"I think that about does it." Mom flops down onto the bench beside me, arms weighed down with bags.
"Even if it doesn't, I quit." I set my own bags on the ground and flex my hands, trying to work some blood back into them after having my circulation cut off for the last hour of lugging around bags of gifts.
"Nope, we're good. Aunt Cami was the last person on my list. Christmas shopping is officially over." She blows out a breath, causing her bangs to flutter. "I say this calls for a bottle of wine and some pasta. We need to recharge our batteries if we're going to haul all of this crap to the house and wrap it."
"I'm sort of beat mom. Raincheck?" All I want is to crawl into bed and bury myself under the covers. Putting on the happy face all day has been exhausting and I'm way overdue for another good cry.
"Sure sweetie, but are you feeling okay? You've been way too quiet for a shopping trip." Turning to me, she brushes my hair from my shoulder and presses the back of her hand to my cheek, then my forehead.
"I'm not sick mom. I'm just worn out. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, plus I'd like to try and get on east coast time before the new year." Oh and I just broke up with my boyfriend this morning because he thinks I'm shallow and money-hungry, and he apparently hasn't trusted me at all the entire time we've been dating. Did I mention I lost my virginity to him? So yes, I'd like to go home and wallow now.
"Alright, well lets get this stuff back to the car." We drag ourselves off the bench and make our way out to the parking lot. Once the trunk is loaded, we head home. Mom is quiet for a full five minutes, which should've prepared me for what was coming.
"Jessica, I don't know what's going on, but you know you can talk to me, right? About anything. I know this isn't just you being tired." She shoots me a glance and quickly looks back at the road.
"Mom, I really, really don't want to talk about it," I say quietly.
"It might help to get it off your chest though, Jessie. It's not good for you to hold things in. Plus, I'm your mother. You know I'm just going to badger you, baby you, and stuff you full of food until you tell me what's going on."
My eyes begin to water so I look out the darkened window and focus on the painted lines on the road. "I really am tired, mom." I can't manage any more without lying or letting the entire story spill from my lips in a fountain of word vomit. Instead, I choose to stay quit for the remainder of the ride. Mom must accept my answer, or not want to upset me by pushing further, because she just turns up the radio and continues on without another word.
Once we're home and I'm tucked into my bedroom I'm finally able to let the façade slip. Sitting on the edge of my bed, my shoulders sag and my head hangs as I pull out my phone to stare at the blank screen. No messages. No missed calls. I feel a twinge in my chest before I remember that, after the first three calls came through on my way home after the fight, I blocked Dean's number. It's for the best. I don't need his contrived apologies trying to soothe my bruised ego and broken heart so that he can feel better about himself. No, I'm perfectly fine wallowing in my self-pity. No need for anyone else's.
An indeterminate amount of time passes by. All I know is that my mom yelled goodnight to us from downstairs and I heard Jamie's door shut at the other end of the hall a few minutes ago. I strip off the layers I changed into when I came home from the park earlier this afternoon and wrap myself in a terrycloth robe. I snatch up my toiletry bag and make my way down the hall to the bathroom. I fully plan to lock myself in there and soak in the tub for an hour or so, but my plans are interrupted when the doorknob refuses to turn in my hand. I knock lightly and hear a muffled sound followed by, "Hold on." I refuse to think about the amount of time my teenage brother probably spends locking himself in the bathroom all day and night. I just don't have the energy to be totally grossed out.
The door flies open and Jared walks past me, eyes averted. "All yours Jess. G'night."
"'Night kid," I say before closing and locking the door behind me. I lay my phone next to the tub and turn the water on hot. Sorting through the bath salts and oils that I keep stored in the cabinet under the sink, I randomly choose a jasmine scented oil and pour some under the stream of steamy water. Maybe it'll help me get to sleep and forget this horrible day.
I slide into the water and cringe at the temperature, but it'll be worth it to expel some of the tension from my body. I tie my hair up in a knot on top of my head to keep it dry, then lean back and rest my neck against the rim of the tub. A shaky sigh makes its way up and out of my chest but I don't give in to the tears that want to come. I've shed more than my share today. Instead, I just close my eyes and try not to think about anything at all. Too bad Dean's face is all I see, playing like a torturous slide show on the back of my lids. I'm saved from my traitorous brain when my phone starts buzzing on the floor. I peer over the side of the tub and see Kelsey's name lighting up the screen. Not in the mood to pretend, or worse, explain, I ignore it. To get my mind off of things, I pick something mind-numbing to concentrate on; I start listing mental disorders and try to match them up with their diagnostic codes. When in doubt, rely on psychology. Sigh. This is the turn my life has taken.
I'm halfway through the mood disorders when my phone starts buzzing for the seventh time. I continue on through eating disorders when the tenth call comes through and, frustrated, I snatch the phone up and hit 'Talk'.
"Hey Kels, what's going on?" I try to keep the sadness and annoyance out of my voice. It comes out flat and emotionless, which is probably not going to help either.
"Jessie, what the hell? I've been calling you for half an hour." Kelsey's voice comes off a bit distressed and I immediately feel like a jerk for not answering sooner.
"I'm sorry, I'm in the tub, I was trying to turn off my brain for a bit. What's wrong Kels? You sound off."
"Off? Ha, that's an understatement. Well, let me see. Where do I begin? How about the fact that Paul got a call from Dean hours ago with him threatening bodily harm if Paul didn't give him my number. Then Dean rang my phone off the hook all night until I finally answered and begged me for your address. Of course I figured if he was calling me for it, something must've happened between the two of you so I refused until he told me what was up. He said it was between the two of you, so I told him that was fine and that he should get the address from you then, and I hung up on him. Your guy is pretty relentless, you know that? He kept calling until I finally picked back up. So what the hell is the deal?"
I sink down in the lukewarm water until my chin is skimming the surface, squeezing my eyes shut. "Please, please Kelsey, tell me you didn't give him the address here."
"Um, yeah, I did. Sorry, but he wasn't giving up. I called you right away to find out what the hell is going on, but you wouldn't pick up. Why is he calling me for your address instead of calling you?" she demands.
"It's a long story, but basically…we broke up today. I'll explain later, right now I need to dry off and make sure he doesn't cause a scene before my parents fall asleep." I pull the plug and let the water swirl down the drain.
"You what?! Why?! I can't believe this. You've only been home a day. What the hell happened?" Kelsey's panicked screeching is doing nothing to assist with the pounding in my temples.
"I'll call you in the morning and tell you what's going on, but I have to go Kels. If he shows up and my dad is still up, we're both dead. I'll talk to you later." With that, I hang up the phone and dry off, then wrap myself in the robe again and creep down the hall so that my parents don't hear my footsteps if they're still awake. I bend down at the top of the stairs and look through the glass top of the front door. I can't see much, but that's a good thing. No headlights, no ex-boyfriends pounding on the door, nothing. Straightening up, I breathe a sigh of relief and close myself into my room.
Only now do I take a minute to think about everything Kelsey said. Dean has been trying to find me all day. But why? What could he possibly want to say to me now? I made it easy for him when I ran from the park today. I don't get why he wants to drag this out and make it more painful than it already is. But he isn't here, so maybe he came to his senses after he talked to Kelsey the last time and decided it wasn't worth the trouble to find me and say whatever else he wanted to say. I realize now that I was hoping to find him standing outside my door, begging to see me, wanting to explain. Explain what though? There's nothing more to say. He didn't tell me about his family because he didn't trust me, didn't trust that my feelings for him would be true and uninfluenced by where he comes from. He didn't trust me to see past the surface. He just didn't trust me, at all. That's all there is to it. Nothing more to say.
Completely depressed all over again, I don't even change into my pajamas. I just crawl under the covers in my robe and turn off the light. No sooner do I start to drift off than I hear a strange clicking noise coming from across the room. I prop myself up on my elbow and look around, straining to hear anything out of the ordinary. When I've decided that my brain must've turned against me as well, I lay back down and try to relax again.
Click.
Click.
Click.
Okay, I'm definitely not hallucinating that. The noise is coming from my window. I throw back the covers and shift so that I'm kneeling at the foot of my bed, eyes glued to the window. For a few seconds nothing happens and I'm convinced there's just a squirrel or something scurrying around outside. That's when I see a tiny rock hit the glass with a small click.
What in the hell…
I stand up and tighten the belt on my robe on my way to the window. I stand off to the side, next to the curtain so that I'm not in direct view of the window. I try to look around but I can't really see much outside but trees and darkness. I get a little closer, bending so that my face is close to the glass. I squint, trying to make out any shapes or movement.
As my eyes adjust to the darkness, I realize that there is something out there. Staring back at me, maybe two feet below the window, is a pair of shining blue eyes.
I gasp, then whisper, "Dean?"
Author's Note: I hate to constantly to be "That Girl" but I just have to say a big thank you for everyone who continually reads, follows, favorites and reviews this story. You're all awesome and I love you to pieces. Now I'm totally going to be "That Other Girl" and give a big shout out and thanks to Nitte for the kind words and encouragement, since I am unable to reply to you directly! Stay tuned everyone, the ride is far from over!