Note: As I already said somewhere on my profile or an A/N, I quit my job, so I will have much more free time (until I get another job but I won't accept something as fucked up and time-eating than before so updates shouldn't be a problem), but I ended it sooner than planned, I took all my remaining days off at once so i don't have to work until the homologation of my contract ending, on june 24th. Otherwise I'd probably have killed my boss or something XD

It took me longer than expected to update anyway (I wanted to one week ago, but I had a lot of stuff going on due to lacking time before.)
So I make up for it with a long chapter, and so you get 1000+ words than usual.
Something tells me you're gonna like this chapter XD

Oh, and as usual, a BIG BIG THANK YOU to all my readers and reviewers, I'm sorry I can't reply to all of you personally, but I do appreciate every single word you leave me ^^

Mello
It took me several seconds to try to put my brain back in motion after that. A kiss from Mail. Not a kiss I'd have stolen, but from him. On his own free will. Well, it was more a caress of lips than a real kiss, but it was a contact he had initiated by himself, and it was enough to send me very, very high up the stars and beyond. Somewhere I wanted to stay forever. But my mind decided otherwise when something ticked my sense of analysis.
What the hell? What was that kiss about? I mean, Mail wasn't gay, and wouldn't turn gay like that, it only happens in my dreams...
And although the contact was sincere, there was also something forced into it.
I looked at Mail, who was now sobbing in front of me, head bowed and shoulders tensed like he was carrying the whole world's misery on them. I hesitated about what I should do, since I was confused like hell. I was still high, but coming back to reality, and it was making it impossible for me to understand what was going on. I wanted to ask him questions, but I didn't know where to begin. Question the kiss? The motivation behind it? Kiss him too? Hug him? Run away?

"C'mon Mello, your shift's done for several minutes now, let's move from here, we've better things to do than nurse that kid." my tonight's fuck buddy complained, pushing Mail slightly as he reached for my arm and began to pull me off the counterside. Mail grabbed the counter with a hand not to lose his balance and I caught him with an arm by the waist instinctively. His head shot up and all that came out of my mouth at that moment was: "I'm not going anywhere with you, I'm staying with him." The guy sighed and shrugged, mumbling something like I could fuck off if I liked to play the babysitter, which would have meant a beating in another time and place, but I was preoccupied enough not to care right now.

I stared hard into those puppy eyes. I hated that I couldn't resist them, and even if I could, this time it would have been impossible. Mail was half drunk, I could tell it by his pupils and the way he relied on me heavily, but still, there was something desperate in his eyes, and...
And he tried to assure his stance not to be in too much physical contact with me when he realised he was practically snuggling into me. Bastard.

I grabbed his arm, not caring that he was drunk anymore, he could fall, for what I cared, I would drag his body on the floor if I had to. I pulled him to the bathroom, locked us in a booth and slammed him against the tiled wall. He whimpered but I didn't give a shit. I attacked his lips with mines, biting, licking, plunging my tongue inside of his mouth to feel his own, my hands quickly unfastening his belt and jeans buttons. He tried to fight me but the alcohol he had downed was on my side and I had no difficulty turning him around so he was facing the wall. I pulled on his pants and boxers to free his ass while maintaining him in place, and licked my fingers before probing his anus. He cried out but I went on, kissing his nape and breathing the scent of his shampoo in. At that point, he was squirming like mad but I had an iron grip on him, and he wasn't in condition or position to win this against me. I only stopped probing his ass with my fingers to replace them with my cock. I lightly pressed against his entrance.

"No... please Mihael, no...". He whispered. It was heartbreaking. I hadn't meant to go this far, I really just wanted to give him a lesson. And I had to stop now. Because this time, it really would be rape.

But I was angry, oh so angry. I pushed him away roughly and he almost knocked himself out on the door. He grabbed the knob to help himself to stand up but I pulled him back up violently and sent his back to hit the wall before grabbing his face with a hand, forcing him to look at me as my fingers imprinted themselves in his flesh.
"You're lucky I don't wanna be a criminal, 'cause otherwise you'd have gotten what you asked for." I spat, my face mere millimeters away from him. I was searching in his features for something that would free all the refrained violence I had in me right now, something to legitimate the hits and the kicks and everything I wanted to give him at the moment, but I couldn't get it because he was drunk and crying and sobbing, and overall he was helpless and I knew it, nothing, not even the worst, would ever make me hurt him to that extend, I just couldn't.

So I freed him, put my erected junk back in my leather (with all the difficulty of trying to fit something in a space that's much smaller than the 'something'), then dressed him back up gently.

He was crying in silence, and we both probably didn't know where we stood anymore.
"Do you realise we're both driving each other crazy?" I sighed, resting my back against the opposite wall.
He was silent for a while, then dried his eyes and smiled at me.
"Do you realise I didn't even feel like fucking the chick I was with although she asked for it, just because of you?" He looked at me, then corrected himself, "Well, not because of you in thatway, you know what I mean...".

This. This was the something that would have unleashed my anger in a physical mistreatment a little earlier, if it hadn't been him.
"Then why did you kiss me?" I shouted, back in front of him, holding his shoulders painfully.
"Because I wanted him to go away...", Mail looked at me with sad eyes, "I didn't want him or anyone to have you if it means we can't be friends anymore... I was kinda jealous."

My luck. The guy I'm in love with is straight, I can't have him in a romantic way, and still he's jealous and makes my dates walk away. How fair is that? Not that I really wanted to date the brunette from earlier, he was kinda nice to chat with, was a decent fuck, but it had all began because I wanted to give the change to Mail, and one thing leading to another, I ended up having sex with the brunette in the bathroom.
"Mail... you were the one to end our friendship, so why punish me for a decision you made? It was already hard enough to say goodbye to you, now it's even harder to know you don't love me but you don't allow anyone near me just because you can't cope with your own decision. God, I feel like you're acting exactly like I would have! That's just insane..." I laughed. That was true, it was an attitude I could perfectly have had in the inverted situation, and that was probably why I couldn't even be mad at him anymore. We both had acted like perfect morons, but I couldn't be more happier than I was right now.
Because now things were back to as normal as could be, and that's all I was asking for.

Mail laughed with me. Our pseudo fight had the merit to have drained the alcohol away from his system, he looked much better now, and as he straightened then closed the distance between us to hug me, I knew it was not an act, but a real wanted contact. I was surprised nonetheless but quickly snaked my arms around his waist, as he encircled my shoulders and held me close. "I owe this to you." he simply whispered in my ear. And he didn't let go this time.

"Although I feel quite unconfortable with your lower half." Mail chuckled after a few seconds. I was still hard and our position wasn't made to arrange things, and he couldn't have missed it, as close as we were.
I smirked, my nose in his hair, and I held him closer, not wanting the embrace to end. I knew it wasn't a love embrace, but I didn't care, because he was willing and I wanted to make it last as long as possible. It probably would never happen again.
So when he pulled away slightly, I felt like the world was ending. The beautiful moment was over. Or so I thought...

But Mail smiled at me in a way he never had done before, and as I was letting my arms go off him and began putting space between us, he pulled me back to him gently, our foreheads touched, and he brought a hand to cup my right cheek before letting it slide behind my head, and then he kissed me. And it was nothing like the peck he had given me a little earlier. It was a caress of lips at first, a light sucking of my lower lip, then a deep exchange with tongues, wet, tender, and my knees almost betrayed me.
No one had ever done that to me. No one had ever had total control of me like Mail was having right now, and that's when I knew he was the one for me. No matter if he could never be mine, he was my true love.
I wasn't even unhappy that my feelings weren't shared, because even if he was kissing me so tenderly that I could almost have cried, I knew it wasn't a kiss of love, even if it held so much love that it could have been confusing.

Oh, it was weird, I admit it, my best friend was kissing me although he wasn't gay, and he was pouring love in the kiss although he wasn't in love with me, anyone would have been confused, but I wasn't.
I guess that if we wanted to make our friendship work, we'd have to push limits to where they would not exist anymore, because you can't have a normal friendship when you're a straight guy that has to be considerate toward the feelings of your gay friend, to the point that you don't even want to date a girl anymore if it means hurting your gay friend, and when you're me, I mean, a homosexual guy that can only get friendship from the one he truly loves.
It was a kiss as much filled with love than our friendship was strong, and believe me, it was a rock.
So it was weird, but I was happy.

The kiss had to end at some point, of course. But this time, I didn't feel empty like I had felt when I thought that the embrace would end. I was filled with the knowledge that no matter what would happen now, nothing would come between us.
"How do you feel?" I asked Mail as he let go of me, still smiling at me.
"Not as bad as I thought I would." he replied, chuckling, "That's not so terrible."
"So you don't have any objection to do it again?" I teased him, knowing perfectly well that I should treasure that memory because it would never happen again.
"Probably not." He reached for the doorknob and exited the booth. I was only seeing his back so I couldn't see his face, but I was totally taken aback, and he didn't even seem like he was joking. This time, I was confused.

We found ourselves in the parking lot after I gathered my stuff from the staff of us wanted to leave the other, and although Mail wasn't drunk anymore, it wasn't really safe to let him drive. But of course, asking him to leave his car here was not an option, he loved his "love machine" too much to let it sleep here at the mercy of taggers and other damage-meaning creatures. Just like I wouldn't let my motorbike here either.
So we finally ended up driving slowly, him in his car, me following him on my engine, to my apartment, which was the closest place from here.

I had him call his parents although it was late (or early in the morning, as you wish), so they knew where he was and wouldn't worry, then we settled, me on my couch with coffee and him with a coke in my armchair. We had a lot to tell each other and for some reason none of us talked. We just appreciated each other's presence.
The music, our common favorite band, was lulling us into a comfortable silence. I couldn't believe the chance I had. I mean, my best friend was such a great friend that he hadn't hesitated to hug me and kiss me although he wasn't gay, just because he knew it would make me happy. I was just skeptical about what I could do myself, in the same vein.
Just stop teasing him wouldn't be enough, although it was a beginning, but I wished I could do more.

I was so lost in my thinking that I started when I felt the cushion of the couch lower beside me under his weight.
He deposited his coke on the table in front of him, snaked his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close.
I was puzzled and looked at him probably with a weird expression.
"Let me just try something." he simply said, and glued himself closer than he already was.
I let my head rest on his shoulder and my arm found his middle as I leaned a bit on him. I was torn between being unconfortable because of confusion, and being on a cloud. I was breathing against his neck, and I wanted so much to kiss it. But no, I couldn't risk breaking this moment. It was too precious, even if I didn't exactly know what it was that Mail was willing to try.
I felt his cheek rest against my head, it was like he was holding me closer every second. His free arm rose until his hand met my hair. And he began to stroke it. I just couldn't believe it.

"Do you like it?" He asked all of a sudden.
"Of course I like it. But what is it all about? You didn't turn gay magically so I will need you to explain because it's really confusing..." I straightened so I could look at him in the eyes.
He smiled with that same expression from the toilets booth, one that I could finally place: he was looking at me like if I was the center of the world. God... this heaven was my personal hell it seemed.

"I want to know how far I can go without feeling disg... bad." he began. Disgusted, he almost said it. But I shouldn't be mad at him, he didn't seem disgusted to the least, so I guess it was not that bad., "I'm jealous that you could be happy with someone else, because I want to be able to spend all my time with you like before, but it's unfair and I know it. So because I'll probably ruin all your chances to have a boyfriend, I'm trying to provide you at least some physical contact, although it's probably not as much as you'd like..."

Mail smiled at me sheepishly. He was so cute I could have kissed him. Could I kiss him?
"Do I have to wait that you initiate the contact, or will you let me... well, I really want to kiss you right now, and I really appreciate what you're trying to do although it's pretty fucked up, but I don't want you to feel like you felt when I... gave you a blowjob..."
It was so not like me to hesitate and almost stutter. But I had to ask, to know the rules of our game, because I didn't want to be checkmate on a mistake.
"Well, I'd prefer that you tell me, like you just did, because I still don't know if I can cope with it, or even if I like it. I like that it makes you happy, but it's... I'm not gay and it doe'sn't turn me on or anything, it's still totally against my nature and it's only between you and me, private I mean, but I see it like a help to a friend, like I would pat your back or something like that, you see?"
"I see..." I guess this meant nothing would ever happen in public, which was quite normal after all. But if I could get hugs and kisses in private, I wouldn't complain. Although right now, what he was doing for me, and the way he looked at me, be it only out of friendship, only made me want him more, and he saw it immediately.
"I won't be able to go thatfar though, Mihael." He laughed and grabbed his can of coke.

We stayed sat side by side, no hug, no contact, for a while, finishing our drinks, and as the CD was over, I broke the silence by asking the question that was burning my lips:
"What can I do for you then, if you do that for me? You won't date girls, so you're gonna be frustrated at a moment or another..."
"I'll figure this out on time." Mail sighed, "You shouldn't worry for that, I'll be ok, I have hands." He looked at me with a smirk.
"I guess that suggesting you to be the girl for you isn't an option?" I joked.
"Your boobs aren't big enough." Mail laughed out loud, poking into my chest.
We fell silent again. I guess we were both tired by now, it was almost 4am.
I stood up, stirring. "We should get some sleep."
"Okay." Mail stood up and began to undress, throwing his clothes on a nearby chair. I did the same, quickly getting fully naked, and he didn't even seem to take offense.
"I'll take the couch, take my bed." I offered. But Mail insisted on sleeping on the couch so I gave him a pillow and a blanket and shut all lights off before sliding under the sheets of my bed.
Just before I drifted to dreamland, I heard him chuckle softly and whisper:
"And to think I never ever held a chick like that or even kissed one that way...".