"Aren't I romantic?"

Entry 7- Christmas

I was so sad that Orihime was leaving for Christmas. I was going to be all alone in my house and that was going to suck because even though I am ALREADY a hermit, I still like the idea of someone else being behind my bedroom door ya know. I laid on my bed after waving her goodbye and scrolled through my phone till I came across Renji's name. I narrowed my eyes.

It was decided that he would come over and spend Christmas eve with me, spend the night and then leave Christmas afternoon. I also said Fuck it and agreed to try smoking that night. What harm would it do right? Besides, I thought I deserved it after going through that whole ordeal with Ichigo. I had to get him a gift though, christmas eve was only a few days away. After hanging up the phone with him I called my card and checked my balance before getting off my butt and going to the store. Somehow, my mind thought it to be a good idea to get him an expensive gift. After walking out the store with that 80 dollar blue tooth' speaker, I immediately regretted it but I continued walking to my car. Why didn't I return it and get him a cheaper gift? Because I convinced myself that I was a nice person. I convinced myself that Renji was my best guy friend and he deserved it.

When Christmas eve came around I was sure glad that I didn't return his speaker because his gift was equally as expensive, if not more. I was now staring at the giant, glass, bright purple, double filtered bowl Bong. Staring at it he seemed so satisfied and proud of his gift but I didn't know how to react. I told him that I would smoke once with him and he went out and bought this expensive bong that was almost half the size of me. All I could say was 'It's huge' and he nodded, pulled out a zip lock bag and packed it immediately. After showing me how to use and pack it, he handed the first hit to me.

"Your first time, your bong, you take first hit" I guess taking the first hit meant everything because i assumed that's when it was the most fresh, untouched kind of thing. I didn't know that then. I shrugged and went at it. I inhaled the smoke into my lungs and blew it out like a champ, perfectly. It tasted horrible. My god it was the worse taste in the world and I was good off of another hit until I felt the after effects. All of my troubles were gone and all i felt was pure relaxation. My body was so much more heavy and It felt so much more intense to do things. He noticed it and laughed. "You're baked. I can see why though. You hit it hard for some reason" He chuckled.

Can you guess what we did that night? Yeah your guess is probably right, if you've been keeping up with me in these past few entries. We played that stupid game. I thought I sucked when I was sober but it turns out that it was possible for me to suck even more than that. We were both high as all hell so we didn't last more than a couple games. We closed out laptops and decided on making cookies and once they were done we topped them with icecream, smoked one more bowl then settled down with some good ol' anime. It was better than I thought it would be and I don't know why I was so surprised. I always had fun when I was with Renji. I guess I didn't really know he would be coming so I ended up just having such low expectations for today regardless. I was glad that I decided with having him over like he originally offered. It was nice.

It grew later and later and the early morning was slowly creeping up on us and it was then, when we decided to turn in for the night. We shared a bed. I didn't really think anything of it seeing as he was my best guy friend, we already had a thing so it wasn't like it was new to us or anything, and after everything he did to come keep me company, I figured that the least I could do was NOT put him on the sofa. I later discovered the instant regret because as I attempted to sleep, I felt rustling around going on behind me. I shut my eyes even tighter, with back facing him, I was then attempting to convince myself of anything but the dirtiest thing I could think of. He proved me wrong because he turned on his side and pressed his body against mine and I felt the instant, giant, at least 8 inch, member pushing up against my backside.

I blamed Ichigo for that night. Renji was obviously my rebound after being totally ditched by "Mr Romantic" of an ass hole named Ichigo. Yeah. That was the only was I was going to let myself off the hook, I was going to blame him. If he was here to give me HIS junk, my body wouldn't crave it so much and wouldn't have to settle for someone else's. Let alone my best friend, the man I was ALREADY trying to get over and succeeded, THANKS TO ICHIGO. There I was though, back where I started with Renji and who's to blame in my head? ICHIGO.

God, what did I do?

I think I just cheated on Ichigo.

Wait. No. I didn't cheat on him because A: we were NEVER together and B: He-HE DITCHED ME!

So don't go there with me!

Don't feel guilty, don't you do it! Ichigo put this on himself. He isn't even coming back so HA.

crap...

Yeah, that was the argument I had with myself the very next day