Author's Note: Bwahahahahaaaaa! Vaguest chapter title evarr! Behehehh...or not. I'm in a gooofy mood. 'Tis past midnight.
Anyway, I have an announcement or two!
Author's Note: A lovely, lovely person and fellow Danny Phantom fan by the name of Jaime has drawn a fanart for this story! It shows Dan, Sam, Vlad, Danny, and Nathaniel in various poses. Yay! I'm so excited! Woohoo! Fanart for my story! Everyone do the dance of joy with me! I have to tell youl it's been a secret hope of mine that someone would be interested enough to draw something from my story, so this is beyond awesome! Anyway, I will put a link up to the fanart, probably, but ironically I just realized that there's a tiny snafu, and I need to clarify if it's alright with Jaime first...eheheh... Anyway, she's also starting on her own Danny Phantom story, so check her out. I believe her fanfiction dot net profile is daydreamr'girl!
Catalyst: A Story about Change
Chapter 19: Barrier
Sam sat in Mr. Lancer's classroom, vaguely attempting to concentrate on his lecture. Unfortunately she was slightly distracted.
Ah, who was she kidding? The lecture was going in one ear and out the other! Oh well, she'd just…catch up…later…
She glanced secretively over to the young man sitting a few desks away from her, and was forced, once again, to hide a tiny smile under her hand.
Who would've thought Danny would be here, on her first day of tutoring? This was perfect! She'd been worrying more and more over the past week about exactly how she was going to get close to him again, since she wouldn't be seeing him in school regularly anymore.
In order to catch up faster, and because of Nathaniel, Sam had opted to be tutored, and Mr. Lancer was her only out-of-home tutor. Her lessons with him had only been arranged a few days ago, when she'd finally decided Vlad's gift could be trusted. Because of that bracelet's ability to suppress Nathaniel's ghost powers, leaving him with her parents for a few hours everyday was alright. And since Mr. Lancer's tutoring took place directly after the regular school day, this also meant that she had nearly two hours out of the house and away from dirty diapers in the afternoons, at least on Mondays through Thursdays. She loved her son dearly, but there were some things she could definitely take a break from.
So overall, tutoring with Mr. Lancer had been fine. The only problem was that Danny, who was intensely important to her, would've been cut out of her everyday life. She wouldn't be seeing him casually, like she used to during classes, at lunch, or after school. As such, she wouldn't have had that protective social buffer that, deep down, she had really been counting on, and without it she hadn't been feeling so brave, despite all her promises to herself that she'd do whatever it took to get Danny back into her life again, even if it meant being incredibly forward. She could just invite herself over to his house, for instance, but that would be incredibly awkward.
But now none of that mattered because he was here, in tutoring with her! Mr. Lancer had said so before starting in on the lesson; Danny would be right here with her for the rest of the semester, trying to make up for failing so many things in the fall.
Not that his doing poorly at school was a good thing. But he was here, and they could walk home together after lessons, and maybe study together some…which was awesome, because it was the perfect excuse to spend time with him!
Of course, it was true that he hadn't actually looked at her yet, except once when he'd walked in, which was kind of distressing. Hmm. Sam looked over at him again, wondering at his strange behavior. She studied him out of the corner of her eye for a moment.
Actually, he looked incredibly serious, and rather tired, now that she was really looking closely. He was clearly feeling more than just typical shyness, as she'd first assumed. A muscle in Danny's jaw jumped, and Sam hurriedly looked back down at her notes. He seemed really tense, but even though he knew she was watching him, he'd refused to look up.
Of course, Tucker had warned her that Danny was still reeling from everything that had happened. She'd gotten the impression that he and Danny had talked, or rather yelled about her, and were both now avoiding certain topics around each other. Not that she'd talked to Danny about this, or anything at all, not since …Idaho. She'd learned it second hand from Tucker and Jazz.
And neither of them had said anything outright about the argument or what it had been about. She'd had to surmise everything, which meant they'd been trying to keep it a secret from her, and that meant the fight was probably about her. Sam worried her lip a little, suddenly nervous. She ducked her head down and stole another look at Danny, who was still studiously taking notes.
She frowned, brow furrowing. Why wouldn't he even look at her?
Get a grip! Sam stared down at her notes and forced herself to relax, suddenly angry at herself. What was the point in worrying? So he was concentrating on taking notes, was that a crime? So maybe he was shy around her right now, was that really surprising? She'd just grab him after the lesson and get him to talk to her a little, try to work a couple of things out between them, and hopefully, she could get him to loosen up. This was Danny after all; she'd known him forever.
They'd just walk and talk for awhile, and make some jokes, and hopefully get back into some sort of groove with one another. She wanted to make him smile, and see those beautiful blue eyes light up again. She'd missed those eyes and that smile so much. And he had that special way he'd look just at her sometimes that she loved more than anything. They wouldn't have to talk about anything really serious just yet, just…hang out for a while, like old times.
Before long Sam was smiling again, lost in her daydream, as the tutoring session (which wasn't nearly as productive as it should have been) slowly moved to a conclusion. Mr. Lancer gave Sam some homework, and she headed out the door. Then she waited just outside the classroom as Danny was given a few reminders about his regular class assignments.
She smiled at him as he came out several moments later, managing to catch his gaze for an instant, but he looked away quickly. His face seemed momentarily shocked, as though he was surprised to find her waiting for him. She felt mildly amazed herself, and suddenly very afraid, as all the assumptions she'd made about him fell away. Had he actually expected her to leave without him? She watched, struck mute for a moment, as he walked past her, and she turned to follow him with her eyes. The tenseness she'd noticed in the classroom had tripled; it radiated off him.
Danny was glancing back and forth along the hallway before Sam found her voice again. She smiled shyly, and tried to get his attention. "Hey…"
And then he vanished.
Sam stood there, shocked. She couldn't speak. But she knew it wouldn't have mattered, because he was probably half a mile away already.
A minute passed, and she heard Mr. Lancer come out from his classroom and lock the door behind him. She turned slowly to watch him as he put his keys in his pocket.
"Oh, Ms. Manson…" Mr. Lancer's eye flicked behind her. He was surprised that Danny wasn't with her, and obviously embarrassed for her, though he was trying his best to cover it. He thought she'd be off with Danny by now, hadn't he? Her mind numbly informed her that that's what she thought was going to happen, too.
"Did you have a question?" He shuffled his feet.
She swallowed, and forced herself to focus on him. "Um, no. Have…a nice day." She turned, mechanically, and started slowly down the hallway. She clasped her arms tightly around her. She stumbled slightly, and slowed even more. She was gasping, and she realized that her heart was racing. For a few moments she saw grey at the edge of her vision, so she stopped and took several deep breaths. She recognized that if she didn't she might pass out.
She walked home slowly after that, arms folded around her. She didn't cry until she reached the safety of her room.
"So…you'll talk to him?" Jazz's voice wobbled.
"Yeah. I'll talk to him. Just get your parents out of the house. I'll be there in about fifteen minutes. Later." Tucker sighed. Jazz very rarely got this upset, and it was always for a good reason.
They'd both worked to get Sam and Danny an excuse to spend a little time together through those shared tutoring lessons, which had started today. But things had not started out well, and now Jazz, after talking with Sam on the phone and apparently wheedling things out of her, was too upset to talk to Danny about how he'd behaved.
As for himself, Tucker was furious. But maybe a little righteous anger was a good thing sometimes.
Danny sat in his bedroom at his computer desk, head in his hands. His homework was out, but untouched. He was too confused and worried to focus on it.
It had been an incredible shock when he saw Sam today. He'd nearly walked right back out of the classroom. But Mr. Lancer was right there, and his parents would've had his hide if he'd skipped out right in front of the teacher, especially now that they knew just how badly he was failing.
But why? Why did he have to get stuck in tutoring with Sam of all people, right when he was trying his hardest to…to spare her the pain of his presence?
So he'd done the next best thing today, and ignored her, in order to let her know that she didn't have to deal with him. He wouldn't be a thorn in her side. He'd tried his best not to look at her, or speak to her, or make any other sort of contact, so that she could pretend he wasn't even there. And afterwards, he'd even loafed around longer than necessary so she'd have plenty of time to leave.
Only, she'd been waiting for him when he came out! Danny frowned hard, rubbing his face to clear his head. He felt exhausted. Ever since the fight with Tucker a week ago, he'd been going to sit up on Sam's roof at night to look over her.
He was drawn there. He couldn't help it. He'd probably spend more time guarding her if his parents weren't breathing down his neck because of his grades. But even though he partially wished he could run away from everything for the rest of his life, the fear he felt for Sam was much more powerful. The possibility that his, his…older self might return at any time ate at him. But that didn't mean he would burden her by asking to be a part of her life again; he wouldn't put her through that. That's what Tucker just didn't understand.
Besides, Sam couldn't have been waiting for him today. She did not want to see him. She was...Danny massaged his temples, trying to think…there had to be an explanation. She was…just heading back to ask Mr. Lancer a question she forgot, and had thought he was him for a second. Ah. That had to be it. Danny lowered his hands, letting his head fall limp for a moment, somehow feeling even sadder than he was a moment ago.
But at least he'd figured it out. His lip curled back in self mockery at his own patheticness, and he gave a cynical bark of a laugh. Deep down, despite all the effort he'd been making to let go of his sad little dreams of him and her, he was still fixated, wasn't he? He was still hopeful that she might understand, might still…
Danny growled deep in his throat, forcing himself to cut off the pain filled, wistful thoughts. She would never wait for him, Danny Fenton, and Phantom. If she felt anything for him now, it was loathing. Danny closed his eyes tightly as another wave of dull, leaden depression moved through him. It was an all too familiar emotion.
Yet the tiny thought, however he tried to bury it, forced its way to the front of his mind again. Maybe…maybe he was wrong. Hadn't he heard, for an instant…
Just as he'd been leaving, hadn't she called out to him?
Danny sighed, sitting up, and looked up at the ceiling as if for guidance, or strength. He was such a fool. She couldn't still like him, not after everything that had happened to her. She'd spent a year roughing it on her own, having a baby on her own, with Vlad of all people breathing down her neck! Never mind the…never mind the horror of…
Danny groaned to himself, and ground the palms of his hands into his eyes. He got up, only to throw himself on the bed, stomach first, and slowly beat his head against the mattress in an attempt to banish the thoughts welling up in his mind. They came anyway.
It must've been so horrible, so horrible; he had those red eyes, and he was so strong, and there was that forked tongue...
Danny shook his head violently, teeth clenched. He didn't want to think about it! But it was hard to ignore the nightmares, and even he had to sleep sometime. And it seemed the more he tried to not think about it, the more nightmares he had…about the fight, about Clockwork, but especially, after his confrontation with Tucker…about her, and what his other self had put her through. His subconscious mind seemed fixated, turning it around and around…
And had he actually though a minute ago that she could be interested in him? Happy to see him? Danny withered visibly, ashamed that he'd let himself think that even for a moment. He needed to stay away from her, had already decided that was for the best. Just seeing him had to be painful for her.
He'd remembered, in retrospect, how she'd tensed up, looking so panicked when he'd first run up to her at the grocery store in Idaho. And she'd cried, too. A sarcastic thought twisted through his head like a poisonous snake: And you thought it was because she was happy to see you! If only he could take it back, and get out of tutoring with her somehow as well!
Danny sighed, and relaxed a little on the bed, aching with exhaustion. He needed to catch a little sleep. But first, he needed to banish her from his thoughts or he'd just have nightmares…
There was a knock at the door. He pulled himself up slowly. "Yes?"
"It's Tucker." Danny sat up completely, feeling somewhat surprised. Tucker hadn't called or messaged, or anything.
"Come in, Tuck." Danny was also surprised at how polite Tucker was being, but that thought left as he saw the deadly serious look on his friend's face, and worry sprang up instead.
Tucker almost never looked this serious. Danny jumped up, ready to go ghost, adrenaline pumping. "What's wrong? Tucker, what's the problem…?" He came for her while I was away! I know it…
Tucker gave him a dirty look, and closed the door behind him, taking his time. "Calm down, Danny." He went to sit at his computer chair, turning it to face the bed.
Oh. He was just…mad. Danny thought he could feel the room temperature drop by a few dozen degrees due to the cold look Tucker was giving him alone. His friend sat in stony silence, arms crossed.
Danny dropped his stance and smiled tightly, panic being replaced with growing nervousness. He didn't think he could take Tucker being angry with him right now. "Need me to get the crowbar? Your arms are crossed so tight, it looks like they froze togeth…"
"Shut up." Danny he drew back, suddenly defensive. He didn't want a fight; couldn't deal with a fight. But their last argument, it had never really been resolved, had it? They'd just been avoiding talking about her.
"Tucker, if you're going to talk to me about Sam again, I d…"
"Shut UP! Why…" Tucker clenched his jaw, and lowered his voice, "are you such an idiot?" Danny stared at him, his stomach dropping out from under him. Tucker was truly upset with him.
Deep down Danny was terrified, as his mind grasped for the reason behind it. Why? Why the anger, the disgust, the look of betrayal?
Then somehow it all clicked, and Danny realized exactly what was going on, even as the boiling terror was replaced by a cold dread. He backed up further and sat back down on his bed, slowly.
Tucker had finally understood. He'd finally recognized the facts. He, Danny, really was to blame for what had happened to Sam! It was his fault it had happened! And now Tucker was here to condemn him!
Part of Danny felt like he deserved it, but to actually have Tucker here, about to throw it all in his face…he felt himself convulsively grab the bed sheets with both hands, horrified and terrified, yet trying not to show Tucker just how weak he was, how much he longed to run away before his world was further torn apart as he lost not one but both best friends.
Tucker stared hard at Danny, and some of his anger melted away into confusion at his friend's panicked behavior. He hadn't even started yelling at him yet! But even Danny's unexpected terror didn't change what he had to say.
"What the hell were you thinking, Danny?" He growled it, angry that Danny wouldn't even meet his eyes. "Look at me! Do you have any idea how much your behavior hurt Sam?" Tucker watched, incredulous, as Danny literally tore a piece out of his covers in a convulsive motion. What the hell? How could he feel so bad now and do what he did just a few hours ago? "Danny! Are we on the same wavelength here? Now you feel guilty? What about a few hours ago, when you left Sam high and dry? Do you have any idea how that made her feel…?"
Tucker paused, amazed when Danny's behavior changed abruptly. His friend had obviously plunged off the deep end! First he looked as though he wanted to dig his way into the mattress of his bed, and now he was sitting perfectly still, face completely blank except for the wide staring eyes, which were still focused on the floor. What…?
"Tucker." Danny's voice was quiet, and slightly hoarse. "Tucker." He sounded like he was floundering for a lifeline.
Tucker glowered, still angry, and tried not to show his rising concern. Right now he was worried about Sam, not Danny! "Spit it out."
"What is this…what are you here for?" Tucker couldn't help stare, at the question and at its oddly hopeful tone.
"What do you mean? I'm here because when you flew off after Lancer's tutoring today, without even giving Sam the time of day, all her hopes about finally spending time with you for the first time in almost a year came crashing down! I told you she misses you, she cares about you, and you act like this! Even after what you told me…I didn't think you'd really do this, Danny!" Tucker had found his anger again, and Danny's look of surprise, with hardly any guilt, only made him angrier. He lowered his voice, willing Danny to understand his words, to feel the pain Sam was going through right now. "Jazz called me, Danny. Do you know Sam feels ashamed? Our Sam feels ashamed! Listen to what I'm telling you. Do you understand me? She feels like you don't want to be around her anymore, because she has a baby, maybe, or I don't know why, but Jazz could tell that she was somehow blaming herself for your crappy behavior! Is that fair?"
But Danny only looked incredibly surprised, his eyes still wide and staring, and it completely drove Tucker up the wall. He wasn't even clenching his hands anymore! They just lay there in his lap, limp! Tucker stood up, stepped over, and grabbed his shoulders roughly. "Danny!" He shook him once, angry enough to be violent. He stood tense, not knowing what he'd do if there was still no reaction.
Danny slowly reached up, and removed Tucker's hands from his shoulders, gently. Tucker didn't resist; Danny was finally looking him in the face, those blue eyes intense, but strangely distant.
"Tucker. Of…course I'm sorry." He frowned softly. "I'm incredibly sorry. I just…" He looked away, his expression strangely subdued, and his voice dropped almost to a whisper. "She was really looking forward to spending time with me?"
Tucker stared at him for a moment, unbelieving. Nothing they said seemed to connect today. He'd never felt so clueless about what Danny was thinking before. "Yes, Danny." He backpedaled, sitting down in the chair again, confounded by the whole conversation.
"She wants to spend time with me. Me, Tucker? Doesn't she…" Danny looked at him briefly, pain in his eyes. "You know…"
"No, I don't know. I'm completely confused. You almost go crazy with guilt, or nerves or something when I come in, then you look almost happy when I start screaming at you…and now you're asking me…what? If Sam cares about you? If she hates you?" Tucker rolled his eyes, exasperated. "I know you're dense sometimes, but I didn't think you were stupid enough to…"
"Tucker!" Danny sounded desperate. "Please. I know this may seem crazy to you, but I need to know that Jazz didn't put you up to this or something. I need to know the absolute truth. My feelings don't matter! I need to make my own decisions, and I need the facts to do that." He paused, suddenly nervous, voice dropping again. "I need to know if…" He frowned deeply, his eyes searching, and afraid. "Does Sam really…not hate me?"
Tucker could only stare for a few moments, as he finally realized where Danny was coming from, and what had led to his behavior. He couldn't help feeling flabbergasted. What had been running through Danny's head over the last two weeks? Had he actually convinced himself that Sam hated him?
Tucker felt the anger leave his frame, and his face. He looked down at the ground, collecting his thoughts and emotions. But why hadn't Danny listened to what he said last week, about Sam loving him? Tucker's chest tightened as he realized just how big the hole his friend had been digging for himself was. Just what was he blaming himself for? He realized that he didn't know what it would be like, not really, having his very own look-alike goon loose in the world, hurting your loved ones…
How much did Danny take on himself?
Tucker sighed; a sad, drawn out sound. It was miserable how difficult Danny's life had become over the last year. And to have some twisted version of himself be the one responsible for it all…Tucker hadn't thought, hadn't realized how that had to be effecting him.
Yet for some reason, probably because of his encounter with Sam earlier, Danny was now willing to listen to him about her, when he hadn't been before, and Tucker wasn't going to miss this chance to pull him out of the funk he'd fallen into.
Tucker looked up, feeling a pang of pity for his friend when he saw how truly wretched he looked, but tried not to show it. "Danny, what I said before, every word about Sam and her feelings for you, it was the absolute truth. You want it, well, I already gave it to you. What kind of friend would I be if I couldn't be truthful, especially about something like this? And I'm not trying to manipulate you or something." He gave a weak laugh. "Who do you take me for, Vlad? I'm just…I want to see my best friend again, instead of this weepy, pathetic crybaby…"
"Heh." Danny chuckled softly, though his face looked ironically close to tears. "If that's not manipulative I don't know what is, calling me a crybaby."
Tucker grinned a little too widely, desperate to lighten up the situation. "That type's allowed. That's your everyday straightforward manipulation, used by your common third grader. By the time you reach high school, it doesn't even count as real manipulation, since it's so blatantly obvious. Except for people like Dash, and we all know where he's going after high school."
"The Nasty Burger." They said it simultaneously, and couldn't help laugh slightly. It was cruel, but after years of torment at the hands of Dash neither felt too guilty about it.
Danny sighed, the moment wearing off quickly. "Yeah, but I'll probably be joining him there unless I really bring my grades up, Tuck."
Tucker's grin faded a little as he grew serous again. "You can do it. You're smart, when you want to be." He paused, and then couldn't resist going on. "I just don't understand how you could think Sam hates you!" He paused, the next words on his mouth failing when he saw Danny's troubled look. "You're still not convinced, are you?"
"I…" Danny looked down at his hands, and didn't say anything for a few moments. Whatever was on his mind, Tucker realized, it was something big, and also something that was hard for him to talk about.
"He and I…you know, him…"
Tucker's thoughts darkened. "Yeah, I know."
Danny swallowed, glancing up for a fraction of a second. "We…look so similar, we sound identical…" He finally looked up for real, his face a mask of anguish. "How can she not think of him when she sees me? It has to drive her crazy!"
Tucker crossed his arms again, looking away to think. Part of him couldn't believe Danny could be this clueless. But maybe it was natural; maybe he'd be thinking the same thing in Danny's shoes, but it still bothered him. Guilt didn't come naturally to Danny. He could get up tight about things, but when it came to taking the blame, he usually knew how much fell squarely on his own shoulders, and how much didn't. But he seemed to really believe he needed to save Sam from himself. Tucker's face fell a little as pity washed through him.
He looked back, brows furrowed, and tried to mask his feelings with exasperation. "So. What you're saying is that one day with him, however bad it was, completely obliterated the years and years of good memories she has with you?" Tucker tried not to roll his eyes, as something else occurred to him. "And how dumb do you think Sam is, anyway? He has flaming hair, and red eyes, Danny! And blue skin! And physical stuff aside, do you really think she can't make the distinction between you two?" Tucker raised his left hand. "On one side we have the psycho full ghost who tried to kill us all," he raised his right hand, "and on the other side we have the half ghost, half human boy…"
"Teenager…"
"…who has protected our homes from danger for years, and has been my best friend for years." Tucker finally let himself roll his eyes. "Though I think you get the point."
Danny looked down at his hands again, sheepishly. "Yeah, but…but think of the trauma and stuff, and it's not like she can forget about it. She has a baby."
Tucker raised his eyebrows at the tone of his voice. "She's crazy about Nathaniel, you know, if you haven't noticed. And…you remember what his name means?"
Danny looked up, confused. "No. What?"
"I remember. It means 'Gift of God'. I don't think that's a coincidence, Danny. In fact, I know it's not, because I know Sam."
"I…" Danny didn't know what to say, so he just sat, thinking.
It didn't make sense to him, it just…didn't make any sense. How could she be so, so…strong? Or something, anyway? He realized he didn't really know what she'd been through, or how she'd coped, or how she was feeling or anything. Everything was completely different from how he'd imagined it.
But only one thing really struck him, if it was really, really the truth. Sam didn't hate him, somehow.
Somehow, Sam didn't hate him. At least, not completely.
Tucker spoke softly, with a sardonic edge to his voice. "Are we finally on the same wavelength now?"
Danny looked up slowly, focusing on his friend. His true blue, solid, wonderful best friend. "Yeah, Tucker. Yeah. We are."
They stared at each other for a few moments, eyes tired, and slowly they both smiled. It grew until they were both grinning, and laughing, as an enormous wave of tension and negative energy was released in one go. After a few moments they calmed down again, sitting in a comfortable, and for the first time in months, fairly happy silence.
"Dude, you totally need to make it up to Sam, how you treated her today. You know she's completely depressed."
Danny's face pole vaulted. "Sam!" His hands went to his head as he stood up and began pacing the room. "What was I thinking!"
Tucker coughed, and added under his breath, "You weren't. Ahem."
Danny glared daggers at him, and Tucker raised his hands. "Just clearing my throat!"
"Tucker! How am I going to make this up to her? I was a complete jerk! And…" His face fell, his hands still in his hair. "Tucker…I'm still…"
"What?"
"I'm just, it's not comfortable. I don't know if I can be around her, if I can just brush over everything, even if she can. It's just…it looms all the time, it's all I think about." He stopped suddenly, feeling like he'd said too much. The irony was that that was just the tip of the iceberg, that there were so many other things that haunted him; things he couldn't talk about ever, not even to Tucker.
Tucker took a moment to respond, breathing in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Maybe…maybe he would talk to Jazz later. Something about Danny was too extreme, and it bothered him. He'd fallen to pieces, hardly sleeping. He was verging on clinically depressed, and now even when he realized he'd hurt Sam today, he still couldn't find the strength to be around her?
"I…know it's not exactly the same Danny, but you're not the only one. I think about what happened too. I've had nightmares. I'll probably keep having them for a while. But, I guess I know that Sam went through more than anyone and that I can't be weak around her, not when she's being so strong herself. She doesn't need that. And…" Tucker paused, frowning, and swallowed. "It's only been two weeks for us. She's been working through this for a year. We're still getting through the shock, you know?"
Danny lowered his hands slowly, and sighed, feeling ridiculously tired. He had to be running on nerves and adrenaline and nothing else at this point, and the nerves were about to give out. He couldn't take many more emotional ups and downs, yet this turn in the conversation promised plenty more.
This was first time he and Tucker had really talked about what had happened to Sam like this. And talking to Tucker, while he knew it would help ground him, would also help further solidify what had happened. All of it.
Including the things that had led to his nearly killing his other self two weeks ago; the conversations he'd never tell anyone about, even under pain of torture. The…accusation Clockwork had made, about him and his twisted older double, and their relationship. That…that they were one and the same.
Danny shuddered. Somehow, he didn't think Tucker's nightmares were anything as disturbing as his own. Yet it still helped, even if it was a selfish feeling, to know that Tucker was there with him, going through some form of shock as well.
And they were still in shock, weren't they? Tucker was right. Danny knew it was a slightly desperate thought, but still; he might not always feel like this, right? Soon the words he told himself everyday would sink in; he'd truly recognize Clockwork's accusations as the lies they had to be. Soon, he'd feel less guilty, the nightmares would stop, and he'd be able to stop fixating.
"I guess, for us, it really is like it happened two weeks ago, huh?" Danny walked back over to his bed, slumping down on it, dead tired and wound tight at the same time.
Tucker sat back as well. They were both feeling deflated from the conversation, and from the craziness of the past few weeks. "Yeah. And I think she knows that, sort of. That's why she hasn't been ringing you up twenty-four seven to confront you about avoiding her."
"Yeah." Actually, Danny hadn't thought of that at all. He'd thought she wanted him to drop off the face of the earth.
"So…" Tucker sounded expectant.
"So?" Danny looked up blearily.
"So, are you going to start hanging out with Sam again?"
"I…" Danny looked away miserably. "Look, can't you tell her I don't hate her, Tucker? Let her know I didn't mean it? I just." He paused, face tight. "I need more than two weeks to make this better. But…" He looked up again, brows furrowed. "To make up for today, I can walk her home tomorrow, i-if she wants." Danny looked down at his hands, blushing slightly.
Tucker suppressed a sigh. "I guess I can call her. And you'll definitely walk her home tomorrow?"
"Um, yeah." Danny glanced up nervously. "If she wants."
Yes, she'll want to, you idiot! But screaming that in his face wouldn't do any good. Tucker thought fast, and an idea came to him. "You know, it might not be a bad idea for you to stay close to Sam for other reasons."
Danny's face was blank. "Like what?"
Tucker raised his eyebrows. "Like protection! You're the only one here with ghost powers, Danny. And Vlad seems a little too interested in Nathaniel, if you haven't noticed."
Danny's eyes widened. He hadn't thought about it, but being in tutoring with Sam would allow him to keep watch over her more of the time. And walking home; that was a dangerous time for her, alone outside. Seeing her home might not be such a bad idea. Actually, he needed to find out if she had any other times she was away from home, so he could watch over her then too. And walking her home would also give him an opportunity to give her the panic device (it looked like a wristwatch) his parents had designed years ago. He'd wear the mate, and she only had to press a button to signal him. Actually, this was perfect…
Danny looked up again as he felt someone's eyes on him, realizing he'd gone into his own little world, and caught Tucker's puzzled look. That was right, Tucker didn't know about his night vigils on Sam's roof, and Danny wasn't about to tell him. He tried to look more surprised. "You're right, Tucker. I haven't been thinking, again."
Tucker watched his friend for a few moments more. He'd looked really calculating there for a minute. But still, Tucker felt hopeful. This was true manipulation, and sometimes it came in extremely handy. So maybe Danny would be acting as guard dog, but he'd still be spending more time around Sam, right? It was a step forward.
Speaking of time… "Look, I'm sorry to cut and run Danny, but I don't want to get caught here when your parents get back."
"Um yeah, it's a good thing they weren't here when you came, isn't it? Actually, they got called off to the movie theater to check out "ghost-like activity", or something. They yelled up the stairs about it before they left…" Danny's eyes narrowed, suddenly suspicious.
"I kinda wanted you alone when I yelled at you. Heheh." Tucker grinned sheepishly. "But seeing as how your grades are in the dumps, my being here when they get back will probably get you in trouble…so I'm hightailing it out of here." Tucker hopped up and headed for the door, throwing a grin and a wave as he went out. "Later, Danny!"
"Later." Danny smiled in response for a moment, then flopped back on the bed again, trying to think over the conversation. Exhaustion finally caught up with him though, and he was asleep in only a few minutes, having just enough time to start worrying about the walk with Sam tomorrow.
Vlad sat in his lab, watching the live video feed to Samantha Manson's bedroom. It was two in the morning. Normally he'd be scanning through her day right about now in another video window with this one open in the background, since he was hardly interested in watching the girl sleep. But tonight was different.
She'd had a nightmare, screaming in her sleep. He always kept the sound on (he'd had a microphone installed in her room as well), albeit turned fairly low. And a few minutes ago she'd let out quite a screech. She might've been working up to it, tossing and turning first. He couldn't say without looking back over the video, which he wasn't going to bother with. Unless he was mistaken though, this was the first time she'd had a nightmare strong enough to make her scream since moving back to Amity.
But this was all beside the point.
The point was that Daniel was standing there in her room, watching her. Nearly as soon as Vlad had brought the live feed window up to the top, after hearing her scream, the boy had come through the ceiling, fists filled with ecto-energy, obviously ready for a fight.
A few minutes had passed, Daniel's initial tension had faded, and now he simply stood there, staring down at her. Observing him like this, even Vlad had to admit the boy looked worn down and saddened far beyond his years. Was this the same child he remembered from a few years ago? He looked more like his older ghostly self than ever.
But tonight confirmed Vlad's little theory, in any case. He'd been suspicious that the boy was watching over Samantha at night, and now here was the proof. Daniel had appointed himself personal watchdog, and it was sure to complicate any plans Vlad would enact when it came time to take Nathaniel for his own.
Vlad pursed his lips, brow furrowing as he continued to study the boy, and his plans for the future dropped to the back of his mind. He found himself thinking, instead, about Daniel's behavior as of late. How many nights had the boy been doing this, exactly? Vlad guessed he'd begun only a few days after returning from the Idaho escapade, which meant he'd been at it for at least two weeks now.
No wonder he looked so worn. Was he getting any sleep at all? Of course, Vlad knew from experience that they (himself and Daniel, since the boy was also a halfa) could go for days on a single hour of sleep a night with hardly any ill effects. Vlad himself only needed about three hours every night to be fresh and alert. As such, true sleep deprivation took considerably longer to achieve for them, and was practically impossible for full ghosts. But the boy had managed it; that was clear. He was probably having waking dreams at this point, if Vlad was any judge (and he was).
He blinked, as a sudden motion on the screen caught his eye. Daniel had risen suddenly into the air. Vlad watched, transfixed. The boy (young man, the back of his mind informed him) was floating forward, drawing closer to Samantha's sleeping form. He came very near, his face only a few feet away from hers, and then leaned over slightly, gazing intensely at her face. Daniel looked as though he was searching for something there, his brow furrowed in concentration. Perhaps he was wondering at what had caused her nightmare?
But now her face was surprisingly serene. Her breathing had already steadied, moving back into the slow, comforting sounds of deep sleep. Vlad was suddenly struck with nostalgia, watching them both; watching that strange, sad look growing on the boy's face, and for a moment he actually felt like an intruder.
The scene reminded him of a wistful daydream he had sometimes, and even as he thought of it, the dream rose quickly in his mind, in all the detail he'd ever given it. He saw himself lying awake in bed, feeling complete, calm, happy, as he listened to the soothing sounds of Maddie sleeping close by. And that was the whole daydream; just a moment in time, really.
Vlad buried the little fantasy just as quickly as it had risen, angry with himself. He would not dwell on that tonight. He leaned back in his chair as the dream faded completely from his mind. As he watched, Daniel straightened up as well, his face closing off again, and a moment later he rose up through the ceiling, undoubtedly to resume his post on the roof above Samantha's room.
After a moment Vlad started closing up the video files. He felt uncharacteristically tired of this whole complicated business. He was spending his nights secretly watching Nathaniel, mostly in the hopes of catching further ghostly changes. He was also trying to rework his plans for gaining the child now that Samantha was back in Amity, and, of course, now he had to factor Daniel into it. Both of them.
Vlad's shoulders sagged a little.
What had he gotten himself into this time? He certainly hadn't thought things out like he usually did when he'd retrieved Daniel's future self from the Ghost Zone. He'd only had vague thoughts of manipulating him against his younger self, or using him in some other fashion, perhaps to gain Nathaniel. But for now the ghost was simply here in the mansion with him, taking time and energy away from other things, and…
Well. It was sapping him, just a bit. This Daniel was more mature and generally less rude, and…he was so many of the things he'd hoped the Daniel of this time would grow to be. He seemed to genuinely enjoy his company, which, if Vlad were less cynical when it came to Daniel, he would find very touching. Yet even with that barrier in place, it was becoming harder every day to stay emotionally detached from him.
Being around him was saddening as well. He could almost feel the losses this Daniel had suffered, and something in that sadness resonated with him. There was an emotional hole there that desperately needed filling, and Vlad felt himself wanting to…what? Give the fool a hug?
Butter biscuits! Vlad leaned back in his chair, massaging his temples, and looked at the now blank computer screen.
Maybe he just…needed a vacation from everything, like a normal person? A moment passed as the thought sank in, and then he chuckled sarcastically. I'm not a normal person, and I never will be. If Vlad had been listening to himself laugh, he might've realized just how sad it sounded.
No. A vacation wouldn't gain him any of the things he wanted. He'd just sleep a little longer tonight, and catch up on scanning through the video feeds tomorrow night.
Sam put a hand to her temple, massaging it to help alleviate the minor headache she'd had for hours. She was tired, having slept poorly again, and jittery because in a few minutes the lesson with Mr. Lancer would be over and she'd finally be confronting the source of her sleeplessness, one Danny Fenton.
He'd been walking her home for two weeks now, and she couldn't stand another day of it. Things had to come out today, whether he wanted them to or not.
She'd been devastated when Danny had flown off after their first tutoring lessons together two weeks ago. Even so, she'd managed to get her hopes up again when Tucker called later that day to cheer her up. But she should've known things weren't going to fix themselves easily, not when Tucker was calling to apologize for Danny's behavior in his place.
So she'd been disappointed again. Danny had walked her home the next day, but he'd remained freakishly stiff and ridiculously formal, as though he were a professional bodyguard, or something. The only interaction he'd initiated had been to give her a ghost gadget (it looked like a watch) that his parents had built. He'd briefly explained how it worked, and had asked her to wear it twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for her own protection. She did wear it, and it was a comfort to have, mostly because of the fear that Vlad might try to make off with Nathaniel, and only Danny would have a prayer of stopping him.
But though he seemed dedicated to protecting her, beyond that Danny appeared to have renounced their friendship completely. After that first day he never spoke to her unless asked a direct question, and often not even then. When he did reply, it was in monosyllables. He wouldn't even look at her if he could avoid it, and he was so tense he didn't even let his arms swing naturally when he walked.
It was easy to see why she wasn't sleeping well. Fears about him were preying on her mind, and growing worse with every passing day. In fact, she thought she was starting to have nightmares again, though she couldn't remember anything specific so far.
Worse than this, though, was hat she'd been forced to question her decision to leave Amity Park a year ago. Had it been for nothing? Or worse, could she have hurt Danny; hurt everyone even more by leaving? She'd tried to tell herself that she'd at least saved them all the pain of seeing her in shock, and of seeing her pregnant. That had to count for something, right?
Sam's face scrunched up, and she closed her eyes for a moment, trying to get her emotions under control. Her sweet, kind, ridiculous, tender, sometimes sarcastic, occasionally fierce, and always clueless Danny was acting like he was damaged. This was worse than any nightmare.
Sam had been trying so hard to keep her hopes up that things would be alright. He'd have to go through a period of shock, just like Tucker and Jazz, of course. She was still working through things herself. It was one thing to deal with everything on your own, and another to see your friends having to deal with it too. But it was too late to protect Danny now, so she'd prayed that he would pull through, that all the fears she'd had about him were unfounded, and that this hadn't…changed him too much. So she'd waited, trying to remain calm, for a sign that Danny was loosening up, and that he would get back to his normal self, but as every day passed her worries were only being confirmed.
She needed him whole. It broke something deep inside her to think that he might be tainted by the same darkness that had been the root cause of the terrible change in his future self, and now that she was back in his life she was terrified that she might be the reason, the catalyst that would start some horrible change in him.
She spent her nights wondering and worrying. Where had Danny gone for three days, after his fight with his older self? And speaking of which, what exactly had happened between the two of them? How long would the other Danny stay away? Part of her was terrified that the answer was forever.
But Danny hadn't said anything about "forever" in the letter he'd left them about his older self, when they'd still been waiting for him in Idaho. So that meant he hadn't killed him…right? But what if she was wrong? The idea that he would kill someone, for her…
She hadn't voiced her fears. What would she say? "Jazz, I'm afraid your little brother might be a killer." And at the same time, would Jazz or Tucker really understand her fears; these deeply disquieting feelings she didn't quite understand herself?
Sam looked over at Danny furtively, longing for things to be right in her world, and in his. She ached for a simpler time, when they would be hanging out chasing ghosts, running by the Nasty Burger, playing video games. Sticking it to the man. She smiled sadly, thinking about how much she'd changed. A year ago, that had been her life.
She looked back down at her notes, the worry welling back up again. Danny needed people. It was almost a…a sort of weakness, in that it was dangerous for him to lose those close to him. He needed his family and friends. They kept him from…from becoming like Vlad. Or worse, from becoming the monster his future self had transformed into. Although she'd been forced to see, hadn't she, that even as a monster he was still there inside, in deep pain, a lost soul crying out…
Sam bent her head over her notes, bowed by a moment of deep sadness, tinged with the worry that had become nearly constant. Danny…I don't want you to go to that horrible place…
She looked over at him again, as Mr. Lancer turned to write a quote on the blackboard. She never had to worry about Danny looking up; he wouldn't, hadn't the entire time they'd been in tutoring together. It had been a shock, acknowledging how frayed Danny looked, and how negatively he'd reacted to seeing her two weeks ago. Even now he was still so tense, his face turned as far away from her as he could comfortably manage while still facing Mr. Lancer and taking notes. At times she could feel waves of distress pouring off him, and it hurt her deeply.
She had to make this right. She had to let him know that she'd healed, she was back home, that Nathaniel, however he came to her, was a gift. And that…that she didn't blame him for anything!
"That about wraps it up for today. The third act of Hamlet needs to be read by Monday, and don't forget the essay. Until then, have a nice weekend Ms. Manson, and I'll see you tomorrow in class, Mr. Fenton."
Sam bolstered herself up as she packed. Mr. Lancer had been almost sweet these past few weeks. He could tell things weren't right between the two of them, and was trying to be as helpful as possible. He'd suggested they work together on homework assignments multiple times, and she had a feeling he was inching toward actually assigning them some sort of group project to work on. There was also the fact that he'd gone along with being manipulated in the first place (as she'd found out) by Tucker and Jazz, who'd pushed for them to have tutoring together. Sam guessed that meant Mr. Lancer trusted their judgment when it came to what was best for her and Danny. But there was only so much, as a teacher, he could do.
Sam had to handle things herself. She wished it could've all resolved over time in a more subtle way, but it was clear now that whatever was running through Danny's head was extreme enough that it wouldn't resolve. She needed to be blatant with him. She needed to finally tell him all the things she'd never had the courage to say.
She blushed a little. Well, maybe not "I love you" just yet, as such.
Sam headed out the classroom door to wait for Danny. He came out a moment later.
They immediately locked gazes; he hadn't expected her to be facing him, or to try to meet his eyes. An unseen energy rose instantly, like static electricity. Danny looked away quickly, shaking off the strange moment, and made to turn for the exit as they usually did, but Sam grasped his wrist briefly to stop him. He pulled away stiffly, but stopped moving.
They both found other things to look at while Mr. Lancer locked up. The teacher appeared to want to say something, but in the end he only gave them another brief goodbye, after a very uncomfortable pause, before heading home. Neither spoke until he'd gone out the double doors at the end of the hall.
Sam finally broke the silence. "Danny…are you…" A dozen questions swarmed her at once. Where were you for three days? Why are you acting like this? Did you kill your older self?
"Why are you acting like this? Are you…I'm worried about you. You look dead on your feet, you do your best not to talk to me, in fact, you're obviously completely uncomfortable even being around me! And I want you to tell me why." She paused, and softened her voice. "I want to be here for you. Tell me what's going on, Danny."
"I…" He looked up, eyes hooded with dark, confused emotions. He looked down again, as if shy. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me. It…it doesn't matter how I'm doing, anyway. How are you doing?"
Sam narrowed her eyes. "Yes it does matter. And I asked you first." She paused, calming down a little, and breathed out slowly. Then she looked down at her feet, feeling shy herself, and guilty. It was time to get a few things out in the open.
"I'm…I screwed up, Danny. I ran away, and it made everything ten times worse, didn't it? I convinced myself it was the best thing, but I was actually just…hiding away, and hurting everyone I loved to do it. I hurt you, and I'm so sorry for that, Danny…"
If she'd looked up, she would've seen Danny's eyes get wider with growing dismay at every word, until he finally found his own voice. "What…! Don't apologize!" He sounded exasperated, and underneath that, deeply upset. Sam immediately looked up again, and saw that his face matched his voice, increasing the intensity in his words tenfold. "Never apologize to me." He looked offended, and ashamed at the same time.
Sam's jaw tightened angrily. She was not going to back down! Although her eyes seemed to have will of their own, and focused on his chest instead of his eyes. "Let me say this, Danny. I…I ran away, thinking I'd spare you all, or something. But…I was running away from life! I was trying to save you pain, but I put myself in danger, and just hurt everyone more…and I do need to apologize, because…I forgot. I forgot that you're my best friend, and that you would worry and…I'm sorry. And don't you dare tell me I don't need to say it."
Sam swallowed, finally looking up, but what she saw nearly made her take a step back. Danny's face…! His eyes were contorted in anguish, or maybe despair, and his face was so tight she could see his teeth, bared in some extreme mockery of a smile.
He stepped forward slightly, hand up, as if to make her stop talking, even though she already had. Finally he found his voice, which sounded half strangled.
"No. No, Sam, please, none of this is your fault! I don't accept your apology, because there's nothing to forgive! You…I failed you. I've ruined your life! If you'd never known me, he never would've attacked you…you'd be normal, you'd be graduating on time, you'd be…"
Sam felt her fists clench. "Stop! Stop it! Since when have I ever wanted to be normal? And high school isn't that important! It's definitely not as important as my best friend, Danny," she softened her voice, trying to express her feelings, "and I wouldn't give you up for the world…" She reached forward instinctively, trying to cup his cheek.
He jerked back at her touch, cheeks flaming, jaw clenched, and she lowered her hand slowly, sadness and shock washing over her.
They stared at each other for a moment, him wide eyed and breathing through his mouth; her pleading with her eyes for him to understand how she felt.
She looked down, losing her nerve. "I-I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…"
"Don't. Apologize to me!" Sam looked up, transfixed by the waves of energy coming off him. But he was throwing all his outrage and shame at the floor in front of her feet. "Please. It makes me…" He put his hands to his hair, pulling it a little, and closed his eyes, face deeply pained. "It's just, you're so wrong! You shouldn't want to be around me, you shouldn't blame yourself for anything, you, you, you can'tunderstand…" He turned suddenly, a violent motion, and placed his hands on the wall, head bent down as if taking a breather in gym class, his face hidden. Sam stared, the tension radiating off him so tangible that she couldn't speak.
Danny tried to get himself under control, but as he'd listened to her, and as he'd tried desperately to make her stop apologizing to him…an explosion had gone off in his mind.
Somehow Sam had triggered something, and now all the things he'd been suppressing for weeks, all the questions he'd refused to deal with were rising up, and the worst of them was right at the top, the question he hadn't even let himself ask…
What if Clockwork was right? What if he and that monster from the future were the same? What if he, in his future self's place, would've done exactly the same things? Why else would he be feeling so guilty, if he wasn't worried, deep down, that Clockwork was actually telling the truth…
Danny breathed in and out through clenched teeth, and his hands, as they pressed into the wall, came dangerously close to damaging it. He couldn't…he couldn't be…
But why would Clockwork lie to him? It had been at the back of his mind all this time, hadn't it, even as he told himself over and over again that the time lord had to be lying. And all the while his nightmares had gotten worse and worse, until they'd finally surfaced while he was awake too. And through all of this the ugly thought loomed that…
Maybe Clockwork was right.
Danny felt suddenly weak, and let his arms bend so that his forehead rested on the wall, his face crumpling into a mask of despair. He wanted to sink deep into the ground; to hide far away.
But Sam was depending on him, and he couldn't let her get hurt again. And, that aside, she seemed to really…care about him.
This thought slowly steadied itself in his mind, and he felt himself finding the control he needed. Sam. She cared for him, and she didn't do things half way, not her. If she told someone she loved them, she meant it. He didn't think he deserved it, but there it was, and somehow the need to protect her feelings diffused the internal battle he'd been fighting subconsciously for weeks.
Danny opened his eyes again, staring at the wall that was too close to focus on. He breathed in and out twice, slowly. Maybe…it was true. Maybe he and his future self were….he quailed, still unable to state it in his mind as Clockwork had, and the ghost's words came to him briefly as an echo: (…the same person, temporarily separated into two bodies and minds…)
He sighed, and forced his thoughts forward, through that horrible thought.
So Clockwork had told him something terrible- that he was linked to a monster. Well…maybe he was linked to the bastard! Then again, maybe he wasn't! Maybe Clockwork was lying! Who could really say?
But when it came down to it, so what?
That didn't suddenly change who he was! He had his own life, and was responsible for his own actions, not anyone else's! And whatever that made him, it definitely didn't put him on the same level as that cretin from the future!They had different pasts, different habits, and different inclinations, right? Clockwork had even said that much himself! And that meant that even if they were linked, he was not like him. He Danny Fenton, would never do what that monster had done!
He could never hurt Sam.
The thought hung in his mind for several moments, becoming solid, unchangeable. Then Danny slowly straightened up, taking his weight off the wall until his hands only rested there lightly. He stared at them for several moments, and as he did, he could feel the knot he'd had in his chest for weeks now finally begin to loosen.
He was still the good guy. Whatever else was true, he had to believe that. And Sam, who was back in Amity now, still needed protecting. His other self could come back at any time; ghosts healed fast, and he would be ready…
Danny flinched involuntarily at a touch on his shoulder. Sam. She was still standing right next to him. He swallowed, embarrassment welling up, and took his hands off the wall. He kept his eyes ahead and waited for her to speak, afraid to look her in the eyes.
When she spoke, her voice was quiet, almost tentative, and unusually gentle. "Danny, I…won't apologize to you if you won't apologize to me." She paused. "Deal?"
I won't apologize to you if you won't apologize to me. He looked over slowly, face softening at her sweet look. He'd almost forgotten what had made him so upset in the first place.
She was so strong. A feeling of admiration swept over him as acknowledged that, in a way, she was much stronger than he'd ever be. But he knew that she had her own hidden demons. He'd been there last night when she'd screamed in her sleep, and wouldn't forget it anytime soon. He could only imagine what her nightmares were about...
But still, even with that burden she carried, she was moving on with her life, and was insisting that everyone else did so too.
I won't apologize to you if you won't apologize to me. Yet a part of him still wanted to get down on his knees and beg her not to hate him…
He looked down at the ground, trying to get control of the sudden shame he felt. He might've told himself he was the hero just now, but it didn't change the fact that he hadn't been there for her a year ago. Danny breathed in and out several times, slowing his breathing again, and the uncomfortable tightness in his throat lessened.
Maybe he could do this, for Sam. He could try to be her friend again, and more importantly, he could continue to protect her.
He finally looked up, breathing in shakily, and gave her a lopsided smile.
"Okay. Deal." They stared at each other for a moment. Danny's gaze was intense, but Sam didn't look away, sensing that something important had changed in him. She finally smiled.
"Would you…walk me home? As a friend this time?" She twisted her hair between the fingers of her right hand, feeling shy again, and looked down at the floor.
Danny didn't answer for a moment, just taking her in. He still felt like he didn't deserve her company, and being around her was almost too painful to deal with. And he was embarrassed that he still found her beautiful, and was even taking this moment to look at her a little longer than necessary. He glanced away.
"Sure, Sam. Of course."
"Great! I'm happy to hear it!" And she sounded like it too.
They walked in silence for a while, as the intensity from before continued to dissipate. Sam thought over Danny's recent actions, culminating in today's conversation, and felt her heart melt. He'd been feeling guilty, blaming himself for everything! She found it strangely sweet, but it was heartrending at the same time to realize how much anguish he'd been going through because of her. She promised herself she'd do everything in her power to help him understand how important he was to her. She smiled, unable to stop herself. It was just so touching, to realize how much he'd been worrying about her.
Oh Danny, I love you so much.
Sam began to think about how to start up the conversation again. What to talk about? Her mind wandered over to all the things they used to do together. She missed just having fun with him so much! Maybe all three of them could go to a movie; her, Danny, and Tucker. She hadn't been to one in nearly a year, after all. Her parents could baby-sit Nathaniel for a few hours, surely. They were doing it right now, after all.
Danny's voice interrupted her thoughts. "Tucker said you have other tutors besides Mr. Lancer?"
She looked up, pleasantly surprised. He was asking questions! "Um, yeah, I have two more. One covers math and science, another covers history and geography. They're pretty good so far…" She talked about them for a little bit, but caught herself, afraid she was jabbering. Danny couldn't be that interested, surely.
As she came to a stop he asked another question, and she immediately felt that he'd been waiting to ask it. "And Tucker said they both still come to you at home, right?"
"Er, yeah. Mr. Lancer's pretty much my only scheduled time out of the house, heh." She smiled. "Mostly because of Nathaniel. He takes a lot of time, obviously."
Danny's thoughts darkened. "That's…that's interesting." He groaned inwardly. He shouldn't have said that.
Sam frowned at his utterly insincere tone. "You know, he's totally sweet. He's the most awesome kid. My mom says it's amazing how quiet he is. And I thought I had it hard! Did you know that I had colic for months when I was a baby? Apparently I cried all the time…" She petered away, biting her thumb nail out of embarrassment. For some reason she couldn't shut up! And Danny was quiet as a mouse.
Sam kicked at an invisible pebble as they walked, and got to the point she really wanted to make. "I guess what I really want to say is, I couldn't imagine life without Nathaniel, and he's not even six months old yet." She grinned lopsidedly, and glanced over to Danny, whose face was still dark. She frowned, trying to think of something to say. "You're welcome to…I mean, both Jazz and Tucker have played with him some, did you know?" Now she was smiling to cover her discomfort. What was she doing? She knew he didn't like what…what Nathaniel represented. And she didn't want to put him off, not after just getting him to agree to finally talk to her again!
Danny shoved his hands in his pockets, staring down at his feet, and tried to think of something to say. "I…that's neat, but I'm not…I'd probably drop him or something." He wished she'd stop talking about the baby.
Sam attempted to back track, feeling embarrassed, and a little disappointed. She needed to drop this. It could wait.
"Never mind, it's not a big deal. Hey, maybe you, me, and Tucker could catch a movie this weekend! My parents can baby sit, and I haven't been to the theater in literally over nine months…ouch. I bet I missed a lot of good monster movies, huh?"
Danny thought back to last summer, when he and Tucker had gone to their last monster movie. It just hadn't been the same without Sam, and they'd stopped going because of it. Before Idaho, this would've been a dream come true; having Sam back in his life, hanging out like before.
But now, well…he needed to guard her, so walking her home was extremely convenient. But could he really spend hours with her, trying to act normal, trying to pretend he was having a good time? Yet he'd just promised himself he'd try to be a friend to her again. "Maybe…but you should find out what's showing first." Hopefully nothing good.
Sam grinned. "Yeah, I'll do that. But I can't tell you how good it would feel to get out for some fun with you guys, maybe go to the Nasty Burger, do a little ghost hunting again…by the way, how's that going? Like I said, I've mostly been at home since I got back."
Danny frowned to himself. Actually, it had been incredibly quiet in Amity Park for months, ever since last Fall. He'd been terrorizing the ghosts long enough that they'd pretty much decided as a group to steer clear of the Amity ghost portal for a while. "It's been pretty quiet, actually. I…beat a few of them up pretty bad, looking for you. They're kind of taking a breather. I don't know when they'll start coming back. Maybe not for a while."
Sam frowned. How bad? How much damage had he done? Some of those ghosts were such old enemies they were almost like friends.
"Surely you didn't think the Box Ghost secreted me away?"
"Nah, he checked out." He said it lightly, but it was the truth. He'd gone through every ghost he knew, and more than a few he didn't.
They walked in silence for a moment. Danny hoped she wouldn't ask any more questions about the ghosts. At the same time, Sam was trying not to worry that Danny had done what it sounded like he'd done, and beaten up every ghost he could get his hands on. She'd have to ask Tucker about it later.
"So, um…" Sam struggled to revive the conversation, then noticed what block they were on and lost some steam. "Wow, I'm nearly home." She flinched at how disappointed she sounded.
"Yeah." Danny felt depressed and relieved at the same time. Here she was finally back in his life, sort of, and he had so many things going on in his head that he couldn't come close to really being happy in her presence.
He turned to face Sam as they came to a stop in front of her house. As he looked at her he saw so many things that frightened him. There was such a hopeful glimmer in her eyes, filled with a shy, deep tenderness. That look, for him.
Danny dropped his gaze, pained by the fondness he saw. Even so, he couldn't help feeling deeply protective of her, this girl who he still loved so much, and who still seemed so fond of him for some insane reason. But even if he didn't deserve that look, he'd be damned if he'd let Sam get hurt again.
"So." Sam's voice broke into his thoughts, soft and wistful. "I'll…call you later, maybe, after I've checked out the movies, okay?"
Oh. Right. He tried not to look uncomfortable. "Um, yeah. You do that." He rubbed the back of his head nervously, looking around him.
Sam withered a little; she could already tell it wasn't going to happen. But he hadn't flat refused, right? She smiled anyway. And who knew? Maybe today really had turned things around, and he'd finally start opening up again. "Great. I'll talk to you later, Danny!" Sam waved a hand goodbye and turned up the driveway.
Danny watched her go, waiting until she was safely inside, then turned slowly and began walking home. He sighed softly.
No, he still had too much to deal with to feel comfortable around Sam. Maybe some things in his mind had resolved for the better, but it didn't change the fact that there were questions he still hadn't dealt with, questions that made his skin crawl. Deep down in his mind a thought emerged, so subtle that it was more of a feeling than anything else. If Danny had been able to put it into words, it might've been a question about the future:
If Clockwork was right about the connection with his older self, then what exactly did the future hold for him?
But Danny's mind refused to focus; he'd dealt with too much today already. So the thought submerged again nearly as soon as it had risen, and he returned to thinking about Sam.
It was late, and Danny once again sat in ghost form, nestled down on Sam's roof, ghost gadgets and homework both in his backpack off to the side, except for a math worksheet, which sat half finished on his lap. He'd stayed invisible up to now, but had relaxed as midnight arrived, as he'd done every night for the past few weeks.
His mind was unusually clear tonight, and for the first time in a long time he could concentrate fully on his homework without...other things eating at him.
After years of loathing math and making barely passable grades in it, Danny was finally doing what it took (and had finally realized what it took) to be good at this subject. Not that he'd had time, up until now to get good at it anyway, as the ghosts had been a regular aggravation up until last semester.
Drills. It all came down to working problems so much that you could do them in your sleep, and do them fast. That was the only way, at least for him, that he could guarantee getting a good grade on the tests.
But it still made him feel stupid. Even when he was finally taking the time to get better at it, he was so slow! He'd only made it halfway through this worksheet, and he'd started at nine thirty. Plus, he needed to work another set of problems, just for practice. He frowned down at the problem he was working, realized he'd made a mistake, and flipped his pencil around to…
The pencil sprang out of his hand, bouncing down the roof top, and landed somewhere below. He blew at his bangs in exasperation, put his stuff down, and floated over to the edge of the rooftop to peer down.
Aw, crud. There is was, half a dozen feet away, on Sam's windowsill. His eyes widened as a hand reached over, picking it up, and before he thought to react, Sam's head popped out, looking right up at him. Double crud!
They stared at each other for a moment, Danny mortified, and Sam very surprised. She smirked after a moment, and held the pencil up.
"Drop something?" She decided she wouldn't ask what he was doing on her roof. But she suddenly understood the strange noises she'd been hearing- and she'd been planning to tell her parents they had a family of squirrels on the rooftop tomorrow, too.
Danny reached out tentatively and took the pencil back, looking for all the world like a puppy dog caught doing something naughty. "Um…"
"What'cha working on?"
"Math."
"Need help?"
Danny gulped. "Um…no?"
"Okay, well…" Sam raised an eyebrow, her smile widening. "You know where to find me if you do." He stared at her for a moment, wide eyed.
"Right. Um. L-later!" His head disappeared from view, and Sam had to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter. Danny, you nut!
Guess he hadn't realized she was still awake, huh? She smiled to herself, deciding she wouldn't mention this in the future. That would be far more amusing. After a moment she sat back again, and continued with the book she'd been reading.
Danny sat above, hunched over on the edge of the roof, holding the pencil in his fist. His face was beet read, which was quite the feat for him, especially in ghost form. Oh, crud, crud, crud, crud, crud…
She knew! He'd never been so embarrassed in his life. But…she hadn't commented. What did that mean? Should he go down and apologize to her? Explain why he was camped out on her roof? He started chewing on the pencil absentmindedly.
No. No, if she wasn't going to comment, then he wouldn't either. He would just pretend like the whole thing had never…happened….
He floated back over to his stuff, situating himself with extreme care, and for the rest of the night he was painfully aware of every tiny sound he made. (And he had to admit that a little help with the math homework might've been kind of nice.)
Danny sat in Vlad's library, various books open on the table in front of him. One of them was a dictionary. His arm was still in a sling, but aside from that he was back on his feet and, ah…
Ready for studying. Urgh. He hadn't sat down and tried to assimilate information like this since his freshman year in high school! And as he recalled, not much real studying had occurred back then. This was probably the first time ever that there was absolutely nothing more important for him to be doing. As Vlad might put it, this was the first step to achieving all of his goals.
Unfortunately this didn't seem to be coming easily to him at all (kind of like math, actually), but whereas he'd never had a really good reason (beyond staying out of trouble with his parents) for working his butt off on math while in school, he had every reason in the world to excel at this.
That said, he still felt stupid, but at least Vlad had said there would be a learning curve, meaning there would be a point when all of these facts started coming together to make better sense…hypothetically.
Danny glanced at the ornate grandfather clock placed in front of the far wall. It was already past midnight, and he wanted to impress Vlad when he came down (or probably up; Danny had a suspicion he spent most of his nights in his lab) to check on him at nine in the morning.
It was going to be a long night, but in a way it felt really good. He was being truly productive for the first time in years. And it helped that he had someone he cared about to be productive for.
Author's Note: This chapter was so friggin difficult! I hope you like it! Rar! I'm still not happy with it. Plus it's the longest yet- it's twenty-two and a half pages in New Time Roman, with twelve point. That must be four or five times longer than my first chapter, maybe? Methinks this is going to stay the longest chapter. It took too long to get out, anyway. (I re-wrote the thing so many times! )
Please review! I'm sad, it's true, but I've discovered that I really love reviews!