Thanks again for all the reads and the reviews. I hope you all are enjoying summer!
Let me know what you think of the latest chapter if you would please :)
~~~ "I'm Never Alone, I'm Alone All the Time" ~~~
* Chapter Forty-Six*
Nathan rolled over in bed and reached out to find an empty bed beside him. He lifted his head off the pillow and scanned the room as his eyes adjusted to the light.
"Haley?" He called out instantly falling out of his sleep state he'd just been in. His skin still tingled as he recalled the places she'd touched him when they'd made love. They'd spent hours sharing their love with one another clearly making up for lost time. It was real wasn't it?
He didn't see any sign of her presence on the bed or on the floor next to the bed. He could've sworn he smelled the scent of her perfume lingering in the air as he quickly sat all the way up in bed. He looked under the sheet and noted he was wearing boxers after all. He was almost certain they'd gone to bed wrapped in each other's naked bodies. Had it all just been a dream? Going to her house?...confessing everything…her declaration of love..their kiss…making love?
"On my god!" Nathan barely whispered as he rubbed the back of his head in disbelief. How could this be happening?
"You're supposed to be asleep."
Nathan's eyes shot right over to his bedroom door and saw the most comforting sight. There stood Haley dressed in one of his old Clippers t-shirt holding a tray with food. His look of relief only intensified as she made her way over to the bed and place the tray on the bedside table.
"I wanted to surprise you but you woke up." She said as she took the cover off the plate to reveal scrambled eggs and toast. She noticed he'd yet to say anything back to her and just kept staring at her.
"Nathan, are you ok? You look like you've seen a ghost?" She said and reached out to touch his face which snapped him back to reality.
"I got scared when I didn't see you. I've had dreams before and they'd always felt so real that I…." He answered but couldn't manage to finish his remark.
"It's ok. I'm right here and this is all real. Would this help?" She asked and leaned over to cover his lips with hers. He kissed her back and his hands instantly went to her waist. The t-shirt she was wearing slide up revealing she was only wearing panties.
"It's helping a little but I think this would really help." Nathan added in between kisses and pulled her over so she was now straddling him once more.
"How about now?" She asked coyly as she moved her lips to his ear lobe then down his neck. Nathan's hands tangled in her hair as she left a trail of kisses down his neck and then his chest.
"You're definitely getting warmer." He teased back.
The reunited lovers managed to eat the food Haley had prepared however it took a matter of several hours to do so. By mid-day Haley had grown rather insistent about the two of them spending at least some of the day out of bed. Nathan happily obliged to her request wanting nothing more than to make her happy. They'd found themselves in the kitchen after finally showering and dressing for the day.
Haley signed loudly as she closed the refrigerator once more.
"It's official! We can have eggs and toast again or a cheese sandwich with powerade. How do you not have any food to eat?" Haley asked. Nathan just shrugged his shoulders in response for an answer however she was less than impressed with the answer.
"I've been on the road and living at the gym. I've been getting take out more I guess. Let's go out or I can grab some food and bring it back for us." He suggested trying to solve the problem. Haley thought for a moment and then agreed not being able to ignore his stomach anymore.
Deciding against putting themselves on display, Nathan ran out to grab some take out. Haley felt a little odd being left alone in Nathan's home again. The night before she'd had very little time to get reacquainted with the place other than Nathan's bedroom. More specifically his bed. She meandered around the kitchen and found she was smiling to herself when she saw 5 unopened boxes of her favorite tea in the cupboard. It was clearly evident he'd been buying it for her out of habit since they broke up.
She saw nothing had changed in his living room and it still appeared mostly unused. The end table still adorned framed photos of Nathan and his mother, Brooke and Lucas as well as one of the two of them. Her heart warmed once more knowing he hadn't removed it after they broke up. She picked up the frame and studied the moment between the two of them that had been captured on film. She was lost in her thoughts studying the picture and was startled when she heard the door to the garage close indicating Nathan was home.
Nathan entered his home with a bag of take out as he'd done many times before. It made him happy to have someone there to share the meal with. Not just anyone but Haley. His Haley. The couple settled into the living room with ease and started eating their meal. Nathan flipped the television on mostly for background noise and out of habit. Whenever he had been home alone, the house would feel awfully cold and lonely.
Nathan watched Haley out of the corner of his eye as she worked on eating her Thai food. Everything they were doing seemed so normal. It was as if everything had fallen back into place.
"Is this all too easy Hales?" He asked out loud catching her off guard causing her to return a puzzled look towards him.
"What's too easy?"
"This." He replied gesturing at her and then back at himself. "Us getting back together. It feels like this all worked out too quick. Like it's too good to be real or something."
Haley nodded noting she heard what he was saying and then finally answered, "The road back to you certainly was anything but easy Nathan. Believe me!"
In that moment if he could have effectively punched himself in the face he would have. He knew she'd struggled significantly since they went their own was. He had as well if he was being honest.
"Hales, that came out wrong. I'm just worried because anything that has every mattered to me in my life has come at a price. I've had to work myself to the bone sometimes to get it and it's always been an uphill battle to get there."
Haley set her fork down on her plate and took his hand in hers. She smiled at him and then said softly, "We've worked and struggled long enough and still managed to find our way back to each other. I'm going to trust in our love and live in the moment with you."
Moved by emotion, Nathan impulsively leaned forward and kissed her perfect lips.
"God, I love you Haley! I can't even begin to describe to you what I feel for you. None of it seems enough to convey it to you. So much of the last year is my fault." He stated.
Haley shook her head and said, "You can't take all the blame for what happened to me. Nathan, I'm responsible for the poor choices I made. I was trying to avoid letting myself feel any emotion at all. I got myself in a very bad place and thankfully Chris was able to help me find my way out of the black hole I'd crawled into. Please stop punishing yourself for my actions." She hadn't realized her eyes had filled with tears as she recalled just how low she was during their separation.
Nathan's hear ached as he listened to her intently. "I remember seeing articles and photos of you from the tour and stuff. You looked sooo… so not like yourself."
"I was a mess. I was run down, sleep deprived, unhappy, drank way too much and didn't eat enough. I just went through the motions of what I was supposed to do. I kept thinking that eventually, it just might stop hurting but I was wrong to avoid life. A couple of those nights I was in real bad shape and if Chris hadn't been there….I don't want to go there." Haley said as she silently wiped away a tear that had managed to escape down her cheek.
"I wasn't much better believe me. Lucas and Brooke kept telling me to get over myself and admit I'd made a mistake. I didn't know why I was pushing you away when in the end that's when we needed each other the most. I just wish we hadn't lost so much time together." He declared.
Haley lovingly touched his cheek and said, "What matters is that we're here now and we're together. The rest will work itself out."
Nathan and Haley continued talking throughout the rest of their meal and had forgotten about the television in the background. There was much to catch up on in each other's lives and not a moment to be wasted. Nathan was eager to hear about the details behind the scenes with the band break up and what happened with Peyton. Haley boasted when she showed off pictures of her new nephew and couldn't wait to hear all the details about Brooke's pregnancy. She listened closely as Nathan spoke about his new manager, the game and finally Dan.
Nearly two weeks after they'd officially gotten back together, it was truly as if they hadn't been apart. Lucas and Brooke had been over the mood when Nathan brought Haley along as a surprise when they'd invited him over for dinner. Ever the work horse, Brooke took full advantage of Haley being present and secured a final fitting of her dress for the Grammy Awards. Haley happily agreed and enjoyed the girl time as well. She listened carefully as Brooke recalled her version of how Nathan had been recently and expressed gratitude they'd watched over him. She loved how deeply they cared for him.
Meanwhile Nathan couldn't hide the dopey love sick grin which had been forever plastered on his face since he'd gone to Haley's house on a whim weeks ago. Lucas took the open opportunity to tease his oldest friend but more importantly complimented him on how much he'd grown and come full circle.
"I feel like I'm a guinea pig for a future father/son chat you are preparing for." Nathan teased Lucas as he watched him flip the meat on the grill.
"Shut the hell up!" Lucas shot back.
Nathan was full out laughing at how riled up he'd gotten Lucas. It was clear he was becoming more and more anxious as Brooke neared the end of her pregnancy. He couldn't wait for the birth of Baby Roe.
"You do know you have years before your kid is going to be able to comprehend the Father type chat." Nathan pointed out in a deep chuckle.
"I know that I just….I can't wait for the baby to finally come. Brooke is miserable and so moody. There is nothing I can do to make her feel better no matter how hard I try." Lucas confessed in a rather defeated tone of voice.
"I'm sure you're doing the best you can man. You'll forget all this once you've got that bouncing baby boy or girl screaming their lungs out at 2am." Nathan added knowing it'd make Lucas laugh and lighten the mood. The girls joined them soon after and all enjoyed the fabulous meal and conversation into the night hours. Noticing how tired his wife had become, Lucas took it upon himself to call it a night. Nathan took one last look at Brooke's baby bump as he knew with his upcoming road schedule he might not see her again until after the baby was born.
Lucas and Brooke stood on their front step with an arm around each other as they watched Nathan open Haley's car door. Haley gave one final wave once she was seated and buckled which was happily returned.
"Everything feels right in the world now. Naley is back right where they should have been all along." Brooke commented sleepily as the car pulled out of their driveway. Lucas kissed the side of his wife's head and ushered her into the house.
"Come on Mama…You're so tired you're getting sappy again." He said as he walked Brooke into the house for the night.
Days later Nathan rushed out of the locker room once he'd read his text message from Lucas. Practice had run 30 minutes later than scheduled which normally wouldn't have been a big deal except Nathan had somewhere to be. He quickly composed a short reply as he walked towards his parking spot. He hopped into his car and headed home trying his best to avoid any unnecessary delays. He was happy to see Haley's car in the driveway when he pulled in. He didn't bother pulling into the garage and simply pulled behind hers knowing they'd be leaving again shortly.
"Haley!" Nathan called out once he entered the home wanting to locate her as quickly as possible. He quickly searched around the kitchen and living room as he called out to her once more.
A thud from upstairs stopped him dead in his tracks as he headed towards the backyard. He did an about face and took the stairs two at a time rushing to get to Haley as soon as possible. He entered the bedroom and found her hanging up a dress she'd worn only that morning to a business meeting.
"There you are Hales!" He exclaimed feeling relieved. Haley looked up at him as she offered a confused look back at him.
"What's the rush? I'm back sooner than I told you I would be." She pointed out with a smile.
Nathan took a deep breath and then said, "I got a text that came in when I was still at practice. Brooke's in labor and has been admitted to the hospital."
A joyful smile spread across Haley's face as she let out an excited high pitched squeal.
"Oh my gosh! What else did Lucas say? Is she ok?" Haley asked as Nathan walked past her to pull a change of clothing from the closet.
"She's doing well I guess. He said something about it happening fast whatever that means. Lucas asked if we could come up there." He answered as he continued to work on changing his shirt. Haley took a cue and rushed over to the dresser to get a fresh pair of socks for Nathan.
"That means Brooke's labor is moving along quickly and the baby should come soon. We should get going." Haley added.
Barely 10 minutes later, they were on their way to the hospital. Lucas had arranged clearance for Nathan and Haley so once they arrived the hospital they were able to wait in the family lounge in the birthing wing. Lucas and Brooke had made sure privacy would be respected when selected which hospital they would deliver at.
Just as Nathan had declared he was starving and couldn't wait any longer to eat Lucas came bursting into the room. All eyes went to him as they anxiously waited for him to speak.
"The baby is here and everyone is doing great!" Lucas joyfully exclaimed.
"Congrats man!" Nathan said and then pulled his friend in for a hug. Haley followed suit and embraced Lucas in a celebratory hug too.
"Was it a boy or girl?" Nathan asked.
Lucas answered in a matter of fact tone, "Brooks wants to be there when we tell you guys so come on back to her room."
They quickly forgot about Nathan's empty stomach and gathered the few belongings to follow Lucas down the hall. Nathan reached for Haley's hand as they walked right behind Lucas. Snuggled on the bed was Brooke cradling a small bundle in her arms. She looked up with a dimpled smile as they filled into her room.
"Daddy's back and he brought Uncle Nathan and Aunt Haley with him." Brooke said in a tone of voice one only used when cooing at a baby. It warmed Haley's heart the way Lucas and Brooke had truly welcomed her with open arms and treated her like family from the moment they met her. Lucas walked over and placed a kiss on his wife's head as he sat on the side of the bed next to her. He looked down at the new life they'd just brought into the world.
"We would like to introduce to you Everly Grace Roe." Brooke beamed as she turned the baby so her dark head of hair was visible.
"It's a girl!" Nathan stated as they walked closer to the bed.
"Aww she's beautiful." Haley added with a big smile.
Nathan looked with wonder and amazement at the Roe family which was now complete. They briefly recalled some details of the birth after Haley remarked how wonderful Brooke looked.
"You ready to hold her Nate?" Brooke questioned with a raised eye brow.
"Yeah sure if it's ok." He answered somewhat surprising himself. He'd never been one to hold babies before.
"Just wash your hands with soap or use that sanitizer foam stuff on the wall." Lucas instructed as he carefully took his daughter into his arms. Nathan did as he was told and soon sat back down and waited for his arms to be filled. Lucas gently set a sleeping baby into his best friend's arms and then pulled out his phone to snap a picture. Nathan looked down at the new life that was only hours old and was truly moved by a wave of emotion.
"She's gorgeous you guys." He said not taking his eyes off the sleeping baby's precious face. This little new life that rested in his arms was so pure and innocent to the reality of how harsh the real world could truly be. Once he felt like he'd really been able to take in the full beauty of Everly, he looked back at his oldest and dearest friends. Lucas and Brooke were snuggled together on the bed with their eyes fixed on him and their daughter. They made no effort to hide the fact they'd been watching his every move but not out of fear or concern for her wellbeing. No it was a look of love and contentment that displayed across their faces.
"You guys really did great. She is beautiful! I think I'm going to need to invest in a gun collection to help Luke fight off unwanted suitors when she gets to dating age." Nathan said with a chuckle. Haley laughed out loud and settled closer next to Nathan on the couch. She rested her head on his shoulder and studied the sleeping baby. Brooke snuck a glance at her husband and offered a wink followed by a head nod towards their friends. Lucas smiled in return knowing his wife well enough to have understood exactly what she was trying to say to him.
It was truly a miracle Nathan and Haley had been able to keep the news of their reunion from going public, They had deliberately chosen not to flaunt their time together for the public to see nor did they frequent places where a photograph would be taken. They had discussed the media response to their reunion might bring and had mulled over for a bit before they decided their course of action. Nathan had spoken to his new management about the relationship and his wishes moving forward. It was truly a breath of fresh air for Nathan to be able to speak openly and be respected by his employee for his wishes.
Nathan's team had prepared an official statement in response that he had approved for release if need be but were still hoping they could stay in control. Nathan and Haley had decided they would out themselves by posting a photograph on their social media accounts. Haley had snapped a perfect selfie shot of the two of them which capture them to a T. They had spent the afternoon relaxing by Nathan's pool and adding some updates to his backyard space. Haley had convinced him to add some mood lightening and they strung up some twinkle type lights which created the perfect backdrop for their photo. They snuggled up together and snapped a natural looking picture. They simply captioned the photo with "Feels good to be home" and synchronized their posts together. They sat back with a glass of wine around a small make shift fire pit and enjoyed each other's company as their news spread.
After hearing a notification go off yet again on her phone, she was half tempted to turn it off but something was telling her not to. She silenced another alert and tried to get back to work only to be distracted by a noise again. She couldn't take it anymore and yet couldn't stop herself from glancing at the latest google alert.
"How is Haley James in the news?" Peyton thought to herself as she opened up the alert and found her jaw drop open.
One tap was all it took and staring back at her was the picture they had posted that showed the happy couple very much together and very much in love. Peyton sat back in her oversized leather office chair having felt like she'd just been stabbed in her gut. No matter what she'd done to try and control Haley James' life and her career she still somehow ended up coming out on top and winning. One thing Peyton Sawyer didn't like was to lose.
Haley rolled over in bed not wanting to get up but knew she couldn't linger in bed any longer. She'd agreed to help Chris decide on what to wear to the Grammy award and was now regretting her decision. Nathan was on the road having several away games so she welcomed the distraction. She finally got out of bed and into the shower just in the nick of time to prevent herself from really running late. She stood under the hot cascading water a few more minutes and then continued on her way. She had been pleasantly surprised the rental home had such a strong shower head already in place when she moved in.
Haley decided to blow dry her hair a bit and allowed her natural waves to come through. The fresh beach type hair matched the boho style sundress she'd selected to wear for the day. Haley took a few extra minutes to grab a quick bite to eat before she headed out for the day.
"Did you ask Walker what he was wearing so you don't accidentally match each other or something like that?" Haley asked as she waited for Chris to come out of the dressing room.
"You think he'd rock the same look as me? I think not! He has worn the same boring suit in either gray or black to the last three events." Chris answered from behind the closed door.
Haley laughed out loud and replied, "I guess you're right! Are you about ready? I swear you take longer than I do. Keller, this is getting ridiculous! The last two suits looked nearly identical."
Not even a second or two later the door jingled and Chris came out. He stepped in front of the wall of mirrors and checked himself out.
"This one looks really good! It makes my junk look awesome!" Chris exclaimed with a satisfied grin on his face. Haley shook her head in response not really knowing what she could even say to that. Chris turned to check out his backside again and then turned to look directly at Haley.
"So you've been awfully quiet about the subject of said NBA star and your reunion. That is aside from your previous declaration of gratitude you gave me for giving him your address. How are things going if I dare may ask?" Chris questioned hoping he'd be able to get something out of her.
Haley felt her cheeks redden and she instantly smiled. "Things are great." Was all she said hoping she'd be able to get away with a vague response.
Chris shook his head and said, "Uhh ohh you are not giving me a lame ass answer like that. It's me…come on.."
"Alright, let's finish up here and maybe we can talk over lunch." Haley suggested hopefully.
Chris agreed and finally selected his suit. He provided a few additional updates for the tailor before they headed out. Chris decided on their lunch location and they were soon seated. Haley could feel his eyes on her as she stirred some sugar into her iced tea before she took a long sip.
"This may sound stupid but it feels like everything is in place again. It just feels right again. But at the same time, it scares me to death." Haley admitted.
"Why?" Chris questioned right back not missing a beat.
Haley fiddled a bit with the wrapper from her straw and thought for a moment before she spoke again.
"It makes me feel like I don't have power over myself or control over my emotions. I just feel scared of what would happen if we break up again."
Chris nodded to show her that he understood but then offered another question, "But what if you don't? You don't want to make your choices or live your life out of fear either. My guess is you are still holding back a little aren't you?"
She only nodded to answer before Chris continued, "Maybe if you finally let yourself feel everything you might feel better. Just trust and let go."
Haley thought for a few minutes as the server brought over a bread basket.
"Since when did you get all knowing about relationship stuff." Haley stated as she tore off a piece of bread to eat.
Chris shook his head and said, "Oh no! I'm fine helping you but as far as my own shit….clueless. I just want you happy and to feel good for you ya know?" He took a bite of bread and then quickly chewed the piece.
"You know Hales, the way he loves you…I hope I can feel that way about someone someday. You've got a second chance at the real deal." Chris added with a grin.
"I know I do. It is different this time in a way too. I know what it's like to be in a world without him and I don't ever want to let myself become that person again. I'm not proud of how I behaved or the choices I made." Haley confessed honestly.
Eventually their conversation shifted to less serious topics and ended more upbeat by the end of lunch. Haley headed back to Chris' house after having a great time to grab her car and then headed on her way once more.
Nathan boarded the team bus after the game and was glad he was one more game closer to getting back to California. He'd been in contact with Haley as much as they were able to with him being on the road but he still missed her. It was different being on the road when there was someone waiting back home for him once he returned. He quickly replied to a text she'd left him after the game congratulating him on the win. She knew he'd be a few more hours before he'd be able to actually speak to her on the phone. Parker sat in front of Nathan on the bus once he boarded and looked over at his team mate. He waited until he looked up to speak.
"Checking in with your girl?" Parker teased his team mate.
Nathan smiled and said, "Yeah man…you?"
Parker nodded and then asked again, "How are things going with you and Haley now that you're back together again?"
"We're doing really good. Things just fell back into place with us and we kinda picked up where we left off. It's good to have her back." Nathan answered honestly.
Parker agreed with another head nod but then added, "You do know you're still a dumbass for even letting her go in the first place."
"I know man. You don't need to tell me again believe me. My management team is happy we're dating again not so I've got someone else in my life to balance out the game. And to think all those years before it was drilled into me how anything else besides basketball would make my game weak." Nathan admitted. A few more players had boarded the bus and walked past them to find open seats.
"Has Dan tried to contact you again lately?"
Nathan shook his head and replied, "Hell no! Maybe he's finally taken the message to heart once and for all."
"About damn time if you ask me!" Parker exclaimed and then looked down at his phone after it beeped. He tapped his phone twice and suddenly a large smile fell across his face which Nathan couldn't ignore.
"Good news I guess?"
Tony quickly tapped a reply and then looked back at Nathan.
"Tanya just got back from an apointment and she confirmed that the baby is healthy so far." Parker stated with a smile.
"That's awesome man! I didn't know you were having a baby!" Nathan said and then reached out to offer a congratulatory fist bump.
"Thanks Nate! She tried to get in when I was home next week but I didn't want her to wait any longer. I'm just so damn excited! We've been trying for a while."
"Well look at you…you've got a wife, picket fence, a cat and now a baby on the way." Nathan joked back.
Parker smiled again and added, "I know! Amazing what a difference a year can make."
Within a few seconds their conversation was cut short as the bus prepared to depart. The last comment Parker made hung in Nathan's mind. He let himself drift a bit while he listened to music as the bus drove the team to the airport. They had at least two hours before their scheduled departure time and another two hours before he'd be at his hotel for the night. He remembered when he first met Parker and a time when he was just dating Tanya. It had taken Parker a bit before he proposed to Tanya in spite of her dropping hint after hint that she was ready. Once they were engaged, they ran off to Vegas three months later to make it official. Nathan had only been to traditional weddings up to that point which took months if not over a year to just plan and put together. He didn't really think there was another way to get married but Parker had done what was right for him and Tanya. And now his family was growing by one.
Thanks again for reading :)
GRemy