Hei stood in the shadow of the ground floor stairwell, leaning against the concrete wall as he tried to steady his breathing. Thank goodness Jiao-tu had woken when she did. He shouldn't have kissed Misaki at all, let alone… What the hell was wrong with him?
He could acknowledge a physical attraction to women; that wasn't something he'd lost upon becoming a contractor. But he never acted on it, unless it was for a job. He'd never even been tempted. Not until Misaki.
He'd been dreaming of Amber, feeling a peacefulness that he hadn't experienced for years; not since South America, and those little moments they had been able to steal together. Was that what had led him to kiss Misaki? Or was it her falling asleep in his arms that had evoked that subconscious memory in the first place?
These past few days, Hei had been telling himself that he was in control, that Misaki was just a tool he could use in his mission to get to the bottom of Jiao-tu's situation.
But it was a lie. As he'd just discovered, he wasn't in control at all.
First Amber showing up in Tokyo after all this time had dredged up the feelings he used to have for her and reignited the hatred he now harbored. Then Yin had started changing, and every time he looked at her he thought of Bai, and second chances, marveling at the idea that once again there was someone who looked to him for protection, who he felt the need to protect. And now Jiao-tu was here, bringing with her all the memories of his long-buried past; memories of Xing. A sea of emotions that he'd thought he'd left behind for good was battering against the walls that he'd constructed so long ago, to shield himself from the person he'd needed to become.
And somehow, at some point amidst the storm, Misaki had slipped through a crack in his defenses and had firmly entrenched herself in his thoughts. He wanted to see her smile, he wanted to know she was happy, to know that he made her happy. She was in control, not him; anything she initiated, he would gladly finish, without hesitation. He wanted her, warm in his arms again.
But that was the worst place for her to be; there was no way the Syndicate would countenance any kind of relationship between their valuable operative and a section chief of the PSB. She wasn't some delicate flower that needed his protection, but neither of them would have a chance against the Syndicate.
And in any case, sooner or later she would realize that she wasn't as accepting of his occupation as she thought she was. The pity would wear off, and she would remember that whatever past had led him to his present, Hei was still the Black Reaper; nothing would change that. He needed to cut this, whatever it was, off before they reached a tipping point; it had gone too far as it was.
And there was Jiao-tu to worry about, as well. She was understandably angry with him; he was going to have to find a way to explain his involvement in this mess to her, and keep the MSS away for good.
Hei tensed as the apartment door to his right opened. A middle-aged housewife stepped out, empty canvas shopping bags draped over her arm. She was surprised at first to see a stranger standing there, but then she gave him a knowing look. "Trouble with your missus?" she asked.
"Eh, something like that." Hei gave her a strained smile, and tried not to flinch when she reached up to pat his shoulder.
"Just give it a little time, dear. And in the meantime," she lowered her voice conspiratorially, giving him a little wink, "flowers never hurt."
The woman headed off down the street. Hei wasn't going to be buying flowers any time soon, but since he was out here, he might as well do as he'd said he was going to do, and check for signs that they were being watched. And while he did, he could decide what he was going to do about Jiao-tu and Misaki.
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Jiao-tu stared blearily at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. Her cheeks were smudged with dirt and her mascara had run until her eyes looked like a raccoon's. She washed her face in the sink, flinching at the shock of the cold water on her skin. It didn't actually do much to improve her appearance, she thought. Or her mood.
She'd woken confused and groggy, after a dream in which giant bunches of dancing bok choy were chasing her. At first she'd been relieved to realize that it had been just a dream. Then she'd taken in her surroundings, and realized that only the bok choy had been a dream. Stupid nosy rabbit.
Jiao-tu heard a sound like the apartment door, which was right next to the tiny bathroom, opening and closing. Who had left? Why? She'd avoided looking into the main room when she crossed the little hall to the bathroom, but she was pretty sure that Tian and Kirihara had been kissing. Yesterday, she would have been elated at the discovery that she'd been right about them. Today…
Maybe it had all been dream. Maybe she had taken the sleeping pills right away, instead of waiting and debating whether or not to go back out and talk to Tian, because she felt guilty about getting upset. She'd just dreamed about listening in on his conversation with Kirihara through the paper-thin wall of the bedroom. She'd dreamed everything that she'd heard him say about…about…Xing. And himself.
She knew it hadn't been a dream though.
Jiao-tu felt a twinge in her hip, from where the wooden pallet had hit her last night. She noticed the bottle of ibuprofen on the counter, and poured out three pills. After swallowing them with water from the tap, she lowered herself down to the floor. If she sat with her back against the bathtub, there was just enough room for her to stretch her leg out and try to work out some of the stiffness.
She remembered the time when she and Xing had been about six and five years old, and they had found a dead baby bird near the elm tree behind Grandfather's school. Jiao-tu thought the bird was gross and didn't want to even look at it, but Xing was so upset by the thought of the little bird falling from its nest, dying all alone without its mother and siblings, that she couldn't stop sobbing. It wasn't until Tian helped them bury the bird, sending Xing and Jiao-tu to the rosebushes to gather petals to sprinkle on the tiny grave, that Xing's tears finally dried.
How could Xing have been the one to kill her own parents? But even as she asked herself the question, Jiao-tu realized miserably that it was plausible, especially if it was true that Xing was a contractor. She knew that a contractor had killed Aunt and Uncle. She knew that when people became contractors, they lost all their feelings and didn't care about things like family anymore. And she knew that even if Xing had turned into a monster and killed their parents, Tian would have done whatever he could to keep his sister safe, including leaving behind the rest of their family.
Tian had lied to her about everything. He wasn't at all the same person she'd grown up with. He didn't smile, he didn't laugh; he hadn't seen her in ten years, and he acted like he didn't want to talk to her at all. And she'd heard him admit to Kirihara that he had killed a person to protect Xing, and that he'd killed other people. He talked about it like he didn't even care.
Why hadn't Kirihara tried to arrest him? Was she afraid that he would try to kill her and Jiao-tu? Then why would she be kissing him?
A knock on the door startled her from her thoughts. "Xu? Is everything alright?"
Jiao-tu almost sighed in relief. Tian had been the one to leave, then. Even so, she didn't particularly want to talk to Kirihara either. "Yes, I'm fine," she called through the door.
"Alright," the police chief said kindly. "Let me know if you need anything."
Jiao-tu listened to the other woman's footsteps retreating. She thought back to the contractor fight in the park. Kirihara had told her that Professor Iwakara had been selling his research and some contractors had tried to steal it. She'd heard Tian say that he had been ordered (ordered? By who?) to get from the professor the key that Arakawa had hidden on Jiao-tu's phone, that allowed the research to be deciphered; that's why he'd been in the physics building when it caught fire.
Was Tian the one who Iwakara had met in the park? …The one who had killed those two contractors?
Jiao-tu could hardly believe it, and yet…it made sense. If she forgot who her cousin used to be, and thought about who he was now, it made sense. He wasn't trying to protect her, he was just trying to get the key. And Kirihara was helping him. They could have the stupid key, Jiao-tu didn't care about it. Kirihara was wrong; she couldn't trust him. Especially if it was true that now he was a contractor. She couldn't trust either of them.
She fought back tears. She was done crying, done being a stupid, helpless rabbit.
When she exited the bathroom, Kirihara was standing next to the living room window, holding the curtain back in inch so she could look out without anyone outside seeing her. She was wearing her gun.
"Is something wrong?" Jiao-tu asked nervously.
The police chief gave her a reassuring smile. "No, everything's fine. I'm just waiting for your cousin to get back; he went to go have a look around outside."
So he can kill anyone he finds? Jiao-tu thought bitterly.
Unaware of Jiao-tu's thoughts, Kirihara continued, "How are you feeling?"
"Um, a little tired and sore still," Jiao-tu said. "I'm going to go lie down for a while longer."
"That sounds like a good idea. I was thinking of throwing something together for lunch, but I'll wait and let Li do it; he's a much better cook than I am." She grimaced. "You should have time to take a short nap. I'll get you when the food is ready, so you can eat."
Jiao-tu felt her stomach start to rumble at the mention of food; but the thought of having to face Tian, who used to be her cousin but who was a stranger now, killed her appetite. She forced a smile. "Okay. Thanks."
As she shut the door to the bedroom, a little light blinking on her phone caught her eye. She must have missed a message; she'd forgotten that she'd turned the alert volume down earlier. Jiao-tu sat down on the futon and picked up the phone. Her heart clenched when she saw that she had missed a text from Mei-li. With everything she had just learned about Tian and Xing, she had almost forgotten about her roommate entirely.
Should she read the message? Mei-li was working with the people who had attacked Jiao-tu; she couldn't let her know where she was. Still…it wouldn't hurt to see what Mei-li had to say. Maybe she didn't know that Jiao-tu knew who she was now. Maybe it would turn out that Mei-li was just as confused as Jiao-tu, and she was just trying to understand what was happening.
With no small amount of trepidation, Jiao-tu tapped the screen to open the message. It wasn't just a text; there was a photo as well. Jiao-tu clicked to enlarge it. She had to clamp her hand over her own mouth to keep from screaming.