Note: Yes, I'm alive! Trying to get a hold on my life, starting with this. I need to write. That's my life. Be it fanfiction or original fiction. I was close to hitting my head in the walls of frustration, with work taking over me, but I finally made it here again ^^
I'm sorry for letting you down for so long, it was against my will. I'll probably be able to cram a chapter a week like I used to, the big things at work are done now, fortunately.

Quick hello to all my beloved readers, and all the ones that sent me private messages, that I'll reply to today, eventually, if I have some more time. I don't forget you! I'm sorry I didn't reply to all the reviews, but they are much appreciated, just too numerous to reply to!

So, let's get Matt and Mello moving on with their problems XD

Mello
I've just been dumped by a guy I wasn't even dating to begin with. How unfair-stupid-freaky is that?
Wait. No. God...
I just lost my best friend.

I walked a few steps and let myself fall on a kitchen chair, my head hitting the table with a thud, my arms encircling it to block the light around my eyes.
I was totally drained all of a sudden, like all energy had left me. I could even feel pins and needles in my legs as if all the blood had gone. Like a total heartbreak. It was a total heartbreak.

It was one thing to know that Mail didn't share my feelings and that I didn't stand a chance, but it was a greater deal not to be his friend anymore, not to see him, hang out with him and have these long nice talks we had.
That was all I had, but at least I had it.

I didn't want to cry. That would be lame. I breathed deeply for a long moment, stood up, made myself a very strong coffee, and drank it, standing in front of my window, looking at the parking lot below.
I wasn't hoping he would come back, I wasn't starting at each red car I saw in the distance, and I wasn't wiping tears from my eyes. No, I didn't want to cry.

Suddenly I couldn't stand the four walls around me anymore. I grabbed my wallet and keys and left the apartment, running down the stairs, unable to wait for the elevator. I probably couldn't even bear to be in the tiny space.

I walked for hours, lost in my thoughts. Not that they were numerous. Had I fucked up? No. It wasn't my fault. Could it be solved? No. I knew Mail enough to know such a decision would be definitive. Was Mail at fault then? Sure he was! I had never asked anything from him, just taken what he gave me, as few as it was, sentimentally speaking. Of course, as a friend, he brought me much, but that wasn't the point right now. Or was it?
God... how could I solve this? Before it drove me crazy, preferably.
Mail... the power you have on me, I should be the one freaking out, actually...

There was only one way to go about it.

Matt
The way he whispered goodbye... I almost changed my mind.
This single word poured out so much pain that guilt washed over me.
But it wasn't the time to falter. It was for his own good, and he would thank me later. Yeah...

So I put my jacket on and left, the stairs seeming twice as numerous as they were in reality. The exit and rush of fresh air in my face was much welcome since I felt like I was choking. And it wasn't because of my smoking habits this time.
I've just given up on the best thing that had happened to me lately, and now I didn't know what to do.
That when I realised how much I had hung out with Mihael these last weeks. Actually, we spent all our time together. Weird that I noticed this only now. It was so natural that I hadn't paid attention.
So what now?

I lit a cigarette and instinctively rose my eyes to look at his window, but he wasn't there, of course. Of course...
I wasn't hoping to see him, actually, I knew that if I saw him, I would turn around and climb those stairs three by three (or at least by as much as my bad physical condition would let me) and tell him I didn't mean to hurt him and I'd rather hurt by self explosion due to an overload of sexual frustration than to ever do that to him again.
I stared but since fate had decided I would not change my mind, I got into my car and left.

Once home, I just didn't know what to do with myself. My parents were out, so no one needed some kind of help, and no game or internet stuff appealed to me. I let the music blare from the loudspeakers and let myself fall my back on my bed. The ceiling was not much more appealing, but I didn't have the will to move. Everything was boring, everything was too much effort, so I just stayed there for I don't know how long.
Probably a long time since it was dark when I came back to reality and my mother called me for dinner.

I porned myself to sleep that night, unable to find sleep each time I went to bed. My left arm muscles hurt, after a while, but I couldn't even come. Not even when those enormous boobs swayed on the screen, not even with the display of pussies the movie was showing, not even after the anal sex part, my usual favorite part.
Mihael was a believer. Did God plan to punish me for hurting one of his worshipers by inability to ever come again?

On sunday, I drove back to the glaucous bar I once went. I know it was stupid, but I had condoms with me this time.
I wanted sex, but I didn't want to risk a student to mock me if I was unable to... well, raise it up.

I could raise it up, when the two bisexual girls led me in the storage room we had used the first time, the way one sucked me, and the other slobbered my tits. It was weird because no one had ever touched me like this.
But the weirdest was to come.
I was thrusting into the brunette for long minutes now, and I knew I would be unable to come. I could feel it, just like the night before. I was young, full of hormones, I should have been able to come twelve times a day at my age, but no. Right now I couldn't.
So without even asking (I was pretty sure those girls were not the kind to refuse any sexual practice), I plunged my dick in the brunette's asshole. She didn't even whimp. The looseness of her orifice told me she was used to that kind of treatment, so I went on, until she was moaning out loud her pleasure.
I was coming close to orgasm, but still couldn't reach it.
The other girl may have noticed, as she pushed her girlfriend away from between her legs, and placed herself head between my own legs. First she licked my balls, but soon she probed my own orifice and I started to protest.
"Easy, honey, that's not gonna hurt, and you're gonna like it, I promise." She chuckled at my reaction.
I was really uneasy but something in this girl prevented me from voicing my protest further. I suspected guns were hidden somewhere or something, I don't know, the place (and the girls as well) were glaucous enough for that.

I clenched my teeth, trying to concentrate on what I was doing, focusing on my dick coming in and out of the pink ring. It was the first time I experienced sodomy, and it was something I've always wanted to do, so it was a great turn on, though not enough to make me reach climax. Damn, I felt so frustrated! My balls were self consuming and would eventually fall, dried out, soon, at that rate.
I was sure it was that finger probing me that prevented my completion, it was just too strange and unatural to me.
Until it hit a certain spot.
I cried out loud when after a few strokes of this finger inside of my ass, I finally came. Violently.

I was almost unable to stand up, my legs buckling without my consent after such a long session, and such a rough climax. All the muscles in my pelvic area hurt like hell, and even if I wasn't sure it was a good idea, I accepted the invitation to take a stool at the bar and have a drink.
My eyes didn't leave the brunette though, during all the time she prepared my beer, so she wouldn't put something funny in my glass.

I left the bar and sat for a while in my car before driving. I was feeling dirty. But at least this time I had protected myself. I had made blood tests recently, to clear any doubt I had had after fucking the two girls unprotected the first time, and fortunately they were negative to AIDS and any STD, but I had been so stupid for taking such a risk that I could have slapped myself for hours. Lucky enough, no one would ever learn about those escapades, so I didn't dwell too much on it and drove back home.

Monday morning finally arrived. I was dreading it because university meant to eventually cross Mihael's way, but in a certain way, I wanted to see him. I don't know, just to see how he was taking it. Maybe he had already gotten over it and it wouldn't be as bad as I imagined...

As I was waiting at a red light, on my way to the campus, a loud engine sound stirred me out of my reverie.
I instinctively turned my head to look at the motorbike at my left. Mmh, yummy.
Girls on motorbikes are sexy, and the long legs of this one were sexy as well. Long, leather clad le... GAH!
The "girl"'s head turned toward me and glanced from "her" higher position. There was no mistaking those icy eyes, even with the helmet.
At that very moment, I couldn't help it. If Mihael knew I had drooled over his legs, and thought he was a chick... I imagined his reaction and it was impossible not to laugh.
But I was quickly reminded of the situation when his steel eyes set the coldest look on me, then focused back on the road before riding away as the light turned green.

Mello
He laughed at me.
I had spent the whole sunday trying to convince myself that Mail was a jerk, not worth my feelings, trying to get rid of what I felt for him, and I could almost believe my own lies now that he had mocked me the way he did. Bastard. What was there to laugh at? I felt pretty sexy on that motorbike, hot as hell, even.

I had bought it on a tantrum, when after walking for so long on saturday, the only thing around was that motorcycle dealer and a supermarket. Overload of chocolate or new (and loud) toy, I chose both. Once all the papers were signed and the dealer convinced that I would get my license (a few supplementary bills helped convince him), I could leave with my baby. Instand love with the shiny black Honda.

You're supposed to already have a temporary authorisation to buy such an engine, then you have to get your permanent license, so I would have to go get that temporary thing the next day, because right now I was riding illegally. I charged the truck with at least twenty five bars of dark chocolate and left all guilt behind as the motor roared in my ears.

Well, I had spent the rest of the week end reading ads for jobs to pay for the big hole this purchase would make in my bank account, even with all the money my parents were giving me on a monthly basis (I had chosen the most expensive one, I have high standards, it had to suit me). I didn't want to ask them for extra money, after all, such a purchase wasn't necessary and had been done on the spur of the moment, they didn't have to pay for that. I had some pride.
So I would be a waiter in a club in town every wednesday, friday and saturday nights from now on. It had just opened, the owner was the same as the cafe we used to hang our with Mail, the guy seemed to want to expend to various activities, the next one being a gaming center, from what he told me on the phone.
I had an appointment with him on tuesday afternoon, but it was a formality since I had experience (I had worked as a waiter when I was 16, in a Berlin bar, when after a long fight with my parents I had decided I didn't need their money and they had tested me) and he had difficulties to hire someone due to the long shift, so it was more than likely I woud get the job.

I parked my baby in the parking lot of the campus and of course, Mail had to park very close at the same time.
Why did he seem like he was following me when he was the one to put an end to our friendship?
Unfortunately, and even if he had laughed at me a little earlier, there was no way my anger lingered when his deep blue eyes settled on me, as he exited his car.
He seemed as sad as me, and although it comforted me, it also hurt like a bitch to see him like this.

I smiled weakly, I didn't even know if I should say hello or not. I just stood there, against my motorbike, confused.
For an instant, he looked like he would make a step in my direction, he hesitated, then walked away.

I suddenly reverted back to what I was weeks ago, shielding myself for my own sake. My inner turmoil couldn't been seen, my pride was taking over, and as I strode into the amphitheatre confidently, I was Mello again.