Authors Note: I've got an announcement: I really want to say thank you to E-Dantes for drawing a lovely, lovely fanart that goes with my story! Thank you so much, I love it! You guys can see it here:
http/e-dantes. deviantart. com/ art/ Sad- Dan- 73459221
If the address is screwed up, then go to www. deviantart. com, and search for E-Dantes' stuff. The drawing is called "Sad Dan". Thank you E-Dantes! Everyone should go and leave her lots of comments! If anyone has trouble getting there who wants to visit, please let me know!
Arrg! One more thing! I was glancing through this before posting, and realized that fanfiction. net is putting errors into my document! When I have an italicized word followed by a non-italicized word, they get squished together. It's very annoying, and I apologize for that...even though it's not my fault. Grr. lol...ah well.
I think you guys probably need a reminder to understand the first scene in this chapter, so please take a quick glance at this snippet I took from a scene in the previous chapter, from Dan's point of view.
Previous Chapter:
Sam walked back into the picture, smiling widely as she picked an excited Nathaniel back up. She glanced behind her.
A heavy weight suddenly settled itself in Danny's gut.
His younger self was there, joining them with a hesitant smile on his face. He and Sam talked for a few silent moments, and then she held Nathaniel out to him expectantly. The boy stepped forward, with a look of concentration and awe on his face, to take the child carefully in his arms.
Danny's nostrils flared, and he unconsciously clenched his fists. He continued to watch as his younger self broke into a genuine grin when Nathaniel placed a hand on one of his cheeks, talking his eager baby talk.
Danny stared at the scene. Somehow things had gone from daydream to nightmare. That was his son, and yet there his younger self was, filling in as, as…!
They were acting like the perfect little bloody family unit!
Damn you, damn you, damn you…
Danny stood up suddenly, but felt unaccountably weak, as if all the strength in his limbs was being drawn into a pit of churning fear and rage in his stomach. He felt sick, as though the world had turned sideways.
He still had it all. He had it all! Family, friends, the girl of his dreams, and now his son! His younger self hadn't gone through the loss, the pain, the horror; he had no idea what it meant to lose everything, and yet the boy still had the nerve to call him a monster, still had the nerve to take the last thing that was his alone…
Catalyst, Chapter 22
Stirrings
"Why don't you hold him?" Sam grinned, eyes shining with that familiar hint of shy hope, and Danny gave in. He held out his arms and took the infant, who seemed to be overjoyed with everything at the moment.
"Here, just make sure you support his head..."
"Um, yeah..." Sam guided his left hand so that it cradled Nathaniel before letting go completely.
Danny could feel his anxiety at holding Nathaniel melting away into a warm, happy, gooey feeling, as the baby squealed with laughter. It reached up to pat at one of his cheeks as if saying hello.
He glanced up at Sam. "Heh...he sure is one happy kid."
Danny, Sam, and Tucker were all supposed to meet at Sam's house today before heading over to see "Alien Vampires Screaming Attack V!", but Tucker hadn't arrived yet.
In fact, Danny himself was nearly fifteen minutes late, which begged the question as to where the heck Tucker was...
"BabababaBA!" Nathaniel announced how happy he was, loud and clear, and Danny's heart melted further. Maybe he would put off calling Tucker for a few minutes...
He smiled over at Sam. Despite everything Danny knew about this kid's origins, his anger and disdain were far away, nearly forgotten. The pint sized tyke was just such a...a completely innocent sweetheart.
He grinned at Nathaniel, and Nathaniel grinned back. The baby's hand shifted slightly on Danny's cheek, as they both soaked up the affection.
You are so completely adorable, kid...
"So, has he actually said anything besides "bababa" yet, or..." Danny stopped suddenly, as thoughts and emotions, like a wave, enveloped him.
He'd lost everyone. Sam, his parents, Jazz and Tucker. They were all gone, destroyed, all dead, and he was completely alone...utterly alone. The nightmare that was his life enveloped him, pulling him into a familiar darkness...
"...nny? Danny. Are you okay?" He realized he was sprawled on the floor, and that Sam was standing over him, eyes wide. "You had a...a dizzy spell, or something." She was holding Nathaniel again, who was silently watching him with a worried look on his little face.
"I..." Danny sat up slowly, eyes wide. Then he looked away, in order to blink back a sudden wave of tears. "I..."
The powerful wave of...of something he'd just experienced was gone now, leaving only an incomprehensible wash of deep sorrow. Danny turned further away from Sam, as she attempted to get a look at his face. He was still, embarrassingly, battling the urge to cry.
Danny frowned deeply, frightened that he'd apparently passed out over something he could only vaguely recall, and tried to understand what had just happened. Before the blackness had descended, however, just for a moment...he could remember being someone else, somewhere else...where everything had gone wrong. Everything he cared about had been, been...
Destroyed, or stolen away.
Terror rose in him at the memory, and he found himself burying it, deeper and deeper. It meant nothing; it was nothing. Just a fluke. He refused to let it be more.
Danny got himself under control just before Tucker showed up, and the subject of his collapse, so far avoided, was dropped completely with the pleading look Danny sent Sam. The three teenagers quickly left for the movies, with Sam's mom babysitting for her.
But for the rest of the day, despite his best efforts, Danny couldn't quite shake a subtle depression.
"Arrg." Danny cursed softly under his breath as he started erasing his work. He'd made a mistake four steps back, and now the whole problem was screwed up! Sometimes he really hated math.
It was around nine o'clock in the evening and, as usual, he was sitting up on Sam's roof, wrestling with homework.
Homework had sprouted biceps of steal and was kicking his butt. He was seriously tempted to ask Sam for help, since Pre-Calculus was somehow easy for her...
He floated down surreptitiously to listen at her window, and, at the quiet scritch-scritching of a pencil, he peaked inside. Sam sat doing homework just a few feet away.
Danny stared for a moment, indecision contorting his face into strange and amusing shapes. He came forward slightly.
Maybe I can get a look at what she's doing...
"Danny, I know you're there." He flinched and held utterly still. Sam turned around slowly, a frown on her face, and he gave up, becoming visible.
How does she do that?
Sam broke into a grin. "Actually, I was just guessing about you being there, but when I feel someone's eyes on me that strongly..."
Ah maaaan!
Danny raised his eyebrows in consternation, and spoke without thinking. "So if I'd just stayed quiet, you'd still be studying?" Sam's grin morphed into the Glare of Death, and Danny raised his hands placatingly. "Just kidding, just kidding!" He paused, embarrassed.
They stared at each other for a moment as he fought down a blush. Here he was, at night, in her bedroom again- a situation he'd planned on avoiding in the future.
Arrg...say something! But Sam just sat there smiling impishly.
To hell with it...
"Um...Sam...," Danny's hand went to the back of his head, and he looked away, "could you help me with a Pre-Cal problem for a few minutes?" He glanced back nervously.
Sam's grin widened, and softened at the same time. "I think I already offered a while back, actually..." All the tension Danny felt drained away as he finally realized how happy Sam looked.
A few minutes later they were sitting side by side, Sam's desk chair drawn up next to the sitting chair she had by the window. They worked with heads bowed together, quietly discussing the steps as they went along.
Danny allowed himself a secret smile. How had he forgotten, again? Sam was amazing, the greatest best friend in so many ways...whatever else there was between them. And plus, she made so much more sense than Mr. Lancer!
Before long they were working silently.
After a while Sam leaned back and sighed. She glanced over to Danny, and a feeling of satisfaction washed through her. My nefarious plan is working...
Well, it wasn't exactly nefarious, as such. But it was really nice to be here like this, finally comfortable. It had been a struggle, but after several months things between she and Danny were feeling good again.
Sam frowned. Well, mostly. This Saturday had been weird. Danny had just gone somewhere in his mind for a minute, while holding Nathaniel. She was still secretly grateful she'd reacted to his pseudo-swoon in time to grab Nathaniel from his drooping arms...
Danny glanced up, feeling Sam's gaze on him, and their eyes met. She hid her concern with a nonchalant smile, and he returned it absentmindedly before going back to work.
Sam looked away to hide a frown. He'd been so distant Saturday. Though...he seems to be over it now. Maybe I can ask about it?
She listened to him writing for a moment, while drawing circles on her own paper. "Um, Danny?"
He kept working, not wanting to stop in the middle of a problem. "Yep."
Sam cleared her throat. "Hey, you seemed pretty out of it Saturday. After that...moment you had. You never really...said what happened."
Danny stilled, but didn't look up. "Yeah..." He sighed, and leaned back, stretching. He looked across the room, mostly to avoid Sam's eyes, and frowned to himself. It...had been like falling into a dark abyss, deep inside his own mind. So deep he hadn't known it existed. He'd tried his best not to think about it.
Danny suppressed a shudder, and kept his voice soft, low. "It was...nothing."
Sam hesitated, and tried not to sound too worried. "You seemed...sad."
He grinned, breaking out of the strangely dark moment, and rubbed the back of his head. "I was...it was pretty..."
Completely, utterly horrible. But there was no reason to worry Sam. And besides, it had completely passed, like a bad dream. And like a bad dream, the last thing he wanted to do was focus on it. "But I'm over it now, whatever it was."
A thought occurred to him, and he smirked. This would definitely take her mind off of it. "Speaking of weird, I had the funkiest dream last night."
"Yeah?" Sam grinned slightly, reluctantly letting him change the subject. Some things couldn't be pushed, but hopefully he'd talk about it in his own time.
"Yeah. It had Paulina in it..."
Oh barf. Sam rolled her eyes. "Uhuh."
"Woah, woah, just hear me out! So, the dream starts out with me in ghost mode, flying around outside. Then I hear a call for help. So I fly down and there's Paulina, who's got her Chihuahua stuck up a..."
"Paulina has a Chihuahua now?" They blinked at each other.
Danny ran a hand through his hair, frowning. "Er, no, only in the dream...I think." They exchanged dubious looks.
Then Sam cracked up, and covered her mouth to mute a laugh. "Danny, w-why...why do you look so worried?"
Actually, he was. "Well...it's scary, just trust me." Sam stopped trying to cover her laughter.
Danny groaned inwardly; he could feel his cheeks heating up. "No seriously...it was...rabid. I swear its eyes were glowing red, it was completely insane, and...Sam...stop laughing..." He couldn't help it, and let out a tiny snort himself, as Sam continued to laugh heartlessly.
I can't believe I'm scared of a Chihuahua.
"Sammykins! What is so funny, sweetheart?" The voice, belonging to Sam's mom, was just outside the door. It sounded slightly amused.
There was instant silence as Sam and Danny exchanged mortified looks. "Er, I...was just remembering this crazy dream and I was laughing about it...it's nothing. Sorry!" Danny was already invisible, along with his schoolwork.
"Oh...alright, well..." Sam winced at the disappointed tone. She hadn't meant to sound so stand-offish. "Your father and I are turning in for the night, so goodnight, sweetheart."
"Goodnight!" A few moments passed, and Danny became visible again. They stared at each other, and breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief.
Danny didn't miss the look of regret on Sam's face. He looked away, guilt welling up from his seemingly endless supply. He'd forgotten about her family, how things were going...or weren't going.
Sam stared down at her homework, thinking. Things had gotten better with her parents over the last few months. Nathaniel's bracelet helped a lot there, since it allowed her to be relatively open. But her secrecy about the father, her blatant unwillingness to give them any information on that point, had created a painful rift between them.
So far things still worked, though, and in some ways they were closer than ever before. Her parents were willing to let the questions go for now because simply having her back safe meant so much to them, but she could see how hard it was for them to do so. It broke her heart to realize the pain she'd put them through during her disappearance, and now with her return, she couldn't help worry at all the assumptions they had to be making, with Nathaniel here...
"So...how are things? With your parents?" Danny's voice was a whisper. Sam looked up to see him staring down at his hands morosely. She blinked a few times, and swallowed. She did not need to burden Danny with this. But she couldn't pretend, either.
She spoke quietly too. "It's...they're still in the dark, of course, which is hard for them. I feel bad, since I don't want them to feel like I'm hiding things from them because I don't...love them or trust them, or something. You know?"
Danny smiled sadly, still looking at his hands. "I...they know you love them, Sam. And the trust thing...that's..." My fault.
Sam let out a long sigh. "Danny...I've had a long time to think about things. And I've realized something." She waited, until Danny slowly looked up to meet her with dark, confused eyes. She took a deep breath, stealing herself for what she was about to say. "I'm...really, really lucky." His eyes widened and she hurried on, to explain.
"I'm blessed with a wonderful family and friends, I'm rich and more than a little spoiled, and..." she felt herself blush and glanced away, "I'm smart, and strong. I've got a lot of things going for me." She looked up at him again, her words flowing stronger now, almost unstoppable. They were too deeply important to her.
"And now, Danny...I...I have the sweetest son ever, even if it's earlier than I would've planned, even if things didn't..." She shook her head, a smile on her lips, tears glistening in the corners of her eyes. "I know he's going to grow up to be strong, and kind, and...loved. I..." Sam looked down at her hands, blushing again, and let out a tiny huff of air; a silent laugh. "I mean, I could've been one of those starving kids in China, you know?"
She looked back up slowly, her face holding an intense, strained, completely involuntary smile. It was a symbol of the strange joy she felt at the personal epiphany she'd reached over the months spent back home:
Things could be so much worse. She could be dead right now, in that alternate future! But instead she was here, with him, at home,safe...
And Danny needed to understand that.
"Danny..." Sam leaned forward suddenly, tears in her eyes, and gave him a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek, even as he stiffened up. She sniffled, pulling back. "Don't..." She shook her head, as words failed. She swallowed, still smiling, even as the tears glided down her cheeks. "Don't feel sorry for me. What done is done, and...I wouldn't give Nathaniel up for the world, Danny. So I guess...I really wouldn't change a thing."
Sam let out a shaky sigh and relaxed back into the sitting chair. She began drying dry her face with a sleeve, as her tears finally slowed. She kept her eyes down, embarrassed, and a deep blush bloomed on her cheeks. She was relieved this had been said, but she'd gotten so emotional, so female while saying it...
Danny sat unmoving, face slightly shocked, as he tried to absorb what Sam had just told him. His eyes went to her profile, as if for guidance.
She was still smiling, though her eyes were focused on her lap and her face was puffy with tears. She looked so intense, like pure emotion was forcing its way up into an expression on her face...and that expression was a smile. It wasn't something anyone could fake.
That got to him.
There had been a secret assumption Danny had made months ago about Sam, and about himself. It was something he couldn't even state with words, but that had nonetheless been influencing all of his decisions.
If he'd never had ghost powers, if his future self had never existed, if he'd been there to stop him, if none of this had ever happened...
And ultimately, if he and Sam had never met to begin with, Danny had assumed, wouldn't Sam be better off right now?
He'd never let it surface completely, the battle taking place deep down instead, because the thought of a world without Sam nearby was unthinkable. But somewhere in his mind he had been convinced of that one fact: she really would be better off without him in her life.
And if that were true, and he truly cared for her, shouldn't he be able to step away? Wasn't that what love was all about? Putting the person you cared for first, before yourself? This train of thought had been tearing him apart for months, ever since he'd realized who the father was, in that apartment in Idaho.
Yet here she was telling him not to worry, and to stop feeling sorry for her! That she was happy, and lucky, and...that she didn't want to change a thing.
And that meant that she didn't want him to go away. If her words weren't enough, her face left no doubt. Sam didn't want him to go away. It was amazing, and humbling, and a thousand other things he didn't know how to express.
"Sam...I..." She turned to face him, nervous, and he found his hand going to her hair, stroking it. And then they were hugging each other, her face buried under his chin. Danny struggled to breath normally, as his emotions overwhelmed him. When he spoke his voice was a soft, slightly hoarse whisper. "It's hard. I still feel so guilty...it's so hard not to feel so sorry..."
He squeezed her softly, and sighed, calming down a little. "But I'll try. I promise."
Sam sniffled, another tear leaking out, and hugged him tighter.
I missed you, Danny.
After several moments they both pulled away slowly. The emotional tidal wave had subsided, and with it a tension had broken. They grinned at each other after a moment, as they both leaned back into their chairs again.
After a few moments Danny rubbed the back of his head and blew out a long breath of air. "Wow..." He blinked. "Were we really doing Pre-Calculus a few minutes ago?"
Sam let out a quiet laugh. "Yeah." She grinned. "Thanks for the reminder."
Danny let out a groan, but couldn't keep the tiny smile from his lips. "Me and my big mouth."
"Thirteen days, guys, and school will be permanently out." That was Tucker. The three of them were enjoying quality time in Sam's bedroom, which had turned into their preferred meeting place over the semester, mostly for Sam's sake, since she had Nathaniel. Tucker was sitting backwards at Sam's desk chair, chin propped comfortably on the back.
"Yeah. Only two weeks before finals..." Danny grinned. "And for once, I'm feeling prepared."
Tucker smirked. "That's because you scared all the ghosts out of Amity permanently, and actually have free time."
Danny, who was sitting on the floor with his back propped against the edge of Sam's bed, frowned slightly. He still felt guilty about that. "Not completely." His grin returned. "Remember when I took a bathroom break in English yesterday, Tuck?" Today was Saturday.
"Yeah?"
"Box Ghost." He smirked as Sam and Tucker both gawked at him in astonishment.
Tucker spoke up first. "Wait, the Box Ghost is brave enough to show his face, but ghosts like Skulker or Technus aren't?" Tucker frowned, "I've lost respect for the ghost community."
Sam stifled a laugh. "But for all we know he got sent here by the others to scout things out, in which case we should be hearing from them before long." She gave Danny a sardonic look. "Unless you were particularly nasty to him..."
"Nah." He crossed his arms, and frowned slightly. "I probably should've let Valerie chase him off, though..." He had nearly run into her as she burst into the room, just after he'd bagged the Box Ghost. He had phased out to make a quick get away, but the shocked look on her face had stayed with him.
"Now there's someone who has changed a lot since freshman year..." That was Sam, looking thoughtful.
It was true. Valerie had gone from a preppy, spoiled Daddy's girl to a college focused, hard working young woman. She also hated and hunted ghosts with a vengeance that few people could quite grasp. Danny almost thought he understood, sometimes.
He'd had the weirdest urge to go back and apologize to her yesterday. Profusely.
Danny shook the confusing memory away. "She could make a living hunting ghosts, that's for sure."
"Notice her hair cut?" Tucker pursed his lips, looking at Danny sidelong.
Danny averted his eyes. "Yeah." He swallowed, and tried to cover his discomfort. "It's...weird. But not surprising, I guess. That's, um...how it was in the future, after all. Kinda makes sense."
"Yeah, of course..." Tucker shifted on the chair, and regretted bringing it up. Something about Valerie was unsettling, if only because they could remember first hand how she had been in the future, and could see the similarities in her now more clearly than ever before. And anything to do with that alternate future led to dangerous ground.
Each teen struggled to think of something to say as the uncomfortable moment threatened to permanently settle around them.
"Muhma..." Nathaniel made a little worried noise from where he sat on Sam's lap, looking up at her with wide eyes. "Muhmmmmama?" Sam smiled down at him. Great timing, kiddo.
She ruffled his hair with one hand. "What's up, babes? Bored?"
"Hey, did he he just say Mama?" Danny grinned. Thank you Nathaniel! He crawled over from where he sat. "Hey buddy..."
Tucker smiled quietly to himself, feeling relieved, and watched silently as Danny played with Nathaniel, making goofy faces at him. Danny's reaction to the kid had done a 180 degree turn over the past few months, from loathing to love. It was hard not to like Nathaniel, though Tucker secretly thought it was because Danny had never gotten that puppy he'd wanted as a kid.
Tucker noted how happy Sam looked as she watched Danny and Nathaniel play. Do you have any clue what she sees in you Danny? I really hope you do...
"Bbbbbbbvvffbbbbbbbb..." Tucker chuckled as Danny blew a raspberry on Nathaniel's stomach, making him laugh his head off. The kid had already been transferred from Sam's arms to Danny's.
Sam caught Tucker's eye and grinned up at him, joy radiating from her face. He grinned back, warmth pouring through him. This moment, whatever the future held, felt happy, and untouchable.
Tucker's eyes returned to Danny and Nathaniel, and he got up to play with Nathaniel as well.
Later, when Danny and Tucker were coming down the stairs to head home, they ran into Sam's mom. She smiled pleasantly at them, but as Danny glanced briefly back on his way out, he caught the tail end of a first class death glare.
It had clearly been directed at him.
The next afternoon, Sunday, found Danny at home making his way downstairs for something to drink. He was currently taking a break from studying for exams.
Over the course of the semester he had managed to pull his grades back up from abysmal to stellar. His overall average, assuming finals went well, would now be, well...average, which was at least better than repeating a year of school.
But now that repeating was no longer a real fear, other more important things were on his mind, like college. He needed to excel in it, not just squeak by or even do "okay". And he could; he'd proven it to himself this semester.
He'd discovered ambition. He wanted to support himself, have his own house, be a success. He needed to be able to impress Sa...
Danny's train of thought halted.
That was, he wanted to impress everybody. Besides, he couldn't live with his parents forever, and being a halfa hardly guaranteed a solid income. Unless you were Vlad of course, who stole all his money. He knew Sam would kill him if he tried tha...
Danny's cheeks turned pink.
That was...Sam and Tucker and Jazz, of course, would kill him if he cheated like that. Besides, he honestly wanted to succeed, on his own two human feet.
Who wanted to be like Vlad anyway?
Danny entered the kitchen, got a glass of water, and sat down at the table. He needed to sit and think, and stop skirting certain issues, like his future, and maybe, possibly...perhaps who he'd like to share it with...
A heavy hand landed on his shoulder.
Gaah! Danny gasped, and his face turned bright red.
"Son, you and I need to have a talk." Danny glared up at his dad, one hand held to his chest to keep his heart from leaping out of it.I'm going to have a heart-attack at eighteen...
Danny nodded after a moment, feeling slightly surly and very embarrassed as his heart slowed back down, and his dad took a seat across from him. It wasn't like he'd been thinking bad thoughts! Right? But he still felt like his hand had been caught in the cookie jar.
"Son, I'm going to cut right to the chase." Danny curled his toes nervously at his dad's serious tone. His previous thoughts evaporated. This doesn't sound good...
Despite this, Jack paused for a long time before continuing, an uncomfortable look on his face. Danny's heart sped up again. His dad never struggled with words! "Now Danny, your mother and I aren't blind, and we've been watching you and Sam closely. We think it's pretty clear what happened." His dad gave him a hard look.
Danny sat petrified as the words penetrated. Arg! My face is turning red again! Not guilty! Not guilty!
Jack hardly paused. "...and we want you to know that, while we're not proud of how things have gone, we understand that we're partly responsible. We should've watched you two more closely! You've been infatuated with each other for years, and you were spending so much time together…" Jack crossed his arms, frowning to himself. "Well..."
Danny sat silent, mortification sealing his lips. Not that he'd know what to say. Sure, he'd worried about this confrontation a lot, but he'd never figured out how to deal with it.
Come on Dad, you were supposed to wait! Jazz asked you to wait! And Mom's not here! I bet she doesn't even know about this!
Jack finally took in Danny's petrified look, and his tone softened. "Now, we also want you to know that what's done is done, and we're not going to hold it against you." He crossed his arms, and frowned. "But you have to deal with the hand life gives you, son. You're a young man now, and real men, especially Fentons, know what it means to take responsibility." He hesitated, embarrassment creeping over his features.
Danny flinched, and wished he could shrink until he just disappeared. A ridiculous thought popped up. Maybe I can distract him by going ghost.
"So, Danny, I..." Jack frowned, and started over. His tone deepened, and he set his shoulders, fully assuming the role of the Fenton Patriarch, "I want you to go up to your room and think long and hard about responsibility. The fact is that Sam has a baby, son, and it's time for you to take a look at...at your role in all of this."
Danny's mouth finally unsealed. "No, I, we…" What am I even trying to say?
Jack leaned forward and clapped him on the shoulder. "Now Danny, I'm just going to stop you right there." He leaned back again. "I know you're embarrassed, but I don't want you to lie to me. I've held Sam's baby, and I recognize a Fenton when I see one."
Danny floundered. "Dad…I…" Then he stopped dead. "When?"
Jack suddenly looked nervous. "Well..." his voice sped up, "I kind of pretended there was a ghost in the Manson's house earlier this week." He frowned. "But there might have been! You never know! Things have been suspiciously quiet around here lately..." He glanced around, eyes narrowed, as if looking for a ghost. Danny stared, flabbergasted.
My father is insane. "You broke into their house? Presumably to look for ghosts?"
"Of course not! What do you think I am, some crazed wacko?" Danny frowned across at him skeptically. If the shoe fits...
Jack deflated slightly. "Well...I knocked on the door and told them there was a ghost and that they all had to evacuate...and then I ran around inside for a few minutes- don't look at me like that! I had my equipment with me and did a quick scan while I was there!" He pursed his lips, looking thoughtful. "It's clean, by the way." Then he crossed his arms as if in victory, and grinned. "Then I came back outside, and we talked for a little before I left." The grin widened. "And I got to hold the baby."
Danny groaned inwardly; he could just see it. His dad- boisterous, loud, and grinning like a maniac- probably said something like, "And since I'm here, can I hold my grandso...ehem...Sam's baby?" Danny realized he should probably be thankful they didn't accidentally get sprayed down with Fenton anit-ghost goop or something, too.
Then the memory of Sam's mom giving him the glare of death yesterday returned. Danny crossed his arms. "When was this, exactly?"
"When Sam was at tutoring with you." Jack silently added to himself: And your mother was out shopping for the afternoon...
Danny breathed a tiny sigh of relief. At least Sam wasn't there.
"You know son, the little tyke looks just like you did at that age." His dad sounded proud, and happy.
Danny didn't look up, as his face slowly turned red again. What could he say to that? His father's words twisted something bitter in his gut. But at the same time something else came up, something fluttery, nervous, hopeful, and embarrassed as hell...
He answered, weakly. "Yeah." Danny felt like an observer watching the word come out of his mouth from a distance. It was all those emotions he was feeling; they'd forced it out, he couldn't be held responsible, or, or...he was crazy,that was it...
What would Sam say? What would she think if she knew he'd practically said they were a couple, that Nathaniel was...
It wasn't that he hated the kid. He'd actually grown to care for him -a lot - over the semester. At the same time, he had also tried hard to see Nathaniel only as Sam's son, for the sake of his sanity. But his dad was right, they really did look alike...
Maybe Sam didn't have to find out, maybe his dad wouldn't say anything... And a tiny voice, the one that had probably spoken out just now, thought: maybe it would all work out, Sam wouldn't actually mind, and they'd live happily ever after just like he really wanted...
Jack cleared his throat. "Well son..." Danny risked a glance up. His dad looked surprisingly shifty eyed, as though he was worried someone might walk in. Danny's eyes widened in comprehension.
He's worried Mom might get back from the store too soon...I bet that's where she is. Maybe he won't tell anyone after all.
Jack frowned across at him, noticing his look, and dropped back into lecture mode. "Just do what I said. Think long and hard about you and Sam, and that baby. And...take a little time, Danny. You don't have to figure it all out today."
His dad smiled. It held a hint of warning. "But," he added, "I'm sure you'll reach the right conclusion before long." He stood up, and Danny followed him out of the kitchen, escape finally in sight. Jack gave him a friendly shove as he walked past, pushing him in the direction of the stairs.
"Look on the bright side! I could've waited for your mother to have this conversation."
Danny nearly stumbled on the stairs, his face once again beet red.
A few days had passed since The Talk. Danny sat in the school cafeteria, absent mindedly eating lunch. He had found it hard not to think about himself and Sam, now that his dad had put his foot in things.
He obviously wanted Danny to marry her. To "take responsibility." Danny had been skirting the subject in his own mind for weeks already, as school neared its end, and adulthood loomed.
Now that his own parents expected it of him, thinking about it directly became a lot easier. It was...allowed.Possible. Assuming Sam was even interested, of course.
Danny frowned darkly, and took another bite of his sandwich. It was all backwards! They were supposed to date, go steady, get engaged, then get married. Maybe Sam would agree to go steady with him after they were married.
Danny sighed, and put down the sandwich. Months ago, Tucker had said she loved him, and Danny hadn't forgotten that. But it could be purely platonic, right?
Danny blushed slightly as he thought about Sam. It's so not platonic.
At least, he really thought there was something there. It was the way she smiled, and sometimes she'd blush...and once in a while he'd catch her looking at him. He couldn't be reading into things that much, could he? But didn't guys do that a lot, seeing stuff as flirtatious when it wasn't?
The familiar fear of rejection he'd had for years rose up. It would be horrible, if he got up the courage to ask her out and she "just wanted to be friends." He'd probably die on the spot. Then, after the worst let down of his entire life, he'd also lose one of his closest friends, because he'd never be able to look at her in the face again. Especially after everything that had happened or the last year.
That made everything worse, of course, because even after all the positive signs Sam had been giving him, well...
It was one thing to be best friends, and another to have a physical relationship. And surely Sam had to be distressed by his physical likeness to his older self, even if she didn't blame him, and didn't acknowledge the similarities on the surface.
How could he ignore that? How could she? So she enjoyed being his friend, joking around with him, and having fun with him. But that was very different from dating him. Kissing him, getting close...
But she's done it once or twice, without me initiating anything. It was only a friend's kiss though, not a lover's.
Danny growled in frustration, and stood up. He made his brisk way out of the cafeteria, throwing his lunch in the trash on the way out, and headed toward his locker. He couldn't sit still any more.
He was angry. No, he was furious. It was a low level rage that occasionally surfaced, whenever he let himself think on what had happened between his older self and Sam.
He wanted to scream and strangle the bastard and cry at the same time. And yet he'd already found out that truly killing him...
He'd come dangerously close to succeeding, and had realized just how much that would have changed him as a person. Because of that, even when he wanted to rage out he would instinctively reign himself back in so as to keep well away from that particular event horizon.
That didn't change the fact that he would relish beating the hell out of his older self a few dozen more times. And sometimes, like right now, Danny couldn't keep from dredging through dark thoughts of Sam and his older self.
She'd been attacked the first Saturday morning of Christmas break well over a year ago now. Danny had figured it out months ago, morbidly curious. He'd even managed to remember that Sam had messaged both he and Tucker around noon that day, telling them she'd caught a nasty bug, and that they shouldn't even come over since she didn't want them to get sick.
Danny had turned that message around and around in his mind, after putting the pieces together, asking himself why he hadn't been suspicious, how he'd missed the signs. She should've called, or talked to them over her webcam, of only briefly. Instead there were just a few lines of text, pleading sleepiness. It wasn't like her, yet he'd brushed it off...
Danny yelled out loud, and turned suddenly to hit a locker nearby. He stood for a moment, and then looked up to see the dent his fist had left. He found he didn't care. A familiar blue face had formed in his mind, with fangs, red eyes, flaming hair...
Damn you. Damn you. Damn you, damn you, damn you, damn you, damn you, damn you damn you damn you DAMN YOU...!
Suddenly the rage was gone, completely overridden by a powerful wave of remorse. It was surrealistic yet familiar, as though he'd dreamed the emotion, or was having deja vu...
Danny stood with his mouth open as the feeling of guilt left him slowly, to be replaced by fear and confusion. His anger was forgotten. It was as though he'd hit a wall in anger, and the wall, suddenly alive, had pushed back with a reaction.
With remorse, and guilt...
Slowly, Danny began to make a beeline for his locker. He felt dazed. What had just happened was...it was...
His mind flinched, and his seeking thoughts were cut off. He swallowed, and something in his stomach twisted sickeningly. His thoughts refused to settle.
Slowly, he remembered back to several minutes ago, when he'd been thinking about his relationship with Sam. That was right. He'd been trying to work up the nerve to ask her out, but...
The truth was, he told himself...the truth was he just didn't have the guts to do it, not yet.
Danny frowned, feeling deeply distressed. That's...all it was. It was that simple.
"This is great for a small scale business, but Vlad and I both think it's time you went to a larger supplier for certai..." Danny frowned and closed his eyes as his thoughts were pulled suddenly off course.
Outrage, bitter anger. Over...Sam. It was overpowering. His fists clenched of their own accord and his eyes, hidden under his lids, flashed briefly red.
He responded instantly, unwilling to compromise his human disguise and ruin all his hard work. So he focused hard, and partly by instinct, on another emotion so close to his heart that the anger (which was his own, yet undeniably alien) was overpowered.
Guilt; remorse. It was the perfect counterpoint to the rage. He let it wash over him for a few moments, frowning tightly as a small wave of sadness, never far behind his guilt, moved through him as well.
Sam, I'm so sorry...
"Mr. Mihailov? A-are you okay?" Robert Nass, one of the the founders of New Age Utilities Incorporated, sounded distinctly nervous.
Danny sighed softly, and let his emotions settle for a moment. That...had to be my younger self; there's no other explanation. Had he noticed anything, on the other end? Danny didn't have the luxury to think about it just now, though.
He opened his eyes and smiled. "Sorry, just a slight head-ache. It's nothing to worry about." He raised an eyebrow, and grinned very slightly. "And really, there's no need to stand on formality, as I said before. Call me Dimitri..."
Author's Note: Not the best place to end, I know. I originally had this outlined as a much longer chapter, but I realized part way through that it would be ridiculously long. (So yes, that means I have part of the next chapter already written!) Anyway, I love getting comments, even short ones, so please review (and answer the question I asked at the top, pleaaaase!) Thank you for reading! I hope you liked it!
DPC