

Sam shuddered, and started stroking the tuft of hair on Nathaniel's head. This dream was different, so much more horrible.

Older Danny. The father of her child. He was coming back into her thoughts and dreams, and she'd been so tired, so distracted she'd halfway dismissed him instead of wholeheartedly banishing him, until her fears culminated into something that she couldn't absentmindedly bat away.

It didn't help that she nearly had her figure back. She looked almost as she had that horrible day nearly a year ago now, and this was only serving to trigger things she wanted to keep suppressed. But the fear was undeniable, and the question kept surfacing.

Was he…looking for her?

Strangely, she wasn't afraid for herself. At least, that wasn't what truly terrified her. He'd said he loved her after all, and she actually thought he did, in a twisted kind of way.

But he was cold and hard, a killer, and she had no idea how he would react to Nathaniel. What would he do? Sam pulled Nathaniel a little closer, closing her eyes tightly.

After a moment she opened her eyes again, a little calmer, but then her fear was swept out in a wave of anger. It was Vlad, the self centered, egotistical monster! He'd triggered these nightmares! As if she didn't know why he'd given her that playpen! He'd made Nathaniel his knew pet project, and she had no doubt that he wanted him for a son, eventually.

She hated that playpen. She needed it, but she hated it. It came from Vlad, and never failed to remind her of how powerless she really was. Nathaniel wasn't inside her anymore; he could be taken away, pried out of her arms!

How sweet of Vlad, offering to help her! Of course she could use more stuff, like a ghost detecting device, or even a ghost shield, but getting them from Vlad made them next to useless!

Sam fidgeted for a bit, frustrated, and then started caressing Nathaniel's hair again. That nightmare had managed to trigger all her major fears, it seemed. She let out a long shaky sigh, and tried to think of other things.

Her mind almost immediately jumped to her family and friends, and the familiar sense of loneliness rose up again. What about her Danny? Was he still looking for her, or had he given up hope months ago? Sam knew her parents wouldn't stop looking. She was their only child, and they had the money to spend indefinitely on searching for her. But had Danny moved on? He had his own family, after all.

That had been the plan, of course. She'd leave, and Danny would move on. She'd made sure they all had every reason to believe she was alright, of course. Thinking she was kidnapped or maybe dead wasn't going to help Danny any. It should've been easy to connect the dots after she left, however.

She had thought about contacting someone though, one of her parents probably, to let them know she was safe, that everything was fine. But that wasn't strictly true, obviously, and she didn't know if she could keep up an act over the phone. If she broke down, that would be worse, wouldn't it? And anything sent through mail was too easy to track.

But what could she do? Her parents couldn't handle a half ghost grandchild; there was no doubt in her mind. She hadn't thought it was possible to get pregnant in the first place, but when she had, she'd guessed it would mean a half ghost child (though she hadn't thought her child's powers would manifest in the womb).

Sam reached up and rubbed at her face with one hand; her cheek was getting a little itchy from her salty tears. She'd finally stopped crying, though her breathing still shuddered along to its own choppy rhythm. She let out a shaky sigh, and her thoughts continued along their forlorn path.

When it came down to it, her parents hadn't been the deciding factor in her decision to go, had they? It had been Danny all along. She'd wanted to protect him, to keep him from finding out about what his other self had done. But…what had she really accomplished? Vlad knew her secret, and where to find her, though she knew he wouldn't tell anyone.

But that was the problem. He would keep her secret because he wanted Nathaniel to himself, and Danny was the only person who could really offer protection against Vlad. But in order to get that protection, she'd have to go back home! The last ten months would have been for nothing!

But Vlad…couldn't. Have. Nathaniel. She wouldn't give him up. He didn't want the dirty diapers to deal with, but in a year or two or three he'd come one night, and take him away forever if she didn't do something. Sam wouldn't let that happen, and was beginning to realize that if it was a choice between losing her son to a madman and deeply wounding her best friend, she'd choose the latter.

Wounds healed, after all. Right? She'd wanted to protect him, keep his…innocence, she supposed. Sam knew Danny, and knew that letting him move on from her, get over the loss of her company, would be better than finding out he was to blame, however indirectly, for hurting her in one of the worst ways a man could hurt a woman.

She'd known for a while that Danny had weaknesses; that he couldn't stand being responsible in that way. It would tear at him, and would lead him down a dark path he wasn't meant to tread. However much this sounded like the goth in her speaking, Sam knew this was true.

She didn't want him to seek revenge for her. She didn't want him to dip into the those dark places as his other self had done, just to match him, to bring him down, and…what? Kill him? Kill himself, as his other self had done in the future? She'd thought about it, and she knew that she didn't want to be the crux, the focus that led to his fall (his second fall, her mind added.)

Sam sighed again, and moved away from those dark thoughts. She curled up around Nathaniel more tightly as lighter memories passed over her mind's eye, and a sense of almost calm began to descend. Danny. Her ghost fighting, nervous laughing, secret keeping, Pauleeeeeena loving ghost boy. Humph. She wasn't going to pretend he didn't annoy her sometimes, but…just thinking about him right now was cheering her up, the…clueless idiot.

Sam closed her eyes, heart aching. Over the past few years she'd come to accept the fact that she loved Danny deeply, and being away from him had made these months very, very hard for her. But if it meant preserving his world, if it meant preserving his happiness the best that she could given the situation, she'd stay away.

Had it been pointless though, if she ended up being forced to seek his protection against Vlad? And what if his feelings for her had been deeper than she'd thought, than she'd allowed herself to think, and her leaving had been harder on him than she'd predicted?

But she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that murder would destroy him, fundamentally change who he was. She'd seen what he could turn into. Her leaving may have left him with a vague sadness, but not the murderous feeling of vengeance she was afraid for him to feel. Angels couldn't murder if they wanted to stay angels. And dark angels didn't count. She'd already met his dark angel.

Sam let out another shuddering sigh that turned into a yawn, feeling miserable, and a little weirded out by her own thoughts. As she grew sleepier, her thoughts always grew wackier.

She'd catch a few hours sleep, and things would look brighter in the morning. She'd be able to think things through with a clear head, and figure out what she needed to do.

Keeping this thought in her mind, Sam slowly fell back asleep.

Amity Park, the next day

Three days ago marked the seven month anniversary of Sam's disappearance, though Danny knew she'd actually left the week before that. MaybeJazz is finally starting to get worried.

He'd had a nightmare about her last night, and had been avoiding thinking about it all day. Not thinking about something took a lot of concentration, apparently.

Danny sat staring grimly down at his world history book, completely oblivious to the lesson being taught. His grades were in the pit; there was no getting around it. It wasn't that he didn't care, he just, well…he didn't care. His parents did, though, and Mr. Lancer, and Tucker, even. Everybody except him. At this rate he'd probably have to repeat his senior year.

Like I'll even bother, he thought darkly. He could build a fortune if he wanted. He was half ghost! All he had to do was possess the right CEO here, peek in on some insider trading there…and he'd be rich. A little cheating wasn't a big deal; it wasn't like anyone would even know. Except Tucker, maybe, and he'd never been much of a deterrent in his life before.

Hmmm. Jazz would be upset. Too bad. She wouldn't have any proof of what he was doing unless she decided to expose his secret, and by the time she realized what he was up to she'd be too late to successfully do that. Like Vlad, he would be able to pay for privacy, and protection.

Somehow that comparison didn't bother Danny like it used to. The old coot would probably be thrilled, thinking he was "becoming more like him", yadda yadda yadda. Whatever! He was practically an adult now, and if the idiot insisted on sticking his head into his business, he'd better be prepared for the consequences…

"…enton?" Danny looked up from giving his history book the glare of death. "Mr. Fenton? Care to share whatever it is you're concentrating so hard on, because it clearly isn't this class!"

Ho Hum. Mr. Lancer was frustrated. Again. Fancy that. Why was he even still his teacher, anyway? This was his senior year! Couldn't he go pick on the freshman?

"Mr. Fenton? I'm waiting." Danny had transported his stare (of death) to Mr. Lancer without a blink; without even registering the change, really. Lancer was tapping his finger against his arm, looking angrier by the second, and Danny lazily rewound his thoughts to figure out what he'd asked him.

Oh yeah. "Just thinking how pointless this all is, Mr. Lancer." Danny answered in a chipper voice, smiling a deceptively sweet smile. He could see Tucker raising his eyebrows at him from the side.

"Danny! Dude, cut it out!" It was a strangled whisper, an attempt at breaking him out of his strange mood. It worked, but just barely. Better humor Tucker…

"I…I mean, how pointless all these little European wars are from the sixteen hundreds. I mean, if you're gonna have a war, go for a big one, like World War II! Mass slaughter, gigantic bombs of destruction, talk about cool! Now there's a piece of history that'll never be forgotten." Mr. Lancer looked at him strangely for a few moments before apparently deciding to dismiss him altogether, and the class continued.

A little while later school was out for the day, and Danny and Tucker were headed for their lockers.

Tucker looked over at him, puzzled. "What was that all about? I mean…mass slaughter?"

Danny smirked. "No clue. Sounded good at the time."

"I swear you're getting crazier by the minute."

Danny smirked more. "But that's why you hang out with me."

"No, it's not! I hang out with you because we get along, and you're fun to be around…or used to be." The last was muttered under the breath.

Danny decided to ignore it. He was feeling darkly playful at the moment. They stopped at their lockers, and he threw him a mischievous look. "But maybe crazy is fun, Tucker."

"I think you need a few sessions with your sister, Danny. Crazy is not fun. You should've fought enough ghosts by now to know that."

"Awww, is it really so wrong to be obsessed with boxes? Or technology?"

"You're leaving out the part about taking over the world, or granting evil wishes, or obsessively keeping things in the middle ages…they're all obsessed with something or another."

Something in that tweaked a nerve in Danny, and the funny mood quickly dropped away. He grimaced. "Whatever, Tucker." Danny closed his locker, having gotten what he needed, and headed for the door.

"Hey, wait up!" Tucker scrambled for a moment, and then hurried to catch up. "Danny, all I'm saying is you've got to…get things going again."

Danny glanced over briefly. "What do you mean?" He knew what he meant.

"I mean it's October, dude. I've heard of senioritis, but this is ridiculous. Summer is way over, and you need to start zoning back in." You need to stop obsessing over Sam. Tucker didn't have to say it out loud.

Danny's eyes narrowed. "Tucker…I am busy. I am concentrating. It's just not on school." I'm not giving up on Sam, so just drop it! He grimaced, thinking about how much time he wasted every day at school when he could be focusing on what was important.

He frowned, the train of thought from earlier resurfacing. "It's not like school even matters for me anyway."

"What's that supposed to mean? Danny?"

Danny looked at him sideways. "It means I've got ghost powers, Tuck."

Tucker paused for a moment. "What. Wait! You mean…you're thinking about stealing your money like Vlad?"

"Brilliant, Einstein."

Tucker's eyes narrowed. "Didn't you hear what I just said? I said 'like Vlad' and all you're saying is 'yeah, sure, what's the problem'? You really do need to see your sister for a check-up!"

Danny hunched his shoulders, drawing into himself. He didn't want to be hearing this. "Whatever. We're the only two halfas in the world. It makes sense there's similarities. It doesn't make him my role model or something."

Tucker was downright amazed, and crossed his arms, hackles raised. "Danny, how can you not see that this is a bad idea? I can understand about physical similarities, but mental ones? Do you really want to end up a bitter old man, alone in his stupid rich mansion, obsessing over things his money can't buy while his life passes him by, because I'm beginning to see some…"

Tucker stared up at the sky where he guessed Danny had disappeared into. "…similarities."

Danny flew upward, accelerating fast. Now the comparison bothered him. He wasn't like Vlad! And he wasn't obsessive! He didn't have anything to obsess over!

But a tiny voice popped up to disagree. Anyone, though, is a different story, isn't it?

Shut up.

And the Vlad comparison bothers you because you're never going to find her.

Shut UP.

And you're going to end up lonely and bitter, and someday when you're middle aged some kid's going to tell you, 'you really need to get a cat…

SHUT UP!

Danny continued to speed up. Maybe if he was a little faster…okay, a lot faster, he could fly around the world until it started spinning backward like in that old Superman movie, and he could turn back time…yeah. Right.

Maybe if he'd never gotten ghost powers in the first place, whatever happened to Sam wouldn't have happened, and he would be living a normal life right now! No fighting ghosts, because, ha!, the Fenton portal only worked because he stuck his nose in it in the first place, right?

Danny frowned miserably to himself, and started slowing down. He'd actually kept flying nearly straight upward, and was now miles above the Earth. The air was extremely rarified, but this didn't bother him much as a ghost.

Actually, Sam had been the one to suggest he go into the Fenton portal in the first place, and the fact was that he might have had a tricky past few years, but it had been manageable. He'd survived, and even enjoyed himself occasionally…more than occasionally, when Sam was still around. It was only after she'd gone that all the ramifications of being a halfa really started hitting home.

Danny stopped flying upward altogether, and began heading back down, slowly. Then he just let go completely, and gravity took him. Of course, he could never have experiences like this without his ghost powers, he supposed. Does Vlad ever go sky diving?

It felt strangely freeing, letting go of control like this, and just falling, like any human would fall. No flying. He did bring up a tiny shield almost immediately though, to protect his face.

In only moments the pressure of the wind equaled out to stop Danny from going past a certain speed, and he watched, almost bored, as the tiny dots that were buildings and other landmarks started to grow.

Maybe he'd been afraid of heights once, but no more. Not when he'd had to get used to falling through the floor, and getting hit out of the sky too many times to count. Still, this experience was too intense to ignore altogether, and the excitement never failed to drive any deep thoughts straight out of his head.

That was why he was doing it, he supposed. Sam, Sam, Sam! He was tired of thinking of her, but couldn't stop! He was tired of running into dead ends. He was tired of dreaming about her.

Danny slowly brought himself out of the dive, all four limbs falling gently forward as the pressure holding them up slackened. He was still hundreds of feet up. Apparently…even sky diving wasn't enough to drive her away.

Putting his hands behind his head after a moment, Danny flew slowly toward his house, feeling empty, flying over Sam's on the way over.

Sam's…house. He stopped in mid air, and slowly turned back. He wanted…to stay in her room for a while. Just for a little while, to think, and remember. He flew down to her window and phased through, unafraid of being seen. He'd stayed invisible ever since leaving Tucker.

Her door was closed, which suited Danny just fine, and he floated to the floor silently, reverting back to his human form. Her parents hadn't changed hardly anything, to his recollection, and it looked like Sam's mom was keeping the place clean. Or a servant, probably.

Danny wandered over to the dresser, trying to remember all the little things she used to have littering it. Goth accessories, mostly. Her purple lipstick, hair ties, the black bracelets she always wore. And in the last few years, she'd kept a Fenton thermos there, too.

He was a little amazed at the clarity of the memories actually, but then everything about Sam had been brought into focus over the months, like a painting thrown into sharp relief. Her different moods, the way she moved when she walked, how she smiled. How wonderful and beautiful she was, and how he'd been pretending not to notice for years.

How strong she was. She was tough, but sweet. She was so focused and aware of what she stood for, what was important to her, when most girls her age just wanted a boy to notice them. All these things about her just kept coming up as time went by.

She was very brave, too. How she'd handled herself with Prince Aragon was amazing, or how she was always reminding him of what was important, and how she always watched his back for him. How she hadn't wanted him to cheat on the C.A.T. a few years ago, even if she'd said otherwise.

Danny walked over to her bed and sat down slowly, feeling sad and a little guilty. He hadn't meant that about stealing for a living, really, had he? It'd just been a power trip. He could if he wanted to, sort of thing. And he still didn't know where that crud he'd spouted in Mr. Lancer's class had come from. Too many ghost fights, probably.

Danny lay back, hands up above his head. Sam would hate it if he built his life on other people's hard work. She probably wouldn't hate him, but they definitely wouldn't be on good terms. If she were still here though, he wouldn't have thought about it in the first place, would he?

She was good like that, keeping him out of the stupid kind of trouble. She'd tell him in a sentence or two why his idea was stupid or just wrong, and he'd shake his head, wondering what he'd been thinking. She was the moral one, keeping him and Tucker (and mostly him) centered.

What would things be like if she was the one with ghost powers, anyway? Very different, he was sure. Would that make him the damsel in distress, he wondered? Heh. She'd love that.

Danny turned onto his side, curling into a fetal position. The nightmare about her last night…it had been in this room.

That was partially why he'd been drawn here, and why he remembered details about her room so well, like what she kept on the dresser, the color of the walls, the carpet, how her bed felt…

No, he didn't…he didn't remember that, that was just a coincidence, right? Had he ever even been on her bed before? He didn't think so, but he could be forgetting. Maybe some night when they were all doing homework together, or researching ghosts…? But usually they communicated via internet, seeing as how Sam's parents weren't exactly fond of him. Danny frowned, confused, and pushed away the strange feeling this pseudo-memory of her bed brought.

His thoughts returned to the nightmare. It had been a short dream, and Danny couldn't express in words why it had horrified him like it did. But he'd woken up breathless, and terrified.

He'd been flying, just wandering through the neighborhood, dogs barking at him, that sort of thing, just like he sometimes did at night to clear his mind. Then her house had been right there in front of him, and he'd wanted to enter, nervous but excited.

He'd fazed through the window, just as he had a few minutes ago, and made his way over to her empty bed, wanting to lie down, to feel comfortable and safe, and to be surrounded by all things Sam. The dream had become so real just then, so powerful, and for a moment he'd felt warm and happy as he'd nestled under the covers.

Then he'd registered a change, and realized it was the shower cutting off. He remembered wondering who was in the shower. A moment later she'd been standing there, fully clothed. (Which, in retrospect, didn't make any sense.)

Then she'd opened her mouth and screamed at him. Her screaming had been an explosion, tearing him to pieces, the freakish clarity and reality of it assaulting him and sending waves of shock through his system. It was Sam dying, Sam being torn apart in front of him. It was all his terrors about her realized at once, in that one scream.

He'd jolted awake, barely stifling his own yell, and hadn't slept much more after that. Fortunately it had been nearly time to get up anyway.

Why had he dreamed this, though? She'd been screaming at him. She'd seen him, and started screaming. It cut him deeply, thinking that there might be some meaning behind it, and Danny couldn't express in words how this frightened him. It exposed a fear he didn't know he even had, it was buried so deeply.

Danny curled more into himself, trying to forget and trying to make sense of it at the same time. Maybe it was his fear about how he'd been changing, and how Sam would react? But he didn't think things had gone that far south, had they? If he was honest with himself, though, he had been…sort of drifting off course, acting in ways he never would've a year ago.

But when Sam left, he'd been forced to take a step back and look at his life. To look at what he was, and what that meant. These weren't happy thoughts.

First and foremost, he was a freak. It was true. He had to watch his back the rest of his life for fear of someone discovering his secret, knowing for a fact that his life would cease to be his own if his ghost half was revealed. Even his own parents wanted to dissect him, though they didn't know it. And now his best friend, the hope for his happy future, had mysteriously disappeared. Of course he was having some issues!

Danny turned over on his other side, fidgeting, and irritated with the world. Sure, he could go Vlad's route; become rich and powerful, and protect himself that way. But why bother, since he had the proof in Vlad that it wouldn't make him happy. He wanted his loved ones near him, and Sam by his side!

He'd realized things. Like, what was the likelihood of finding another girl he could trust with his ghost powers? And then there was actually liking that girl, loving them- he couldn't even imagine it. He almost felt sorry for Vlad, finally seeing things from his perspective a little more clearly.

There would…never be another Sam. But until she'd gone, he'd never thought these things through. Now they seemed to pound themselves over his head, chanting "idiot!" every chance they got.

Danny sighed, feeling drowsy, and let his eyes fall closed. He hadn't been getting much sleep, which wasn't helping his temperament any. Speaking of which, he really needed to apologize to Tucker later…again.

After the trip to Vlad's, he'd done some research on where Sam might've gone. That had been utterly hopeless, of course. It was like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing, as was figuring out the reason for her disappearance in the first place.

So he'd quickly gone back to searching through the ghost zone, asking the ghosts he wasn't familiar with if they knew anything. He was also keeping an eye out for the entrance to Vlad's ghost portal. It could prove useful in the future, after all, and was probably something he should've located years ago.

He'd started looking for Clockwork again, too. Really, if he could just have five minutes with him, he could find out where Sam had gone! Danny didn't know about actually trying to change the past, since it was more than a little unsettling thinking that the last year would be erased from memory, however crummy it had been. And he really doubted Clockwork would let him have another crack at it in any case. But if he could see where she'd gone, and why she'd left, he could take care of the problem and then bring her back. Make things…right.

Danny yawned widely, his thoughts slowing down to a trickle as he grew sleepier by the second. This was all…moot, since Clockwork seemed determined to stay hidden for some reason. Why, though? If Danny ever did find him, he'd have to hold his temper in check, that was…for sure…

Danny was snoring quietly a few moments later, and didn't wake for several hours. He dreamed vague dreams of Sam, and her room. In his dreams the bed had purple pillows with black trim, though he didn't know how he knew.

Autor's Note: Okee-dokee, hopefully some things jumped out in here...um. And if nobody catches on in the reviews, I guess I can clarify next chapter what I mean by that. But, you know...connections and things...yes...oO Thanks so much for reading! And I'm so sorry for the gross nightmare Sam had :(

Hmm...and also for anyone who hasn't seen the episode with Prince Aragon in it (SPOILERS), Sam gets kidnapped and is on the verge of being forced to marry him. To get out of it she makes herself as repugnant and unfeminine to him as she can, and basically saves herself before Danny even gets there. She's quite wild to see, and I have to admit I actually liked that episode pretty well, though I'm not in love with Dragons, and definitely not beauty contests. (I remember now! It was titled "Beauty Marked".)