Author's Note: Just a little point of reference for you all. The restaurant and general area where this chapter is taking place can be found here: . . I couldn't help but share because it's just so beautiful and I could not possibly do it justice!
The view from our table is breathtaking. The restaurant overlooks a winding stone path which leads to a small beach called Lover's Point. It's mostly deserted, as is the restaurant, considering it's the day before Thanksgiving.
"I'll be right back with your order," the waiter tells us.
"How did you find this place?" I ask Dean.
He looks a little uncomfortable and then a sheepish smile appears on his face. "Well, I may have asked Kirk if there were any quiet, romantic restaurants in the area that would really impress my girlfriend."
I smile back and lean forward to place a kiss on his lips. "Mission accomplished. I'm impressed."
We take our time eating, talking about anything and everything, and sipping a deliciously crisp, sweet white wine, recommended by our waiter. When Dean is finished signing his name on the check, he takes my hand and leads me through the tables to the exit.
I start walking towards the car but Dean pulls me in the opposite direction. "I figured since we've still got a little light left, we could check out this beach everyone apparently raves about."
"Sure." I smile up at him and follow him down the stone lined path.
Cyprus trees are dotted along the grassy area broken by the walkway. Just ahead of us is a railing, and then miles and miles of ocean. Dean pulls me in front of him so that I can lean my elbows on the rail. He does the same on either side of me and rests his chest against my back, his chin on my shoulder.
"So this is kind of our thing, isn't it?" I ask, looking out over the glittering sea and the multihued sunset.
"What is?" He tightens his hold around me and kisses my cheek.
"Sunsets. I think we've watched about ten of them together in the month or so that we've known each other."
"They seem to make you happy, which makes me happy, so I'll to make sure you get to see them as often as possible."
I can't help but sigh. His words completely melt my heart.
We lean over the rail listening to the waves crash on the beach below until the sun is long gone, tucked beneath the horizon. The lights from the restaurant dimly illuminate the area.
"I want to do something with you," Dean whispers into my ear.
The steady beat of my heart falters and my skin breaks out in goosebumps. "Okay, what's that?"
"Just come with me." He leans back and holds out his hand to me. I take it and he leads me down the stone staircase to the paved area sitting just above the shallow water next to the beach. He pulls out his phone and scrolls around until he finds what he's looking for. Placing it on the stone ledge of the staircase he turns the volume all the way up and a soft melody begins to play.
"Dance with me?" He asks with such a hopeful look on his face that I could never say no.
"I'm no good at this kind of dancing. I'm not usually so sober when I dance," I tell him with a nervous giggle as I hesitantly place one hand in his, the other on his shoulder.
"It doesn't matter. We'll be good together," he tells me as he wraps his arm around my waist and threads his fingers through my other hand.
So as we move together in the fading light, with Van Morrison crooning lightly in the background about sailing into the mystic, I trip and fall head first in love with Dean. For days, maybe weeks, it's been slowly creeping up. Now it slams into me all at once as he dips me low, smiling that amazingly magnetic smile that I can't resist. When I'm back on two feet, I fasten my arms around his neck and bring my lips up to his. Pouring every emotion I'm feeling into the kiss, I decide that it's time to open up and tell Dean about Will. If I love him, I need to trust him and this is the last piece of me that I have to give to him before I can admit my feelings out loud.
The music fades as we part. I turn without a word and hand Dean his phone as I guide us down to the sand. We walk a few yards and I sit down, smoothing out the sand next to me. He doesn't speak either. I think he knows what's coming.
"You deserve to know what happened the other night, why I hit you when I woke up, and who Will is." I stretch my legs out in front of me, crossing them at the ankles, and I clutch my hands together in my lap.
"Only if you're ready to tell me," he says as he mirrors my position so we're sitting side by side looking out at the darkened sea. It's just like our first date.
"I am." I take a moment to gather my courage and suck in a deep breath before I begin.
"I was never a girly girl, or the friendliest girl. I got in more fights before middle school than most kids do in their whole lives. I just preferred to work my problems out by knocking someone in the mud or pushing them off the monkey bars. When Jamie and I went to high school, things didn't change all that much. He was always very open, and not everyone appreciated that. I spent a lot of time defending him.
"I guess guys thought I was pretty, but they'd steer clear of me because I had a reputation for being kind of a bitch. So in sophomore year when Will started paying attention, it was new to me. He was this ridiculously popular football star. He had a ton of friends. I had no idea why he wanted me, but he did. I was flattered at first and I wanted to know what the big deal was, this whole dating thing."
I pause and pull my hair to the side, twirling it around my finger as I debate how to start the next part of my story.
"I'm right here Jessie, I'm not going anywhere. Take your time," Dean says.
Deep breath. Just keep going. It'll be over soon.
"Will wanted to go pro, so he started spending a ton of time in the gym and taking supplements, or at least that's what he told me they were. I can't say they turned him into an asshole, because he kind of already was one. But never to me. Around me he always acted sweet and caring, although he did get frustrated because I didn't want to take things too far. I was only sixteen and he was a senior, plus I just wasn't sure I wanted to go there with him. I liked having him around because the other girls laid off the criticism, and like I said, Will was nice to me a lot of the time. I just wasn't sure I wanted what I was supposed to want out of a relationship.
"So one night during spring break, Jamie and I went to a carnival with some of his friends. Will said he was going over plays with some friends but I knew he was probably hanging out with the guys who started him on the "supplements". They were all a bunch of dicks, but Will would get mad when I said anything bad about them, so I didn't. Anyway, Will showed up while I was waiting for everyone to get finished with a ride they were on. He said he wanted to talk and I could tell he'd been drinking. We walked away from the lights and the rides, and he started kissing me. I was uncomfortable because he was so wasted, but when I tried to push him away he forced me down on the ground."
Dean stands and inhales a deep breath through his nose as he starts to pace the beach behind me, not saying a word. I close my eyes as the tears come and I know it's only going to get worse.
"He hit me when I screamed, and I panicked. But when I realized that he was actually going to go through with it, that he really was going to rape me, I lost it and started fighting as hard as I could. I ended up breaking his nose with the back of my head before he could really do anything, and I ran to find Jamie. I'd never seen him so unhinged. He went after Will, but he was gone by the time we found the spot where it happened. I made Jamie swear not to tell anyone, not my parents, no one."
"Jessie tell me you're kidding? You just let this asshole get away with it?" He's kneeling beside me with a murderous look in his eyes. Which oddly enough reminds me of someone else I know. I hold back a sob and he moves in front of me, wraps his arms around me as I continue.
"You don't understand. My dad is…a scary guy when you mess with people he loves, and he'd have killed Will if he knew what he tried to do. He wouldn't have hesitated if it meant keeping me safe. It would've torn my family apart. So Jamie promised that he'd keep it to himself as long as I never went near Will again. It wasn't a difficult promise to keep. By the time spring break ended, Will's parents had pulled him out of school and the rumor was that they moved away. No one knew why, and I didn't care. I was just happy he was gone. Ever since that night I learned and trained and did everything I could to make sure that I'd never be a victim again. I stayed away from guys because they all reminded me of Will, or made me think about him and that night, and the feeling that I was completely helpless. I never want to feel that way again."
I take a shaky breath and pull away from Dean so I can get this last part out, because it's the most important. "I know it's impossible to understand why I did what I did. It wasn't to protect him. It was to protect myself and my family. Everything I have ever done, and will ever do, is for my family. In one way or another. I understand if you can't get past that, but it's not something I can or will change. So the decision is yours."
Dean releases me and looks like I've punched him in the stomach. "What are you talking about? What decision? Jessie, you're not making any sense."
"Dean I'm so screwed up. I've got so much bullshit swirling around in my head, I can't even let you touch me sometimes because of what that son of a bitch did to me. It scares me because I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you and if you walk away right now it'll kill me. But I'm a wreck. Inside, I'm just such a fucking wreck." I stare at him through a haze of tears waiting for him to crush the tiny bit of hope I have that we can make this work.
He takes my face in his hands, forcing me to look at him as he brushes away my tears with his thumbs. "Jessie, you may think you're a fucking wreck, but you're a beautiful fucking wreck. And being with you has changed me, more than I could ever explain. You've wrecked me, in the best way possible. I love you, and there is no way I could ever walk away from you."
I stare dumbfounded as his words sink in. He loves me. Dean loves me. Whatever happened before and whatever happens next doesn't matter. Because right now, in this moment, he loves me.
"Dean I—"
"Don't. I want you to say it when you're ready to say it and not in response to something I've said. Even if it's true, just don't say it. Not yet." He brings his lips to mine and sends every neuron in my body into a frenzy. His tongue sweeps across my lower lip and a slow burn begins deep in my belly. Threading my fingers through his hair I move my lips to his ear and whisper, "Take me back to the cottage."
He stops moving, stops breathing, and I know he can read the intentions behind my eyes. He leans back far enough to look me in the eye. "Are you sure?"
"About this? About us? Yes." I bite my lip as I realize what I'm saying, what I'm offering. For the first time I'm not scared or nervous. I'm eager, impatient to get somewhere private.
"Then let's go." He stands and plucks me from the sand so that my legs are swinging over one arm, the other supporting my back while I wrap my arms around his neck.
He places me on my feet so he can open the car door for me. I slide in as he shuts the door and then my nerves start to surface. I'm not nervous about my decision to be with him, but more so about the actual act of being with him. I realize, then, that I don't know a whole lot about his past in that specific area.
Taking his seat beside me, Dean starts the car and quickly pulls out of the parking lot. Weighing my options in my head, I decide to just go for it.
"How many girls have you slept with?" I blurt out.
"Um…do you really want to talk about this right now?" He asks with a hesitant glance in my direction.
"I just…I need to know." The nerves coursing through me cause me to chew on my bottom lip and clench my hands in my lap.
"Jessie, this isn't about anyone but you and me. If you're nervous or you want to wait, I'm okay with that. This is your decision." He pauses and looks at me but something in my face must betray the anxiety beneath the surface. "But if it'll make you feel better to know, there were only two other girls."
I let out the breath I didn't even realize was caught in my chest. I don't know why, but I thought the number would be much higher, and the fact that it isn't sets my mind at ease. "Okay, that's…that's good."
He shakes his head with a smile and reaches over to take my hand. We drive the rest of the way in silence and as soon as the car is in park my heart begins to pound so hard, I swear Dean can hear it. We sit side by side in the dark for a minute or two before he finally opens his door and climbs out of the car. He reaches my door a moment later and is offering his hand to help me to my feet.
We stand face to face and he leans in, but looks down as he says, "You can't imagine how much I want you right now, but we can still stop. This is still your decision. Just tell me what you want to do, and that's what we'll do."
I duck my head so I'm able to look in his eyes. I see a reflection of my own nerves in him and it makes me feel oddly at ease. Somehow knowing that he's feeling the same way makes me more confident in my choice. "I just want you Dean. Just you."
I lean up on my toes and kiss him, then walk towards the cottage with him following closely behind me. We make our way inside and as Dean tosses his keys on the coffee table, I lean back against the door. His gaze meets mine and I have just one second to think finally before he pulls me into his arms.