Note: I know I know, no update yesterday. This chapter was harder to write than I expected, so I prefered to take some more time so things wouldn't be rushed.
I guess that the events here will make up for the lack of update yesterday ^^

Mello
I was sat on the windowsill, facing Mail who was dragging on his cigarette and absent mindedly staring outside.
He looked peaceful, then all of a sudden sorrow crept on his face, and I didn't like it. He did that when he struggled to take a decision, and usually it was a decision that didn't bode well for us. Last time was when he had decided we should not see each other again.
"Mail, what's wrong?"

He looked at me, apparently coming back from his distant thoughts, and I knew we were up for a serious talk, at the sight of his smileless face.
"How do you consider us?" Mail asked bluntly.
I stood and went to sit on the bed, quite taken aback by the question, and he joined me, crushing the butt of his cigarette in the ashtray.

As much as I thought about it, was there really a word to describe our relationship? I hadn't dwelled on the topic until now. I was more of the type that lived things and didn't try to put names on them. Mail always needed answers, words, to be reassured. He had a very analytic mind and was in peace only when he had named and phrased every single feeling or situation.
"I don't know exactly Mail... you?"
"I don't know either... or to the least, you may not agree with what I consider."
Now I was intrigued.
"I have many questions actually, but it's not the type of questions I'm at ease with, be it to ask them, or to hear the answer..." Mail hesitated, and considering what we had talked about already, until now, it was obvious that the questions were even more personal.
"I'm ready to reply if you're ready to ask them, you know that nothing will change what I feel for you at this point, so go ahead, don't be afraid." I tried to reassure him, really curious as to what it was all about, because I sensed that it may lead to some changes, like it did each time we explored our views on the situation further.
It was quite strange to think that I needed to reassure him about my feelings when a few weeks earlier I would have had to reassure him that I would never let my feelings show not to disturb him...

Mail stood up, made a few step, then came back to the window to light another cigarette. He was stressed and still couldn't get it out. Long minutes passed before he began to talk.
"I still don't know whether I'll be attracted to you physically someday or not. It bothers me and I'm sure that it bothers you even more. I know I like it when we kiss, and I like to hold you or be close to you. I know it's a lot of progress but I still can't feel any sexual attraction to you, so what if it never happens? I mean, can we talk about an exclusive relationship if I can never please you sexually? I wish I could cross this border but..."
I had to cut him. I stood and faced him, cupping his cheek with my palm.
"Mail, I don't care about that. It's frustrating, I can't deny it, but I don't give a shit. If that's how our relationship has to be, then it will be platonic, I can live with that. What I can't live without is you so the choice is easily made."
"But you said it yourself, it's frustrating for you! You have needs and I can't satisfy them, it's just cruel!" His cigarette joined the first in the ashtray and he took in his the hand I had on his face, "Mihael, I don't want you to stick with me in hope of a change from me, because I can't promise it will happen, and then you'd hate me for wasting your best years with me!"
I was starting to get angry, he didn't get what I was trying to tell him. Did I look so much like a sex freak that he thought I could never live without?
"Mail, for the second time: I. Don't. Care. These are my best years! With you! I'm not asking you for a promise, things are fine as they are right now! The sex would be an added bonus, but it's not necessary! I've never had anything like this with any of my ex boyfriends, although there was sex, so you can't compare, you bring me so much more that I know I can accept our relationship as it is now!"
"You're crushing my hand Mihael." Mail smiled suddenly, and I realised I had been, indeed, holding his hand so tightly that his fingers had turned white, "I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you angry, I'm just so confused about all this..."
"I know..." I replied, kissing his palm.
I kept his hand in mine while he lit up another cigarette, telling myself that I should get him to stop someday because he really was a heavy smoker. What had always intrigued me was that he put the little money he had from his little jobs in buying cigarettes although he could have bought a lot more games if he stopped smoking.

"So, this is platonic love, if you wanted a definition." I told him after a while, hoping he had cleared his mind a bit after this animated verbal exchange and a few cigarettes.
"Yeah..." he mumbled, getting rid of his cigarette butt, exhaling smoke by his nostrils. Apparently not.
"What bothers you? Tell me, I can see it's not over in your head." I had missed something, yet I couldn't tell why, I thought things were clarified.
"Mihael... will you find it strange that I ask you on a date?" I opened wide eyes. Fuck, I didn't expect that at all! I was usually the one to push things that way... "I mean...", he added when I didn't reply, unable to form a coherent sentence, "...a date as boyfriends, officially, when we'll be back in LA."
I continued to stare at him, but I would have to reply at some point because he looked anxious in front of my silence, even if I was grinning like an idiot.

Matt
Shit. I finally said it. And Mihael was staring at me like a goldfish lacking air, but a goldfish with a huge smile. It was obvious that he agreed and that it made him happy but a verbal confirmation would have been nice, because I felt a bit anxious still.
Knowing Mihael, I should have known he would show me how happy he was, instead of saying it.
He pulled me in his arms and kissed me like he did the previous time, with all the strength and the passion and all his attitude, I think a puppy would have peed all over himself with such a kiss. Ok, not the best image but you get the point. I was reduced to a puddle in his arms, holding on to his shoulders, his arms around my waist like an iron grip, but there was no chance that I went anywhere, I would not runaway from such a kiss god. We parted and looked at each other, I think we were both knocked out by the intensity of what we just shared. All I could do was smile, and I was sure I looked like an idiot with a satisfied grin. I felt like my cheeks were on fire, and those ice blue eyes on me didn't help, I was very self conscious at that moment.

"I'm happy that no girl could get a grip on you." Mihael stated, caressing my back, as I was still in his arms, "Though I understand that they couldn't resist you. And I like you better without the goggles." He added, kissing the tip of my nose.
I realised that I hadn't worn my goggles since I had arrived here. I didn't need to shield my eyes anymore.
"I don't need them anymore, my eyes are taken now."
Mihael chuckled, I could see that he was pleased by my answer, "Not only the eyes mein Süsser, I'm claiming the whole of you."
I didn't need a translation to understand he was calling me a sweet name, and it sent much more heat to my cheeks. I was probably as red as a tomato right now. I guess I could get even redder than that when heat took over my whole face as Mihael began to kiss my neck, and the skin behind my ear. It was a bit strange, but not unpleasant.
Since I didn't push him away, he grew bolder and sucked on my earlobe. I moaned.
He withrew slightly, and stopped, looking annoyed. It's only when he let go of me completely that I understood the problem: there was a buldge forming in his jeans.

"Hmm... sorry Mail, I... you... turn me on so... I'm gonna stop here before I push you too far." Mihael said, grabbing a chocolate bar in his drawer and unwrapping it quickly before biting a large chunk of it. I lit a cigarette, each one his habit...
I wasn't turned on, but still, I was sad that he had stopped. The situation was quite complicated, more than I thought initially: he would stop whenever he began to be turned on, so he didn't push me further than I wanted in his excitement, but how would I known how far we could go if he didn't push things further?
"Good news is the effects of the treatment seem totally gone now." Mihael smirked.
"Oh?" We hadn't talked about that particular aspect so I didn't know.
"Female hormones lessen the libido, and for a few days I really felt like a fucking chick, without a dick..."
"Oh?" I repeated. I wasn't sure I wanted those details.
"Hey, don't make such a face, you have a dick too, you know what it is!" Mihael laughed out loud at my expression.
"To tell the truth, I feel a bit like this too now. I'm not turned on by girls anymore, I'm not attracted to you that way, and to think I was a horny rabbit before..." I sighed.
"I'm sure you should stop smoking, and eat vegetables, and get some exercise and..." Mihael teased me, but I cut him by grabbing him and putting my hand on his mouth: "Don't say horrors like these!" I feinted indignation, laughing.

"Talking about vegetables, I'm hungry." he said, walking to the door, "What about ordering chinese?"
"Fine." I was hungry too, actually, and at least chinese would mean no vegetables, or at least they would be drown in sweet sauce.
Half an hour later, we invaded the living room with our cartons of food and sat in front of the TV.
It was strange to hear The Simpsons in german. I could get a word from time to time but that was about all.
The house was so silent except the TV, I wondered when Mihael's parents would show up.

We cleaned our cartons and headed back to Mihael's room. It was already dark outside, but the air was cool.
"Why do you want to wait to be back in LA to go out for a date?" Mihael asked me, his chin on my shoulder, arms around my waist from behind, as I was smoking (again) at the window.
"I don't know the place here, so it will be easier in an english speaking country." I chuckled. I don't think I could manage a nice date here with my marvelous non existant german skills, "And I have my idea as to where I'll take you."
"I could understand this the wrong way..." Mihael nuzzled my earlobe with his nose.
"Right. And I'm not even freaking out." I laughed.
"I'm proud of you Liebling." I think I quite like those sweet names in german. I could almost find them sexy, "And I'm impatient to see what you have in mind."

We played some more Tekken, and went to bed late in the night, when Mihael got tired of the game (understand: when Mihael got tired of losing).
Since I had slept naked the night before, I could as well continue, so when I slid under the sheets, Mihael opened wide eyes.
"I can put my pyjamas on if you prefer." I told him.
"NO!" he all but shouted. It was hilarious.
We laid on our back side by side, and talked about unimportant stuff. For some reason, Mihael couldn't sleep. I couldn't either, but I was still under the jetlag influence. Something bothered him, otherwise he would have fallen asleep already, since he was really tired.
After a few minutes, he turned to me and encircled my waist with an arm, his head resting on my shoulder. I slid an arm around him, kissing the top of his head. I was concerned by the fact that we were both naked, but I didn't want it to ruin this moment.
I felt Mihael's hand wander on my stomach, then his index softly tracing from my navel to my chest. My heart began to beat so fast that I had to breathe to calm down. It was nothing, I told myself, he had the right to touch me, I'm his boyfriend after all.
His hand laid flat on my throat.
"You're freaking out." he said suddenly, "I can feel your heartbeat."
"I'm fine." I didn't want him to feel bad and stop. It wasn't that unpleasant, actually, what made me freak out was to imagine where this could lead, but we could touch each other without a dick ending up in one's ass. I couldn't fuck a guy, and I couldn't even imagine to take it myself. But if I skipped those thoughts, then I was ok. So I erased them from my mind, and to prove my point, I grabbed his chin and kissed him. He crawled up to deepen the kiss, and soon we were chest against chest.

Slowly, the kiss became more needy, I could feel Mihael eager through his moves. He was biting my lower lip softly, then his mouth travelled to my neck, where he nipped and licked, reaching my earlobe, then coming back to my neck, down to my chest.
I didn't need to see his face to know what he wanted. He was sexually frustrated and it was difficult to stop now. I know he would stop if I asked him, but it broke my heart to ruin this moment. He was so patient with me, although he was more of the impatient kind, I knew him enough to understand how much he took on himself. I felt like it was now time for me to take on myself.

Reaching between us, I hesitantly touched his dick with the tip of my fingers. I couldn't believe I was doing that. And that he was already so hard.
Fuck, I'd better not think of it...
Mihael was hovering above me, straightening on his arms, as I began to stroke him lightly.
"Mmh... Mail... are you sure?" he whispered, puzzled as to what I was doing.
"Let me touch you Mihael, I wanna do it." I pulled him to me so he was on his side against me, my arm around his shoulder while I grabbed his cock with my free hand.
His head was on my chest, and his breathing became quickly heavier, as I did my best to do for him what I would do with my own dick. At least I didn't have to wonder what I had to do.
I applied more pressure, speeding the movement, and my hand became slick. Precum. That wasn't dirty, that was Mihael.

He was moaning softly, and I was now interested in knowing what Mihael sounded like when he orgasmed. Yes, I was so in love that I wanted to know that too, and I wasn't even disgusted. Oh, he had already come near me, the day he had jerked me off, but I had realised he had jerked himself off too only when I had come down from my high, so I hadn't heard anything...

He was tensing now, his breathing becoming quicker, and he came on my thigh, a throaty moan escaping him. I had cum on me. That wasn't mine. Another guy's cum. Of course, it couldn't be a girl's.
I was being stupid, and I realised it when Mihael looked at me with clouded, but loving eyes. I think that 'loving' was an understatement, actually, and the look he was setting on me erased the strange feeling of having cum on me. I couldn't care less when I had a gorgeous blond with dishevelled hair staring at me with adoration. Mihael is so beautiful... and I had been able to make him look like this, which made me quite proud.

So when he started withdrawing from me, I held him strong so he didn't go away.
"Stay." I murmured, kissing his temple.
"You don't wanna clean up?" he asked, surprised, more by the fact I wasn't disturbed by the situation, than by the fact I was unwilling to clean up.
I grabbed the towel that I had forgotten beside the bed the day before and wiped my thigh clean.
"Done. Don't think I'll let you runaway, I like you right where you are."
He replied by a content sigh and snuggled against me. I suddenly felt extremely tired, and felt myself drift to dreamland.

Mello
I couldn't believe what he did. I had checked, squinting my eyes to see in the dark, and he wasn't hard himself, so I knew that he had done it for me, only for me, like I suspected, taking on himself. And he hadn't ruined the mood even after I came, he just held me in his arms. What I was feeling was beyond words, I was in love, grateful, satisfied, blissful, whatever, I didn't know a word that expressed it all together. And although Mail had done that even if himself wasn't turned on at all, I couldn't help but hope we could do more someday. I shouldn't think about that, but I wanted him so badly... but that was probably more than I could have expected anyway.

I was beginning to fall asleep, now totally drained (pun intended). Just before I slept for good, I heard Mail's sleepy voice as he held me closer.
"Goodnight angel..."