Author's Note: As a very early "Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Just For The Heck Of It Because It's Super Cold Outside" gift, you all get an extra long chapter! We've got to get a little more backstory on one of our key players, so settle in with a cup of tea, coffee, or (if you're like me) steamy hot chocolate, and enjoy!

"Did you call Mom and Dad? You know if they don't hear from you they're going to check in. Probably at the most inopportune moment. I can cover if they call me, but you know you can't lie your way out of a paper bag when you're on the spot."

I cast a withering stare at Jamie and zip up my duffle bag. Unfortunately, he's pretty right on when it comes to the whole lying thing. Yesterday morning with Dean sort of proved that ten times over.

"Yes Jamie, I talked to both of them last night and assured them that we're fine and not going to be scarred for life because we're not spending the holiday with them."

"Pretty sure we'll live. Winter break is only a few weeks away." He tosses my phone charger at me and I catch it by the wire. "So back to the matter at hand. Since I am your brother, I feel it is my sworn duty to grill you about your intentions for this trip. I know you two have spent a lot of time together, but I don't want you doing anything you're not ready for. If he pressures you, I want to know about it. After you kick his balls into his throat." He wraps his arms around my shoulders and gives me a hug.

"I highly doubt that's going to be an issue. Aside from the fact that Dean isn't like that, he's still pissed at me. I don't think sex is the first thing on his mind right now." I lift my bag when he releases me and bend to grab my oversized tote.

"Sweetie, I don't care how mad he is, sex is definitely on his mind. You're going away with him for five days. Alone. If it's not on his mind, there's something wrong with him. I just want you to make your own decisions. Don't do anything unless it's what you want."

"Got it 'Dad', I'm good. I promise! I'll call you when we get there. Tell Kelsey I borrowed her strappy sandals, just in case we go anywhere nice. I didn't get a chance to talk to her before she went out last night and judging from her untouched bed I'm guessing she and Paul had a sleepover."

I head towards the door, grab my apartment keys and tuck them into my purse. Suddenly I've got a stomach filled with butterflies. Not cute little butterflies. Huge Monarch butterflies, with record setting wingspans.

"Why do you look like you're going to puke, Jess?" Jamie asks as he flops down on the couch.

"I'm just nervous. I haven't talked to Dean since we got out of class yesterday. We still haven't cleared the air about the Will situation. Now we're going to be sitting in the car together for five hours. Plus, okay, yes I am thinking about the possibility of what may or may not happen between us this week. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Should I? Is it too soon? What if we fight the whole way there? What if I tell him about Will and he freaks out because I kept it from him? What if—"

"Seriously Jess, you'll be fine! Stop freaking out. You'll do the right thing, for you. Just trust yourself. And it wouldn't hurt if you trusted Dean a little, too."

I take a deep breath and nod at Jamie's words of encouragement. "You're right. I know you're right, I'll be fine. It'll be…interesting. I love you. I'll call you. Have fun doing whatever you're planning to do this week, and I'll see you Sunday."

"Love you, too. Hey, wait!" Jamie hops up from the couch and moves into his room quickly. He comes back with something shiny in his hand and tosses it to me.

A strip of condoms. Wow. Really Jamie? Really?

"Um," I stare down and refuse to make eye contact with my brother, "Yeah, thanks for that."

"No glove, no love, sis. Safety first," he says, laughing at my awkwardness.

I tuck the foil strip into my tote bag and open the apartment door, "I'll take Embarrassing Family Moments for eight hundred, Alex."

With a wave, I head out and make my way to the elevator.

I reach for the down button just as the doors part, revealing my road trip companion. God, he is so gorgeous. He's dressed casually in a long sleeved black shirt and tan pants. The scent of his cologne mixed with soap from the shower he recently took, judging by his still damp hair, is absolutely intoxicating. We look at each other and smile awkwardly before looking away.

"Hey," Dean says while he holds the doors open for me.

"Hey back," I reply, stepping into the elevator.

Silence.

Deafening silence.

Longest elevator ride ever.

When we finally reach the ground floor Dean lets me exit first and reaches out for my bags once we pass through the front door. "Here, let me take those."

"Thanks." I hand him my tote and my duffle.

We walk to the car.

More silence.

Longest walk ever.

"Need anything?" he asks, raising the bags before tucking them away in the trunk.

"Nope, I'm good." I gesture with my purse because I've got everything I need in there.

"Good." He shuts the trunk and moves to open the passenger door for me just as I reach for the handle.

"Sorry." I pull my hand back.

"Sorry," he says at the same time, taking a step back.

We stand there for a few seconds, looking at each other, then away. Dean reaches out for the handle again and opens the door for me.

"Thanks," I say, sliding into the seat.

He closes the door and rounds the hood before taking his place behind the wheel.

We sit.

More silence.

He rubs his palms against his knees before turning the key in the ignition.

"Ready?" he asks.

"Ready," I say.

Twenty words between the two of us.

Yep.

Longest drive ever.

We made a supply stop and filled the gas tank just past Pismo Beach. Apparently the road we're about to take doesn't have much in the way of pit stops for about three hours so it made sense to stop early, or so I was told. Dean says it's supposed to be a great drive with some pretty amazing views. The highway hugs the coast the entire way to Carmel. This is as much conversation as we've been able to muster over the past hour and a half. Music has helped, but it's no less awkward in the car now than it was when we left UCLA.

"So what do you want to do first when we get there?" I ask Dean, trying to infuse some excitement into my voice.

"It'll probably be too late to check out the beach or anything. I guess we can get settled and grab some food if you want." He doesn't take his eyes off the road as we merge onto route one.

Don't sound so thrilled Dean, you'll embarrass yourself. "Sure, that sounds fine."

I go back to looking out the window and humming along to the current song playing from Dean's iPod through the car speakers. Mountain…mountain…sand dune…mountain… And so it goes for about twenty minutes before I start to get antsy.

I sneak a peek over at Dean. He's got his eyes fixed on the road ahead of him, his thumbs tapping out a beat on the steering wheel. He looks tired. There are shadows under his eyes and he's got a day's worth of stubble along his jaw. I notice the angry reddish purple mark that I left the previous morning. Seeing it makes me feel even more horrible about the whole situation. I was talking about another guy in my sleep, punched him in the face, and then ran out on him without so much as an explanation. I want so badly to reach out and cover the bruise with my hand, to break this tension somehow. Judging from the look on his face, stone cold and very distant, I don't think he would appreciate that very much.

I sigh and rest my chin on my hand with my elbow on the door. The view got boring about forty five minutes ago, and we've still got four hours left in this tiny, enclosed space. I close my eyes and think about how I'm going to make this right. Suddenly the sun beats down on my eyelids and I open them just in time to see why.

Everything to the left has fallen away. In its place is nothing but ocean. Miles and miles of blue. There isn't much between the highway and the water, just a short rocky beach, a few grassy hills and dunes in some spots, but beyond that, we're at the edge of the world.

"Wow…" I whisper.

I don't tear my eyes from the beautiful scenery until I notice Dean is gazing at me from the corner of his eye with a smile on his face as breathtaking as the view.

"It's worth the extra half hour in the car to see the look on your face right now." He turns his eyes back to the road but the smile remains.

"It's absolutely amazing. I've never been anywhere like this. I feel like we could walk right off the highway and sail away." I continue to stare into the distance with the thundering crash of surf on rock as my soundtrack. "I should be terrified that a wave is going to come and try to wash us off the road but I can't stop staring, this is just so cool. Thank you. Thank you for this." I turn in my seat so that I'm facing him and the ocean. The two things I want to spend the next few hours watching.

I rest my head against the seat, turn up the radio, and hum along with Mumford and Sons. Tuning out everything, I finally let the peace settle over me.

I blink and the sun is in a different place in the sky. I must have nodded off. The car is no longer moving but we're still right next to the ocean. Dean, however, seems to have disappeared. I sit up and stretch, looking around. I spot Dean a few feet from where the car is parked at a random pull-off on the side of the road. He's sitting on what looks like a rocky cliff, leaning back on his hands. I wonder why he stopped.

Climbing out of the car, I stretch one more time before making my way over to him. I take a seat next to him, folding my legs and tucking my arms into my hoodie. We're at a higher altitude than we were earlier. Instead of beaches, there are cliffs all along the coast. It's frightening to look down so I keep my eyes on the point where sky meets sea. The wind from the ocean is chilly but it is even more impressive from here than it was from the highway. Completely worth the cold.

The sun is stretching closer and closer to the horizon, turning the sky into a swirling vortex of colors. Either Dean has been parked here for a while, or we're pretty close to our destination by now. I'm about to ask when he chooses to shatter the silence between the two of us.

"I caught my dad sleeping with the woman he left us for when I was sixteen. He didn't even have the decency to hide it. Did it right there in his and my mom's bed while she was planning this charity event for some organization, I can't even remember which. Danny was at football practice and I was supposed to be at a soccer game, but the other team forfeited. I wanted to borrow some of my dad's cologne for a date later that night and I didn't think anyone would be there."

I don't turn to look at him because I know he's going to continue, but my heart aches for this poor boy who had to witness his father singlehandedly dismantling his family. I'm not sure why he's chosen now to open up to me about this, but I listen anyway.

"When he finally noticed I was there, he didn't even apologize. Didn't look contrite. He just told me to shut the fucking door. The bastard spent my whole life coming in and out of it, always going away for business and never showing up when we really needed him. I took every scrap of love that son of a bitch threw at me, and there weren't many. Then I find out that he wasn't even blowing us off for a good reason. He was out enjoying the life he wished he had and avoiding the one he got stuck with.

"I didn't know what to do, but the first thing I thought about was my mother. This was going to break her heart. She always made excuses for him. She would tell us that he worked hard for us, so that we'd have a good life. In reality, she was working to build up an account to replace the money he was funneling into a private account. My mom's family, well, they're not struggling. So my dad decided he was going to help himself to what he felt she wouldn't miss. Of course I had no idea at the time.

"Then I thought about Danny and that's when the anger came. Danny looked up to our father like he was some kind of superhero. He would fly off, close his deals, come back bringing gifts, telling these bullshit stories about all the famous people he'd meet while he was traveling. And back out the door he went. But Danny had blinders on when it came to him. I knew it would shatter him and I knew I was going to have to be the one to tell him."

Dean stops and looks down at his hands. I reach over and place my hand in his, urging him to finish, to get it all out. He takes a deep breath before he continues.

"I ran out of the house and didn't stop until I got to the football field. It was about five miles away, but I was so pissed I just kept running. Practice was over and Danny was walking to the parking lot to wait for our mom to pick him up. I caught up with him and told him everything I saw. I didn't want to be the only one with this in my head. It was selfish, but I wanted him to hate our father with me. I didn't want to be the only one holding onto this information, letting it tear me up inside. He didn't believe me. Called me a fucking liar. Then he took a swing at me."

"Seriously?" I interrupt without realizing it.

"You don't understand how much this image of my father as some idol meant to Danny. I was so blown away that I didn't even try to block him. He caught me right in the nose and there was blood everywhere. He may be two years younger than me but he was strong, even then. My mom drove up and jumped out of the car just in time to see him come for me a second time. She started yelling, tried to keep us separated. When Danny told her what I said and asked what she was going to do about it, she just broke down."

His eyes glisten as the setting sun reflects off of them. He won't look away from the ocean now, doesn't move at all. He's lost in this awful memory.

"She told us that she'd known for a while. That she's been saving up to replace what he took from her so she could take us and leave. She wouldn't let me grandparents know what kind of scumbag she ended up married to. She didn't want us to find out until she was ready to end it. It's not that she thought he would fight her, but once she told him she was leaving, she knew there was going to be no reason for him to stick around. He didn't want the family he had, and the sooner he could be rid of us without any guilt, the better for him.

"Danny couldn't believe it. He swore that she was wrong, that I was lying. I couldn't speak. I didn't know how to react. We drove back to the house in time to see him walking through the door with a suitcase. Danny ran up and tried to get him to explain, to tell me and mom that we misunderstood. He looked at Danny and said he was sorry, then put his suitcase in his car before climbing in next to the woman who helped tear my family apart."

He finally turns away just as the last of the light is swallowed up by the sea. His cheeks are wet, but his eyes are now dry. He threads his fingers through mine and brings our joined hands to rest on his leg.

"I'm so sorry he did that to you, to your brother, your poor mom. I don't understand how a father could do that to his children. But you turned into this incredible person. You and Danny are so close, obviously it didn't sever that bond. Your mom was able to move on. I know it was hard, probably impossible at the time, to deal with but you're better off without him now. You must know that?"

His cheek quirks with a brief, sad smile but disappears as quickly as it emerges. "It took a long time for us to be okay. Danny refused to talk to me and my mom for weeks. He swore it was somehow our fault that he left. He tried over and over again to call him. Finally he picked up and told Danny that it was for the best, he wasn't a good father and he was happier now than he'd been in years. It didn't really sink in that our father was a lying piece of shit until Danny ran into him and his new family, complete with a two year old daughter, at the mall one weekend. It wasn't that he wasn't a good father, it was that we weren't the right family. Not for him. He had been making a new family for years, right under our noses.

"Danny got really angry, he closed himself off. Started drinking a lot, hanging out with these morons on the varsity football team who got him into some bad shit. He took steroids and his whole demeanor changed. He would just erupt into rage at the drop of a hat. It didn't stop until I found him passed out in his room one morning. He was totally dehydrated, and drinking the way he had been while taking the steroids could've killed him."

At this, he drops my hand and stands up. Pacing the small patch of dirt and sand near the cliff, he drags his hands through his hair then folds his arms tightly across his chest before turning back to me.

"Danny got better once they set him up with a therapist and got all that shit out of his system. He's a gifted football player, he didn't need that garbage. They got him into this intensive outpatient program so he could still go to school and no one would wonder, any more than they already did. It took time, but Danny came back to us. It was the longest year of my life, but things finally started to get better. Then mom met Nick and he was the kind of person we all needed in our lives. He was funny, he cooked, came to our games, he made time for us because he wanted to be there. So in the end, we got a better dad out of the deal than when we started."

I stand up and walk over to him, then wrap my arms around him and take a deep breath. He shared so much with me today and I know it took a lot out of him. But I feel closer to him now that I know this huge piece of his puzzle. Still, there is something that worries me.

"What about you? You told me all about Danny and and your mom and how they were able to recover, but how did you pull through all of this?" I pull back just far enough to look up into his eyes.

"I…I figured it out along the way. Watching my brother fall apart and try to pull himself back together killed me because I couldn't do anything to help, not really. All I could manage was to be there for him. I always resented my dad, even before this, for leaving us alone all those years. So really it wasn't that hard for me to get over. I was happy that he was gone. Maybe that makes me a crappy person, but I didn't really miss him at all. Still don't."

I believe what he says but I can tell that the scars run deeper than he is letting on. I turn back towards the ocean and lean against Dean's chest while he wraps his arms around my shoulders, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I didn't tell you all of this to make you feel sorry for me, you know," he whispers.

"I don't feel sorry for you. I hate that you witnessed what you did and went through what you did but it doesn't change how I see you. Though since you brought it up, why did you tell me this, now I mean?" I ask gently.

Unwrapping his arms from around me, he turns me to face him. "I want you to know me, and to know me you need to know the good and the bad. I know that something happened to you, and when you're ready I want you to feel like you can open up to me, too."

I sigh and walk back to the edge of the cliffs. We've come full circle. I've thought about how to tell him about that night six years ago the entire ride here. I'm going to tell him, just… not tonight. Not after he's just bared his soul to me and awakened that hurt and anger. It wouldn't be fair.

I look at the crashing waves below and close my eyes. "I want to tell you Dean. I will tell you. But for now, can we just drive?"

He looks at me with those vibrant blue eyes, made darker by the fading light, and holds out his hand for me. I take it and we walk back to the car.

Once we're back on the road I ask, "So, how much longer?"

"Well since you passed out on me for a big chunk of the ride, we're only about half an hour from the house."

"House?" I ask. I assumed we were staying in a motel or hotel, something like that.

"Yes, house. It's actually cheaper to rent one of the cottages than it is to stay in the resorts. Carmel is kind of on the pricier side, but one of my buddies from the frat house has an aunt who owns a few properties out here so I got a pretty good deal on a place that he says is perfect. It's only a few blocks from the beach. Plus not many people were renting over the holiday, so it will probably be pretty deserted too."

The nerves are back. We're staying in a cottage, near a secluded beach, alone. No families or businessmen coming and going in the rooms near ours, no housekeepers knocking early in the morning. Just us. Suddenly I wish we had a few more hours to drive.