Note: I seem to be able to keep up with the week end update, let's cross fingers and hope it lasts XD (There's no editing, as usual, I'm just too tired to do it).

Oh, BTW, the site made some weird things with notifications last week end, I didn't get one for the previous chapter, nor for the oneshot I posted on sunday, and many readers sent me private messages to tell me they hadn't received one either, that they knew it was updated only by browsing the site.
So just in case you didn't get the notifications, make sure you've read the previous chapter before reading this one ^^

And while you're at it, check my oneshot "Liebestraum" (see my profile my stories), it's about Matt, Mello and a piano, and I'd like feedback about it since it's quite different from what I usually write. Thanks!

Mello
I glanced at Mail, quite satisfied with myself. The fucker on the floor was trying to stand up with some difficulties, unable to breathe properly, and after finally being able to get back on his feet, he mumbled something while getting away as fast as possible. It's only when he was out of reach that he shouted at us a very smart and courageous 'bloody fags'.
The anger I had felt at first was all gone now (it's lucky putting someone back at his place drains all anger from me, because I'd be murderous otherwise). I was really liking what I saw in Mail's eyes. Admiration.
That's probably the closest thing to a positive feeling toward me that I would get from him, and it was much, seeing him look at me this way, like I was some superior being.
The ego boost was nice, but it was quickly forgotten once butterflies began to party in my stomach. The mental image of me as a knight on his white horse couldn't prevent the comment that passed my lips:
"So, princess, now's the time to kiss your brave knight!"
He looked at me, I think he was still recovering from the shock of what had just happened, then exploded in a laughter that was so clear, so genuine, that I melted. Talk about knights, I was turning into the princess myself now.

"Shower?" Mail said after regaining the ability to talk properly, once he was done laughing. Mmh? Of course I knew it wasn't an invitation, but heh. Can't help it.
I didn't have time to utter a word, my smirk probably gave me away long before I spoke.
"No. Not together." he warned me jokingly.
I sighed: "You know me so well..."
We headed for the lockers, showered (separately, although I tried to peep into his shower booth, but the doors were too high to see anything and I didn't want to risk a broken leg by climbing on a steam-covered surface), and once we were in his car, I just couldn't stop the nasty feeling of spending the rest of the day at home. Without him I mean.
I was becoming so dependant on his presence that it was freaky.

Salvation came in the form of a shy offer.
"Wanna eat something?" I don't know if he was afraid to offer to eat something because of my little weight problem or for another reason, but his voice came out quite whispery.
I wasn't up for eating out, since except some expensive restaurants, it wasn't that easy to find a cheap place to eat healthy food at, and I wasn't that hungry anyway, since it was only twenty for noon.
"Stop at the grocery store, I'll buy something to cook." I smiled at him, as he parked in the small parking lot of the tiny shop a few meters further, happy that I could find a reason to keep him around a little bit longer, but he stared at me with a strange look. "I'm not going to poison you, you know..." I chuckled.
"No, but you could make me swallow some tiger's penis powder or another weird aphrodisiac substance..."
I cut him by a loud laugh. Was he serious?
I leant a bit as he undid his seatbelt to leave the car, my hand sliding along his thigh as I growled suggestively in his ear: "Like I'd need that, sweetheart." I blew soflty on his earlobe as I withdrew. Mail swallowed with difficulties, his adam aple making an up and down move, making me want to lick and suck on it. But he didn't push me away, which surprised me. Instead, he stared without a word, so I left the passenger's seat. It was probably time to end this, because I sensed he was somehow shocked by what I just did.

But just as I turned to look in his direction, waiting for him to follow to enter in the grocery store, the Camaro roared and he drove away. Fast. What the fuck?

Matt
No no no no no. No. NO!
This was all wrong. Bad. Weird. Freaky.
Mihael confused me. I didn't know anymore when things had to stop, when it was a game, when he was serious, when I should put a stop to the teasing, when I should accept it because it was just a joke. And this. Yes, this.
This feeling in my gut, the shiver when I heard his voice whisper, low as a big feline's one, the hairs of my arms raising when his hot breath teased my earlobe. Raising in protest? I didn't even know.
Of course I knew. Mihael could try as much as he wanted, I didn't feel that way.
What I felt though, was pain. It occurred to me while I was driving away, needing to put distance between him and me, because the confusion made me want to be alone. I needed to think.

Hell, did I need the guilt of abandoning him in the parking lot like this as the cherry on top of my bitter cake? Certainly not, and I was dialing his number before I even knew I wanted to call him.
"Hey." he answered after only one ring.
"Hey." Very creative conversation. "Look, I'm sorry I left you there... I was just..."
"Freaking out?" he guessed. Right.
"Yeah, something like that..." I sighed. At least he wasn't mad. Wait. He wasn't? No yelling, no calling names? I would have expected more nerve from him considering his temper.
"I probably went too far. Is there a chance you forget what I did and join me for lunch?" he was strangely calm. His voice even seemed to plead. Seemed. Because Mihael wouldn't plead anyone, not even me, I guess.
But I wanted some time alone. Meeting him again wouldn't help right now, I really had to clear up my thoughts before I saw him again.
"Give me one hour, I'll meet you at your apartment...oh, are you still in front of the grocery store? Wait, I'll pick you up again in a few minutes and..."
He cut me with something that reminded me more of his original temper, in a chuckle: "Do you really think I'd have stood there waiting for you? I'm almost done with the groceries, I'll take a taxi home, let's meet in one hours, works fine for me. It will give me time to cook."

Mello
That was exactly what I appreciated in Mail. Forget his little freaking out and come pick me up as soon as he realises he left me there exactly because he freaked out.
I declined. He didn't need to know I actually had waited in the parking lot. Helpless. Ok, I admit I was hoping he would come back, although I was beginning to know how his mind worked. Freak out. Need to process what happened. Think. Get back to normal. It was somehow reassuring to know he was the collected kind.
I entered the store and picked some food, paid and left in a cab.
Once home, I began to process the ingredients for my special and personnal recipe: black german bread, tomato, chicken breast roasted without fat, mozarella, and mustard. I set the sandwiches aside, I would grill them once Mail would be there, and I washed a lettuce then seasoned it.

I considered welcoming him with an apron around my waist (and nothing else, of course), but his perfect timing as he knocked at my door left the project unfinished. Not that he would have appreciated anyway. And it was probably a bad idea considering he freaked out a little earlier.

"I brought some diet coke, I didn't know if you had any drinks..." He slightly raised a hand carrying a pack of metal cans and passed my door.
"Great, I forgot, actually." Which was true, although I could do with water from the tap. But Mail, from the many times we ate together at the cafeteria or downtown, had shown a real taste for sugary drinks: coke, 7up, Dr Pepper, Fanta, anything that wasn't water, contained high levels of saccharine and eventually bubbles.
I smiled, thinking of the way we were opposed, from a simple thing like eating habits to our sexuality. And see, we were getting along, that should be a lesson for others, you know what I mean.

Mail deposited the 6-pack on my coffee table and plopped on my couch. I smiled even wider when the thought of him being my boyfriend, coming to see me and have lunch together, then cuddle on the couch, crossed my mind.
He looked at me and a sudden change occurred in his pupils, but he quickly hid it. For a second, I could swear he looked utterly sad.

Matt
I didn't need much thinking to know where this was leading. I was glad Mihael hadn't thrown a tantrum for me to go pick him up right away, because, even if I felt quite guilty, and had genuinely offered to go get him, I needed to put some order in my head. One hour was enough, since my thoughts were clearly heading for the reason I freaked out: I was starting to really like Mihael, I mean, like a real friend. I could even go as far as to say he was my best friend. We hung out together all the time, I did things for him that I usually didn't, same for him, he was a lot nicer with me and took it up on himself for many things which would have made him explode with anyone else. I didn't see anyone else, hell, I didn't even have a date or at least had sex for weeks! And he didn't see anyone else but me, for what I knew.

We had this weird relationship where we were best friends and him expecting more when me, I couldn't give him more. That's where my mind was going.

How long could this last?
How was he supposed to move on, get over the fact that I would never give him what he wanted from me, find someone else that would actually care for him this way, and, overall, be happy?
How was I supposed to built a social life, have girls, sex, everything a guy needs, when I was afraid to hurt him if I did it under his nose?

Of course I liked spending time with him. We had a lot of fun, he was smart, I never got tired of talking with him, he had a sense of humour I had come to appreciate, and even with our contradictory personalities, with our very different tastes in everything, we never grew bored with each other's presence.
It would be difficult, and painful too, but...

My decision was made. I'd tell him I would not meet him again, because this had to end. There was no hope for him that I'd be his someday, I was straight, and he couldn't change that. Fuck, even with all my will, I couldn't change that (the thought crossed my mind, because hurting him hurt me too, and for a moment, I really wondered if I could do it, for him. If I could at least try to be gay, maybe... No, it was stupid, the single thought sends shudders to my spine. I'm straight and there's no point fighting it. Like I would ask him to become hetero and forget me...)

I needed some space, I needed some sex. Hetero sex. Girls. It was more than two weeks, maybe three, that I hadn't seen a pussy. Porn movies and jerking off don't count.
Maybe he would meet a gay guy in the meanwhile, and realise it was just a crush, concerning me, and I would date girls, and he would date the guy, or as many guys as he wants, whatever, and everything would go back to normal, and we'd be friends again, minus the penis-shaped Damocles sword above my head.
Yeah, we'll meet again, later, when everything is solved...

That's what I was telling myself as I sat on his couch, and he smiled so genuinely at me, tenderly, even. What if he never got over me? I wasn't making a proud statement there, I was really wondering what would happen if things never got solved. Would we get separate ways forever? Would it make it impossible for us to hang out together again someday?

It made me extremely sad. I wanted his friendship, really really wanted it. I felt different when I was with him, like, more energetic, more aware of little things, more... I don't know. Like I had more life in me. But being egoistic wouldn't help, I had to think of him first. I could always get girls out of his sight if we kept on being friends, but he would never get me out of his mind.

But how would I tell him?
We ate, chatting about the movie that was on TV, a really bad one, but my heart wasn't in the conversation, and Mihael could feel it, I knew it by the way he kept glancing at me with worry in his eyes.

It was him who broke the lull in the conversation after a while.
"Mail, spit it out. You freaked out, you asked for time before you came here, and you've been weird since you passed the door, so spit it out already, you're making me nervous." He was, obviously, and I couldn't go back.

"Well... there's no chance that you stop... well... feeling what you feel for me, right?"
"I'm afraid not..." he could see where I was going, and his look got darker, and I hated it. I was already hurting him, and it was probably better to do this quick and neat.
"I'm quite uneasy at the thought of dating girls because of those feelings you have, and... well...I don't want to spend my time avoiding to do what I wanna do because of you, I can't live my life according to you..." There, if I'm a jerk that cuts communication in the name of dating girls, he could be mad at me and it would be easier?
"Mail, playing the egoistic part won't work, I'm not gonna hate you for choosing girls over me, I know better than falling in your little trap, I know you're not doing it for yourself but for me, and it only makes me love you more. But I understand what you're trying to do, and if it makes you feel that bad, I'll accept your decision, whatever it is." Mihael cut the grass under my feet. He knew me even better than I knew myself, and now I was feeling even worse, because he loved me more, which wasn't the expected result of this conversation.

But most of all, I was about to shatter a friendship I didn't want to break. I was about to get rid of the single person I really liked besides my family.
And I was about to break Mihael's heart, not realising that he hadn't come to the same conclusion as I had. Where he was thinking that I would just start dating girls again and he would accept it, I pronounced my decision to stop meeting him. Ever.

He stood up, so did I, not really knowing what else I should do. He grabbed my jacket, handed it to me and pushed me gently to the door. Once I was on the doorstep, he whispered a goodbye, and softly closed the door.