CHAPTER 2: it wasn't love at first sight

you know what they say about falling apart?

the feeling of the ground crumbling under you

the overwhelming sense of defeat,

darkness wrapping you in its arms?

i've been there with you

some days

Chloe never thought she would actually fall in love. As in really fall in love. Growing up, she watched her parents grow deeper and deeper into love. As if every day was their first date and their giggles and stolen kisses never had pretence. Her parents' love was too pure, too perfect to even replicate. And in the shadow of utter perfection, while she had yearned to find something just as pure, she was convinced it was an occurrence that could only happen with luck…or the stars aligning themselves to make the perfect miracle. She was certain she would never find that kind of love.

So Chloe Beale decided that if there was no chance at really falling in love, she could at least enjoy whatever she had, while she had it. Because no love could ever be as pure as her parents'. There was no point waiting for it.

Then Beca Mitchell happened. The girl's distant aura interested Chloe. So she waved the young girl over to their booth during the Activities Fair, ignoring Aubrey's silent protest. She's too alternative for us, Aubrey said.

To say it was love at first sight would be a complete lie. It was not like that all. She didn't hear angels singing Hallelujah, nor did she see a white glow around the alt girl. But there was something captivating about Beca. Yes, it wasn't love at first sight, but there was a certain fondness that somehow enveloped her. Right then, she knew that one day, Beca would be a big part of her life - she had fit in it somehow, somewhere. It became even more obvious when she heard (and saw) the girl singing in the shower. Like she was being lured in by a mermaid (singing her diddle jam).

Later on, Chloe learned just how big a part of her life the snarky girl would take. Just like how she suddenly realised while she watched Beca run to Jesse that night when they won Nationals, that she had fallen in love - really fallen in love. It confused her. When did this happen? she thought. Then she recognised, that there was no exact time nor place. She had fallen in love gradually for many reasons, and no reason at all.

She had fallen in love with the way the younger girl tapped lightly on her toes and hummed quietly to songs. She had fallen in love with the awkwardness, the wit, and the occasional dorkiness of the younger girl. She had fallen in love with how Beca's fingers moved expertly over the guitar strings. She had fallen in love with how in the middle of the night, while they're sprawled on the floor after a long day, the other girl quietly told her her secrets. She had fallen in love with the humming sounds Beca made while she slept.

She had fallen in love with Beca and it took one kiss for her to become aware of it. Sadly, the kiss wasn't with her. And she didn't know that she wanted it to be the case until she saw Beca kissing Jesse. So she made a decision to keep facts to herself (with the exception of Aubrey who could smell angst from a mile away).

She figured it would go away. Feelings go away, right? Again, she was mistaken. It just buried its way deeper into her soul and there was only so much she could do about it.

Chloe had no plans of trying to get Beca to love her. It hurt, but Beca had someone else. She was perfectly content on loving the DJ from afar. But the moment she realised she did not know how to go about her every day without being with Beca, she made a decision. She was going to fail Russian Lit. Intentionally. And she made that decision every year, until Beca was also a Senior.

Surprised did not describe how she felt when she saw print-out pictures of an apartment on her bed. A Post-It note was placed on the top of the pile. 'If you're not yet sick of me, this one has a spare room.' On the weekend after the Worlds, Aubrey and Jesse helped them moved.

A few weeks after that, she found Beca crying on the steps of their apartment, telling her that it was over. Oddly, after that incident, the younger girl was back to her usual snarky self.

"Are you on earth, Beale?" Beca's head was on her lap, the smaller girl's legs stretched out to the end of the couch. They had been jamming for hours and their voices had become raspy; so they decided to take a break.

Most of the time, Beca would lay on Chloe's lap and she had one very strict rule: the hair should be left untouched - no ruffling or touching of any sort. Neither noticed that while holding a book in one hand, Chloe had her fingers of her other hand lightly running through Beca's hair.

"Sorry, what?"

"One, you haven't turned a page on that book for 7 minutes and you're not a slow reader. Two, that's a Winnie the Pooh picture book, how hard can it be?"

Chloe rolled her eyes and hit the smaller girl with the storybook. "This is a classic. Anyway, get dressed, hobbit. I'm taking you out."

As Beca's playful expression changed, the older girl knew that the she'd have a hard time convincing Beca that she had the right to be at least a little miserable.

"Chloe, no." Beca stood up and started heading to her room.

"Look," Chloe called out.

"It's been 2 months since you and Jesse broke up. Apart from that one time you broke down on our porch, I haven't seen you… be sad."

"I thought we agreed on no grieve-then-move-on-and-be-merry stunts?"

"Come on, just this once. Do it for me!" Chloe found her way to the smaller girl and clung to her arm.

Beca let out a sigh. "Ugh, fine. Where are you taking me?"

Chloe just winked in response. And knowing that she would not get a decent answer from the redhead no matter how hard she tried, Beca just shook her head and made her way to her room to get dressed.

"You're lucky you're that pretty, Beale."

Once she heard Beca's bedroom door close, Chloe took the younger girl's guitar and put it on the backseat of the car. That night was Open Mic night.